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Non-Combat Tips (Parody List)


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#41 Nathan Foxbane

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Posted 07 February 2014 - 03:42 PM

View PostShar Wolf, on 07 February 2014 - 03:33 PM, said:

[/size]
"Can I muzzle-load it?"
"Yes, but your average I-beam has lousy ballistics"
Kai's first question to having Yenlo's AC/20 replaced with a Guass, and it's reply :P

It was a less than subtle Chekhov's Gun. The sneaky bit was waiting for the next book to use it.

162. The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries is highly suggested reading. Not all of it applies to Mechwarriors.

Edited by Nathan Foxbane, 07 February 2014 - 03:54 PM.


#42 Alaskan Nobody

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Posted 07 February 2014 - 04:23 PM

View PostNathan Foxbane, on 07 February 2014 - 03:42 PM, said:

It was a less than subtle Chekhov's Gun. The sneaky bit was waiting for the next book to use it.

Haven't read the next one yet. :P

#43 Nathan Foxbane

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Posted 07 February 2014 - 04:29 PM

View PostShar Wolf, on 07 February 2014 - 04:23 PM, said:

[/size]
Haven't read the next one yet. :P

Spoiling nothing. It is as subtle as a brick to the head.

#44 StompingOnTanks

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Posted 07 February 2014 - 05:29 PM

View PostNathan Foxbane, on 07 February 2014 - 02:46 PM, said:

160. Replacing the PPC on the female CO's Battlemaster with a chain whip and stenciling Battlemistress beneath the cockpit is frowned upon.
161. If she likes it. RUN!!!


Are you sure I should run? :P :rolleyes:

#45 MnDragon

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Posted 07 February 2014 - 06:17 PM

164. Repeatedly shutting down and powering up in an effort to "teabag" an opponent is not authorized.
165. You can't load "bird-shot" in your LB-10X when hunting Ravens
166. Spider pilots do not find it humorous when you attempt to duct tape their mech to your catapult so that you have an ECM module.
167. Using a Jenner as a melee weapon when trying to hit a Spider and yelling "KILL IT!!! KILL IT!!" will only upset the CO.

#46 Dexter Herbivore

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Posted 07 February 2014 - 11:35 PM

168. The Mad Dog is not "Such weapons... much fire... wow".

#47 StompingOnTanks

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Posted 08 February 2014 - 06:46 PM

169. You are not to scream "NOOB!" over open comms when you see a Jagermech armed with dual AC/20s, no matter how many members of your battalion agree with you.
170. You will not call your Commander's Stalker "The Wobbling W****r of Wiggly Wrath" if he loses a leg actuator.
171. Spherical Dropships are not "Flying Space Balls". Two spherical Dropships flying in formation with an arrow-shaped Jumpship is not a "Pleasure Cruise" either.

Edited by StompingOnTanks, 08 February 2014 - 06:46 PM.


#48 Dexter Herbivore

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Posted 09 February 2014 - 06:47 AM

174. The Jenner will never be there when you need it.

#49 StompingOnTanks

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Posted 09 February 2014 - 07:12 AM

175. An enemy Spider will always be behind you if a friendly Jenner isn't.

#50 Arnold J Rimmer

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Posted 09 February 2014 - 07:45 AM

Nothing to contribute yet, but you guys have me crying with laughter.

#51 MnDragon

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Posted 09 February 2014 - 08:41 AM

176. Newbie Jenner Pilots are required to stay far away from all mechs with hand actuators during engagements with spiders....No you can't ask why.

#52 StompingOnTanks

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Posted 09 February 2014 - 09:49 AM

177. Painting your Centurion green, tinting the cockpit glass orange, adding small blue LED lights to various parts of the body, stenciling "177" on the shoulder, and equipping triple-strength Myomer and MASC does not qualify you to abandon your post under the guise of "Finishing The Fight".
178. There is no such thing as "Silly Straw" ammunition for autocannons.
179. When fighting alongside Davion forces, try not to slip on the sea of empty shell casings littering the ground.
180. Nobody cares to see your "Iron Giant" impression while piloting a humanoid mech.

#53 MnDragon

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Posted 09 February 2014 - 10:18 AM

181. Playing "Mr. Roboto" or Saying Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto over your loud speakers when confronting Kurita's is considered poor form.
182. There is no Moon Walk button on your throttle while in reverse.
183. You are not allowed to roast hotdogs, marshmallows, or anything else over an Ember's Flamers.
(Even though that is all they are good for.)

Edited by MnDragon, 09 February 2014 - 10:19 AM.


#54 Sandpit

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Posted 09 February 2014 - 10:43 AM

177. No, having hands does not mean it's ok to make the "jerking it" motion with your mech

#55 Hex Pallett

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Posted 09 February 2014 - 10:51 AM

View PostMarack Drock, on 04 February 2014 - 09:00 PM, said:

86. Hunchback is awesome.


Give that man a cookie!

View PostNathan Foxbane, on 07 February 2014 - 02:46 PM, said:

160. Replacing the PPC on the female CO's Battlemaster with a chain whip and stenciling Battlemistress beneath the cockpit is frowned upon.
161. If she likes it. RUN!!!


I shouldn't have laughed that hard....

Edited by Helmstif, 09 February 2014 - 11:21 AM.


#56 Hex Pallett

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Posted 09 February 2014 - 11:43 AM

178: Any comments on female Dragon pilots regarding "the size of her chest" over com will be considered workplace sexual harassment.
179: It is permitted, however, to refer to Commando's front CT armor as "sexy 6-packs", regardless of the pilot's gender.
180: We have been receiving an increasing number of complaints from Comstar's female representatives regarding phrases like "feel my hyperpulse generator". Our public figure is low as it already is, please stop.

Edited by Helmstif, 09 February 2014 - 11:45 AM.


#57 990Dreams

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Posted 09 February 2014 - 12:45 PM

181: There is no rule 182
183: There is no rule 182
184: The red team is blue to the red team and you are red to the red team
185: "I'll do it tomorrow" is not an excuse. What is today but yesterday's tomorrow?
186: Stereotyping a pilot based on their Mech is not allowed (unless I do it)
187: You cannot criticize that
188: Rule 182 can only exist if it references it's own non-existance
182: There is no rule 182
189: Rule 181, 182, 183 and 188 are false.
190: DavidHurricane will post the 200th rule
191: Do not hunt down the person who 'copied your username.' You will not find them.
192: 'Mad skillz' does not impress anyone
193: Tactical thinking does
194: 'Nerfing' and 'Buffing' does not excuse your lack of training
195: Balance is different from 'Nerfing' and 'Buffing'
196: 'The sun is in my eyes' is not an excuse, since you see everything through a brightness moderating HUD visor.
197: AC/2 Ghost heat doesn't make sense
198: The rest mostly does
199: PPC heat can be rduced a bit thanks to Ghost Heat
200: Rule 190 is false

#58 Hexenhammer

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Posted 09 February 2014 - 01:45 PM

View PostSparks Murphey, on 06 February 2014 - 07:22 PM, said:







#59 Alaskan Nobody

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Posted 10 February 2014 - 11:39 AM

View PostStompingOnTanks, on 09 February 2014 - 09:49 AM, said:

179. When fighting alongside Davion forces, try not to slip on the sea of empty shell casings littering the ground.

dakkaDAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKA

#60 Alaskan Nobody

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Posted 10 February 2014 - 11:43 AM

View PostDavidHurricane, on 09 February 2014 - 12:45 PM, said:

181: There is no rule 182
183: There is no rule 182
188: Rule 182 can only exist if it references it's own non-existance
182: There is no rule 182
189: Rule 181, 182, 183 and 188 are false.
190: DavidHurricane will post the 200th rule
200: Rule 190 is false

That SHOULD be making my brain hurt.... but it caused so much damage I cannot feel the paint anymore ;)





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