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Mechwarrior Jokes


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#1 Calaran

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Posted 09 June 2013 - 12:37 AM

So a group of my friends and I were playing Mech recently when one of us says to another over Mumble:

"You know how I know your mom's an Atlas?"

Confused, he replied "Uhh, no..." to which he responded "Because she weighs 100 tons."

The chat room generally devolved into laughter and for the next hour or so we came up with our best/worst/groanworthy Mech jokes... Enjoy and feel free to contribute!

Note that some of these may be slightly inappropriate.

Do you know how I know your mom is awesome?
Because she weighs 80 Tons

You know how I know your mom is an Atlas?
Because it’s not a headshot unless it hits her in the right eye

Do you know how I know your mom weighs 100 Tons?
Because she ***** like a Kodiak

Do you know how I know your mom is an Atlas?
Because she weighs 100 Tons

How I know your mom’s a Hunchback?
Because she’s Not-a-dame.

How I know your sister’s a dragon?
Because she’s a smaller more useless version of your Mom.
Because her chest weighs more than the rest of her

How your mom’s an X5?
Because she’s almost as good backward as she is forward.

You know how I know your mom pilots a Centurian?
Because she Yen-Lo’s my Wang

Y’know how I know you’re quick in bed?
You last as long as a Commando.

Y’know how I know your dad’s a Stalker?...

EDIT: Formatting

Edited by Calaran, 09 June 2013 - 12:40 AM.


#2 Royalewithcheese

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Posted 05 August 2013 - 03:21 PM

Weapon balance!

#3 Hexenhammer

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Posted 30 January 2014 - 03:29 AM

Wonders how long it'll take before someone does the obvious joke.
Spoiler


#4 Hex Pallett

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Posted 30 January 2014 - 04:44 AM

Gold.

#5 StompingOnTanks

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Posted 30 January 2014 - 05:43 AM

THIS THREAD RISES FROM THE DEAD! ;)

#6 Hexenhammer

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Posted 10 February 2014 - 08:08 AM

Ost mechs are on my default **** no list

#7 Opus

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Posted 10 February 2014 - 06:18 PM

Windex

#8 RiotHero

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Posted 18 February 2014 - 11:15 AM

What do you say to a Locust pilot before a game instead of GL?


Break a leg!



:D

#9 StompingOnTanks

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Posted 18 February 2014 - 06:38 PM

What's a Centurion with no armor remaining and health at 20%?

Still just as capable of ripping your face off, is what!

(Hey, I love Cents.)

#10 Alaskan Nobody

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Posted 18 February 2014 - 07:44 PM

Three Highlanders walked into a bar

























..........the Centurion ducked

#11 Son of the Flood

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Posted 20 February 2014 - 03:03 PM

What did the Jagermech request from Santa for Christmas?




Hand actuators.........scratching his butt with dakka was becoming too painful.

#12 kosmos1214

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Posted 25 January 2015 - 07:56 PM

View Postkosmos1214, on 25 January 2015 - 07:34 PM, said:

heres one your moma is so fat that when your dad first saw her he thought she was a dragon


#13 Bespoke Cheese Cake

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Posted 26 January 2015 - 03:12 AM

Locust went to a bar....



Couldn't get in because it was under 21




























(Yeah where I'm from minimum age is 18, but the joke wouldn't work would it.)

Edited by Bespoke Cheese Cake, 26 January 2015 - 03:15 AM.


#14 Nightmare1

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Posted 31 January 2015 - 04:56 PM

A Daishi walked into a bar.





It took one week to clean up the debris and another year to drive back its Clan owners. After that, it was three years of legal suits against various House and planetary officials.

The bar was never rebuilt. Apparently, nobody likes to drink at the place that "Great Death" visited. Kind of a mood killer, you know?







How many Jager Mechs does it take to change a lightbulb?




Nobody knows; Jager Mechs have never successfully changed one!










Why did the Locust cross the road?




Because it's pilot was a little chicken.

#15 JarheadEd

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Posted 16 February 2015 - 06:20 AM

"Knock Knock!"

"Who's there?"

"The Draconis Combine Internal Security Force."

"The Draconis Combine Internal Security Force Who?.."

"SILENCE! I am asking the questions"

#16 Hayashi

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Posted 17 March 2015 - 04:22 AM

What's 100 tons and carries ECM?

A Steiner scout.

What's 85 tons and invades critical areas before you realise it's there?

... look behind you.

What's 80 tons and runs away?

A Davion.

What's 30 tons and slower than an Atlas?

A legged spider.

What's the fastest way to kill a Locust?

It's hard to know for sure when it dies before you can start a timer to record it.

Why do clammers focus fire on King Crabs?

They compete for the same habitat.

What kind of mech is a Locust?

It's powered armor, because you can safely ignore it or kill it in one shot.

What kind of mech is a Flea?

It's a UAV with dysfunctional thrusters, because it does nothing but give target locks, is so small people usually forget it's there, and does no damage of its own whatsoever.

Edited by Hayashi, 17 March 2015 - 04:24 AM.






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