Jump to content

The Covid-19 T.p. Insanity


29 replies to this topic

#1 Kalimaster

    Member

  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Shredder
  • Shredder
  • 3,811 posts
  • LocationInside the Mech that just fired LRM's at you

Posted 27 March 2020 - 07:20 AM

With the COVID-19 outbreak, people have gone nuts over toilet paper. Here we are, trying to deal with a world wide illness, and the first thing people think about is nature's exit. Now I'm sure that some practical joker has tossed a roll onto the table during a late night poker game amid the bills. Perhaps a GM might have added a little extra for a bit of fun as a party raids a Dragon's Lair; "You find 700 gold, 900 silver, and 200 rolls of Bounty Toilet Paper."

(BOON, you might want to take a moment and catch your breath, I'm just starting with the Jokes.).

I would love to see the face of some mob boss as one of his men come back from a protection run and a couple of roll o Quilted Northern fall out of the sack - "I'm Sorry Boss, but that's all they had.".

I doubt that a bank robber would be cheering that "He's Rich", after cracking the vault and finding it stuffed with Smart Value.

Still people have gone nuts over the stuff. I heard about one lady charging her neighbor a roll of T.P. for running them to the store. Perhaps this is changing society some.
-Lost Dog, reward 4 rolls.
-Will work for Scotts.

In days past, the joke was "Got Milk." Today it's "Got Toilet Paper.".

Aunt Marge is going to have to change her will, or at least update it. "To Jake, I leave 300 rolls of the plushy stuff. To Magie I leave 200 rolls of extra soft. To Edward I leave 1 roll of the cheap stuff."

But the real insanity are those who grab as much as they can. In one purchase they snag thousands of rolls. Even if they use one roll a day, that's years worth of T.P., and they still need more. Some of these people have freaked out over COVID-19, claiming that it's the end of the world. Why are they so worried about it - it's not like they can take it with them, even if it is Angel Soft. As a gamer I know that the boatman is not going to accept 2-ply. For some reason I don't think that even if we all reach the pearly gates the first thing Saint Peter's going to say is "Butt Check!".

#2 LordNothing

    Member

  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Ace Of Spades
  • Ace Of Spades
  • 16,734 posts

Posted 27 March 2020 - 02:38 PM

this reminds me of that episode of m*a*s*h where their supply lines are cut thus depriving the 4077 of toilet paper, heating fuel and shuttlecocks. i dont remember exactly how it goes, even though ive watched the whole series no fewer than 20 times.

newspaper is going for $2 a page.
are they burning that too?
not right away.

#3 K O Z A K

    Member

  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 2,322 posts
  • LocationTrue North Strong and Free

Posted 27 March 2020 - 06:27 PM

1 person in a store sneezes, 10 people around them **** themselves, what is so hard to understand

#4 Blood Rose

    Member

  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Knight Errant
  • 989 posts
  • LocationHalf a mile away in a Gausszilla

Posted 28 March 2020 - 04:17 AM

One lady at my local Sainsbury's purchased 260 rolls on the first day of the panic. Assuming normal use of one roll/week (the outset of rapid use in a 3 - 4 person family) that is enough to last about four and a half years. It really is madness, but at least they will be well stocked when the apocalypse comes. I wont have to raid a fortified supermarket for supplies of the soft stuff, just wait a week until the boomers up the road starve to death then help myself to all the bogroll I could ever want.

#5 B0oN

    Member

  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 2,870 posts

Posted 28 March 2020 - 03:10 PM

<3, Kali !

We had the exact same thing going on 2 weeks ago ... was hilarious .
My brother and me were cracking really dirty jokes loudly when passing by those panicked sheep with their mountains of toilet paper in their shoppingcarts .

"Why do they need so much toiletpaper ?"
"Maybe they start puking as soon as they see each other, hey I don´t know"
"Extreme perma wankers, maybe ?"
"Hmmm, could be ... but they´re missing the crucial stuff then ."
"Errrr?"
"Lubricant, you slowpoke, sheesh"

And even worse stuff than that .
One of the storeclerks had a hearty laugh about one of those when refilling a shelf right next to us, right before greeting us .

The worst one I´ve witnessed those past 2 weeks so far was a lady at about 40 years with 3 shopping carts full of everything, not just TP ... but she wore brown pants so I wasn´t quite sure if she already did the crap-a-loo fandango or she just wanted to be extremely prepared for the zombie apocalypse .

#6 LordNothing

    Member

  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Ace Of Spades
  • Ace Of Spades
  • 16,734 posts

Posted 29 March 2020 - 12:15 AM

they might just be scalping the stuff. buy at the store, and sell for $20 a roll. will be amusing when collera makes a comeback because of lackluster sanitation.

#7 B0oN

    Member

  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 2,870 posts

Posted 29 March 2020 - 01:42 AM

View PostLordNothing, on 29 March 2020 - 12:15 AM, said:

they might just be scalping the stuff. buy at the store, and sell for $20 a roll. will be amusing when collera makes a comeback because of lackluster sanitation.

Oh boy, that totally hits in the same vein as my most used saying nowadays when I ask somebody how they are doing in "these times of mental pestilence and moral cholera", stolen straight from a book title from Paulo Coelhá iirc

When calling my mom to check on her with that phrase, she had a laughter attack for a minute and a half ...

#8 latinisator

    Member

  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Ace Of Spades
  • Ace Of Spades
  • 561 posts
  • LocationGermany

Posted 29 March 2020 - 02:29 AM

View PostB0oN, on 29 March 2020 - 01:42 AM, said:

When calling my mom to check on her with that phrase, she had a laughter attack for a minute and a half ...

Are you sure it was laughing and not Corona-coughing? Posted Image Posted Image
On a serious note: everybody stay safe and sane (at least the last is, I have to admit, quite challenging in our times of mental pestilence and moral cholera)! LLAP

#9 LordNothing

    Member

  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Ace Of Spades
  • Ace Of Spades
  • 16,734 posts

Posted 29 March 2020 - 02:02 PM

View PostB0oN, on 29 March 2020 - 01:42 AM, said:

Oh boy, that totally hits in the same vein as my most used saying nowadays when I ask somebody how they are doing in "these times of mental pestilence and moral cholera", stolen straight from a book title from Paulo Coelhá iirc

When calling my mom to check on her with that phrase, she had a laughter attack for a minute and a half ...


i said it once and il say it again, the real virus is humans.

#10 LordNothing

    Member

  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Ace Of Spades
  • Ace Of Spades
  • 16,734 posts

Posted 29 March 2020 - 02:13 PM

View Postlatinisator, on 29 March 2020 - 02:29 AM, said:

Are you sure it was laughing and not Corona-coughing? Posted Image Posted Image
On a serious note: everybody stay safe and sane (at least the last is, I have to admit, quite challenging in our times of mental pestilence and moral cholera)! LLAP


im kind of a shut in already. so when the virus hit i didn't notice the difference. of course i haven't gone shopping yet and thats going to suck.

#11 Rorik Thrumsalr

    Member

  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 184 posts
  • LocationUnited States

Posted 30 March 2020 - 09:27 AM

Yeah, someone got busted about 30km south of me for scalping TP. They purchased enough to fill their 20'x20'x10' garage almost completely to to the top.

All the panic did was make things worse...and it's completely convinced me that people (plural) are idiots.

#12 LordNothing

    Member

  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Ace Of Spades
  • Ace Of Spades
  • 16,734 posts

Posted 31 March 2020 - 03:25 PM

thank lucifer! i was able to acquire a 12 roll pack of scott. this should last our household 3 months with appropriate rationing.

Edited by LordNothing, 31 March 2020 - 03:26 PM.


#13 Kalimaster

    Member

  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Shredder
  • Shredder
  • 3,811 posts
  • LocationInside the Mech that just fired LRM's at you

Posted 03 April 2020 - 07:55 AM

Do you think they will hold a Memorial Service for the truck load of T.P. that crashed and burned?

When someone starts to stockpile T.P., just tell them to grab a neighbors cat for a moment. They are self cleaning and reusable.

#14 LordNothing

    Member

  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Ace Of Spades
  • Ace Of Spades
  • 16,734 posts

Posted 03 April 2020 - 04:25 PM

View PostKalimaster, on 03 April 2020 - 07:55 AM, said:

Do you think they will hold a Memorial Service for the truck load of T.P. that crashed and burned?

When someone starts to stockpile T.P., just tell them to grab a neighbors cat for a moment. They are self cleaning and reusable.


well they are that but it can be rather abrasive. but its spring and if you live in the sticks foliage abounds. just dont use the devils club. needless to say the scot is now in the gun safe under lock, key and armed guard. you cant get a roll without filling out a bunch of request forms, show proof of your last week's tp usage, and sacrificing a $20 bill to my marijuana fund.

#15 B0oN

    Member

  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 2,870 posts

Posted 04 April 2020 - 01:36 AM

View PostLordNothing, on 03 April 2020 - 04:25 PM, said:


well they are that but it can be rather abrasive. but its spring and if you live in the sticks foliage abounds. just dont use the devils club. needless to say the scot is now in the gun safe under lock, key and armed guard. you cant get a roll without filling out a bunch of request forms, show proof of your last week's tp usage, and sacrificing a $20 bill to my marijuana fund.


So much <3 for this ... laughing me arse off !

#16 I R S

    Rookie

  • The Bludgeon
  • The Bludgeon
  • 1 posts
  • LocationWashington, D.C.

Posted 05 April 2020 - 11:29 PM

F

#17 Kalimaster

    Member

  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Shredder
  • Shredder
  • 3,811 posts
  • LocationInside the Mech that just fired LRM's at you

Posted 10 April 2020 - 09:14 AM

I would like to point out that the face masks are intended to prevent you for spraying out a bit of nasty, but they don't protect your eyes from anything.

And what is it about Going to Church where hundreds of people are, when everything else is closed up. Kinda defeats the purpose huh?

#18 Biomechtric

    Member

  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • Bad Company
  • 123 posts

Posted 10 April 2020 - 02:40 PM

View PostKalimaster, on 10 April 2020 - 09:14 AM, said:

I would like to point out that the face masks are intended to prevent you for spraying out a bit of nasty, but they don't protect your eyes from anything.

And what is it about Going to Church where hundreds of people are, when everything else is closed up. Kinda defeats the purpose huh?

Yea, kinda like locking down an entire country & then allowing plane loads in from other countries without any checks at all. Go UK! Just outstanding!?!

#19 LordNothing

    Member

  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Ace Of Spades
  • Ace Of Spades
  • 16,734 posts

Posted 10 April 2020 - 04:57 PM

cat reprimanded for destroying 30+ sheets. this is going to be a long several months.

#20 LordNothing

    Member

  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Ace Of Spades
  • Ace Of Spades
  • 16,734 posts

Posted 10 April 2020 - 05:17 PM

View PostKalimaster, on 10 April 2020 - 09:14 AM, said:

I would like to point out that the face masks are intended to prevent you for spraying out a bit of nasty, but they don't protect your eyes from anything.

And what is it about Going to Church where hundreds of people are, when everything else is closed up. Kinda defeats the purpose huh?


im surprised the flagellants haven't made a comeback. and wheres the guy in a bird suit telling me to bring out my dead. worst plague ever, i want my money back.

Edited by LordNothing, 10 April 2020 - 05:18 PM.






1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users