915 replies to this topic

[990Dreams]

890: Introducing Fire Ants to any planet is a bad idea. They're invasive on Terra, they'll be invasive anywhere else.

[kingalbertII]

891: you CAN hire mercs to do silly stuff, but they'll charge you accordingly.

[Tustle]

892. Notice to technicians: we're going to need you all to stop ruining assets from trying to bolt Cataphract/Marauder arms to Catapults. Leave figuring out how to fight Clan Mad Cats to the mechcommanders.

893. "Huge life insurance" won't save you from bullets, lasers, fast neutrons, and missiles. Armor, intelligence, wits, and your own bullets, lasers, fast neutrons, and missiles will do the saving around here.

894. The Flashman heavy BattleMech is not to be confused with Flash Man the fictional android with time-stopping powers.

895. Just because Private Kann Tinnoken's nickname is "Tank Man" doesn't mean he's one of these 'Robot Masters.'

895 b. Or at least that's what he'd like you to believe.

895 c. Yeah, sure, he does seem to survive his 'mech getting cored a lot, but so does any other huma-hrm hmf hm person.

895 d. ...we did say "fictional" android for tip 894.

Edited by Tank Man, 26 September 2014 - 09:05 PM.

[Hex Pallett]

StompingOnTanks, on 24 September 2014 - 03:47 PM, said:

Spoiler

Wow, BT artists, you couldn't try a little harder?

Puts Transverse to shame....

[CyclonerM]

896: any comment about Clan weapons specs becoming progressively worse is strictly proibhited. Never doubt of the tecnician caste.

[kingalbertII]

CyclonerM, on 26 September 2014 - 12:56 PM, said:

896: any comment about Clan weapons specs becoming progressively worse is strictly proibhited. Never doubt of the tecnician caste.

896a: unless you are IS, then go on right ahead
897: you were not raised in a barn close those catapult doors
898: calling clan snow bear members nicknames like teddy or snuggle bears p*sses them off. unless this is your goal, refrain from calling them that

Edited by kingalbertII, 26 September 2014 - 01:32 PM.

[StompingOnTanks]

899. We have no idea how Battle Command approved the idea of giant speakers that play tones whenever your mech gets a kill, but replacing the sound effect with a 5 second adult movie clip not only forbidden, it's just bad taste.
900. This thread is over 900!

[Rogue Jedi]

901. rule 900 was wrong, 900 is equal to 900, 901 = over 900, so to quote the great if sometimes inaccurate Commander Stomping

StompingOnTanks, on 26 September 2014 - 03:59 PM, said:

This thread is over 900!

902. after last weekends challenge the cake is owned by most Mechwarriors so anyone declaring that "the cake is a lie" unless in direct reference to rule 902 will henceforth be assigned 2 weeks punishment duty cleaning up the wreckage from the training grounds

[kingalbertII]

903: the expiration date on those cupcakes is unknown. battletech is not responsible for any consequences of consuming your cake starting from 20 days after receiving it

Edited by kingalbertII, 27 September 2014 - 01:11 AM.

[Tustle]

904. Notice to all Mechwarriors: commandeering your giant walking war-machine of doom is a privilege, not a right.

904 b. So if we see you scheduling to take your ride out the same week as your shore leave, we're revoking that privilege.

904 c. Especially if you had plans to visit someplace peaceful, like some mountains or a lake.

904 d. We don't particularly care if "the ninjas cleanse their spirits by going on a one week attack on somewhere peaceful." You don't get to do it in the company's Battlemechs.

905. Notice to all infantry: there is no such thing as a RYNO missile launcher, and we don't particularly care how effective you all think it may be against heavier armor. The techs aren't developing it for you.

905 b. Any evidence of development being done for specialists is to be regarded as mere speculation, or more preferably, as lies and slander.

906. Mechwarriors should look both ways before entering the a choke point. This reduces the chance of running against a friendly 'mech.

Edited by Tank Man, 28 September 2014 - 04:37 PM.

[Darth Futuza]

907. If life support begins failing in extremely cold environments shoot your weapons to generate heat, rubbing your mechs legs together to keep warm will not end well.

Edited by Darth Futuza, 28 September 2014 - 05:18 PM.

[kingalbertII]

908: PPC do 0 dmg within 90m, we strongly disadvice testing this yourself

908a: mostly because ERPPC look identical and the rule doesn't count for them

909: please consult a doctor before piloting a 6 ppc mech (in fact, visit the undertaker while you are at it)

910: sitting on your parked mech (anime style) contains a severe health risk as mechs can be more slippery than they look

Edited by kingalbertII, 29 September 2014 - 10:06 AM.

[Alaskan Nobody]

kingalbertII, on 28 September 2014 - 09:07 PM, said:

910: ...............mechs can be more slippery than they look

With the tears of your enemies.



...or the blood/tears/other bodily wastes of Elementals that did not realize we can carry decent caliber handguns, rather than the needler garbage most pilots carry.

[kingalbertII]

Shar Wolf, on 29 September 2014 - 10:22 AM, said:

With the tears of your enemies.



...or the blood/tears/other bodily wastes of Elementals that did not realize we can carry decent caliber handguns, rather than the needler garbage most pilots carry.

911: profiling your target is important
do not attempt to board a mech piloted by a fan of .50 anti material rifles or who has recently purchased a sawn-off shotgun

912: stay clear of dragons' path as they have NO vision of what is going on beneath them

912a: making enemy dragons perfect umbrellas should your commando be targeted by lrms

913: never exit your cockpit to personally taunt your enemies with things like "get rekt scrubs" "gg ez"
that is what your radio is for

914: do not attempt to T-bag enemies should your leg actuators be damaged. a breakdown like that can be awkward

[StompingOnTanks]

Shar Wolf, on 29 September 2014 - 10:22 AM, said:

...or the blood/tears/other bodily wastes of Elementals that did not realize we can carry decent caliber handguns, rather than the needler garbage most pilots carry.

The hangar door opens with a mechanical swoosh. All present turn their heads to face the new visitor, but are blinded by the light.

The severed head of an "Elemental" Battle Armor is thrown to the floor. It bounces and rolls before stopping at the feet of Tank Man, who looks up. His eyes have adjusted to the light now, and he can clearly see Commander Stomping standing in the doorway, Desert Eagle in hand.

The Commander raises his arms and speaks.

"See this dude? His stupid gripper claw scratched my paint job. Ain't NOBODY scratch my paint job, ya'll understand?" >_>

And with that, Stomping turned and walked away, the door whooshing shut behind him, never to be seen again.

...Until three hours later when a few officers dragged him back to base, passed out with bacon in one hand and a Hot Wheels themed G-Cup bra in the other. We try not to talk about it, so don't ask.

[Alaskan Nobody]

915: Officer Stomping is required to keep his pants on at all times unless actively utilizing the euphemism.

[Tustle]

StompingOnTanks, on 29 September 2014 - 01:26 PM, said:

It bounces and rolls before stopping at the feet of Tank Man, who looks up.

Am I suddenly a part of Stompington forces? Or am I being punked?...and was there a tip for spot-welding Elemental Battle Armor pieces to the casings of sentries yet?

[StompingOnTanks]

Tank Man, on 29 September 2014 - 08:34 PM, said:

Am I suddenly a part of Stompington forces? Or am I being punked?...and was there a tip for spot-welding Elemental Battle Armor pieces to the casings of sentries yet?

No, you aren't. I purposefully walked 40 miles from my base to yours so I could do that.

916. Purposefully opening the hatch during combat to flip off foes may be incredibly ballsy and worthy of a Shiny Silver Medal of Ballsiness within the ranks of the Stomptopian Military, but it is highly not recommended while operating on planets with an unbreathable atmosphere.
916a. "My BattleMech doesn't need oxygen!" doesn't mean YOU don't, either. No, holding your breath doesn't count.

Edited by StompingOnTanks, 30 September 2014 - 06:45 PM.

[Tustle]

StompingOnTanks, on 30 September 2014 - 06:34 PM, said:

No, you aren't. I purposefully walked 40 miles from my base to yours so I could do that.

...I have a base? But I thought the Mecha Fairy would keep your Dropship clean and spaceworthy and you'd never have to use an immobile target of orbital bombardment so long as you kept giving her offerings with your Weapons of Walking Destruction...was...was I lied to about that as well? 8C

Edited by Tank Man, 30 September 2014 - 06:47 PM.

[Alaskan Nobody]

917: Officer Stomping is to warn Officer Tank next time before building him his own base