Salesman Pitch for the Awesome
Posted 02 April 2012 - 10:46 AM
Stop. Put down everything you were doing and pay close attention, because I've got some news for you.
That's right, MechWarrior Online just released a mech that's Awesome. And I'm not saying Awesome with a capital "A" just because I feel like it, this mech is actually called the Awesome. And with good reason too. I mean, look at it. It's gorgeous. What we have right here is a 80 ton, beautiful piece of MILP (Mech I'd Like to Pilot).
First of all, it has 3 PPCs. What is a PPC you ask? A PPC is a 7 ton I-will-****-your-****-up cannon that shoots blue lightning and death. You don't want your mech to be hit by this thing. It will frazzle your HUD display, melt your armor, and decorate you with an aftershock of blue sizzling that will leave your mech lit up like a Christmas tree. Not convinced. Check this video.
Bored? Skip to 3:57. Stop. Rewind, watch it again. That, right there, my friend, is an authentic, live-action PPC in action. See how much **** it ***** up? This mech doesn't have one PPC. It doesn't even have two PPCs. No, it sports 3 full up PPCs, and can fire them all at once. You see that blue glow in the barrels of this mech's weapons? That's not jet exhaust from some sci-fi passenger car. That's the afterglow from firing 3 PPCs.
How much damage exactly does a PPC do? Well, let's do some maths. The Gauss Rifle, considered the most OP weapon in the game, does about as much damage as one and a half PPCs. It weighs 15 tons. A PPC weighs 7 tons. So for just 21 tons of slot space, this mech deals as much damage in one alpha strike as two Gauss Rifles. And guess what? The PPC doesn't use ammo, so you can keep ******* **** up long after that dual-gauss-rifle-toting enemy mech is out of juice. The downside? The PPC makes lots of heat, and heat is bad for your mech because it shuts you down. But guess what? This is an Inner Sphere mech so heat don't matter! KEEP FIRING THOSE LAZORS!!!
Alright. I've talked enough about the PPC. What else does this mech have? One small laser. That may not seem terribly useful, but guess what? Any tank driver or jet pilot who thinks they can come close and strafe you and force you to waste a PPC shot on them can SUCK IT and eat a small laser shot to the face instead! That's right, this mech has the **** you need!
Armor? Speed? This is an assault mech for crying out loud! Of course it has more armor to keep you safe than any other mech released in MechWarriors Online so far this side of the Atlas! As for speed, this thing gets its speed upgraded so much later on that it'll make heavy mech pilots think twice about running away. Think you can outrun this mech, Catapult Pilot? NOPE! As for medium and light mechs, they can run all they want, they're still gonna eat those 3 PPCs.
And against other assault mechs? Well, let's take the Atlas. In its original layout, it has one fuckyourshitup Autocannon/20 of death, a few missiles, and some medium-sized lazors. THAT STILL DOESN'T MATCH 3 PPCs!!! And guess what? This mech comes in ALL DIFFERENT COLORS! You can choose from the blue fist or the purple eagle pictured here or the black dragon in the red circle or that sword on the sun background that belongs to the country that I told you about but you probably don't remember but whatever color this mech is painted it will STILL LOOK AWESOME!!! So stop whatever Armored Core or Zone of the Enders you've been playing and brush up on your Mechwarrior skills, because when this mech steps out onto the battlefield, you'd better PRAY that you're the one sitting in its cockpit!
Posted 02 April 2012 - 11:09 AM
Posted 02 April 2012 - 11:13 AM
Posted 02 April 2012 - 11:14 AM
It was like the Mr. Horse of assault 'Mechs.
Edited by syngyne, 02 April 2012 - 11:15 AM.
Posted 02 April 2012 - 11:18 AM
Awesome style of writing. Laughed a lot. Keep the work up
Edited by Romeox, 02 April 2012 - 11:20 AM.
Posted 02 April 2012 - 12:25 PM
They can make PPCs very hot in compensation, but they're supposed to be nasty weapons, so I want to see them act that way.
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