8 replies to this topic

[Hex Pallett]

So a few of you might already know I'm trying to write a couple of space-themed sci-fi stories, as few days ago I asked the question of how to write a female character. As we all know, for any mature world setting, it needs a religion, a significant cult of some sort, and for the sake of my stories, I have created The Church of Calanthe.

Clearly I have borrowed a few things from BattleTech universe - Inner Sphere, Periphery, Succession Wars and the general timeline, but the cult itself is completely original (afaik, unless others have come up with similar ideas before me). And to my surprise, my thought process was actually quite coherent.

So, I present my first homemade space-cult to you venerable sci-fi veterans. Any comments, suggestions and bashes are welcomed. Also don't mind the few lines of Chinese on top. Those are just explaining why I wrote this.

Edited by Helmstif, 04 August 2014 - 09:03 AM.

[Hex Pallett]

I await feedback with overwhelming anticipations.

[Hex Pallett]

Marack Drock, on 04 August 2014 - 10:29 AM, said:

Edit- when does the Anime girl's skirt fall all the way down? Its already half there.

I'm beginning to feel like putting that gif up there was a mistake....

[Hex Pallett]

C'mon guys, opinions! Comments! Anything!



(last self-bump, don't kill it yet Egomane :3)

[Sheriff Cinco]

Not a bad introduction. Seems like a believable scenario. What really matters is how you sprinkle that backstory into your main story.

[Lily from animove]

Helmstif, on 05 August 2014 - 12:15 AM, said:

C'mon guys, opinions! Comments! Anything!



(last self-bump, don't kill it yet Egomane :3)

lemme se, I just had this Exterminatus proposal paper in my hands yesterday.
It must still be here somewhere.

[t Khrist]

Sheriff Cinco, on 05 August 2014 - 12:39 AM, said:

Not a bad introduction. Seems like a believable scenario. What really matters is how you sprinkle that backstory into your main story.

It seems like it would work well as the start of a chapter. The previous ends on a conversation in which the cult is referenced. The text is a good story on its own, as well as informative. It all depends on what the actual importance of this information is to the main plot (seems decently important due to the range in which Calanthes' influence is spread).

About the excerpt in general:

I like it a lot, all the pieces theoretically work well together (from a medical and scientific perspective). It also does a good job of explaining what kind of people Calanthe, Chen, and Sapkowski really were: kind, selfless, and caring humanitarians. So I hope that's what you were going for. Most religions were founded on a lot worse . Anyway, overall A+!

Edited by t Khrist, 05 August 2014 - 02:00 PM.

[Hex Pallett]

t Khrist, on 05 August 2014 - 01:58 PM, said:

It seems like it would work well as the start of a chapter. The previous ends on a conversation in which the cult is referenced. The text is a good story on its own, as well as informative. It all depends on what the actual importance of this information is to the main plot (seems decently important due to the range in which Calanthes' influence is spread).

Basically that's what I planned. I'm gonna insert a shortened version before one of the chapers, then slowly add the info piece by piece later on. And although I don't have the full story yet, the church is gonna play a big part in the meta-world, a little like how ComStar plays in BattleTech before they stirred up major sh*ts.

Also for the next thing I'm gonna figure out my own version of ComStar.