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How Not To Play Mwo


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#1 Rhaythe

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Posted 09 April 2014 - 07:31 AM

This is a haphazard guide slapped together mostly out of sheer amusement. But buried within these near self-mocking words hopefully lies a kernal of truth that can be used to help guide you, the new player, away from frustrating and mind-numbing feats of sheer newbishness.

NOTE: This guide is a work in progress.


1 - The Dictionary
Mechwarrior Online uses many terms that might be unfamiliar to the initiate. And no, I don't mean acronyms like LRM, ECM, WTF, or anything like that. I mean truly special terms, reserved only for the heights of frustration and futility.
  • PUG (noun, person or group) - If you single-drop into MWO, this is you. Though it comprises up to 84 percent of the player population at any given time, it's generally a derogatory term that will eventually be used as slander against a team when it loses with a final score of 12 to 1.
  • Newb Bait (noun, thing) - An Atlas. Though this term can be used for any overly-large and slow assault class mech, the vast majority appear to be directed at the Atlas (especially when the RS is the trial mech). This is due to the Atlas' badass appearance and the tenacity of new players to gravitate towards that mech, despite their inexperience with piloting assaults.
  • Whiskey Tango Foxtrot (explicative, pseudo-military-lingo) - If the person uttering it is on the opposing team, keep doing whatever you're doing. If the person is on your team, he's likely already dead and about to throw your team under the bus. This is a sign that it is safe to ignore everything he says.
  • NGNG (noun, group) - Random drops made by a Twitch.tv streaming player group that is abso-freaking-lutely gaurenteed to drop into a game when you're having a bad day. And then proceed to televise your failure to the world.
  • Meta (noun, thing) - A mystical theology that is somehow at fault for everything that's wrong with the game. If you've used a PPC or an AC10 or an LRM in the past six months, you're a part of the meta and a part of the problem (in theory). Or, honestly, any piece of weaponry or equipment. Except small lasers and the command chair. I don't think they've been in the meta. Yet.
  • Flanking (verb) - A misconception that slightly changing your angle of attack somehow constitutes the military strategy known by the same name.
  • RTB (???) - An unknown utterance usually stated when the enemy is close to your base of operations. It is unknown what this phrase means, as it seems to be spoken to absolutely no effect. (See also - "Hit R to lock on", "Stay together")
  • Ridge-Humping (verb) - The act of many friendly units clustering together on a hillside to the point where they interfere with each others lanes of fire or retreat. Typically results in friendly-fire incidents and units being left in exposed positions, unable to withdraw. May also typically be followed by sudden expressions of "Whiskey Tango Foxtrot".
  • DC (noun, thing) - Disconnect. Don't worry. You'll find out what this is real soon.
  • Mordor (noun, place) - Terra Therma. Because apparently old jokes are still funny.
  • Hell (noun, place) - Terra Therma. You did something wrong in the previous game and earned bad karma. You are now sentenced to Hell for this match.
  • Bitchin' Betty (noun, person) - Your mech's computer. Just listen to her when those LRMs start coming in.
  • Wolf Pack (noun, person or group) - Two or more lights that travel together. If you're piloting an assault and a Wolf Pack finds you, you'll understand the origin of the name. Also known as Rat Pack.
  • Assault Scout (noun, thing) - Any assault class mech traveling at 60 kph or less that doesn't feel the need to travel with the group. A balanced part of the Wolf Pack diet. (See also - Steiner Scout)
  • Stick (noun, thing) - Any mech that has lost all weapons. General tactics include running and hiding in a corner of the map, shutting down, and praying nobody notices. Also referred to as a "neutered" mech.
  • Lag-Shield (noun, thing) - Related to Host State Rewind (HSR). The mystical inability of any player with high ping to hit or be hit by other players. May also be used to avoid incoming enemy fire.
  • Arachnophobe (noun, person) - Any assault on its own that has been discovered by a light mech, especially a spider. (See also - Wolf Pack)
  • Zombie (noun, thing) - A mech that has had all of its limb-mounted weapons blown off and is running around with only a single weapon mount available. Commonly seen on Hunchbacks and Centurions. One step away from being a Stick.
  • Backup (noun, person or group) - Something dead men cry for after they've suicided themselves.
  • Founders (noun, person or group) - A collection of vocal players that seem to always want more free stuff despite having paid for their product and received it in full more than two years ago.
  • Ghost Heat (noun, thing) - Also known as Heat Scale. More commonly referred to on the forums as a slew of profane words that the filters are going to chew up and spit out. Some love it; some hate it. But if you haven't died recently because 5 PPCs hit your center torso at the same moment, you can thank Ghost Heat.
  • Eye Glow (noun, thing) - Atlas mechs usedto be way more intimidating.
  • Boat (noun, thing) - Any mech that piles on a single weapon system. It's only a bad thing when you get killed by one.
  • Squirrel (noun, thing) - A light mech. So-called because players will relentlessly chase it around the map in the hopes of an easy kill. Also known as a Rabbit.
  • Murderball (noun, person or group) - A collection of eight or more mechs that wander around en masse. Also known as The Blob or Ball-o-Death. May be easily countered by a single Squirrel.
  • Death by Barbeque (noun, event) - Being killed by flamers. Seriously. This happens. (*chuckle chuckle snort*)
  • GG Close (noun, lie) - No. It wasn't.
  • Macro (noun, thing) - A scripted piece of software that turned the AC2s into mini machine-guns. This was prior to the introduction of Ghost Heat that turned the AC2 into a microwave.
  • Smurfy (noun, thing) - What UI2.0 probably should have been. A third-party website that allows a visitor to build mech configurations without spending an MC.
  • Warhorse (noun, thing) - The act of riding another mech into battle.
  • Sarna (noun, thing) - The Wikipedia of Mechwarrior.
  • Fatlas (noun, thing) - An Atlas. 'Cause it's fat.
  • Alt-F4 (verb) - No. It will not fix your weapon groups or enable high-graphics mode. Trust me.
  • "Plan?" (inquiry) - If followed by a stretch of silence, a fool-proof sign that your team is about to get obliterated and that the person asking the question will die first, having done 50 or less damage. If followed by snark, a sign that your team will scatter to the winds and lose 12 to 2. If followed by an actual plan, a sure-sign that no one will follow it.
2 - Locations
The following are slang terms for locations you'll find within Mechwarrior Online.
  • Death March - If you've ever played Terra Therma, you know where this is. This term is used to describe the narrow alleyways leading into the center suspended pit over the pool of lava, especially when the center is already occupied by the opposing team. (See also - PUG Zapper, Gates of Mordor, Mount Derp)
  • The Alamo - The top of the cauldera on Caustic Valley. If you find yourself fighting there, you'll understand.
  • Shantytown - The collection of trailers outside of the tunnel on Forest Colony. Also known as Pickle Factory.
  • Sniper Peak - The mountains on Alpine Peaks. You know which ones I'm referring to. If you don't, you'll see them marked clearly in-game. Just look for the ER PPCs coming at you. Also known as Hamburger Hill. A simliar location is Mount Radio Mast, which is not far from Sniper Peak.
  • Isle de la Muerte - The island adjacent to the harbor in Crimson Straits. Home to wandering and bored Jenners and missile boats.
  • The Stargate - Look around in the middle of Tourmaline. You'll find it.
  • The Basement - Also known as the Troll Cave and Roach Motel. The area beneath the massive central ziggurat in HPG Manifold.
  • The Putting Greens - The grass-covered building roofs near the collapsed bridge to the Upper City in River City.
  • Theta - On any map, this is generally a location for mass suicides. Also a good source of C-Bill farming for enemy sniper mechs. Mass production factory for "sticks".
  • Death Valley - Also known as Suicide Road. A long, sprawling highway on Alpine Peaks with little cover that is overlooked by sweaty-palmed snipers manning Hamburger Hill.
  • The Saddle - The space between the two hills in the middle of Crimson Straits. Also known as The Hump and The Cleavage.
  • The Parking Garage - The area underneath the port loading overhang.
  • Jenner Highway - A spit of land opposite the cave on Frozen City. Head to Theta. You'll find it. Or rather, they'll find you.
  • Lego Field - Collection of tiny buildings in Forest Colony. Partially masked by tree growth. Exceptionally efficient at catching unsuspecting mechs by the big toe and preventing movement. Like stepping on legos at night. Ow ow ow.
  • The Usual - A place and a tactic. Generally refers to a team assembling into a large group (See also - Murderball) and trucking to the central point of a map. Usually results in the creation of Sticks.
  • Baconia - Not an actual place in-game. But in honor of players randomly yelling, "Bacon!" at the start of matches, this is the homeland that they swear loyalty to.
3 - Mech Builds
The following are common terms used to describe common builds of common mechs. They're commonly found in canon Mechwarrior builds and are common. As in, very common.
  • Cheese - Any build that is moderately effective or better. So called because this build will quickly propegate through the community and become the de-facto build for a given unit in a given time period (See also - Meta)
  • Boomjager- Any Jagermech with dual-AC20s. May also refer to the lesser-used dual-Guass builds, though those are generally referred to as, "Damn snipers". May include other mech chassis, but honestly, Boomapult really isn't as catchy. Also referred to as Newb Tube.
  • Glass Cannon - Anything that sacrifices armor or engine speed for extra alpha strike damage.
  • Dakka - Originally reserved for Jagermechs, this term now specifies any mech that uses more than 2 AC weapons. Machine-guns are immune to this term unless they are mounted in mass quantity, in which case it is being used in a strictly ironic fashion.
  • Swayback - A Hunchback mech with 9 medium lasers. Somehow, this has only been a part of the Meta back in the Closed Beta. Never since. Go figure.
  • Best Medium Mech - The Shadowhawk.
  • Best Newbie Mech - The Shadowhawk.
  • Best Dakka Mech - The Shadowhawk.
  • What Mech Should I...? - The Shadowhawk.
  • Best Mech Other Than the Shadowhawk - The Shadowhawk.
  • ECM - This term is used strictly to incite the forum community. It is moderately useful in-game, but its real power is in its ability to start flame wars.
  • LURMs - LRMs when wielded by a player that has no other weapon equipped. (See also - Meta)
  • Splatcat/Streakcat - A Catapult that uses only SRM and SSRM launchers. Also known as ECM-food.
  • Urbanmech/Urbie - An obsession of the MWO community over a fat, slow, poorly-armed mech from Battletech canon. As though they weren't fussy enough over the Locust.
  • Metal Salad - Anything with two or more LBX cannons.
  • Twenty-Ton Assault - Any spider, especially those with a PPC.
  • AC40, SRM18, LRM40, etc - Any combination of weapon systems with a number after them. Because we're lazy, and saying AC40 sounds better than saying Dual-AC20s.
  • Streaktaro - Similar to the Streakcat, only utilizing the smaller and faster Kintaro chassis. Very good against lone lights. Sorta effective against Wolf Packs. Not really good against anything else. ECM Food.
  • Trollmando - A kind of Commando troll build. It involves ECM, so obviously, it's a troll build, right?
4 - Strategies
The following is a list of strategies you will commonly hear about within Mechwarrior Online. While you might think this refers to gameplay and tactics, those are only a piece of the puzzle. The true strategies within Mechwarrior Online seem to relate to a player's ability to draw attention to himself.

Team-blame
Players within MWO will commonly die within four minutes of the game starting. This may be accounted to poor decision making, a sudden change in the battlefield, or simply bad luck. However, the true MWO strategist will immediately accuse his teammates of being the "worst ever" or "a bunch of newbs". This helps isolate the player from the perceived poor play of the group and reinforce the idea in his feeble mind that he is somehow not a piss-poor player. (See also - PUG)

Stay Together
While ordinarily a good idea, the true MWO strategist will ensure that his team is herded into an open arena, with no cover of any kind. These lemmings will then be completely exposed to incoming missile-fire by the other team that is utilizing cover appropriately. This way, the team - true to this strategy's name - will stay together and die together. Misery loves company - especially a Misery with a bunch of LRM launchers and an ally with TAG.

<INSERT ITEM HERE> is OP
This means that the player making the accusation, either in-chat or on the forums, was just killed by the weapon or item being accused of over-poweredness.

Teamwork
In theory, this means calling out targets for group fire, organizing retreats, coordinating movements to common objectives, and so on. For a true MWO strategist, this means listening to every babbling piece of idiocy that is spammed over the keyboard. Doesn't matter if it's relevant - if you're not listening, you're being a part of the problem. (See also - Team Blame, Death March)

Follow the ECM
Unknown. From observing live play, it appears to mean "stay as far apart from your allies as physically possible".

Follow the Atlas
Unknown. From observing live play, it appears to mean using larger, more powerful mechs as bait while support mechs are busy chasing a spider.

Team-Speak
Telepathy or some other forum of mystical wonder. May require the use of "friends".

Pre-Made Group
That Alpha Lance that dropped into your game where everyone is in the same assault mech and has the same group affiliation? Yeah, them. They're either going to wipe the floor this match or run out into the open and get gunned down in the first thirty seconds. Hard to say which. (See also - Teamwork, Stay Together)

Turtling
The act of a group of mechwarriors cowering in a corner and awaiting their own destruction. Also known as "Sticking your head between your knees and kissing your arse goodbye".

Poptarting/Whack-A-Mole
These two tactics are inter-related. Poptarting is the practice of mounting a pogo-stick on the bottom of an 80-ton death vehicle and using it to lob PPCs in the general direction of the enemy. True devotees to this practice will ignore mechs that have maneuvered to a shooting position behind them (See also - Flanking) and continue to pogo their way to futility.

Whack-a-Mole is the counter-tactic to Poptarting. This involves high-powered AC rounds and ER PPCs and lots of mechs in a line. One mech yells, "PULL!", and the Poptart of the Day takes care of the rest. May also include Ridge-Humping.

Press 'H' for Hard-mode/God-mode/Aim-Bot/etc
Try it on Terra Therma sometime.

Focus-Fire
An excellent tactical idea in the Mechwarrior Universe that rarely seems possible to pull off in public matches (See also - PUG). May be easier to perform using voodoo like Team-Speak.

Steiner Scout Lance
Four or more Atlas mechs moving as a single unit. This is especially true if the units are using 300-rated engines or smaller. The slower the better, really. I mean, drop 20 kph, and you can mount another two PPCs. The only thing this lance should be out-maneuvering is a mountain.

5 - Events
In no particular order. Or rather, in whatever order my memory can conjure up.
  • Closed Beta - The first rule of Closed Beta is we don't talk about Closed Beta.
  • Open Beta - A period of time in which all the problems in the game could be explained by the title.
  • Bowling - Once upon a time, you could knock light mechs down by ramming them. At least Dragons had a use, then.
  • The Launch - The point in time where the Open Beta supposedly ended. That's... really, about it. There was a tournament, or something. I think. Um. Yeah, not much else really happened.
  • Lurmpocolypse I - Missiles were fun, and there was really nothing available to stop them. At least, not until...
  • The Day of the Raven - Think ECM is overpowered now? Once upon a time, it had no counters. None. Zero. Zilch. Nevermore.
  • PPCocolypse - Wow. We like our apocolypse-words here. But yeah, once upon a time, before the dark rise of ghost heat, Stalkers were wandering around with six PPCs. Let that sink in for a moment. Because that's the length of time it took for you to die.
  • Lurmpocolypse II - Once upon a time, LRMs had power-steering so powerful that they could turn 90 degrees and drop right on your head, despite being hidden behind a building.
  • Third-Person View - The day the forums went nuclear.
  • UI2.0 Launch - In three months.
  • Hit-Box Crisis of 2013 - A dark era of invincible Spider mechs. (See also - Lag Shield)
  • Lurmpocolypse III - NARC became useful and LRMs got a speed buff on the exact same day.

Edited by Rhaythe, 11 April 2014 - 08:55 AM.


#2 Chronic Rune

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Posted 09 April 2014 - 07:49 AM

It's sad that this is 100% true -_- , nice job though.

#3 jper4

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Posted 09 April 2014 - 08:05 AM

you forgot one category

Best mech besides a shadowhawk? The Shadowhawk

#4 Rhaythe

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Posted 09 April 2014 - 08:19 AM

View PostTanar, on 09 April 2014 - 08:05 AM, said:

you forgot one category

Best mech besides a shadowhawk? The Shadowhawk

You got it!

#5 xxREVxx

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Posted 09 April 2014 - 08:23 AM

Infernal Devs!! Thou shalt sticky this....or perish!

#6 BourbonFaucet

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Posted 09 April 2014 - 08:28 AM

Don't forget to mention that you should always be a potato team whenever possible and block your friends' movement.

#7 Sky Hawk

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Posted 09 April 2014 - 08:54 AM

I find the entrys are too complicated for a not-high-level-english-language reader. But, for what I understad from it, I think this should be in the Forum Fun, and not in the New Players Help. If you really want help write like this:


RTB (Return to Base) - If you see that in the chat, one of your team-mate thinks, your base is in danger. Theoretically some lights or near-to-base player should go back, and save the base. (Sadly, in the most of the times, no one react and your team lose the match.)

#8 Jody Von Jedi

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Posted 09 April 2014 - 08:56 AM

View PostRhaythe, on 09 April 2014 - 07:31 AM, said:

  • Best Medium Mech - The Shadowhawk.
  • Best Newbie Mech - The Shadowhawk.
  • Best Dakka Mech - The Shadowhawk.
  • What Mech Should I...? - The Shadowhawk.
  • Best Mech Other Than the Shadowhawk - The Shadowhawk.


A little Shadowhawk biased are we? Hmmmm?
  • Mech I like taking out the most in my Trebuchet or Blackjack? I'll let you fill in the blank.
-_-

#9 Rhaythe

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Posted 09 April 2014 - 08:59 AM

View PostJody Von Jedi, on 09 April 2014 - 08:56 AM, said:


A little Shadowhawk biased are we? Hmmmm?
  • Mech I like taking out the most in my Trebuchet or Blackjack? I'll let you fill in the blank.
-_-


The really amusing part is I prefer the Hunchback.

#10 Sug

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Posted 09 April 2014 - 09:05 AM

Thought this was going to be a post about breaking MWO addiction.

#11 Asrrin

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Posted 09 April 2014 - 09:07 AM

On a totally serious note, a dictionary term I learned while playing MOW is Bitching Betty, the nickname given to the voice notification system. It comes from military parlance.

#12 Rhaythe

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Posted 09 April 2014 - 09:09 AM

View PostSug, on 09 April 2014 - 09:05 AM, said:

Thought this was going to be a post about breaking MWO addiction.

Dyslexia corrected. Thanks!

View PostAsrrin, on 09 April 2014 - 09:07 AM, said:

On a totally serious note, a dictionary term I learned while playing MOW is Bitching Betty, the nickname given to the voice notification system. It comes from military parlance.

Good call!

#13 loopala

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Posted 09 April 2014 - 10:06 AM

nice.

#14 BLUPRNT

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Posted 09 April 2014 - 10:20 AM

+1 for sticky this!

This was hilarious, true, but hilarious -_-

I know most of these and learned a few extra, although i don't think I could have defined them near as well as you did.

I nominate OP for MWO embassador.

Edited by BLUPRNT, 09 April 2014 - 11:54 AM.


#15 jper4

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Posted 09 April 2014 - 10:30 AM

View PostJody Von Jedi, on 09 April 2014 - 08:56 AM, said:


A little Shadowhawk biased are we? Hmmmm?
  • Mech I like taking out the most in my Trebuchet or Blackjack? I'll let you fill in the blank.
-_-



and shadowhawks are probably one of my worst mediums too. Blackjacks on the other hand ^_^

#16 Koniving

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Posted 09 April 2014 - 10:40 AM

I had a victory against NGNG. o.O; But I only got to kill one of them. -_-

#17 Rhaythe

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Posted 09 April 2014 - 10:43 AM

View PostKoniving, on 09 April 2014 - 10:40 AM, said:

I had a victory against NGNG. o.O; But I only got to kill one of them. -_-

We had a LAN night where I introduced this game to a couple new players. Sure enough, NGNG dropped into that game. It was... not pretty.

#18 Koniving

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Posted 09 April 2014 - 10:45 AM

Also just to mention it..
"Isle de Muerte" is grammatically correct in English but not Spanish. Literally translated: "Island of Death."
However, Isle de la Muerte (literally translated "Island of the Death[Dead]" but correctly translated "Island of Death") is grammatically correct in Spanish.

Swayback was part of the meta between June 2012 to just before October 2012. Variations: 9 ML. 9 SPL. 9 SL.

Edited by Koniving, 09 April 2014 - 10:54 AM.


#19 Rhaythe

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Posted 09 April 2014 - 10:47 AM

View PostKoniving, on 09 April 2014 - 10:45 AM, said:

Also just to mention it..
"Isle de Muerte" is grammatically correct in English but not Spanish. Literally translated: "Island of Death."
However, Isle de la Muerte (literally translated "Island of the Death[Dead]" but correctly translated "Island of Death") is grammatically correct in Spanish.

Gracias.

#20 Koniving

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Posted 09 April 2014 - 10:57 AM

Oh. The Basement is also known as the Roach Motel.





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