6 replies to this topic

[Barnaby Jones]

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

There can be only one.

[Roadbeer]

Dude... I totally do this too, ever since I read this on the internet like 15 years ago

[Barnaby Jones]

Roadbeer, on 25 April 2013 - 06:49 PM, said:

Dude... I totally do this too, ever since I read this on the internet like 15 years ago

Hence the Redux.

and it was only 6 years ago....

Edited by Barnaby Jones, 25 April 2013 - 07:03 PM.

[Roadbeer]

Feels like forever.

but I'm serious, I do, do this

[Texas Merc]

Barnaby jones is my he-bro

[Ihasa]

Texas Merc, on 25 April 2013 - 09:42 PM, said:

Barnaby jones is my he-bro

LOL yeah I always love Barnaby's sense of humor on TS. Always a pleasure to pew pew with!

[General Taskeen]

I'd mail them a pizza roll.