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Non-Combat Tips (Parody List)


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#441 Sparks Murphey

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Posted 25 May 2014 - 07:13 PM

749. Yes, we're aware that the LRMs and SRMs contain a substance that can be broadly referred to as "alcohol". No, you cannot drink it. Doing so will make both you and the missile unwell.

750. We know about the still set up to distill the poisons out in that nook you think no one looks in. It doesn't work. It's not that sort of alcohol.

#442 Domoneky

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Posted 28 May 2014 - 10:00 PM

751. Its your fault. It will always be your fault. Never deny it for it makes it more your fault.

#443 wanderer

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Posted 29 May 2014 - 08:24 PM

View PostMarack Drock, on 29 May 2014 - 03:46 PM, said:

752. Domonkey's mech make his butt look big.


752a. This is Domonkey's fault. Always his fault.

#444 StompingOnTanks

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Posted 18 June 2014 - 02:09 PM

753. "ARE YOU MORE OP THAN A CLAN MECH?" is not a real game show, it is not channel 666, and it does not air at 13:00PM.
753a. Clan mechs aren't even that OP, really. They're pretty balanced. It's awesome.

I am extremely disappointing that you all haven't gotten to 1000 tips yet. >_> (Jk.)

754. All MechWarriors who dissapoint Commander Stomping will wear a horse head mask for a week as punishment. Your 'Mech will also be fitted with a horse head mask.
755. From this point forward, all personnel stationed at Stompington Command Base will only be permitted to sing in the shower after proving they are good enough singers. Those who pass will receive a shower singing certificate. Auditions will be held every day at 13:00PM. Tune to channel 666 on your PDAs for details.

#445 IraqiWalker

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Posted 18 June 2014 - 06:58 PM

756. Should you fail to pass the trial of shower singing. you are allowed to appeal your case to the base commander, once you get three Company commanders to sign your appeal form. In triplicates, and then send it by mail within 3 days.

757. Should you succeed in getting your case to be appealed, you will have to pass a continuous trial by combat against 4 enemies, one after the other. With live ammo. After that, your case can be reviewed. However, getting it appealed, does not mean that it will be accepted this time. So ask yourself. Is singing in the shower really worth it?

758. After the Sandusky incident of 3048, no one is allowed to sing in the showers while there are crayons on the premises. The psychological trauma from that night still haunts many people. Stay safe folks.

#446 Alaskan Nobody

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Posted 18 June 2014 - 06:59 PM

Yay! they aren't dead!

#447 wanderer

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Posted 18 June 2014 - 07:05 PM

View PostStompingOnTanks, on 18 June 2014 - 02:09 PM, said:

754. All MechWarriors who dissapoint Commander Stomping will wear a horse head mask for a week as punishment. Your 'Mech will also be fitted with a horse head mask.


Posted Image

#448 IraqiWalker

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Posted 18 June 2014 - 07:08 PM

View Postwanderer, on 18 June 2014 - 07:05 PM, said:


Posted Image

I'm ... I .... Stomping I WANT to disappoint you now.

#449 Alaskan Nobody

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Posted 19 June 2014 - 01:41 PM

759) No one is to mention Maracks Wang

#450 StompingOnTanks

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Posted 19 June 2014 - 03:03 PM

View Postwanderer, on 18 June 2014 - 07:05 PM, said:


Posted Image


I thought the horse head mech was supposed to be a PUNISHMENT. D:

#451 wanderer

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Posted 19 June 2014 - 07:32 PM

View PostStompingOnTanks, on 19 June 2014 - 03:03 PM, said:


I thought the horse head mech was supposed to be a PUNISHMENT. D:


It's an under-20 ton design- heck, under fifteen. That slowly drives the pilot insane. A very little 'Mech.

And that's before you realize it's My Little Ponymech and it's been painted a Pepto-Bismol shade of pink.

#452 Tustle

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Posted 19 June 2014 - 08:12 PM

View Postwanderer, on 18 June 2014 - 07:05 PM, said:

Spoiler


Posted Image

...cause' that looks awesome! That being said...what happens if the Mechwarrior -does- love what you've done to them, Commander?

Edited by Tank Man, 19 June 2014 - 08:14 PM.


#453 IraqiWalker

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Posted 19 June 2014 - 08:45 PM

View PostTank Man, on 19 June 2014 - 08:12 PM, said:


Posted Image

...cause' that looks awesome! That being said...what happens if the Mechwarrior -does- love what you've done to them, Commander?

Those people do exist. Also, why do you have THAT picture? and where did you get it?

Also, according to lore. The pilots would get addicted to piloting the mech because the E.I. system is apparently the best drug in town.

760. Use of drugs is not allowed, unless they are "medicinal". Then, you either get your dose 2 hours before combat, or after combat.

761. No taking any kind of drugs, for any purpose while piloting your mech. Last time it happened, we ended up with a corporal trying to doodle on the air strip's tarmac with his Centurion's AC 20. It was the first of the Garfield hat-trick. As that night was known from then on.

762. Up until that incident, and the two that followed it, that corporal was a general in the royal command.

763. Being demoted from the top brass down to the lowest brass, is called "being Garfielded"

#454 Alaskan Nobody

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Posted 19 June 2014 - 08:57 PM

View PostIraqiWalker, on 19 June 2014 - 08:45 PM, said:

762. Up until that incident, and the two that followed it, that corporal was a general in the royal command.

That is..... not a rule :)
That is a statement

#455 IraqiWalker

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Posted 19 June 2014 - 09:54 PM

View PostShar Wolf, on 19 June 2014 - 08:57 PM, said:

That is..... not a rule :)
That is a statement

Solid point.

#456 Tustle

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Posted 19 June 2014 - 11:14 PM

View PostIraqiWalker, on 19 June 2014 - 08:45 PM, said:

why do you have THAT picture? and where did you get it?


...I watch videos by TomSka...and upon being presented with a horse mech, I went and searched for the strange, horse-masked person who appeared in a few of his videos, who was named Mrs. Johnson. ._.

"I love it!" is 'her' catch phrase.

#457 StompingOnTanks

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Posted 20 June 2014 - 11:16 AM

764. Anyone who challenges an opponent to a fist-fight in an armless 'Mech will instantly be promoted two ranks.
764a. If you win you get three.
765. Any DVD copies of the TV show BattleBots have been deemed ABSOLUTE TOP PRIORITY LOSTECH by Commander Stomping. Any soldier who finds one and turns it in gets a ride in my personal 300KPH jump-jetting Atlas and an ice cream cone with your choice of flavor.

Edited by StompingOnTanks, 20 June 2014 - 11:16 AM.


#458 Alaskan Nobody

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Posted 20 June 2014 - 11:29 AM

766. No one under any circumstances is allowed to paint their Nova in Hotrod and load it up with 12 Flamers

#459 IraqiWalker

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Posted 20 June 2014 - 11:59 AM

View PostShar Wolf, on 20 June 2014 - 11:29 AM, said:

766. No one under any circumstances is allowed to paint their Nova in Hotrod and load it up with 12 Flamers


awwwww :) I was actually gonna do that for a troll build! Lily and I named it "Blowtorch" Although to be honest, that one had 13! flamers and 4 MGs. Cuz why put 12 when you can put 13!!!! It will also be blasting "THIUNDERSTRUCK" at max volume from speakers strapped to the outside of it's cockpit.

#460 StompingOnTanks

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Posted 21 June 2014 - 06:17 PM

767. We ask that during DropShip flights, soldiers play Counter-Strike with their headphones on. "The Terrorists have planted the bomb" is not a comforting thing for recruits to hear on their first space flight.





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