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[Paladin1]

It's old and seriously dated, but I found this on a old PC I powered up today.

Enjoy!


And now, without further ado, I give you the BattleTech Munchkin List!

1. Favorite `Mech
a. Real Men pilot Marauders.
b. Role-players pilot Griffins.
c. Loonies pilot Locusts with paintballs loaded in the Machine Guns.
d. Munchkins pilot Daishi-X’s with Triple Heatsinks, Maximum Armor, Jumpjets, 6 Large Pulse Lasers and a Targeting Computer.

2. Favorite `Mech Weapon
a. Real Men use ER PPCs
b. Role-players use LB-10X Autocannons loaded with cluster rounds.
c. Loonies use Smoke SRMs
d. Munchkins use ER Pulse Compact XL PPCs with built in Targeting Computers.

3. Favorite Ground Vehicles
a. Real Men drive Demolishers.
b. Role-players drive refitted Saladin Hovercraft.
c. Loonies drive Coolant Trucks loaded with 9 tons of Haagen-Daaz.
d. Munchkins drive Overlord Dropships.

4. Favorite Personal Firearms
a. Real Men use Gyrojet Rifles.
b. Role-players use Hold-out pistols.
c. Loonies use Super Soakers.
d. Munchkins use dismounted Clan Large Pulse Lasers.

5. Favorite Personal Melee Weapon
a. Real Men use vibro-blades.
b. Role-players use Stun Batons.
c. Loonies use rubber chickens.
d. Munchkins use Daishis.

6. Favorite Faction
a. Real Men play Kurita DEST troopers.
b. Role-players play Wilson’s Hussars.
c. Loonies play Word of Bob.
d. Munchkins form their own Clan (e.g. Clan Doom Munchkin)

7. Favorite piece of Personal Equipment
a. Real Men select Flak Jackets.
b. Role-players select Sticky Gloves.
c. Loonies select vibro-bombs loaded with confetti.
d. Munchkins select Improved Elemental Armor with movement of 5/5J, 50 points of armor and mounting an ER PPC.

8. Favorite MechWarrior Archtype
a. Real Men take Veteran Mechwarriors.
b. Role-players take either Medics, Technical Wizards or Aerospace Pilots.
c. Loonies take Janitor.
d. Munchkins take Il-Khan.

9. Favorite Skill
a. Real Men choose Piloting / `Mech.
b. Role-players choose Technican / `Mech.
c. Loonies choose Natural Aptitude: Underwater Basket Weaving.
d. Munchkins choose Natural Aptitude: Gunnery / `Mech.

10. Favorite Non-Combat Skill
a. Real Men use Gambling.
b. Role-players use Land Management.
c. Loonies use Seduction: Squirrel
d. Munchkins use Natural Aptitude: Rules Lawyer

11. Favorite Non-Combat Activity
a. Real Men repair and customize their Marauder.
b. Role-players infiltrate the secret ComStar facilities and download copies of SLDF technical schematics.
c. Loonies paint targets on their `Mech.
d. Munchkins go to Virtual World.

12. Favorite Drink
a. Real Men drink PPCs.
b. Role-players drink Timbiqui Dark.
c. Loonies drink Lighter Fluid.
d. Munchkins drink Stim-packs.

13. Favorite Combat Phrase
a. Real Men say “Come get some *******!”
b. Role-players say “Okay lads, just like we practiced…”
c. Loonies say “I’ll run up to that Atlas in my Locust and punch it.”
d. Munchkins say “I am Il Khan Munchkin of Clan Smoke Jaguar…”

14. Favorite `Mech paint scheme
a. Real Men paint their `Mech in House unit colors.
b. Role-players paint their `Mech in terrain-appropriate camouflage.
c. Loonies paint their `Mechs in Day-Glo Orange with Lime Green pokadots.
d. Munchkins paint their `Mechs with “invisible paint” which makes their entire `Mech invisible.

15. Favorite dying words
a. Real Men say “Eat fusion plasma Clanners” as they intentionally Stackpole the reactor of their dying `Mech.
b. Role-players say “C’est la Guerre!” and salute their opponents.
c. Loonies say “Thank you Sir, may I have another?”
d. Munchkins say “Damn, I’ll have to get another clone out of storage.”

16. Favorite Terrain
a. Real Men prefer to fight in lightly wooded rolling hills.
b. Role-players prefer to fight in burning, bombed out cities.
c. Loonies prefer to fight inside the containment buildings of operating nuclear power plants.
d. Munchkins prefer to fight in completely open, flat terrain where they’ve heavily mined the approaches to their position.

17. Favorite non-Battletech activity
a. Real Men lift weights.
b. Role-players read Sun-Tsu’s “The Art of War” in the original Chinese.
c. Loonies perfect their Three Stooges impersonations.
d. Munchkins go over the text of the “Battletech Compendium” with their family lawyers, looking for loopholes.

18. Favorite RPG besides Mechwarrior/Battletech
a. Real Men play Twilight 2000.
b. Role-players play Paranoia.
c. Loonies play TOON.
d. Munchkins play D&D with starter characters at 30th Level.

19. Favorite Board Game other than Battletech
a. Real Men play Squad Leader.
b. Role-players play Diplomacy.
c. Loonies play Awful Green Things from Outer Space.
d. Munchkins play Star Fleet Rules Wars…err…Star Fleet Battles.

20. Favorite Computer Game
a. Real Men play Duke Nukem 3D on “Damn I’m Good” with respawn and never bother with any other weapons than the pistol.
b. Role-players play “Myst” and don’t own the guidebook.
c. Loonies play “Pac Man” without looking at the screen.
d. Munchkins play “MechWarrior 2” and have all the cheat codes programmed into their gravis gamepads.

[Vashts1985]

Quote

5. Favorite Personal Melee Weapon
a. stuff
b. things
c. whatever
d. Munchkins use Daishis.

[BenEEeees VAT GROWN BACON]

Underwater basket-weaving, squirrel seducing Janitors who drive around with 9 tons of Haagen-Daaz?

WHERE DO I SIGN UP?

[Paladin1]

BenEEeees VAT GROWN BACON, on 18 July 2012 - 04:26 PM, said:

Underwater basket-weaving, squirrel seducing Janitors who drive around with 9 tons of Haagen-Daaz?

WHERE DO I SIGN UP?

Sign up? I'm pretty sure you qualify as a senior instructor in that class!

[Exilyth]

While the list is outdated and a gross oversimplication, it is indeed quite accurate.

That being said, the combination of archery, pharmacy/medicine and zero-g ops should never be underestimated...