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Is This A Good Idea For A Story?


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#1 Brenden

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Posted 21 January 2017 - 09:48 PM

I already posted this in the fan-fiction area, but I thought I'd get yalls opinion too.

So what I want to write is a story about a murdered suspect on New Avalon leads a detective down a dangerous path, where there murdered suspect is but a cog on the clock counting down to the end. Along the way the detective discovers that an ancient cult from Earth has resurfaced on New Avalon, has opened rifts all over the planet, and must race against time to find a way to close them while staying alive from the creeping monsters that are slowly pouring into our universe from theirs while not going insane.

Battletech meets lovecraft.

#2 RestosIII

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Posted 21 January 2017 - 09:50 PM

If SQUAWK!!!!!! got a book, that one could get a book.

That's not saying much.





Personally,, I'd prefer a story about an inspiring Clan Diamond Shark salesman in the Inner Sphere during the Clan Invasion. Maybe a crew member of our missing trading vessel that almost got use annihilated by Jade Falcon?

#3 Brenden

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Posted 21 January 2017 - 09:52 PM

View PostRestosIII, on 21 January 2017 - 09:50 PM, said:

If SQUAWK!!!!!! got a book, that one could get a book.

That's not saying much.





Personally,, I'd prefer a story about an inspiring Clan Diamond Shark salesman in the Inner Sphere during the Clan Invasion. Maybe a crew member of our missing trading vessel that almost got use annihilated by Jade Falcon?

Well not so much a book as more along the lines of Fanfiction. And say no more! If I ever get around to writing this then the story of Res T. Oslll of Clan Diamond Shark and his amazing sentient pet Diamond Shark, shall be written right after!

#4 RestosIII

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Posted 21 January 2017 - 09:55 PM

View PostBrenden, on 21 January 2017 - 09:52 PM, said:

amazing sentient pet Diamond Shark


Make it kid-friendly, and I'm pretty sure we could have a proper, long running children/pre-teen book series. The sibkos would eat it up. That, and the children throughout the Inner Sphere would finally get taught that not all Clans are evil.

#5 Bombast

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Posted 21 January 2017 - 09:55 PM

View PostBrenden, on 21 January 2017 - 09:48 PM, said:

Battletech meets lovecraft.


That would be Warhammer 40K.

As far as fanfics go, it's not too bizarre. But... I can't help but point out that, for all intents and purposes, you don't seem to be using any of Battletech's actual strengths - Namely, feudal lords and kingdoms IN SPACE and giant stompy robots.

And if you aren't going to use those, I'm not sure why you'd bother.

But it's your story. Do what you want.

#6 RestosIII

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Posted 21 January 2017 - 09:57 PM

View PostBombast, on 21 January 2017 - 09:55 PM, said:


That would be Warhammer 40K.

As far as fanfics go, it's not too bizarre. But... I can't help but point out that, for all intents and purposes, you don't seem to be using any of Battletech's actual strengths - Namely, feudal lords and kingdoms IN SPACE and giant stompy robots.

And if you aren't going to use those, I'm not sure why you'd bother.

But it's your story. Do what you want.


Well, for all we know he could be writing one of those stories, and he just wants to make use of the Clans' excellent genetic manipulation for usage in some material in it.

#7 Brenden

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Posted 21 January 2017 - 10:01 PM

View PostBombast, on 21 January 2017 - 09:55 PM, said:


That would be Warhammer 40K.

As far as fanfics go, it's not too bizarre. But... I can't help but point out that, for all intents and purposes, you don't seem to be using any of Battletech's actual strengths - Namely, feudal lords and kingdoms IN SPACE and giant stompy robots.

And if you aren't going to use those, I'm not sure why you'd bother.

But it's your story. Do what you want.

Well I've had in my mind the idea of zombie Battlemechs which got me thinking about a part for the story, that slowly evolved into a story. You know how training courses sometimes use real tanks and material as target practice? Imagine this;

The detective is wandering the training courses alone, at night, when everyone's asleep. The detective's already jittery and anxious after seeing the **** they've seen, to the point that they're beginning to see things; and that's when it starts. Their journey has lead them here, but why? Why to the training grounds, why to this dead Thug and why is the engine suddenly starting back up? As they look around after jumping out of the fallen Thug's cockpit that the others are starting to whirl too. From out of the woodwork the black shadows of dead 'Mechs start to emerge; moving, heaving, pulsating. A Centurion whose arms were blown off manages to limp onto it's good leg, a Rifleman whose cockpit was blown in begins to slowly move toward you and an Atlas used as practice on the new plasma cannons attempts to open a jaw that's not even there to howl at you, leading it to punch one in for it.

The detective is all alone and can't tell if these 'Mechs are coming alive or if they're really losing their head.

View PostRestosIII, on 21 January 2017 - 09:57 PM, said:


Well, for all we know he could be writing one of those stories, and he just wants to make use of the Clans' excellent genetic manipulation for usage in some material in it.

The Monetary Adventures of Res T. Oslll and Dimey the Diamond Shark.

#8 RestosIII

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Posted 21 January 2017 - 10:03 PM

View PostBrenden, on 21 January 2017 - 10:01 PM, said:

Well I've had in my mind the idea of zombie Battlemechs which got me thinking about a part for the story, that slowly evolved into a story. You know how training courses sometimes use real tanks and material as target practice? Imagine this;

The detective is wandering the training courses alone, at night, when everyone's asleep. The detective's already jittery and anxious after seeing the **** they've seen, to the point that they're beginning to see things; and that's when it starts. Their journey has lead them here, but why? Why to the training grounds, why to this dead Thug and why is the engine suddenly starting back up? As they look around after jumping out of the fallen Thug's cockpit that the others are starting to whirl too. From out of the woodwork the black shadows of dead 'Mechs start to emerge; moving, heaving, pulsating. A Centurion whose arms were blown off manages to limp onto it's good leg, a Rifleman whose cockpit was blown in begins to slowly move toward you and an Atlas used as practice on the new plasma cannons attempts to open a jaw that's not even there to howl at you, leading it to punch one in for it.

The detective is all alone and can't tell if these 'Mechs are coming alive or if they're really losing their head.


Sounds more like a ghost story to me than eldritch horrors.

View PostBrenden, on 21 January 2017 - 10:01 PM, said:

The Monetary Adventures of Res T. Oslll and Dimey the Diamond Shark.


I'll contact my usual people and start getting access to product placement for funding.

#9 Brenden

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Posted 21 January 2017 - 10:06 PM

View PostRestosIII, on 21 January 2017 - 10:03 PM, said:


Sounds more like a ghost story to me than eldritch horrors.



I'll contact my usual people and start getting access to product placement for funding.

Trust me, the aspect you're looking at is just one step in the over-arching story of an eldritch abomination's plan to enter their world. As he travels from town to town looking for clues as to which being they're trying to summon as well as how to banish it, he slowly begins to come across towns where the cult has completely taken over and are transforming people into horrific monsters so grotesque it'd make David Cronenberg weep.

#10 RestosIII

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Posted 21 January 2017 - 10:09 PM

View PostBrenden, on 21 January 2017 - 10:06 PM, said:

Trust me, the aspect you're looking at is just one step in the over-arching story of an eldritch abomination's plan to enter their world. As he travels from town to town looking for clues as to which being they're trying to summon as well as how to banish it, he slowly begins to come across towns where the cult has completely taken over and are transforming people into horrific monsters so grotesque it'd make David Cronenberg weep.


Posted Image

I'll admit Morty, I *BUUUUUURP* messed up. I screwed up this time Morty. Sorry about ruining the one Universe with Battlemechs.

#11 Brenden

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Posted 21 January 2017 - 10:09 PM

View PostRestosIII, on 21 January 2017 - 10:09 PM, said:


Posted Image

I'll admit Morty, I *BUUUUUURP* messed up. I screwed up this time Morty. Sorry about ruining the one Universe with Battlemechs.

Rick would be behind this.
But he'd probably be distracted with the Battlemechs more then Cronenberging it up.

#12 Brenden

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Posted 21 January 2017 - 10:15 PM

Then it's settle.

I'll write a Lovecraftian Battletech story. I just need a very good Battletech-y name.

#13 TLBFestus

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Posted 21 January 2017 - 11:07 PM

Bombast is correct, it sounds more WarHammer than Mechwarrior.

I'd rather read this awesome piece of Sci-Fi;


https://en.wikipedia.../Altered_Carbon

#14 Johnny Z

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Posted 21 January 2017 - 11:23 PM

Personally a story about the siege of New Avalon ending with a House Davion victory of course. Or a story about finding Lostech with smoking hot Angelina Jolie looking for it. :) Lostech Raider instead of Tomb Raider. :)

#15 Sunstruck

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Posted 22 January 2017 - 01:15 AM

View PostBrenden, on 21 January 2017 - 09:48 PM, said:

I already posted this in the fan-fiction area, but I thought I'd get yalls opinion too.

So what I want to write is a story about a murdered suspect on New Avalon leads a detective down a dangerous path, where there murdered suspect is but a cog on the clock counting down to the end. Along the way the detective discovers that an ancient cult from Earth has resurfaced on New Avalon, has opened rifts all over the planet, and must race against time to find a way to close them while staying alive from the creeping monsters that are slowly pouring into our universe from theirs while not going insane.

Battletech meets lovecraft.


The thing about Battletech is there isn't any magic, thats more Shadowruns campaign setting. But I don't see any reason there can't be aliens with advanced technology acting as a kind of supernatural element. Theres still plenty of scenarios open for interesting stories though. I had an idea for a kind of Lost Dutchmans Mine kind of story where the mine was deep in a native peoples sacred lands area and generally off limits. Then theres the antiquities markets and all that Indiana Jones stuff.

#16 Juodas Varnas

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Posted 22 January 2017 - 01:37 AM

As long as the cover of the book is an Atlas sucker-punching Cthulhu in its face!

#17 Nik Reaper

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Posted 22 January 2017 - 02:59 AM

Yeah, I can kinda see BT vs Tyranids being a thing, nothing like the legio Titanica burning and squashing the zerg like swarms... Though OP if you never looked at WH40K, do so, they did it reasonably well :) , especially on genestealer cults those always make a good plot with the inquisition.

#18 Johnny Z

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Posted 22 January 2017 - 06:53 AM

+1 for scary aliens in Btech!

#19 Brenden

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Posted 22 January 2017 - 08:06 AM

View PostSunstruck, on 22 January 2017 - 01:15 AM, said:


The thing about Battletech is there isn't any magic, thats more Shadowruns campaign setting. But I don't see any reason there can't be aliens with advanced technology acting as a kind of supernatural element. Theres still plenty of scenarios open for interesting stories though. I had an idea for a kind of Lost Dutchmans Mine kind of story where the mine was deep in a native peoples sacred lands area and generally off limits. Then theres the antiquities markets and all that Indiana Jones stuff.

Well that's the thing, I've never really been into something like Shadowrun, Warhammer 40,000 and that stuff when I was a kid so I really have no reference to them outside of the things I did play. Namely Dark Seed, System Shock, The Void/Turgor, Doom, and Wolfenstein. To me the horror of the story wouldn't come from aliens, though if you want to be frank they just as well could be rationalized as aliens by the protagonist. Might make absorbing them much easier on their shattered mind.

#20 Brenden

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Posted 22 January 2017 - 08:17 AM

Like, the detective would try and reason at every turn as to what was happening until things start getting more and more lurid.

Oh, that man is coughing blood at him and trying to claw his face? Clearly he was the victim of a biological attack that has changed him up.

Oh, there's mangled bodies all around the place with their faces contorted into terrible expressions of silent wails? Clearly the cultists have some sort of machine used to turn innocent people like Fat Joe over there into contortionists.

Oh, that strange purple-blue light is letting creatures in from another dimension? Clearly it's a machine building animatronics with the lights being so bright that it's giving the allusion of something more.

But the more and more the detective tries to rationalize it, the harder it is to actually believe it. Sometimes things like those dead Battlemechs coming back to life can't be explained so easily, or why their nightmares leave tell-tale hints on their body.





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