3435 replies to this topic

[Arnold J Rimmer]

Africa will not let Sparks Murphey die.

Man, I really want to watch League of Extraordinary Gentlemen again.

[Smitti]

Arnold's computer is so old it's steam powered. He built it in a cave out of only a few pieces of boiler plate, shards of a window pane, some strands of a red-head's hair, some tooth picks and a virgin sacrifice.

Every morning he has to open up the back, stoke the coals and get the boiler going again. After two hundred years however, it has never physically broken down. "Ol' reliable" it has been christened.

It lets out a shrill steam whistle every time a process has finished, but vents steam everywhere if windows ever crashes. This doesn't happen as often since he installed the Tesla coils and the Faraday cage.

I offered to fabricate a stove on the side that would brew his coffee while he computed but he has opted instead for whipping a gnome on an over-sized mouse wheel as added overclocking...

Arnold keeps a fire blanket, cold running water and an extinguisher nearby just in case. Oh, and a box of bandaids.


EDIT: adhesive plaster bandage strips are censor-able??

Edited by Smittiferous, 17 February 2014 - 12:52 AM.

[Arnold J Rimmer]

Smittiferous, on 17 February 2014 - 12:51 AM, said:

Arnold's computer is so old it's steam powered. He built it in a cave out of only a few pieces of boiler plate, shards of a window pane, some strands of a red-head's hair, some tooth picks and a virgin sacrifice.

Every morning he has to open up the back, stoke the coals and get the boiler going again. After two hundred years however, it has never physically broken down. "Ol' reliable" it has been christened.

It lets out a shrill steam whistle every time a process has finished, but vents steam everywhere if windows ever crashes. This doesn't happen as often since he installed the Tesla coils and the Faraday cage.

I offered to fabricate a stove on the side that would brew his coffee while he computed but he has opted instead for whipping a gnome on an over-sized mouse wheel as added overclocking...

Arnold keeps a fire blanket, cold running water and an extinguisher nearby just in case. Oh, and a box of bandaids.


EDIT: adhesive plaster bandage strips are censor-able??

This is uncomfortably close to the truth. Also, it was censored because I'm pretty sure the censor is not case-sensitive and there's a certain STD that apparently offends people?

Smittiferous became so sick of junk mail that he landscaped his property to resemble an Escher painting, with only one safe route in/out, to trap the mailmen. Three are still walking his garden path. The rest know not to go to the 'weird house'.

[Smitti]

Arnold does not have a guard dog.

Instead he has a savage, rabid smiley face chained to a massive concrete plug set in the front yard of his domicile. It chews through it's 30mm FSWR tether on a weekly basis.

Arnold doesn't get mail either. Or visitors. The police wish to talk to him in regards to the disappearance of postmen, old ladies, the neighbourhood's dogs, school children and the odd heavy vehicle that parks in front of his house, but they are too scared to knock on his door.

He named it Pat. Short for Pasquale.

[Sparks Murphey]

Smittiferous's greatest triumph is the 7 legged machine he calls "the Painbane". Armed with an impressive array of hypodermic needles, fully-automatic pill dispensers, and, yes, bandaids, the designs for the Painbane caused one renowned doctor to comment "If this thing does what Smittiferous says it will, I'm out of a job. Of course, if it doesn't, business will be booming." Engineers are yet to get all the legs to work at once, as the mechanisms for it's drive shaft were conceived of during a walk along Smittiferous' garden path, and thus make use of dimensions unseen in the normal world.

[Arnold J Rimmer]

Luckily, Sparks Murphey is an expert in non-Euclidean construction, and his name has been forwarded to Smittiferous to help out.

Hopefully, he can make it to the front door before either the Escher garden or the Painbane claims him.

[StompingOnTanks]

Arnold J Rimmer is an expert in hyperhydraaquasupercondensationelectrolyte hypertension dynamics.

[Arnold J Rimmer]

Stomping is the one who taught him.

[Nathan Foxbane]

Arnold knows it is a dream sequence and he is not the dreamer.

[Domoneky]

[StompingOnTanks]

Domoneky is the key... But to what? To where? To whom? The world may never know.

[Sparks Murphey]

StompingOnTanks owns a small island in the Arctic Ocean called "Stomptopia", where he trains his elite Stomptroopers.

[Sparks Murphey]

Sparks Murphey has been known to engage in self-referential behaviour.

[StompingOnTanks]

Sparks Murphey is so fancy that he's going to need a second monocle.

[Smitti]

StompingOnTanks will take his Atlas for a leisurely stroll along the riverside in River City, adorned with a jacket, a cane, top hat, tobacco pipe and yes, a monocle. Oh, and a pair of LB10s.

"I say, old chaps. Top weather for a Sunday stroll and a spot of hunting, what?"

Edited by Smittiferous, 18 February 2014 - 01:18 AM.

[Arnold J Rimmer]

Unfortunately, Smittiferous is usually the one being hunted.

[StompingOnTanks]

Smitt forgot to mention that my LB10s have fine grain wood stocks with metal engravings, like so.

[Smitti]

Arnold J Rimmer, on 18 February 2014 - 02:14 AM, said:

Unfortunately, Smittiferous is usually the one being hunted.

Only when I'm piloting a Kit Fox

Edited by Smittiferous, 18 February 2014 - 11:46 PM.

[Smitti]

StompingOnTanks found that shotgun, along with another identical one, wrapped in a sack after an impromptu duck-diving expedition beneath a bridge in London.



(If you don't get the reference, stop what you are doing and go watch Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. Right meow!!)

[StompingOnTanks]

Smittiferous stole my caffeine water that I drink every morning, and now my systems aren't nominalizing. - ~ -

-Inner self bangs repeatedly on brain control console.- WAKE UP, DAMN IT!