21 replies to this topic

[JuggernautXTR]

well lets see karma take a huge bite on this one.
so your better than me whoopee.any normal non afflicted person probably is.

lets make some details because reporting snark comments is not worth it
****** cancer for 9 yrs, missing your **** and 3/4 of your large intestine and live with an colostomy to poo, lungs full of cancer nodes. and 3 very large nodes between your hip area that make it almost impossible to sit for more than 10 minutes because the ****** spasms that nail you in the middle of play that would make any man or women scream blood curdling murder. yeah pain pills don't do a whole lot at this point. not to mention that one tumor is running down my left leg which causes some intense pain.
huge doses of chemo that make you lethargic to no end which cause massive slow reaction times on my part. so sorry. other players may also have medical conditions limiting their game play to optimal so poking at them is only making you look bad.
but you know what I am here, although entering end of life, playing one of the most bad *** games ever created in the universe. tnx piranha!!!!all hail the lords of mechdom. good luck to them and continued success.
i still have all the games of mechwarrior and mechcommander from the beginning.
how much guttural fortitude would you have in my circumstances to force yourself just to try and sit and play? even my doctors wonder how i am walking with out screaming.
I will be playing till i can no longer do so, and probably at that time will be in a drug induced coma with oxygen tanks attached.

so grow up and love your fellow players cause this game would not be here if it weren't for your fellow players. i have played many games that went belly up in three - four yrs, cause bad attitudes ruining for to many people(elitist attitude). I am technically 51 yrs old, so yeah been around a long time in the computer scene. live,love,laugh the world will become a better place.
if you see me i might crack a joke at my own expense at the beginning of match.

JUGGERNAUTXTR(yes its extreme) why? i refuse to quit living, i refuse to give up. and you shouldn't either.

[VeeOt Dragon]

you go Friend.

i have seen first hand what cancer does (lost my mother to it when i was young). the fact you still have the gumption to get up and do anything let alone play MWO is a huge bonus.

though not as sever i have my own disabilities that hinder my play ability (hand tremors). hope to see you out there, lets all just have fun and forget the elitist ********.

Edited by VeeOt Dragon, 07 December 2022 - 02:28 AM.

[Flea King Fleappuccino]

You have the support of all the meek, sweet and tender, loving Fleas in the Inner Sphere! May the Fleas bless your condition.

[Kroete]

JuggernautXTR, on 07 December 2022 - 01:55 AM, said:

well lets see karma take a huge bite on this one.
so your better than me whoopee.any normal non afflicted person probably is.

JUGGERNAUTXTR(yes its extreme) why? i refuse to quit living, i refuse to give up. and you shouldn't either.

Stay strong!
Had my op last year in june, radiotherapy after that for 7 weeks, evry fu..ing day, but im clear now, next ct is at the 28. and at the 4. january ill get my results (50% chance to stay clear), dont know if i will do a chemo or second radio or just will end it after 1-2 month of fun when it comes back.
I prefer livequality, beeing an oxy-zombie was no fun for me, as vomiting blood and breaking my ribs from coughing caused from the radio or finding eating disgusting (iif you love food and cookiing this is hell!).

Still getting a little bag (oxy, thamadol, diazepam, weed, ibu, ....) from my pharmcy that would make a junky happy for some time or very happy for a very short time, every month. Even if i dont use them all, because i dont want an addiction to oxy or dia, so this pills are piilling up.
Iam happy that iam in germany because of the public health insurence (have to pay only 56,-€ a year myself for all medical teatment and medication and rehab and taxy to the hospital, doctors and rehaab (the taxi to the 3 weeks rehab was 2x 470.-€) and other help you get here (getting my apartment (3rooms 68m²)+energy payed, 50,- € for elaborate nutrion and 504,-€ (from january 50,- more) for the rest (not much but enough for a not that bad liiving here (thats less then 100,-€ difference from a minimum wage job)).

It helps a lot in fighting for your life, if you dont have to worrie about money!

Next stop: (Invalidity) retirment (with 49) or graveyard (with all the meds, hazardous waste proccessing would be better matching).

But my fu..y.. attitude for gaming was allready there from other medical problems:
Let them swear and whine, just have fun!

Edited by Kroete, 07 December 2022 - 05:34 AM.

[VeeOt Dragon]

not sure how my Disability benefits compare to that (i am in the Ohio in the US). i get a little over $900 month (combination disabled veteran's benefits and SSI disability. nearly all my medical is covered (minus some dental stuff but i do get basic dental) and i get $120 or so a moth in food stamps. its still not enough to even afford an apartment. only reason i am able to ply MWO and not be living on the streets is because my elderly grandparents let me bum a room (ok i am technically their primary care provider since neither one of them can drive and they need help around the house. though being 37 (almost 38) and living with ones grandparents sort of puts a damper on finding a GF of any kind and i have 0 social life)

(honestly would love it if i could get me some pot but i risk losing my Vet benefits since though its legal medicinally here in my state it is still illegal on the federal lvl (though our current prez did decriminalize it somewhat. i might not like Biden all that much but he is a damn sight better than Chump)

(nothing as bad as cancer here just a list of issues as long as my arm. including hand tremors chronic migraines and a number of other physical and mental issues including needing a cane to get around most days. its honestly to early in the morning to list it all)

Edited by VeeOt Dragon, 07 December 2022 - 06:27 AM.

[sycocys]

I would just encourage you to try to not sit and dwell on the negative things - I don't have any major issues and unless I'm playing the game with friends I generally just turn comms off if I don't have questions about mechanics that changed since I last played.

As useful as the comms can be if used correctly, most of the time its just filled with random garbage and guys that did 20 damage in assault mechs cussing out people for not holding targets.

[Duke Falcon]

@ JuggernautXTR

You have all my sympathies! I went through cancer and chemo myself but were lucky to have only minor side effects now. I know how you may feel every friggin day just to live to the next day! I wish you power and tremendous amount of luck to recover slowly but steadily! Until you not give up there is always hope!

The best for you, wish from the bottom of my heart!

[KodiakGW]

OP - Not sure if you are at all interested, but I’ve been having LOADS of fun with MW5. Scratches my MW itch well. Since you are playing MWO, you are on PC platform, and therefore can run all the great mods being put out by the modding community. It a great little community that posts frequently on the MW5 Reddit, not here.

PGI just said main game and all released DLCs are going on sale soon, most 50% off. So if you don’t own, it will be cheap soon. I’m actually thinking of purchasing extra copies from GOG if they release the new DLC/patch game code to modders so they can update their mods before release date (they did that prior to last patch/DLC) That way, I can continue to play if the login servers go offline.

PM me if interested and I’ll reply with a list of mods that are working well together, and my invite code. In the meantime, stay strong.

[KursedVixen]

just ignore the whiners.... saw a guy who complained alot and only got 95 damage meanwhile My lance was leading the charge, what thanks do we get?

[Matt Newman]

I lost my dad to cancer.

I am constantly in awe of the comradery, strength, and character displayed by the MechWarriors in this community. Both those who are struggling and those who reach out to help. Those of you finding the strength to make the world a better place. You are heroes to me.

I feel sorry for those that are toxic in video games. They lack both empathy and maturity.

[JuggernautXTR]

i don't know who did it or why, and i really appreciate but don't deserve it. i am not looking for any kind of sympathy, just want the elitist attitude to go away. all the support gives me more strength. piranha tries to keep them out but some people just didn't get hugged enough as a child.some are savable and we as a community need to support everyone no matter who they are.

to who ever it was that sent me the full out crusader package sent me into tears,i just spent 15 minutes trying to figure out what currant going event had this. i love you, and may god/universe/interdimensional beings or what ever bless you with riches far more than this world can provide.

lets all just try and get along and leave the elitist attitude bexhind
game on!!

https://twitter.com/...3793280/photo/1

Edited by JuggernautXTR, 07 December 2022 - 01:09 PM.

[LordNothing]

there are always those who measure their self worth by how well they play a video game. the sick sad truth is its probibly the only victory they will have in life. toxic players are to be pitied. perhaps they feed on it, who knows.

were just like old folks in a retirement home (and some of us are getting there), having some fun over a game of cards or dominoes and a pitcher of lemonade. sometimes a hotshot youngin' comes by and tries to school the old folks in games they've been playing since they got back from the great war. they might win against their elders, make their boasts and insults and go away, not once understanding the purpose of the gathering.

Edited by LordNothing, 07 December 2022 - 03:48 PM.

[Sawk]

WOW SAME BOAT -- i am in, only thing is i am still pretty healthy, but got 1 foot in to homeless, hmm i could have been more lucky in life, so i get it

SAWK CLANNER

[Duke Falcon]

Also sent you a message! Hope you do not mind!

[Rondoe]

LordNothing, on 07 December 2022 - 03:47 PM, said:

there are always those who measure their self worth by how well they play a video game. the sick sad truth is its probibly the only victory they will have in life. toxic players are to be pitied. perhaps they feed on it, who knows.

were just like old folks in a retirement home (and some of us are getting there), having some fun over a game of cards or dominoes and a pitcher of lemonade. sometimes a hotshot youngin' comes by and tries to school the old folks in games they've been playing since they got back from the great war. they might win against their elders, make their boasts and insults and go away, not once understanding the purpose of the gathering.

Very well said Sir!
Much Respect!

[CrimsonPhantom6sg062]

I saw this post before, but did not want to reply because I was worried that I am going to dedicate even more of my effort into this game than before if I did, but I will do it now before I possibly descend into even more madness. I mean **** it, I don’t want to dampen the Christmas spirit, but I think it is better for me to post this here before I go off the deep end. If anything, venting will probably make me feel better.

I also hope that maybe by posting this, I might stop someone from going down the path that I chose.

Juggernaut, I don’t want to hurt you considering your condition (obvious when looking up your information), so if what I say next might be too explicit, don’t hesitate to look away.
Also, while I appreciate all the teamwork and support from some players in the game, I kind of also want to be left alone to play the game at my own pace. Maybe it is in my mind, but sometimes it feels like I have to “prove” my worth in what I talk about regarding game improvements and mech builds.





You are absolutely right. Absolutely ******* right. This “I am better than you” attitude is pretty toxic, and I guess I have always been the offender throughout my life. However, I currently wish to get rid of this attitude before I do something I really regret. Maybe I am just a very ambitious person in everything I do? I don’t know when I will stay cool, but I damn hope I don’t cause an inferno in any competitive environment I go to. I owe this game one, because it has relit a motivational fire in my real life, but I have to control it. I also think the game changed how I approach challenges in life - I look at real-life problems far more wholly and patiently now, and I genuinely feel more optimistic and confident about my real-life self. It feels like this game has literally helped me develop as a person, although I still have my inner demons.

I am usually cool and reclusive IRL, but when I was much younger in Project Torque, I was pretty arrogant in competitive games. I guess it stems from my immaturity and my desire to “become something”. I thought my talent for “feeling” the car I am racing with was a blissing, but now I think it is a curse because it turned me into a toxic individual in that game who thinks everyone else is dumb. Laugh if you want, but I always wanted to “be the hero”, as childish as it sounds.

I think when I first played MWO, I still carried some of that toxicity with me (especially since right off the bat I pretty much won almost every 1v1 trade against other players due to my feel for aiming quickly), but after getting blasted in my first few games in Tier 5 and Tier 3 I think the game taught me to respect others and realize I am playing against actual people with actual lives. I might have learned how to aim very quickly, but I am nothing versus a good Tier 1 player that time.


However, when I entered Tier 3… Well:
I love MWO because of the sheer build variety in this game. Battlefield and Counterstrike are great, but I feel that after playing their limited roles, the games become stale fairly quickly and I lose the “high” I get when playing these games because they become really predictable. In MWO though, there are assaults, lights, snipers, brawlers, kitchen sink builds, low mounts, high mounts… You name it, it probably has that build. It felt like an infinite supply of “ecstasy” for me, almost orgasmic in nature, when I play a build I am not comfortable with and somehow make it work. Eventually I decided to try every build in the game, which is why I can give so much information about builds on the forums. Currently I have I believe about 300 competitive (excellent to overpowered) builds, and about 3000 “usable” builds now I think?

I guess the “ecstasy” comes from a sense of achievement that the hard work I spent trying to learn new techniques and to learn from my mistakes pays off and I become “good”. I also LOVE trawling through the stats I gather from my games to compare builds – I guess it comes from my career-based passions.

And when I entered Tier 3, I thought I was going to enter a world of true competitors – the ultimate test of my perseverance. But I was wrong. It was just different types of players who are about as easy to beat compared to when I was in Tier 4 and that really disappointed me. I guess I got disillusioned with everything I learned in MWO, and went off to have a 4 to 5 month hiatus to toss away all the info I got from the forums and from the top players, and construct my style from the ground up.

During that time I came across the professional scene of Counterstrike and I was hooked on learning, discussing, and practicing the tactics and skills from the pros. I felt the same “ecstasy” as I practiced my movement, aim, positioning, everything. That rush of being “challenged”. Yes, my motivation is questionable – MWO is not a career for me at all, but I come back to practice regularly because I crave that rush.

I wanted to be so good that nothing could stop me. No pre-made group. No single player. I didn’t care who D A T A or GeeRam were, I just wanted to be the best ******* player I can be, and I don’t care how I get there. Even if I somehow became number one in this game, I will still not be satisfied until I feel like I exhausted all my potential. Hence, I looked for every challenge. When I felt I became good enough with a technique or a build I always switched to something else so that I can keep learning more skills. Sometimes I switch back to my previous builds because I feel I can learn something new again or because “coffee break”.
This attitude remind you of some pro players Counter-strike fans?

After my hiatus, I came back to MWO almost like a completely different player. I felt like I looked at MWO as a mindgame rather than some reaction shooter. Furthermore, I learned that I can record my videos, which allowed me to assess me and every other players’ moves frame by frame. Look at GeeRam’s streams in about June 2021, and then look at his streams in about February 2022. You may notice that my playstyle has changed dramatically. I was cool at that time, but after I made a long string of what I saw as big mistakes, I left again somewhere in March 2022 to patch up my techniques because to me they weren’t working properly and I was deeply dissatisfied with my performance.


Enter December 2022, I once again became completely different. My perspective changed from “focus on shooting mechs” to “focus on gaining position, information, and options, BEFORE shooting mechs”, and it had a big positive impact on my performance. Now I feel confident about my fundamental skills in MWO, but I think the side effect is that I also very clearly see the mistakes of other players.

I also think that when you dedicate some effort into learning something, you sort of become “one” with what you are learning, and I feel a strong bond with this game like I didn’t feel before. It almost feels like the mech I was controlling IS me.

I think it got to the point where I thought that if the players who I expect to do well (i.e. veterans and pros I know in MWO) make a mistake I thought was extremely basic, I think they are trolling me and the community and I start to fume. And when a string of big mistakes happen in front of my eyes, I occasionally blow up. This is especially true, because in a significant portion of my games I feel under pressure to “lead” my team to a good result – even if it is not necessarily a win. I don’t even like drop calling or being the leader, but I feel that I have to do it because I don’t want to see less experienced players build bad habits or make terrible decisions.

Enter the bond I feel with MWO. I also felt desperate to “stand out” in the game, contrary to what I normally do, because I genuinely want players to see the way I personally see the game. I want players to try more builds out. I want to see players at least use terrain at the most fundamental level. I want players to communicate better in the game. I want players to learn my perspective of playing MWO, not playing it for the sake of shooting robos, but as something of a chess game (something I learned from watching pro CS). Its not like I even see it as competitive chess, because I actually find playing the game strategically is actually really fun – trying to guess each player’s position and move and countering it based on the cards I get dealt with.

And when people simply refuse to even try to see the game the way I see it, I feel hurt. Maybe because of my connection, or because of the effort I put into my unique playstyle, or because of just sheer disappointment. In fact, there are times I want to give up and just play like most other players so I can avoid this pain. I don’t care if you don’t like my playstyle, but I just want appreciation for the fact that I tried to better myself.

I don’t know what to say now. If you want to roast me, go ahead. If you think I should go, maybe I should be gone for good. I just don’t know.

Actually, maybe the one thing I ought to say is I should stop shoving my ideals down the throats of other players. I have my right to play the game the way I want. You have your own right to play the game you want. I have no authority to influence the way you play if you don’t consent.
Actually, maybe I want attention? I don’t feel like it though, I think I am just venting or I want others to understand my perspectives.

I just feel terrible about myself, and yet I honestly cannot think of anything that makes me happy outside of my actual career. I cannot describe how happy I feel when I see a successful team effort in game, even if I personally sacrifice my kills, and even my mech. Or when I help my team make a comeback from 6v12, 4v8, etc. Or after a particularly exhilarating battle. Or comparing between a bunch of similar builds. I honestly can’t put it into words.
And I am also really scared that if I stop practicing regularly, then I will eventually lose my touch after a month or so. And then my dream will be gone forever.


As for my current headspace: I feel like I am in the ****. I am still very unhappy with my performances. I don’t mind if I don’t score highly or I lose lots of games, but its the stupid ******* mistakes I constantly make game after game that piss me off. I am not impressed with the progress I am making in terms of individual performance. It feels like I miss half my shots, a lot of them are shots I feel I should be hitting 90% of the time. I make stupid movement errors that sometimes cost me at least 15 points of CT or leg health unnecessarily. I don’t always time my moves well at all, even in a light mech, which sometimes cost me entire games. I make big errors in clutch situations that again cost me games. I sometimes feel that as an assault I let down my teammates because I made a bad decision and massively reduced my “firepower” for the game. I am just pissed with the performance I am currently having, and I really want to make it right – because this isn’t the player that I see myself being. If you have an example of a game I played, then I can point out all the issues I see in that game right now. I am sure I can count at least 10 errors even in my “good” games.

Also, I think that this headspace is also why I get sensitive to bad showings from other players, or if I hear what I think is pure stupidity. I am already doing pretty ****, don’t make me do even worse please.


I don’t plan to play in pre-mades, because after one such game, I just don’t want to do it anymore in the current state of MM. It is just boring and empty to me. I would rather have an even playing field where the enemy team is just as organized as my own team.

On the other hand, maybe I might try comp or FP once I get a proper desktop setup. However, I am busy with personal and career issues now (hate it because sometimes I want to practice like the best pros do it, though again I am not 100% motivated to do this). Maybe one day…


Its getting pretty late for me, I should stop doing this now. I can’t guarantee that I won’t go back to my bad ways though, but I promise I will try my best to lighten up. I feel so stupid writing this post, but a promise is a promise.


P.S. I want to change my name, because I think it sounds like a stupid randomized mash-up from Xbox Live. Probably because it IS inspired by Xbox Live.
P.S.S. Maybe I SHOULD take a break.
P.S.S.S. Edited, because stupid formatting issues

Edited by CrimsonPhantom6sg062, 14 December 2022 - 04:58 PM.

[Cherge]

Sorry to hear that man, that is absolutely terrible

[RickySpanish]

Stay strong OP.

[PocketYoda]

Its a competitive thing... I don't get it myself.

I like the cbills, but i really don't care who wins really, i just don't like stomps when the match maker goes bananas. the toxic stuff is sadly in every multiplayer..

[PurplePuke]

Hell yeah buddy.

"Do not go gentle into that good night,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light."

Embrace life's passion as much as you can before you go.

JuggernautXTR, on 07 December 2022 - 01:55 AM, said:

well lets see karma take a huge bite on this one.
so your better than me whoopee.any normal non afflicted person probably is.

*************

JUGGERNAUTXTR(yes its extreme) why? i refuse to quit living, i refuse to give up. and you shouldn't either.