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How Not To Do Coronvirus Self Isoltion


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#1 Kalimaster

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Posted 02 March 2020 - 02:47 PM

The isolation period for the Coronvirus is 14 days. Sounds great, unless:

Day One: You have all your goodies, and put on a "Walking Dead" T-shirt. You decide that you won't need to take a shower for a few days to conserve upon water and you pop in a DVD.

Day Two: Everything is going great.

Day Three: There is a knock on your door. You don't know who was there, but just incase they have the virus you tape the door shut.

Day Four: You are watching the DVD for a third time. You think it will help the boring factor upon the third view so you light up a joint and get a case of the munchies.

Day Five: In the morning you discover, you ate all your food. It's only a few more days and you can go back out. Your still stuffed from yesterday.

Day Six: Your starting to get hungry again. You tell yourself you can make it. You find that the DVD makes an excellent Frisbee as you try not to think about the walls closing in on you.

Day Seven: Your getting really hungry now, and you nearly clogged the toilet after an hour of sitting upon your royal throne. You look over at "Chucky", your pet hamser. Not enough meat.

Day Eight: Even if you had any bread left, you love Chucky, but keep wondering what he would taste like with ketchup. You drink the ketchup out of frustration.

Day Nine: You are desperate now for food. Hamser food never tasted so good. At least you didn't eat Chucky.

Day Ten: OMG, you swear you will never eat Hamser food again. Your stomach is playing Hell with you, and after the horn in your blue jeans sounds, you strike your lighter to keep from choking to death on your own fumes. Small jets of flame erupt, roasting off one eye brow and a good portion of your hair.

Day Eleven: Your fingers hurt. You never knew that Chucky would bite. Guess he is mad at you for eating all his food, or maybe he is carnivorous, and is looking at you with those cute little beady eyes of his wondering how much mustard it would take to cover you.

Day Twelve: This morning Chuck has escaped from his cage. You know he is plotting to nibble your toes off. He already chewed through the phone cable and internet connection cutting you off from help. You don't dare sleep.

Day Thirteen: You know that little bugger is just waiting for you to take a snooze. Your starving, and it's him or you, but you have no idea where he went. Your eyes are now bloodshot, and look like your out of some horror movie. You go to get some water, but nothing comes out of the tap because you forgot to pay your bill. You take some outdated cold medicine hoping you will fill better and you break out into blisters because of an allergic reaction. You itch everywhere, and you try not to scratch yourself so you tear at your clothes trying not to scream in agony. For a moment you almost fell asleep and then you wake up after hearing something. There Chucky over on the coffee table, peeing on your list of phone numbers. He runs, you never knew he was so fast. You know he is trying to torment you now, before he comes out of no where to chew your ears off. You bandage your ears to protect them just in case.

Day Fourteen: You rip off the duct tape from around the door, and head out into the hall with shreds of tape clinging to you. The apartment manager is walking down the hall bearing a cheeseburger. your eyes bulge and you stumble towards him, unable to complete a simple word. You drool all over the place and he runs screaming, still clutching the cheeseburger. You stumble into McDonalds, good thing too as a horde of National Guard Troops begin to scramble towards the door behind you.

Edited by Kalimaster, 02 March 2020 - 02:49 PM.


#2 LordNothing

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Posted 02 March 2020 - 09:19 PM

you should have just played minecraft. because you have to sleep and eat to avoid dying, it easily replaces the real world equivalents. im convinced that barring anything that might deprive you of electricity, internet access, and shelter, you can play that game until you starve to death while hallucinating from sleep deprivation. it came in handy for my most recent bug.

ive been down with rsv, a nasty respiratory virus, a month later and im still coughing up goo. its also really contagious, and especially harmful to babies, children and the elderly. its a lovely thing being such a harbinger of doom. anyway i think i left the house 4 times last month, and 2 of those were to the doctor. the third was when i went shopping, which happened before it got bad when i still thought it was just a cold. the fourth was where mom dragged me off to one of the local events, the kind attended to by mothers with young children and old people and which single 20-30 somethings avoid like the plague. i normally can duck out of those, but i own mom one for spotting my last purchase at the local marijuana dispensary, and im technically a caregiver so its kind of my job (id be more enthusiastic if i actually got paid, but i like half assing my way through life). so i probably managed to infect everyone that showed up. enjoy your virus.

now that washington has it its only a matter of time till we get it up here in alaska. especially since my town hires a lot of migrant workers from the seattle area during fishing season. maybe they will have the vaccine completed by then. but we all know the pharma companies are going to sit on it in an effort to increase the demand, then claim they are having problems meeting that demand, and thus hike the price because "scarcity". meanwhile insurance companies are looking at ways to avoid paying for it.

Edited by LordNothing, 02 March 2020 - 09:20 PM.


#3 Kalimaster

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Posted 04 March 2020 - 10:19 AM

Dude, hope you get feeling better. Watch out for "Chucky", he might be under the couch.

#4 LordNothing

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Posted 05 March 2020 - 10:29 PM

View PostKalimaster, on 04 March 2020 - 10:19 AM, said:

Dude, hope you get feeling better. Watch out for "Chucky", he might be under the couch.


the cats will make short work of him.

i think im on the tail end of it, but its still not completely out of my system yet. at least i can be a stealth ninja carrier now.

Edited by LordNothing, 05 March 2020 - 10:33 PM.


#5 Kalimaster

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Posted 06 March 2020 - 08:16 AM

Have you seen your cat lately?

Posted Image

#6 MTier Slayed Up

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Posted 06 March 2020 - 09:59 AM

Have any of you tried washing your hands?

#7 Kalimaster

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Posted 07 March 2020 - 07:37 AM

You know, depending upon where you live, washing your hands isn't safe either. Posted Image

#8 LordNothing

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Posted 07 March 2020 - 04:16 PM

View PostKalimaster, on 06 March 2020 - 08:16 AM, said:

Have you seen your cat lately?

Posted Image


yep, they need to go on a weight loss program. when i die, they are going to eat me, and i wouldn't put it beyond them to hurry along the process.

View PostDrtyDshSoap, on 06 March 2020 - 09:59 AM, said:

Have any of you tried washing your hands?


im starting to like being a harbinger of doom.

Edited by LordNothing, 07 March 2020 - 04:18 PM.


#9 Swamp Ass MkII

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Posted 20 April 2020 - 10:27 PM

Become a truck driver! Fresh air, with this virus, no rush hour, for the most part. Dude, I drove through Washington DC a couple weeks ago... It took 1 hour 15 minutes at 9 am!!! That's normally a 4 hour run to go 65 miles! Ok, anyhoot... I happened to start looking arround and noticed the weirdest thing!

The damn sky was BLUE!!! Yes, it was BLUE!!!
There are no, I mean NONE of the airplane steaks accross the sky...
And traffic, well, I was able to do 65 the whole way through DC... w00t!

My prespective, this can go on for years!!! haha!!!

PS: I live in Texas!

#10 LordNothing

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Posted 21 April 2020 - 10:21 AM

im alaskan and we can do without the tourists. we still got the migrant workers that the fishing industry brings in. there is nothing in this town but we have four processing plants and a small fleet of fishing boats. the seasonal nature of fishing means that you cant just wait for the virus to go away because you lose a whole season's profits. that or you can pay double for your fillet o fish (aka crimes against seafood).

Edited by LordNothing, 21 April 2020 - 10:22 AM.


#11 Kalimaster

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Posted 21 April 2020 - 11:41 AM

I must admit the air quality in places such as L.A. have improved. Who Knew? ...lol





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