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New Short Story


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#1 MadBright

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Posted 12 December 2013 - 02:17 PM

I havnt written anything like a short story since highschool so feedback would be nice so i can improve my writing skills.



///- processing code-///
///- sensor alert-///

...Computer give sensor location...

///-sensor marker #0021#-///

...Computer give sensor alert data...

///-sensor data processing-///
///-sensor report: battlemech signatures detected:-///
///-item 1: 55-ton-///
///-item 2: 70-ton-///

///-ERROR: sensor offline-///

As the computer technician tried to begin assessing the malfunction a loud siren blasted through the halls and a pulsating red glow filled the air. The sound disoriented the worker and he fell back from his deck, knocking his head against an array of equipment.
"This can't be happening, I have to find out whats going on!"
As he ran he realized not the blood seeping from the back of his head, but fear and adrenaline pushed him forward. Past doorways thrown open and various other workers running in panic down the narrow hallway, he knew his destination already. The only place one could go when the red lights vomited their ominous light was the Hole. A deep bunker located under the lab where the technician and other scientists called home.

"Get out of my way! Move your ***** people. I don't have time for this {Scrap}!" He pushed and wove his way past a jam of recently shipped in scientists trying to make their way to the elevators. After making it through he turned and ran down an adjacent hall seemingly void of people, but he didn't care. In fact he thanked God that there was no one here to get in the way of his self preservation.
" At least this job payed off somehow, no one else seems to know about the lower west wing elevators." he said to himself as he pursued his destination.

Further as he moved down in the lower wing he started realizing the lights and noise of the sirens fade and eventually end all together until he found himself trapped in darkness. " This section must have lost power, damn I wish I had brought my porta-light. Stupid Kerksin always asking to borrow my {Scrap}, if he gets me killed im going to come back and strangle that waste." Slowly but surely he managed to find the door leading to the section housing the elevator shafts. " Oh thank God, Im finally going to get out of here." As he opened the door The color drained from his already pale face. The corridor to the elevators no longer existed and was now open to the swirling fury of ice and snow. But the harsh climate is what frightened the technician least of all, for what he saw was the army of ***** unleashed. Standing in the ruined pile of steel and reinforced concrete stood a giant of armor and death.

He started to turn and try and escape but as soon as the thought attempted to form an explosion rocked the 70-ton monster, creating an earsplitting crack and a concussive wave knocking the technician down with such force to break bones. On his back dazed and clinging to the last moments of life he had left, he looked up and stared at the beast of war.

The pilot of the Guillotine, sweating and trying furiously to maintain his mechs balance amid the rubble that scattered the frozen ground ,swung his mechs torso down and to the right to save his cockpit from the oncoming barrage of auto-cannon fire. As he did, he saw the broken body of a man cowering in fear against a collapsed wall. He smiled and knew what awaited this man. His orders where to destroy the lab and and leave no scientist or mech alive, and he was not one to fail his superiors.

05]Time seemed to stand still for the technician. His body no longer capable of pumping his veins with adrenaline but the cold replaced it and took the job of numbing the mans shattered body. He noticed in this stand still that the mech had turned and was now staring down at him. In his delusions he thought he could almost see the pilot smile behind the dust covered glass of the cockpit. Suddenly a bright flash of light scorched his eyes and for instant he felt as if this frozen rock had melted and became a sweltering inferno, and in a fraction of a second when the technician could feel no more, all that was left was a black mark on the steaming wall of stone and ash.



#2 Thom Frankfurt

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Posted 13 December 2013 - 09:05 AM

Very good. And it's always good to see the Guillotine getting some love, and you did a good job with the 'computer talk' at the very beginning. Hope to see some more sometime.

#3 MadBright

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Posted 13 December 2013 - 06:15 PM

Thanks for the support, i didnt think it would get some nice reviews. And dont worry i have a good story in the works, this was just to test the waters. I will update when i have a good amount more





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