15 replies to this topic

[Dead Eyes]

Many Sons of Odin pilots are aware of our leaders deep hatred of turrets. Some even debate the possibility that Theus has a far deeper hatred of turrets than for the clanners. I impart the tale that led to this.

Theus's father loved to ski, especially down mountains. Even his name ,Theus, was taken from an ancient commune in the French Alps. The whole family was quite accomplished at the sport . Theus secretly hated skiing.

One day his father announced that they would be taking a family outing to a new, untouched,run. "I think its a triple black diamond with some ruff patches.Should be fun!".His father said. When they landed Theus noted that it did not look fun at all. There was no chairlift, the whole lodge had a cold military feel to it, there was a constant "boom" sound in the distance and strange bits of odd metal everywhere.Even the hot chocolate sucked. He decided to take a walk. The surrounding forest looked like crap. Every third tree was down,snapped at the base. No storm did that! as he looked around he felt like he was being watched. He quickly returned to the lodge.

The next morning he woke to his fathers voice. "Lets do this guys, get your butts down here". Remembering the previous days exploration, a bad feeling started to overcome Theus. As they approached the course he noticed strange tracks.No snow groomer does that! He stopped walking and looked around feeling watched again. His brother and sister ran past him. "hurry up {Richard Cameron}!" said his brother "yeah this is going to be fun" said his sister. Theus looked past them to the top of the first slope. There was a strange object , a structure , at the top. As They neared the plateau he got a better view. It looked like a heavily fortified turret. "that looks like a good place to put our skis on" His mother said. His brother and sister bolted towards it. His mother and father turned and smiled at each other clasping hands and trotted after them. Theus froze. "Coomon Theus" said his dad in the distance."No,Dad , I think thats a heavily fortified turret!": What?!" His father yelled. as the other kids neared the turret it activated changing its angle and targeting his brother first The next two minutes were a blur. The turret fired four laser volleys leaving his family as smoldering ashes, each next to a set of skis. Three seconds later the skis exploded in a hail of missiles. another turret! "You killed my whole family!"Tears in his eyes, he dropped his skis and ran towards the closest turret. As it turned to greet him he heard a sound. Just as the turret fired, a huge metal hulk landed infront of him, shrugging the laser hits off with a little dance. Theus liked dancing. The giant in front of him returned fire. Theus covered his ears as the noise was stupendous. when the noise stopped he looked up. The turrets were smoldering. A giant mechanized war machine looked down at him. in an amplified but very human voice it said "aye,boy,What in Odin's beard are you doing?

"Skiing" Theus replied.The background noise subsided and the mechs shoulders slumped. A cockpit opened to reveal the pilot inside. "turrets killed my family!" said Theus.The pilot looked down at him with cold hollow eyes and nodded. "aye boy they did" then paused , disappeared for a second, returning with a rolled up ladder. Dropping it down he said "come with me if you want to live".

Edited by Dead Eyes, 22 December 2015 - 09:44 PM.

[Alec Braca]

My God....I'm so sorry...I never knew I NEVER KNEW!!

[Theaus]

I can vouchsafe that's as close to how it happened as my shattered mind can remember. I would edit one thing though.

[Valdherre Tor]

I heard turrets killed Theus's bed ridden grandma and also his pregnant wife carrying twins.

[Valdherre Tor]

There are also rumors that the turrets have been working on a time machine to travel to the past and kill Theus's mother before he was born.

[Dead Eyes]

That is a tale for another day.

[Bud Crue]

Just wait until he tells you the story of how a dropship killed all of his childhood pets. Now there is some trauma.

[Alec Braca]

Bud Crue, on 23 December 2015 - 05:01 AM, said:

Just wait until he tells you the story of how a dropship killed all of his childhood pets. Now there is some trauma.

My God...

Edited by Alec Braca, 23 December 2015 - 07:32 AM.

[Lily from animove]

R.I.P family, praise turrets our new overlords!!!

Edited by Lily from animove, 23 December 2015 - 07:36 AM.

[Windscape]

dropships killed my puppies!
(you think Theaus would say that?)

personally i like to say that missile boats killed my family

[Edward Thatch]

The REAL story of Theaus's Turret Hatred

The Fourth Succession War had ended in 3040. Many of the house and mercenary units had been shot up pretty bad and needed rest and refitting. It was no surprise that Kooken's Pleasure Pit was a prime destination for a lot of us. I had just finished a stint with the Grave Walkers on Apollo and like most of my unit buddies had a wad of cash and time on my hands with the stand down at war's end. We took up residence in one of the Pleasure Pit bawdy houses. I'll never forget the day of the accident...
Seems young Theaus's grandpap had seen enough fighting for a lifetime. He took the family, including our young Theaus, on a family outing to the Pit. A questionable choice of recreational venues one might say but grandpappy had a specific goal in mind for our young lad and felt his 'education' in worldly matters might be furthered on the Pit.
Now you have to understand, the war just barely over, there had been military activity on every planet for the most part and equipment was being removed hastily to restore a semblance of normalcy. Only hard and fast rule on the Pit: visitors to Koonen's Pleasure Pit were restricted to the cities and approved locations only. To stray off the reservation as it were meant you left planetside in one big hurry.
Steiner had spared no expense in placing defensive units on Kooken's Pleasure Pit, one of those defensive units was the fully automated laser turret, derived from the Fed Comm 'Calliope turret', these units came with two extended range large lasers sacrificing the medium pulse and long range missile modules. Instead these laser turrets came with LIDAR/RADAR, UV and ultrasonic detectors, driven by a surface generator with hard wiring, they were dangerous in the extreme and fairly large, massing several tons but easily movable with proper equipment. Mech pilots despise turrets and were favorite aerospace pilot targets.
There was a caravan of Uni-cargomechs moving a demilled load of turrets through the city one fine afternoon. I had just awoken from the nights debauchery and the cacophony of sounds from the haulers pulling into town was a tad much for my hung over hearing. Story goes that young Theaus was just emerging from his educational studies at a reputable cathouse awaiting the arrival of his family in a rented Neo-Pinto on their way to the waterslide. No one knows for sure what happened next, but the family pulled up close behind a hauler tailgate looking for a proper parking space when one of the turrets shifted position on the hauler bed breaking it's tie-downs, slipped off the hauler and made a more compact compact Neo-Pinto with Theaus's family inside the car. Sure made a fine mess of that Ford, had to hose the occupants off the street...
That's why Theaus hates turrets.... because turrets did indeed "kill my whole family."

Edited by Edward Thatch, 23 December 2015 - 04:17 PM.

[nehebkau]

Just don't ask Theaus about his prized herd of sheep and the LRM turret...It will break your heart. Bits of sheep flying through the air with disembodied 'baaaaarrrgh' and fluffy with tufts burning as they floated to the ground. Its no wonder he is so messed up.

To this day he can't look at wool sweater without tearing up.

Edited by nehebkau, 23 December 2015 - 07:16 PM.

[Edward Thatch]

Stuff and nonsense...Theaus uses sheep for missiles. One good splat on a cockpit windscreen and the clanners are blind. After all, have you seen a windshield wiper module?

[XenoPig]

Always a smile on my face when dropping with Theaus! Wouldn't feel the same in CW without his infamous quotes, you all know the ones I mean

"Chop 'em up!" ....."Shoot them in the face, nothing but face"......"Keep killing, keep murdering, murder 'em all"

Classic.

I always thought it was the second turret on the grassy knoll that took out his family

[nehebkau]

The Grassy knoll turret was the one that took out his Great Aunt Clara. She was the one who would always bring him cookies after church on Sunday.

[Ulfgar Snorrison]

My chief's feelings in this matter are clear and understandable. Let's lift another horn in memory of his family. But I think turrets are not evil, just misunderstood. It's a little known fact that I was raised in the wilderness by a pack of wild turrets. Some may turn on you but others will protect you and keep you safe. Now their numbers are diminishing and soon there may be no turrets left at all. Oh what a sad day that would....darn! My horn's empty again. Must be that hole in the top of it! You...lass. Come and fill my horn. And what's your name. You are a pretty little thing aren't you? What do you mean I'm old enough to be your grandfather? Oh well..where was I. Oh yeah....mommy and daddy mechs get married and...okay I got it. So you see, Timmy, THAT;s where light mechs come from. Now more mead!

Edited by Ulfgar Snorrison, 01 January 2016 - 07:25 PM.