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Rise Of The Scorpion Khan


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#1 CyclonerM

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Posted 25 December 2013 - 02:24 PM

Little feedback:
We might love to know exactly which Lyran Guards unit you are talking about. Especially because Sarna lists the Fifteenth Lyran Regulars as garrison force.
Also might it be a little exageration saying that no IS army could take down a Timberwolf? :) Even a very well placed Inferno rocket might kill the pilot or force him to eject.

I also would like a little more detailed clashes. Example: "Pushing the throttle at full speed, Marack fired all his weapons. The Axeman struggled under the combined firepower of the aggressor's lasers. Black scars were left in the side torso of the Axeman, while a pair of deep holes ripped through the armor threathened to critically damage the internal structure. Desperately, the Lyran pilots regained balance after the tremendous hit and brought his crosshairs on the invader's huge center torso, firing his own weapons while closing the distance between them. Not yet. Not yet.. Then the Lyran MechWarrior quickly toggled a switch on his console.

With all the fury of a wounded animal he brought his 'Mech's characteristic axe down on the enemy. Faster than most heavies, it easily dodged the blow with his speed, though the tight space of the command center blocked any further movement and prevented it to get on the Axeman's back. Marack decided it was time to end that petty duel. He did not want to overheat his machine against such a weak foe, so he patently aimed at a hole he previously made in the enemy machine's side torso and pulled the trigger of his medium lasers.

Two of the green darts missed but the other two lances of coherent light ripped through the endo-steel structure of the Axemen. It toppled slowly on his back and never regained to its feet. Marack then quickly turned to focus on his next target. An Atlas was slowly coming for him.."

Instead of:

Quote

Marack converged on the Axeman -which had made a swing at him. Marack's timber Wolf was too fast for the axe though. "Initiate Enhanced Imaging." He said and the ground was then layered in grids and the mechs turned to Wire frames. Marack targeted the left torso of the Axeman and opened fire burning through the Endo Steel armor.

The Axeman's side exploded and the mech toppled over in flame. Marack laughed.
And trust me: An Atlas pilot mau be enough to take down a Timberwolf, especially at such close range.

Edited by CyclonerM, 25 December 2013 - 02:29 PM.


#2 CyclonerM

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Posted 31 December 2013 - 05:49 AM

View PostMarack Drock, on 30 December 2013 - 08:18 PM, said:

The Revised version.


Much better :)

Quote

Marack put his hand to the side of his face, running his fingers along the scar that marked over his left eye and down to his cheek.

1-Tor Miraborg
2- Vlad Ward
3- Marack Drock :)





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