Jump to content

Book 1: The Eagle and the Wolf


19 replies to this topic

#1 CyclonerM

    Tina's Warrior

  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • FP Veteran - Beta 2
  • FP Veteran - Beta 2
  • 5,684 posts
  • LocationA 2nd Wolf Guards Grenadiers JumpShip

Posted 17 September 2014 - 01:01 PM

Greetings! I finally decided to start writing my character's story! There are some *black* holes still waiting to be filled with something believable.. But until then.. The first introductive very short chapter! Please tell me what you think about it. I am not a native English speaker but i find writing in English challenging and interesting. This is the first time i write something like this, so any advice would be very warmy welcomed.

A small note: i love roleplaying and i am trying to fit my real life story within MWO into my RP story. 2013 is 3048, and any reference to real persons, units and events is totally intentional :P

Well, enough talks. Enjoy!

Book One: The Eagle and the Wolf

Spoiler

2
Spoiler

3
Spoiler

4:
Spoiler


5:
Spoiler


6:

Spoiler

7:
Spoiler


Notes: the storytelling is getting slow, i know, but i have many ideas and i want to make my story more detailed than it could be as a short story. It may become a novel lol.

Edited by CyclonerM, 14 June 2015 - 05:27 AM.


#2 CyclonerM

    Tina's Warrior

  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • FP Veteran - Beta 2
  • FP Veteran - Beta 2
  • 5,684 posts
  • LocationA 2nd Wolf Guards Grenadiers JumpShip

Posted 22 September 2014 - 06:23 AM

Reserved for new chapters.

Edited by CyclonerM, 27 October 2014 - 08:00 AM.


#3 JT Black

    Banned - Cheating

  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Legendary Founder
  • Legendary Founder
  • 230 posts
  • Google+: Link
  • LocationUK

Posted 22 September 2014 - 06:39 AM

Congratz , now we want more please ;)

Very nice !

#4 KuroNyra

    Member

  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Legendary Founder
  • Legendary Founder
  • 2,990 posts
  • LocationIdiot's Crater.

Posted 22 September 2014 - 06:45 AM

Niiiice! :D

Can't wait to read the rest! X')

Why I have the feeling I'm gonna like that "Kuro"?
Never heard of it before. *innocent smile*

#5 CyclonerM

    Tina's Warrior

  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • FP Veteran - Beta 2
  • FP Veteran - Beta 2
  • 5,684 posts
  • LocationA 2nd Wolf Guards Grenadiers JumpShip

Posted 22 September 2014 - 11:29 AM

View PostKuroNyra, on 22 September 2014 - 06:45 AM, said:

Niiiice! :D

Can't wait to read the rest! X')

Why I have the feeling I'm gonna like that "Kuro"?
Never heard of it before. *innocent smile*

I am going to make my characters real enough. Maybe not as much as Game of Thrones, so it is not like in the end everyone dies, but expect Kuro to suffer enough :P

#6 Thom Frankfurt

    Member

  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 2,741 posts
  • Google+: Link
  • Facebook: Link
  • LocationSearounders Tavern, Port St. Williams, Coventry

Posted 27 September 2014 - 07:49 PM

So far so good, especially considering that English is a secondary language. I saw some things that raised some eyebrows but nothing too off to be misconstrued.

Enjoyable and I'm hoping to read more soon.

#7 CyclonerM

    Tina's Warrior

  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • FP Veteran - Beta 2
  • FP Veteran - Beta 2
  • 5,684 posts
  • LocationA 2nd Wolf Guards Grenadiers JumpShip

Posted 28 September 2014 - 05:28 AM

View PostThom Frankfurt, on 27 September 2014 - 07:49 PM, said:

So far so good, especially considering that English is a secondary language. I saw some things that raised some eyebrows but nothing too off to be misconstrued.

Enjoyable and I'm hoping to read more soon.

Thank you. If you do not mind, would you send me a PM pointing these things so i can correct them and do not repeat my mistakes? Thank you :)

#8 CyclonerM

    Tina's Warrior

  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • FP Veteran - Beta 2
  • FP Veteran - Beta 2
  • 5,684 posts
  • LocationA 2nd Wolf Guards Grenadiers JumpShip

Posted 27 October 2014 - 08:03 AM

Chapter 3 in the first post! I know it took a while to finish it, apologies. I hope my story will keep you interested.

FAQ:
Q: It's all good, but i'm not here to read about the life of a student with self-esteem problems. Where are the 'Mech battles?!
A: Soon™

Edited by CyclonerM, 27 October 2014 - 08:04 AM.


#9 Thom Frankfurt

    Member

  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 2,741 posts
  • Google+: Link
  • Facebook: Link
  • LocationSearounders Tavern, Port St. Williams, Coventry

Posted 29 November 2014 - 11:44 PM

Actually disregard all negative remarks from my previous statement. I was up for like 20+ hours when I read your work and well... misread some things. Sorry for any concern, and keep up the good work.

#10 CyclonerM

    Tina's Warrior

  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • FP Veteran - Beta 2
  • FP Veteran - Beta 2
  • 5,684 posts
  • LocationA 2nd Wolf Guards Grenadiers JumpShip

Posted 02 December 2014 - 08:26 AM

View PostThom Frankfurt, on 29 November 2014 - 11:44 PM, said:

Actually disregard all negative remarks from my previous statement. I was up for like 20+ hours when I read your work and well... misread some things. Sorry for any concern, and keep up the good work.

Lol, good to know! :D

Well, a new chapter is almost ready. However, i need a name for a secondary character, and i got an idea to promote my story as well.. :ph34r:

Edited by CyclonerM, 02 December 2014 - 08:26 AM.


#11 CyclonerM

    Tina's Warrior

  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • FP Veteran - Beta 2
  • FP Veteran - Beta 2
  • 5,684 posts
  • LocationA 2nd Wolf Guards Grenadiers JumpShip

Posted 02 December 2014 - 01:10 PM

Chapter 4 is out. I know it is a shorter one, its purpose is just to explain some things and be the first part of the bridge that will link the 1st narrative core to the 2nd one. Or something like that :P

#12 Bishop Steiner

    ForumWarrior

  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • The Hammer
  • The Hammer
  • 47,187 posts
  • Locationclimbing Mt Tryhard, one smoldering Meta-Mech corpse at a time

Posted 04 December 2014 - 08:00 AM

View PostCyclonerM, on 17 September 2014 - 01:01 PM, said:

Greetings! I finally decided to start writing my character's story! There are some *black* holes still waiting to be filled with something believable.. But until then.. The first introductive very short chapter! Please tell me what you think about it. I am not a native English speaker but i find writing in English challenging and interesting. This is the first time i write something like this, so any advice would be very warmy welcomed.

A small note: i love roleplaying and i am trying to fit my real life story within MWO into my RP story. 2013 is 3048, and any reference to real persons, units and events is totally intentional :P

Well, enough talks. Enjoy!
Spoiler

2
Spoiler

3
Spoiler

4:
Spoiler


Notes: the storytelling is getting slow, i know, but i have many ideas and i want to make my story more detailed than it could be as a short story. It may become a novel lol.

Which chapter does Bishop Steiner blow up your mech in his Hunchback?!?!?!! :o



;)

Good stuff, dude.

#13 CyclonerM

    Tina's Warrior

  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • FP Veteran - Beta 2
  • FP Veteran - Beta 2
  • 5,684 posts
  • LocationA 2nd Wolf Guards Grenadiers JumpShip

Posted 04 December 2014 - 01:40 PM

View PostBishop Steiner, on 04 December 2014 - 08:00 AM, said:

Which chapter does Bishop Steiner blow up your mech in his Hunchback?!?!?!! :o

Spoiler

Quote

Good stuff, dude.

And when this comes from Bishop Steiner himself, i am even more honored ;)

I will try to improve in my next chapters.. And i want to write a 'Mech battle, too! Probably i am too influenced by the CBT novels style: lot of politics and dialogues and only some battles.. Good battles though.

Edited by CyclonerM, 04 December 2014 - 01:40 PM.


#14 Harper Steel

    Member

  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • The Dragoon
  • The Dragoon
  • 200 posts
  • Locationwashington state

Posted 10 January 2015 - 04:58 PM

wow
very good please continue :)

#15 CyclonerM

    Tina's Warrior

  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • FP Veteran - Beta 2
  • FP Veteran - Beta 2
  • 5,684 posts
  • LocationA 2nd Wolf Guards Grenadiers JumpShip

Posted 05 May 2015 - 04:21 AM

Finally, chapter 5 is out :D

I apologize, but it is once again a chapter without much action. I am presenting there a new location and a new pretty important secondary character. If the description of the Academy and its surroundings sound like they have been taken straight from Sarna.. The truth is not far from that :P I like to be accurate, so i looked for any info i could find on Epsilon Regiment of the WDs, Andurien, the Academy and the Legionnaires. The brief description on Sarna gave me room to imagine how the regiment was working with Legionnaire officers to "revitalize" the academy, build a base nearby etc.

Now, the good news: preparations are almost over and the next chapters should become more interesting. Intrigue and mistery, and finally some BattleMech training!

P.S. I had to edit a bit the first part of Chapter 2 for continuity reasons. This is what happens when you release part of an unfinished story..

Hope you enjoy, and see you back soon with some 'Mech action!

EDIT: Oh, and before i forget, the tall man's description is actually a reference to the appearance of a pretty important Song of Ice and Fire character.. Guess who he is!

***

Today i felt inspired, and i wrote chapter 6 too! Finally, some Battlemech training! Obviously, it will take so little to become a MechWarrior. Many progressively harder challenges are waiting for Matt .. And soon enough, you will learn the real (and pretty simple) history behind his callsign "Cycloner" :)

Edited by CyclonerM, 05 May 2015 - 11:10 AM.


#16 Tank

    Member

  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Urban Commando
  • Urban Commando
  • 1,202 posts
  • LocationSelling baguettes in K-Town

Posted 05 May 2015 - 11:29 AM

Re red all 5 chapters today. I was din dire need in a good read today and even more for some Battletech fluff - munch more interesting then re-reading topics on Sarna about weapons systems we don't have (you know Periphery primitive kind). :)

Busted academy and ruins - story of my life, wait.. Your story as well! :D

#17 Bill Bullet

    Member

  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Elite Founder
  • Elite Founder
  • 354 posts
  • LocationHiding from the Maskirovka

Posted 08 May 2015 - 09:11 AM

Good stuff, keep it up!

#18 CyclonerM

    Tina's Warrior

  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • FP Veteran - Beta 2
  • FP Veteran - Beta 2
  • 5,684 posts
  • LocationA 2nd Wolf Guards Grenadiers JumpShip

Posted 19 May 2015 - 09:57 AM

Chapter 7 is out. Lot of words, lots of talking, but stuff gets serious too!

..I guess too much talking and too little serious stuff.

However, i wanted to kind of explain what Matt is doing in all these months i am skipping..

Note: from time to time, i may do some small tweaks to previous chapters. For example, I did a ninja edit on chapter 6 to add the sequence about the weapons lock (it did not make sense for the cadets to pilot a 'Mech with active weapons..).

I also have an idea to make it seem more professional: if you people have any question, i will do a Q&A on every update post! :)

I will start with a few question made by myself :P

Q: Radick? "Quiaff"? "Five mechs"? Are you trying to give us hints of something?
A: .. Yes. Definitely. Who knows, this Asher might become an interesting and contradictory character... It will be a test for me as a writer.

Q: Why are you writing so much stuff about this training with the Dragoons? Is it that important for the plot?
A: imho, it is, because it is all part of my character's path and how he developed his basic MechWarrior skills, not to mention the turning point of his story.. But this is still kind of nebolous in my mind. Stay tuned.. And submit any question!





1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users