44 replies to this topic

[LordKnightFandragon]

cdlord, on 09 July 2015 - 12:21 PM, said:

Tell me that didn't go right over your head...

It didnt.

[Vellron2005]

1) Why did a catapult cross the road?
.......................................................
Becose it was chased by an Atlas.

2) How do you make an omnimech?
.........................................................
In a factory. Duh.

3) Yo mamma so fat she eclipses the blue sun in Vitric Forge
4) Yo mamma so stupid she spawn camps her own dropzone

LordKnightFandragon, on 09 July 2015 - 03:22 PM, said:

It didnt.

Nothing goes over his head... his reflexes are to quick.. he would catch it.

BONUS ROUND!

5) What do you call three lances of white camo stormcrows?
..................................................................................................
Stormtroopers.

6) What's the sexyest mech in the game?
...................................................................
The Firestarter - its just soooo hot.

Edited by Vellron2005, 10 July 2015 - 02:20 AM.

[ShadowWolf Kell]

How many Kuritans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Eight.

One to find out what wattage the Coordinator wants.
One to find out what wattage the Kanrei wants.
One to assist the first one in committing seppuku when the Coordinator comes around to the Kanrei's way of thinking.
One ISF agent to monitor the changeover for any seditious sentiments that might be expressed in the process.
One, hand-picked from the ranks of the Genyosha, to have the honor of changing the light bulb.
One from the 1st Sword of Light to challenge the Genyosha warrior to a duel for the right to change the light bulb.
Another assistant for a ritual suicide.
One to run the tea ceremony thanking everyone for keeping the casualties to two this time.



How many Lyrans does it take to change a light bulb?
Nine.

One to propose the use of an assault-class light bulb with as many heavy weapons as can be placed on it.
One to argue that the light bulb should have some recon elements and perhaps some combined arms support.
One Cincinnatus member to assassinate the second one for being a "Davionist spy."
Three social generals to spend four months politicking over who gets to command the operation to change the light bulb.
One Archon to give the contract to the Kell Hounds, just so it will get done.
One Kell Hounds member to actually change the light bulb, but not without an awkward sequence where the socket doesn't show up on scanners for a moment.
One Skye noble to wonder loudly just what kind of light bulb requires weapons and armor and to threaten to secede.



How many Capellans does it take to change a light bulb?
Four.

One to plant a double in the Federated Suns' Ministry of Changing Light Bulbs (Internal Division) to find out how the FedRats do it.
One to point out that the FedSuns has been very efficient when it comes to changing light bulbs and that perhaps the CapCon should try it that way once, after making sure that the new bulbs won't blow up when exposed to an obscure gas.
One to argue that whatever success the Davions have in changing light bulbs must be despite, rather than because of, their decadent practices and that the Capellans should find out how the ancient Han changed light bulbs and do it that way. XIN SHENG!
One Maskirovka agent to kill both of the preceding for implying that the Capellan Confederation's current ability to change light bulbs is anything but satisfactory.



How many FedSunners does it take to change a light bulb?
Six.

One to marry another house's heir-presumptive in order to announce the change at the wedding, because just doing it wouldn't be flashy enough.
One to come up with the most complex acronym possible for the new light bulb changing division.
One to volunteer to have his hand cut off and be exiled after a show trial in order to infiltrate another house's light bulb changing organization and sabotage it from the inside, because again, easy is no fun.
One to ineffectually sell out the secrets of the light bulb change to the Capellans, just so that the Davions can go, "See? We have black hats too!"
One to replace the dead light bulb with a Star-League era fluorescent bulb made at the NAIS using information extracted from the Helm Memory Core and single-handedly fight off the ComStar force sent to destroy the bulb.
One to roll their eyes at the other houses and their antiquated, restrictive and overly-complex methods for changing light bulbs.



How many Free Worlders does it take to change a light bulb?
Seven.

One to bring up the issue of the light bulb change in Parliament.
One to block the move to change the light bulb in order to wring a concession out of the Captain-General.
One random Shilohan to remind people that light bulbs are technology and therefore evil.
One MP to propose that a committee be formed to discuss possible options for forming a light bulb task force to recon the dead bulb.
One MP to chastise the previous MP for trying to ram the measure through Parliament so quickly and without at least having a preplanning committee first.
One to thow up his hands in disgust, cross the border and change the light bulb without orders.
One Blakist to smash the light bulb because the FWL was in danger of getting a chance to actually do something.

[reign]

Not really a joke but a story from the City Tech book that always made me snicker...

"So Howard didn't die a hero's death."

"The sonuvabitch didn't die. He must've landed on his head. He's getting a
new arm and leg, and if anyone wants to pull his 'Mech out of the rubble,
we can have a crazy, bionic Locust pilot to contend with."

"No thanks. And the moral of the story is: don't run in the city."

"No, the moral of the story is: Locust pilots are the weirdest."
- Life In The Big City, CITYTECH Rulebook

Edited by reign, 10 July 2015 - 04:21 AM.

[CDLord HHGD]

ShadowWolf Kell, on 10 July 2015 - 03:12 AM, said:

How many Kuritans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Eight.

One to find out what wattage the Coordinator wants.
One to find out what wattage the Kanrei wants.
One to assist the first one in committing seppuku when the Coordinator comes around to the Kanrei's way of thinking.
One ISF agent to monitor the changeover for any seditious sentiments that might be expressed in the process.
One, hand-picked from the ranks of the Genyosha, to have the honor of changing the light bulb.
One from the 1st Sword of Light to challenge the Genyosha warrior to a duel for the right to change the light bulb.
Another assistant for a ritual suicide.
One to run the tea ceremony thanking everyone for keeping the casualties to two this time.



How many Lyrans does it take to change a light bulb?
Nine.

One to propose the use of an assault-class light bulb with as many heavy weapons as can be placed on it.
One to argue that the light bulb should have some recon elements and perhaps some combined arms support.
One Cincinnatus member to assassinate the second one for being a "Davionist spy."
Three social generals to spend four months politicking over who gets to command the operation to change the light bulb.
One Archon to give the contract to the Kell Hounds, just so it will get done.
One Kell Hounds member to actually change the light bulb, but not without an awkward sequence where the socket doesn't show up on scanners for a moment.
One Skye noble to wonder loudly just what kind of light bulb requires weapons and armor and to threaten to secede.



How many Capellans does it take to change a light bulb?
Four.

One to plant a double in the Federated Suns' Ministry of Changing Light Bulbs (Internal Division) to find out how the FedRats do it.
One to point out that the FedSuns has been very efficient when it comes to changing light bulbs and that perhaps the CapCon should try it that way once, after making sure that the new bulbs won't blow up when exposed to an obscure gas.
One to argue that whatever success the Davions have in changing light bulbs must be despite, rather than because of, their decadent practices and that the Capellans should find out how the ancient Han changed light bulbs and do it that way. XIN SHENG!
One Maskirovka agent to kill both of the preceding for implying that the Capellan Confederation's current ability to change light bulbs is anything but satisfactory.



How many FedSunners does it take to change a light bulb?
Six.

One to marry another house's heir-presumptive in order to announce the change at the wedding, because just doing it wouldn't be flashy enough.
One to come up with the most complex acronym possible for the new light bulb changing division.
One to volunteer to have his hand cut off and be exiled after a show trial in order to infiltrate another house's light bulb changing organization and sabotage it from the inside, because again, easy is no fun.
One to ineffectually sell out the secrets of the light bulb change to the Capellans, just so that the Davions can go, "See? We have black hats too!"
One to replace the dead light bulb with a Star-League era fluorescent bulb made at the NAIS using information extracted from the Helm Memory Core and single-handedly fight off the ComStar force sent to destroy the bulb.
One to roll their eyes at the other houses and their antiquated, restrictive and overly-complex methods for changing light bulbs.



How many Free Worlders does it take to change a light bulb?
Seven.

One to bring up the issue of the light bulb change in Parliament.
One to block the move to change the light bulb in order to wring a concession out of the Captain-General.
One random Shilohan to remind people that light bulbs are technology and therefore evil.
One MP to propose that a committee be formed to discuss possible options for forming a light bulb task force to recon the dead bulb.
One MP to chastise the previous MP for trying to ram the measure through Parliament so quickly and without at least having a preplanning committee first.
One to thow up his hands in disgust, cross the border and change the light bulb without orders.
One Blakist to smash the light bulb because the FWL was in danger of getting a chance to actually do something.

100% win.