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It is a cloudy Friday morning in Vancouver, and light rain showers are in the area. Employees slowly drag themselves in through the office doors, dreary-eyed yet pleased the week is nearing its end. Donuts have been provided for this mornings office meeting, much to the delight of everyone. However a dispute breaks out over who gets the last sprinkle donut, and in the ensuing scuffle several bearclaws are lost after falling on the floor. Russ finally calls everyone to the meeting...
Russ Bullock: Alright settle down. Every find a seat. I apologize for the donut incident. Next time more sprinkle donuts will be provided for everyone. However after next week we will be having a company inservice on sharing and how to treat your friends...
All: Collective groaning and complaining
Russ Bullock: I know! I don't like it anymore than you do, but that was an unacceptable loss of bear claws! Now, down to business...a hand raises...really? A question already?
Sean Cove: Yeah...why are you standing in front of a giant white board with sticky notes all over it?
Russ Bullock: Don't worry about that yet...now then, E3 starts next week. I trust we have all the travel arrangements taken care of?
Karl Berg: For the most part. We are having trouble with Paul's passport and E3 pass. Seems he had a previous incident that banned him from the greater Los Angeles area, and the Los Angeles Convention center has already made us purchase insurance for bringing him along...
Russ Bullock: Seriously? Paul what the hell did you do?
Paul Inouye: I am not explicitly allowed to say, however it involved fire, a barbershop quartet, and something along the lines of cafeteria trays being used as ninja throwing stars...
Russ has a look of confusion on his face
Paul Inouye: Look, it was a rough week, and I am pretty sure everyone there knew the Electronic Arts guys had it coming...them and that damn Peter Molyneux...
Russ Bullock: Alright then...moving on. Do we know what game footage we are releasing yet?
Kyle Polulak: Well, a lot of the community is speculating that the Artemis project will reveal some of the unseen at E3...Alex lglesias looks up with bright hope on his face...however that is just another gag to keep the community dazed. Alex goes back to sulking in the corner.
Russ Bullock: Yes, the speculation over this Artemis site has really taken off. Man they are going to go nuts when it simply changes the standard color of the 'Pending' status on the forums! Anyway, I guess we could show the Centurion and Awesome in action. We can't keep feeding them pictures of Jenners and Catapults forever.
Matt Newman: Well we could...
Russ Bullock: Yeah they are pretty dumb. I mean they still think this nubnub guy is one of us and that we actually have criteria for the closed beta...collective laughing from everyone...with that said, I would like to move onto some office business. Now then, for today's playtest, anyone caught using a Madcat...
Matthew Craig: It's called a Timberwolf!!!!!
Russ Bullock: ...Oh you know what I mean!! Anyway, anyone caught using one will have one million cbills stripped from their account. We get the joke already! However it does us no good testing the game when you come marching in and wipe out two whole lances with one mech!
Bryan Ekman: I apologized for that already! We were all really sick of Paul winning all the time!
I swear if I get legged one more time...
Paul Inouye: Hey, maybe you should just get better at the game you are designing! Who knew it was possible to hit your mech with your OWN LRM's...I mean that takes talent right there!
Russ Bullock: Moving on, I would like to welcome Dennis back...lots of clapping... as well as report that all the Mexican flutes have now been accounted for...lots of booing... You all can have them back after we launch!!!...More booing, and Paul throws a donut at Russ...Bad Paul! Timeout!
Paul leaves the office meeting and heads to his office.
Russ Bullock: Alright let's get this over with. Now we need to decide the next set of Beta keys. Last week we simply threw darts at a list of names. It worked to an extent....
Garth Erlam: It worked terribly!
Russ Bullock: HAND RAISING! And it was not that bad!
Garth Erlam: Half of the first 1000 invites were sent to employees, and the other half were mistakenly labeled as Diablo 3 Beta invites.
Russ Bullock: A minor hiccup...this new system will work much better...Russ holds up a bucket....in this bucket I have placed all the names of the staff members. We will draw a name. That person gets to choose where the next Beta invites go. However this will be more like a game of Pin the Tail on the Donkey! On the whiteboard behind me are sticky notes with the name of forum users. Whoever is chosen will be blindfolded, spun around in circles, then must grab as many sticky notes as they can in thirty seconds while the rest of the office shoots rubber bands at them. Russ reaches in the bucket and pulls out a name. And that person is Garth!
Garth Erlam: Oh no, I want a raise...
Russ Bullock: Man I love Betas! Now then if you will just step up here....
Suddenly Paul comes bursting out of his office
Paul Inouye: REEEEEDDAAACCCTTEEEDDD!!!!!
Paul proceeds to tackle the whiteboard. Everyone proceeds to shoot him repeatedly with rubber bands. The office turns into chaos, and a keyboard is thrown out the window...
Russ Bullock: Oh hell, just go to your desks and start beta testing...
Edited by Hawkeye 72, 01 June 2012 - 10:09 AM.
