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Midair Mechalepsy Support Group.


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#1 Valore

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Posted 04 June 2013 - 06:36 PM

Hello, my name is Valore, and I'm a Cataphract 3D pilot.

I once used to soar through the skies, raining death on destruction on my enemies from afar. Laughing and savouring their bitter tears as I was carried through the winds like an avenging angel by my jump jets.

Then one day, I strapped myself into my cockpit, and something seemed different, uncomfortable. I yelled at my tech, but Arthur just shrugged and wouldn't look me into the eye. Mumbled something about 'orders from above', and 'they said it just wasn't cricket, and wouldn't play anymore, otherwise'.

I strode into battle. Spotting the foe in the distance, I grinned evilly, leaned back, and hit the thrusters.

Suddenly, my world turned upside down. Sideways. My PPC fire knocked an orbiting satellite out of the sky. A gauss round took a chip off my lancemate's shoulder. All over the place. Cursing and swearing, I eased off the jets, and she settled down again with a faint grumble, cushioning her landing with a faint sigh of relief.

My hands were shaking. What was I to do? My life as a mech pilot was over. All those MONTHS honing these skills, all for naught.

I choked. I couldn't breathe. This was too much. I reached for the ejection button that would launch me into sweet oblivion. Probably also vibrating me into a bag of mashed goo if Arthur had gone and messed with the damn pod jets too. That stopped me. Mashed goo. Was not keen.

Then suddenly, like a clarion call from the heavens, salvation arrived.

The foe, who I had only ever considered a heartless horde of uncivilised savages, cut through the radio chatter with his rallying cry!

"okey guys! they dun have any of that **** poptart crap anymore! charge!"

I could not believe my ears. Nor my eyes, as they strode nobly towards me, unflinching. Guilt washed over me. I'd always treated these lads as nothing more than mere cannon fodder, ducks in my endless funfair mech shooting gallery.

Now, in my darkest hour, instead of hiding and cowering, they supported me at my lowest. When I could no longer bless them from up high and afar, they would come to me.

The moments that ensued were a blur. At the end of it, as I saluted the last of them with a grateful gauss round to the face, I took a moment to give thanks.

Never again would I take these people for granted. Nor would I belittle or judge them for their misbegotten idiocy. For I know come what may, these brave lads will always be there for me, charging into my guns even when I cannot bring them to bear.

Posted Image

#2 AnnoyingCat

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Posted 04 June 2013 - 06:38 PM

next thing you know... BAM no more high alphas

#3 Valore

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Posted 04 June 2013 - 06:56 PM

Yeah but what happens when the realisation hits that you can't nerf stupidity?

Running at an entrenched position across the caldera in Caustic Valley means I don't even need to engage the jets.

What then? Do we levy a 'stupid damage absorption factor' to limit the DPS an imbecile can take while walking across open terrain? :)

Edited by Valore, 04 June 2013 - 06:56 PM.


#4 matux

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Posted 04 June 2013 - 07:00 PM

I hear 18 states in the US can give you something to help with the mechalepsy and help with the anger issues at same time.

#5 LordBraxton

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Posted 04 June 2013 - 07:01 PM

I just run my CTF-1X now

no JJs but it goes 86.6kph

with 4PPCs

JJs were never the problem high alpha boating was

#6 A banana in the tailpipe

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Posted 04 June 2013 - 07:01 PM

View PostValore, on 04 June 2013 - 06:56 PM, said:

Yeah but what happens when the realisation hits that you can't nerf stupidity?

The day they nerf stupidity, is the day they fire the devs holding back Stock matches.

#7 Valore

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Posted 04 June 2013 - 07:03 PM

View Postmatux, on 04 June 2013 - 07:00 PM, said:

I hear 18 states in the US can give you something to help with the mechalepsy and help with the anger issues at same time.


It can, but it also then provokes fatal seizures and QQ when you get hit by a 6 PPC Stalker.

As a counter proposal for balance, the Poptarts For All Lobby will be pushing for a nerf to cover which makes gauss and ppc rounds penetrate 50% of the time. :)

#8 Stormyblade

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Posted 04 June 2013 - 07:04 PM

Valore: your post was hilarious. I would read it and laugh again.

#9 Valore

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Posted 04 June 2013 - 08:39 PM

Glad you enjoyed it :) tbh the nerf has so far made things more fun, even for poptarts. Brawling with PPCs and Gauss still makes for a good time all around, especially when people ignore cover.

#10 slide

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Posted 04 June 2013 - 08:55 PM

ROFL Mechalepsy.

Careful the "politically correct" speak police will be onto you.

#11 Fiest

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Posted 04 June 2013 - 10:08 PM

Valore OP.
Nerf Valore

#12 Corvus Antaka

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Posted 04 June 2013 - 10:15 PM

View PostAnnoyingCat, on 04 June 2013 - 06:38 PM, said:

next thing you know... BAM no more high alphas


Christ, once that happens the QQ will explode to new and unheard of levels.

#13 Deathlike

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Posted 04 June 2013 - 11:23 PM

View PostColonel Pada Vinson, on 04 June 2013 - 10:15 PM, said:


Christ, once that happens the QQ will explode to new and unheard of levels.


At least then, I won't feel sorry for the 4+ PPC Stalkers.

#14 Valore

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Posted 05 June 2013 - 06:23 AM

View PostColonel Pada Vinson, on 04 June 2013 - 10:15 PM, said:


Christ, once that happens the QQ will explode to new and unheard of levels.


I don't even see how QQ can reach levels higher than what we've already seen thus far TBH :)

#15 Yanlowen Cage

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Posted 05 June 2013 - 06:36 AM

I have to agree Valore. It has been so bad this morning that I have had forums posting lag from all the trolling and shouts of rage.

#16 Sephlock

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Posted 05 June 2013 - 06:37 AM

Just aim and shoot on your way down.

#17 Crockdaddy

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Posted 05 June 2013 - 06:42 AM

View PostValore, on 04 June 2013 - 06:36 PM, said:

Hello, my name is Valore, and I'm a Cataphract 3D pilot.

I once used to soar through the skies, raining death on destruction on my enemies from afar. Laughing and savouring their bitter tears as I was carried through the winds like an avenging angel by my jump jets.

Then one day, I strapped myself into my cockpit, and something seemed different, uncomfortable. I yelled at my tech, but Arthur just shrugged and wouldn't look me into the eye. Mumbled something about 'orders from above', and 'they said it just wasn't cricket, and wouldn't play anymore, otherwise'.

I strode into battle. Spotting the foe in the distance, I grinned evilly, leaned back, and hit the thrusters.

Suddenly, my world turned upside down. Sideways. My PPC fire knocked an orbiting satellite out of the sky. A gauss round took a chip off my lancemate's shoulder. All over the place. Cursing and swearing, I eased off the jets, and she settled down again with a faint grumble, cushioning her landing with a faint sigh of relief.

My hands were shaking. What was I to do? My life as a mech pilot was over. All those MONTHS honing these skills, all for naught.

I choked. I couldn't breathe. This was too much. I reached for the ejection button that would launch me into sweet oblivion. Probably also vibrating me into a bag of mashed goo if Arthur had gone and messed with the damn pod jets too. That stopped me. Mashed goo. Was not keen.

Then suddenly, like a clarion call from the heavens, salvation arrived.

The foe, who I had only ever considered a heartless horde of uncivilised savages, cut through the radio chatter with his rallying cry!

"okey guys! they dun have any of that **** poptart crap anymore! charge!"

I could not believe my ears. Nor my eyes, as they strode nobly towards me, unflinching. Guilt washed over me. I'd always treated these lads as nothing more than mere cannon fodder, ducks in my endless funfair mech shooting gallery.

Now, in my darkest hour, instead of hiding and cowering, they supported me at my lowest. When I could no longer bless them from up high and afar, they would come to me.

The moments that ensued were a blur. At the end of it, as I saluted the last of them with a grateful gauss round to the face, I took a moment to give thanks.

Never again would I take these people for granted. Nor would I belittle or judge them for their misbegotten idiocy. For I know come what may, these brave lads will always be there for me, charging into my guns even when I cannot bring them to bear.

Posted Image



My fist match in my pop tart this morning, 3 kills 2 assist. 551 damage. After reading your post I so wish I had taken a screen shot. The pop-tarting was certainly much more difficult but all the mechs sitting in the open for no reason made it just as easy.

#18 Yanlowen Cage

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Posted 05 June 2013 - 12:00 PM

400 ping. That 1/2 second ping delay. So pop sniping in a 3d with 2 or 3 er/ppcs and a guass with lag shield to boot. Did you ever take damage? No wonder your upset.





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