53 replies to this topic

[ERRATIC CHEESE]

____________________________________________________

From:erratic*******@hotmail.com
Sent: Monday, June 4, 2012 9:01:44 AM
To:general@piranha-games.com
Subject: Urgent issue regarding upcoming release

Good day. My name is ERRATIC CHEESE. I urgently require the phone number of your President and Executive Producer Bryan Ekman, with whom I hope to address a serious problem in an upcoming Piranha release. Thank you.

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From:general@piranha-games.com
Sent: Monday, June 4, 2012 11:12:28 AM
To:erratic*******@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: Urgent issue regarding upcoming release

Dear 'Cheese', we do not release the contact details of our Executives. If you wish, I can forward your concerns to the appropriate parties.

Regards,
Allison Shaw

Recruiting Inquiries: recruiting@piranha-games.com
GeneralInquiries: general@piranha-games.com
Business, Publishing and Media Inquiries (not for recruiting purposes):
Corporate Address:
Piranha Games Inc
88 West Pender St.
Suite #2065
Vancouver, Canada
V6B 6N9

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From:erratic*******@hotmail.com
Sent: Monday, June 4, 2012 11:21:19 AM
To:general@piranha-games.com
Subject: Re: Urgent issue regarding upcoming release

Mrs Shaw, I do not wish to party. I seek Mister Bryan Ekman, urgently, forthwith and such. Thank you.

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From:general@piranha-games.com
Sent: Monday, June 4, 2012 11:52:36 AM
To:erratic*******@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: Urgent issue regarding upcoming release

If you state your concerns they will be relayed to the relevant persons on our staff. Mr Ekman is not on site and his contact details are not relayed to the public.

Regards,
Allison Shaw

Recruiting Inquiries: recruiting@piranha-games.com
General Inquiries: general@piranha-games.com
Business, Publishing and Media Inquiries (not for recruiting purposes):
Corporate Address:
Piranha Games Inc
88 West Pender St.
Suite #2065
Vancouver, Canada
V6B 6N9


____________________________________________________


From:erratic*******@hotmail.com
Sent: Monday, June 4, 2012 12:01:41 PM
To:general@piranha-games.com
Subject: Re: Urgent issue regarding upcoming release

Mrs Shaw, I find your attitude inappropriate and wish to file a complaint with your superior. Give me Ekman's contact details, so I may discuss with him your improper conduct.
____________________________________________________


From:Timuhlich@piranha-games.com
Sent: Monday, June 4, 2012 1:31:27 PM
To:erratic*******@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: Urgent issue regarding upcoming release

Sir, Mr Ekman does not handle matters directly. Perhaps I can relay your concerns to the appropriate staff?

Tim Uhlich
ITC
Piranha Games Inc
Corporate Address:
Piranha Games Inc
88 West Pender St.
Suite #2065
Vancouver, Canada
V6B 6N9


____________________________________________________

From:erratic*******@hotmail.com
Sent: Monday, June 4, 2012 1:42:12 PM
To:Timuhlich@piranha-games.com
Subject: Urgent issue regarding upcoming release

Who are you, Tim? What have you done with Mrs Shaw?


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From:Timuhlich@piranha-games.com
Sent: Monday, June 4, 2012 1:51:27 PM
To:erratic*******@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: Urgent issue regarding upcoming release

I'm Tim Uhlich, head of media relations/inquiries? Who may I ask are you?

Tim Uhlich
ITC
Piranha Games Inc
Corporate Address:
Piranha Games Inc
88 West Pender St.
Suite #2065
Vancouver, Canada
V6B 6N9
____________________________________________________


From:erratic*******@hotmail.com
Sent: Monday, June 4, 2012 2:01:11 PM
To:Timuhlich@piranha-games.com
Subject: Urgent issue regarding upcoming release

Media relations? What's that? Like sex with journalists? Listen Tim, my name is ERRATIC CHEESE. Ekman knows who I am. I've been beta-testing one of your upcoming releases and have stumbled upon something BIG.

I've been looking through all the media files and it seems, no, not seems, IT IS CLEAR, that all the BattleMechs in the upcoming MechWarrior Online game are TOTALLY NUDE. Some person or persons – possibly the liberals – have hacked the skins, and someone over at management has deliberately let this slip through. I don't know why they'd do this, but it seems likely that this is a planned act of sabotage, covertly sneaking nudity into the game in order to instigate a product recall.

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From:Timuhlich@piranha-games.com
Sent: Monday, June 4, 2012 2:51:12 PM
To:erratic*******@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: Urgent issue regarding upcoming release

Sir, the 'Mech models are anthropomorphic but not “nude” and in no way violate decency guidelines.

Tim Uhlich
ITC
Piranha Games Inc
Corporate Address:
Piranha Games Inc
88 West Pender St.
Suite #2065
Vancouver, Canada
V6B 6N9


____________________________________________________

From:erratic*******@hotmail.com
Sent: Monday, June 4, 2012 3:01:19 PM
To:Timuhlich@piranha-games.com
Subject: Urgent issue regarding upcoming release

Don't be daft, Tim. Then how do you explain the awesome nipples? Explain the awesome nipples Tim. Go on. Awesome nipples don't just get coded without management being in on it. There's something fishy going on down at Piranah.

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From:Timuhlich@piranha-games.com
Sent: Monday, June 4, 2012 3:41:32 PM
To:erratic*******@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: Urgent issue regarding upcoming release

Sir, there are no “awesome nipples” in the models. Please refrain from emailing our staff; your address will be blocked if you continue to do so.

Tim Uhlich
ITC
Piranha Games Inc
Corporate Address:
Piranha Games Inc
88 West Pender St.
Suite #2065
Vancouver, Canada
V6B 6N9
____________________________________________________


From:erratic*******@hotmail.com
Sent: Monday, June 4, 2012 4:21:19 PM
To:Timuhlich@piranha-games.com
Subject: Urgent issue regarding upcoming release

No awesome nipples? Are you f****** blind Tim?




The People WANT TO know THE TRUTH, TIM. THE PEOPLE WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH.

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I've seen this happen before, guys. Back in 2001 there was a hacker who called himself "Mech2". He was a master of satire and meta-ownage. He was a new kind of criminal, a new kind of terrorist. In November of 2000 he infiltrated FASA's Mechcommander 2 development team and sabotaged that game, turning it to total, unplayable, pointless crap. The guy was a real monster, hacking servers, games, crashing websites and tormenting kids...




Then he started marketing his hacks...





I spent 9 months tracking him down, but Mech2 went deep underground and wasn't heard from again. I think he's back. His fingerprints are all over this operation, and if I know anything about his style, a free-game like MechWarrior Online is just the kind of trap he'll use to make 'Mech fans pay. But if I'm to stop him, I'm going to need help. It's like when Gandalf said "Use the Force, Harry" to Wolverine in Star Trek 2. Sometimes you need outside assistance. But who? Looks like its back to the past for ERRATIC_CHEESE, to that little black book of bad memories, scars and telephone addresses.


Clan ERRATIC FEATHERED CACTUS....

ASSEMBLEH !

[Aegis Kleais]

This post has my official "This kind of sh*t p*sses me the f*ck off" seal of approval.

Edited by Aegis Kleais, 05 June 2012 - 12:24 PM.

[Oswin Aurelius]

This is why we can't have nice things.

[HRR Nighthawk]

umm, you've posted nipples yourself sir...you didn't block out those on the atlas in the background. little kids could blow that up and look at it for a cheap thrill.

[ShadowMech84]

I lol'd.

[John Clavell]

There's 5 minutes of my life I'll never get back.

[Garth Erlam]

The best part is that those people don't work here.

Welcome to MWO, Cheese.

[Stormeris]

I **** i started crying tears of laughter xD **** my sides feel like stabbed with knives

[Smiffy]

While ultimately unnecessary, mildly hilarious, you mr cheece have made my morning.

[Tronchaser]

Garth Erlam, on 05 June 2012 - 12:38 PM, said:

The best part is that those people don't work here.

Welcome to MWO, Cheese.

Garth, I hope you embrace the troll that is Erratic Cheese. The dude is one of the all time funniest people I have ever seen.

[Hannes]

+1 for using "The XX" ;D

[X101]

Some people have to much spare time.

[Trevnor]

*Slow Clap

You sir, have challenged Paul... Retribution will be painful.

[Five by Five]

God I forgot,.... never read an Erratic Cheese post while at work.

[King Curt]

His cheese is so erratic he hallucinates when he eats it

[RoboCyberMummy]

Must screenshot before it gets [REDACTED]! I will preserve the funny for all time!

[Tyzh]

Oh god. That was beautiful. Especially the first video. The part where it cut to the MW3 Summoner being blasted... it's a work of art. Bravo sir!

[Stonewall]

Absolutely annoying and foolish, but I have to admire the effort. Cheese, redirect those creative juices to more constructive projects and you'll be golden.

Edited by stonewall, 05 June 2012 - 01:08 PM.

[Orion Pirate]

Not my kind of humor. I wonder how long he is going to keep going with this naked stuff...

[Bigamo]

Garth Erlam, on 05 June 2012 - 12:38 PM, said:

The best part is that those people don't work here.

Welcome to MWO, Cheese.

Omg they got fired to encover the conspiracy?