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Non-Combat Tips (Parody List)


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#761 Alaskan Nobody

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Posted 10 January 2015 - 01:09 PM

View PostRogue Jedi, on 10 January 2015 - 01:04 PM, said:

not that I am aware of but there is one with [ORCS] as a unit tag

So long as it is not spelled with a K we are probably safe.

The orCs come in so many flavors - but none so scary as the orKs. :ph34r:

#762 Big Tin Man

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Posted 10 January 2015 - 01:44 PM

View PostShar Wolf, on 10 January 2015 - 01:09 PM, said:

So long as it is not spelled with a K we are probably safe.
:ph34r:


So we're only safe as long as we all really believe we're safe?

#763 Alaskan Nobody

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Posted 10 January 2015 - 01:45 PM

View PostBig Tin Man, on 10 January 2015 - 01:44 PM, said:

So we're only safe as long as we all really believe we're safe?

I have no idea! :o

#764 kosmos1214

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Posted 10 January 2015 - 03:00 PM

View PostShar Wolf, on 08 January 2015 - 07:41 PM, said:

Lack of access + lack of $$ for what access I have.

Spoiler



Well CRAP. :wacko:
same as me shar i live in a town of 10000 in southern wis the nearest gameing store i know of is 50 miles a way and i
dont have my drivers license yet or a job that pays well enough for me to consider it

View PostSnagaDance, on 09 January 2015 - 02:07 AM, said:


I've got an Ork army and I love it. What I really like about them is how you can basically kitbash all of their vehicles and they'll still look great!

I've got a Battlewagon made from a Land Raider. My Ork trucks are made from old Ork truck models mashed with Hummers. My Grot Kannons are PAK40's, I use converted Nebelwerfers, Zapp guns are the modified Lascannons that came from the Landraider. I've got Ork airplanes made from parts of a Stuka, P-38 Lightning and GI-Joe.

Due to moving I haven't been able to play it in years, but I'm never getting rid of it. My children just need to get a bit older...............soon.

(have a WHFB army for my serious tactical side to compensate btw)

Oh yeah. combat tips......

1009: Screaming "Waaaaaaaaaagh!!!" over open comms and your external speakers while charging the enemy with your Hatchetman/Axeman/Berserker actually will cause you to do extra damage with your Choppa Hatchet.
yah the ork army i saw was like that and yah it still looks good must be the waaaaahhhhhhhhhgggg

View Postwanderer, on 09 January 2015 - 08:48 PM, said:


1005a. Unless you're Vassago Rain, but then again he calls his Atlas-DDC a "Warboss" and may just be really a sneaky git ork in disguise.
ehehehahahahahhaehehahahahhahahaha

#765 IraqiWalker

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Posted 10 January 2015 - 05:08 PM

View Postkosmos1214, on 10 January 2015 - 03:00 PM, said:

yah the ork army i saw was like that and yah it still looks good must be the waaaaahhhhhhhhhgggg


WAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHH

Fixed that for you.

#766 StompingOnTanks

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Posted 11 January 2015 - 05:49 PM

1006. The female armor rule that "Less is More" DOES NOT APPLY to real life. ESPECIALLY to BattleMechs.

#767 SnagaDance

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Posted 14 January 2015 - 02:05 PM

1008. Jag 12 does not like ice-cream bars

#768 SnagaDance

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Posted 15 January 2015 - 06:41 AM

1013b. Especially when wearing Francken camo as demonstrated by The B33f:

#769 Sparks Murphey

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Posted 15 January 2015 - 08:22 PM

1014b. Unless they are part of the unit's psychological warfare division, in which case they have clearance and you should respect them for the grueling training they have endured. Oh, and put your d***ed earplugs in when they shout the warning.

#770 Rogue Jedi

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Posted 29 January 2015 - 02:30 PM

1015. if anyone tells you they have seen the enemy deploying Land Air Mechs they are most likely an enemy infiltrator trying to feed you misinformation, as there have been no confirmed LAM sightings for 2 decades, it is your duty to apprehend them for questioning.

1016. I know our task force is supposed to cycle requisitions through all our sponsor factions but next time we need more reconnaissance Mechs DO NOT send the requisition to the Lyrans, after receiving those new but unneeded assault Mechs we will be waiting at least another 3 weeks to receive suitable replacements for those Spiders lost during the "swarm of Locusts" incident.

1017. prisoners are not to be allowed to commandeer a tank, although the CO, Commander Stomping, would probably thank (or possibly even bribe) you for a chance to perform his favorite pass-time we just cannot afford to keep replacing tanks. if this keeps happening Corporal Tinn Kann will have nothing to drive.

1018. the Non Combat Tips thread must not be allowed to die (it is the most entertaining thing on MWO forums)

edited: to comply with rule 1019

Edited by Rogue Jedi, 29 January 2015 - 02:56 PM.


#771 Sparks Murphey

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Posted 29 January 2015 - 02:35 PM

1016a: A two week turn around in the retrieval of new non combat tips can be expected when all the scout units weigh over 80 tons.

1019: Whoever stole the zeros from Rogue Jedi's tips is required to return them at once; while the phrase "I stole nothing" is semantically correct, it's still not a valid defense.

Edited by Sparks Murphey, 29 January 2015 - 02:38 PM.


#772 StompingOnTanks

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Posted 29 January 2015 - 04:56 PM

1020: Under no circumstances are you to order personnel under our command to do the following:

- Find the Forklift Extenders
- Find the AC/1s, 3s, 15s, or 22s.
- Install the Lance commander's Atlas with "Cockpit Contact Lenses"
- Wear one of those one-piece spaghetti string European swim suits, especially if the person in question is male
- Hand-build a Warhammer cosplay for you.
- Hand-build ANY cosplay for you. Make your own cosplays, losers.
- Use the hangar's industrial vaccuum to perform lipo-suction on yourself to better suit your cosplay.
- Wear fake cosplay boobs on parts of the party where fake cosplay boobs clearly don't belong.
- Find "one round clips" for the assault rifles.
- Go to the armory to find the "Assault Sniper Shotgun Machine Rifle". (Sparks has one but only he is allowed to touch it)
- Find one round clips for the Assault Sniper Shotgun Machine Rifle. (Sparks has those too)
- Put Commander Stomping's collection of BattleMech action figures on his desk in sexually explicit poses.
- Put Commander Stomping's collection of sexually explicit action figures in normal poses.
- Ever, EVER make fun of any member of the Iceless's crew for not comforming to real life's laws of physics and probability. Some members of our crew have extremely delicate feelings, especially Madilyn the Tutorial Succubus. Do you know what a Succubus sounds like when she cries? It's the most depressing thing you'll ever hear, then we have to give her one of our souls to make her happy again. We don't have infinite spare souls, guys.

Edited by StompingOnTanks, 29 January 2015 - 04:58 PM.


#773 Dino Might

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Posted 29 January 2015 - 08:08 PM

Way too long to read all of this in one go, so forgive any repeats:

1021: Ensure all mech turn signaling devices are operational and blinker fluid levels are topped off before exiting the dropship.
1022: Ensure spare box of grid squares is available in the cockpit glove compartment for backup land-nav capability
1023: Feed all mech shaft seals at least once per day
1024: Stock spare batteries for command console sound powered telephones to ensure communication capability with pilot
1025: Ensure that no less than 5000 feet of flightline is available in each dropship cargo bay. Should stores fall below this level, immediately go to the nearest runway to pickup spare flightline to replenish stores.
1026: Empty the targeting computer bit bucket on a weekly basis to remove old, used-up bits
1027: Personal emergency survival kits must contain at least 5 days worth of dehydrated water
1028: Troubleshooting faulty radios - spray liberally with a can of squelch. Test any available frequency. Repeat as necessary.

Edited by Dino Might, 29 January 2015 - 08:09 PM.


#774 Savage Sweets

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Posted 29 January 2015 - 09:53 PM

1029. If you paint your mech in red, white, and blue; be prepared to be:
  • referred to as a flag of one (or both) of two Terran countries sporting the same colors
  • referred to as "Optimus Prime"
    • If you are a light mech, you may be designated as "Minimus Prime"


#775 SnagaDance

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Posted 30 January 2015 - 12:21 AM

View PostSavage Sweets, on 29 January 2015 - 09:53 PM, said:

1029. If you paint your mech in red, white, and blue; be prepared to be:
  • referred to as a flag of one (or both) of two Terran countries sporting the same colors


Dutch or Luxembourgian?

#776 Rogue Jedi

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Posted 30 January 2015 - 05:20 AM

View PostSavage Sweets, on 29 January 2015 - 09:53 PM, said:

1029. If you paint your mech in red, white, and blue; be prepared to be:
  • referred to as a flag of one (or both) of two Terran countries sporting the same colors
  • referred to as "Optimus Prime"
    • If you are a light mech, you may be designated as "Minimus Prime"


View PostSnagaDance, on 30 January 2015 - 12:21 AM, said:


Dutch or Luxembourgian?




Or Great Britten, France, the United States, Australia, and those are just off the top of my head.

1030. When someone says off the top of my head he or she may or may not be referring to headwear, the top of the skull, or tattoos, it could just mean rapidly recalled memory

#777 SnagaDance

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Posted 30 January 2015 - 07:08 AM

View PostRogue Jedi, on 30 January 2015 - 05:20 AM, said:






Or Great Britten, France, the United States, Australia, and those are just off the top of my head.

1030. When someone says off the top of my head he or she may or may not be referring to headwear, the top of the skull, or tattoos, it could just mean rapidly recalled memory


Yeah, knew about those too, Russia being another big one for instance, but the 2 I mentioned at least have red-white-blue in that order from top to bottom. ;)

#778 Sparks Murphey

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Posted 30 January 2015 - 06:12 PM

View PostStompingOnTanks, on 29 January 2015 - 04:56 PM, said:

1020: Under no circumstances are you to order personnel under our command to do the following:
(snip)
- Go to the armory to find the "Assault Sniper Shotgun Machine Rifle". (Sparks has one but only he is allowed to touch it)
- Find one round clips for the Assault Sniper Shotgun Machine Rifle. (Sparks has those too)

Posted Image
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#779 StompingOnTanks

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Posted 31 January 2015 - 09:20 AM

View PostSparks Murphey, on 30 January 2015 - 06:12 PM, said:

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Posted ImagePosted Image


...

-Gives tray of cookies.-

Edited by StompingOnTanks, 31 January 2015 - 09:20 AM.


#780 kosmos1214

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Posted 31 January 2015 - 04:46 PM

View PostSparks Murphey, on 30 January 2015 - 06:12 PM, said:

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what do i have to do to get one of these for my sister she would love this thing





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