41 replies to this topic

[3xnihilo]

The Life of an Assault Pilot

One mech, two mech
Red mech, blue mech
This one bears the Davion sword
This one follows Blake's word
Look over there in Charlie three
Is that a Daishi that I see?
And there in bravo seven
Send that Urbanmech to heaven
What's this on my mini-map
Is that a locust behind my back?
I saw his dorito bright and red
But that's all folks 'cause now I'm dead!

-Dr. Zeus

The Locust

I like this mech it's small and quick.
You'll like it too if you keep your wit.
I like this mech it's small and fast.
But you won't laugh as I run past
And six small pulse lasers toast your. . . leg.
That's why the locust is a plague.
I like this mech, this mech can zoom.
Look out or this mech will cause your doom.
Because this mech can gun, this mech can run.
Yes gun and run and run and gun
Right by a streak crow, boy this mech is . . .
BOOM!

-Dr. Zeus

Spider 5v

I am willing to bet That you have never yet
Met a mech that jumps like this mech jets.
Count the jump jets 1, 2, 3
How many jump jets do I see?
4,5,6,7
8,9,10,
Does he have 11?
No, he has 12. I am here to tell
He can reach the top of the Citadel.
But wait, oh this is sad.
You see this mech is very bad.
While other mechs have weapons 4 or 5
6, 7, 8, or 9,
This one has only two.
Stuck inside where there's no room
For more than lasers medium or small.
So no one wants him. None at all.

-Dr. Zeus

Commandos

If you would like to know
How fast the fastest mech can go.
Then I think that you should know
That you should go commando.
They are not big, they are not strong.
But don't you get this mech wrong.
With a speed of one seventy-one
This mech is sure a lot of fun.
No, oh no, don't let them fool you
Or those srm's are sure to ruin you.
And with their weapons in their arms
Their enemies are never safe from harm.
Just don't stop, 'cause if you do
Dual guass rifles will ruin you.

-Dr. Zeus

[3xnihilo]

Should You Happen upon a Stormcrow

Should you happen upon a stormcrow,
The best advice I have I give you:
Turn away and quietly go.
Before that crow can abuse you.
Unless you are in a firestarter.
In which case your odds are better,
Because to hit you is much harder.
You should flank that crow and leg her.
I bet you can guess what follows.
The stormcrow will find it hard to swallow.

-Dr. Zeus

The Hunchback

The hunchback's hunch can pack a punch
And I am sure you will like this mech a bunch.
Yes, the hunchie's hunch is punchy.
The hunchback's hunch packs
AC's, Gauss, and lasers.
And tears up any foe it faces.
But the problem with a hunchback
Is if your foe should choose to punch back
The hunchie's hunch is the first to go.
So an XL engine is a no no.
If an enemy should suddenly appear
There's no need to shake with fear.
Just show them your left side,
Then turn and punch them with the hunch side.

-Dr. Zeus

[Neutron IX]

Now, if you can get these published in pop-up book format, I'll know what to get the kids for Christmas...

[3xnihilo]

Rip Snorgan, on 03 May 2015 - 09:23 AM, said:

Now, if you can get these published in pop-up book format, I'll know what to get the kids for Christmas...

Haha I need to find an illustrator!

Ps. My 3 boys think they are hilarious but my daughter just rolls her eyes at me

Edited by 3xnihilo, 03 May 2015 - 07:19 PM.

[3xnihilo]

The Nameless Clanner

Once there was a little man.
He came from the inside of a can.
Because he belonged to a clan.
To win a blood name was his dream.
That he might pass along his genes,
Into the future yet unseen.
So he called for the trial
To father children in a vial.
Alas, a failure, the ultimate denial.
His head hangs lowly now in shame.
For he forever will remain
The clanner who never earned his name.

- Dr. Zeus

Edited by 3xnihilo, 06 May 2015 - 07:16 PM.

[Neutron IX]

While excellent in form, that one is less appealing for the "pop-up book" format. Maybe it can be published as a fortune cookie fortune?

[3xnihilo]

Rip Snorgan, on 06 May 2015 - 07:29 PM, said:

While excellent in form, that one is less appealing for the "pop-up book" format. Maybe it can be published as a fortune cookie fortune?

Nah, it works it just needs to be done discreetly. Page one is a Campbell's soup can labelled Can-O-Clan. Page two is just a big Ghost Bear (or whatever clan) emblem. Page three is a big boot and a little guy flying up off the page. Page four is a guy staring forlornly at an empty can of Can-O-Clan.

Edited by 3xnihilo, 07 May 2015 - 01:40 PM.

[3xnihilo]

My Little Urbie

I have a little Urbie,
He is short and rather round.
His resemblance to a trash can
Is really quite profound.
He may not be the fastest mech
But with this he will astound,
The might of his small laser
And the size of his AC round.
No don't forget the Urbie
So short and slow and squat.
He will reign victorious
And the others they will not.

- Dr. Zeus

[3xnihilo]

Caustic Valley

I do not know which way to go
So I'll go right, around this hill.
This does not work, my mech is slow
So the enemy I do not find
Instead they catch me from behind.
Their light mechs scramble to and fro
And then I die without a kill.
'Round the caldera my friends they go,
But that I am gone they do not know.
One by one from near to far,
My teammates die, and I know why.
This is not a game of NASCAR.

-Dr. Zeus

[3xnihilo]

Cicada 2A (c)

Now look at this one put on a show.
He is fast like light mechs go!
But here's the thing that you must know,
He's just legs and a center torso.
Although this mech is hardly meta,
It's hard to argue with six lasers.
With pew, pew, pew, it's see you later!
This is my champion Cicada.

-Dr. Zeus

[kosmos1214]

i love these keep it up

[3xnihilo]

kosmos1214, on 13 June 2015 - 12:56 PM, said:

i love these keep it up

Thank you! Any special requests? I have slowed down a bit since I have written about all of my most used mechs. Might hit shadowhawks next or the sparky. Hmm. . . My jumpjets set me aloft, if you look at me wrong my arms fall off. . .

[kosmos1214]

well sense you asked would you do the first mech i ever bought the kintaro 18
sorry if im making it hard

[3xnihilo]

My very favorite trial mech I will work on it.

[3xnihilo]

Kintaro-18

Of all the sights I've ever seen
None compares to the KTO-18.
From the mountains, across the plain
This is the one that brings the rain.
When the missiles lock, the enemy shudders.
Then run and scream and search for cover.
Down in the ground they try to burrow
To get away from this Kintaro.
But there are times, and they are plenty,
When the enemy are many
And no one on your team taps "R",
So without a target, there you are.
But without fear your own locks you chase,
And with your lurms you still wreck face.
But don't expect the respect your due,
Just a "get good, LRM noob."

Yes the KTO rains and reigns
From the hills, across the plains.
Still there are some intrepid pilots
Who prefer to see the OpFor's eyelids.
These equip some srms
So they can really stick it to 'em.
With a big xl off they race
So the foe, their wrath will taste.
In a fury the Kintaro mauls
And maims the enemy as he brawls.
Until dual gauss pop a torso
And the KTO is no more, so
In a heap our hero falls
The end has come folks, that is all.

-Dr. Zeus

Edited by 3xnihilo, 14 June 2015 - 07:32 PM.

[Sereglach]

Well, since you're taking requests:

Although the animated movie comes to mind, I imagine: "What's this weird mech, this MAD-CAT?" to the theme of "You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch"

Along the same lines, but more book themed, from "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas" is born "The Tech Loss After Exodus".

Oh, and these are incredible, by the way. I get a great kick out of them. I appreciate the effort you're putting into these.

Edited by Sereglach, 14 June 2015 - 07:26 PM.

[3xnihilo]

Thank you Sereglach... I am now at work nailing plywood on a roof singing to myself:

You're a mean one Mr. Mech
You're a really nasty guy
You have missiles in your ears
And Ac's by your side
Mr. Mech!


There is more but I will have to finish when I get home

Continued:
Yes you're a bad one Mr. Mech
You really are a pain!
You're too fast to be a heavy,
The laser vomit it's insane.
Mr. Mech!

You make me angry, Mr. Mech.
In battle you're far too tough!
To me your just a Madcat
To your friends a Timberwolf.
Mr. Mech!
I'm sorry I ever met ya,
Stay the heck away from Terra
Defy me I just Dare Ya!
Mr. Mech!

(Music fades)

I should have listened to the song first to get it all right, but this worked in my head

Edited by 3xnihilo, 15 June 2015 - 02:22 PM.

[kosmos1214]

thank you /crys its so beautiful

[3xnihilo]

kosmos1214, on 15 June 2015 - 12:27 PM, said:

thank you /crys its so beautiful

Glad you like it

[3xnihilo]

Sparky

The Sparky stands so tall and proud,
With PPC's that crackle aloud.
But watch out because you tower over
The trees and rocks and little sheds
So use the wings upon your shoulders
To protect your torsos and your head.
Yes you have wings and you can fly
With jump jets that hold you aloft.
But be aware when the enemy walks by
Those winged arms will fall off
And two guns are all you will have left.
So, don't cry and shake or call on Blake
Don't waste those shots for goodness sake.
Take care, take aim, and send that bad guy to his death.

-Dr. Zeus