SPencil, on 28 March 2013 - 03:01 PM, said:
Tims is delicious...and btw buddy, I too am in the 'peg
No matter if I go buy coffee at Tims or make it myself, I like my coffee like I like my metal:
BLACK!!!!
\m/ >____< \m/
Dude, you are seriously, like, the coolest coffee drinker I know, now. That plays MW:O. Other than me. Yeah.
Ok, in all seriousness, a couple things. First off, Tim Hortons. I know it's somehow the Canadian love child of a convenience store and Mecca. I'm toward the south end of Idaho, and I don't own a car, but at this point after hearin' all you Canadians talk about it in such a tone of voice I'd have normally thought was reserved only for religion and good sex (or both - those two cross easier than some suspect.
) I figure at some point I'll have to wander northish and see what the hell this is all about. Anf maybe buy some coffee too.
Which, hey, brings me back to the good stuff. Black. Frikkin' blacker than SIN, that is how I like it. So dark I might end up farting BATS. So blackened it pulls in the sunlight around it and doesn't let it escape. And a few spoonfuls of sugar too but otherwise, DARKER THAN THE HEART OF A BLACK HOLE. And strong too. It's gotta not only suck the sunlight in, it's gotta kill it and eat it, too. So strong I could degrease a diesel engine with it. Strong enough to cauterize a snake bite, dive in and strangle the venom, too. So I get whole beans from a good shop, grind the blighters into fine powder each morning, and pack them tight into a simple Mr Coffee which tells me that what I call one cuppa joe is actually more than 3 of "it's" cups. BAH! So I drink two of mine. Whole pot o' coffee in one morning, and that's my average day - three of MY mugs if my a** is dragging more than usual.
The beans can't be Starbucks, either, NO. Only one thing that Starbucks is good for, and that's to mess with 'em. I'll walk in, wait in line, pretend to look at the menu, then ask for 6 shots of espresso in a cup. Now, USUALLY, this will end up in me bein' stuck at the counter for fifteen minutes in an eternal conversation that goes something like this:
Ok, what else, milk?
No milk.
So, um... cream?
No, thanks.
Would, uh... you like... a flavoring?
Nope, pass.
Nothing else at all.
I believe I've said that already...
And so on and so forth. MEANWHILE, behind me, everybody is goin' NUTS and giving ME and the cashier both the most evil of death-glares. Best time was when the baristo was so totally flipped out that she got her manager involved. That took a few more minutes. Eventually, I get my espresso bomb. I go to the little 'additive area', being casual and surreptiously looking to see who's watching me. Almost without fail, there WILL be some employee and a few customers looking at me like I have flipping WINGS.
I will then, carefully so as to not block people's views, throw a couple packets of cheap sugar into it, then stroll over to a table and sit down. I'll try to stretch it out for about a minute, sniffing the brew and exclaiming in pleasure (not faked). Then, take a sip. And people will go NUTS watchin this because to some people, this'll be like watching someone drink uranium hexoflourite. (Whether or not they know what that is, I do, and the looks of horror are not well hidden.)
Now, mind you, this has worked without fail, except for once. ONCE! Basically, it all went south th emoment I ordered the nuclear cuppa joe. Baristo just kind of gave me a level, expresionless, humorless look, said nothing, and put in the order without comment. Same thing with the employees. Was rather odd, but I thought, hey these guys are cool. So, why'd it fail? Well, turns out my Dad, who does this a little less often than I do, had pulled the same stunt on them over his lunch break that day. HA! What are the odds...
Oni Ralas, on 28 March 2013 - 05:32 PM, said:
I like my women like my coffee
..full of scotch.
Ah I'm a purist when it comes to scotch. Neat, and neat only. When it comes to adding some liquor into my coffee, though, I heartily prefer rum for coffee and hot chocolate. And not that commercial crap either, I have friends who MAKE the stuff, and have turned me into a minor rum-snob.
Edited by Sir Roland MXIII, 28 March 2013 - 10:48 PM.