49 replies to this topic

[Odanan]

Bishop Steiner, on 14 January 2014 - 12:29 PM, said:

?

Oh sexy!

The arms will need to really be farther from the body, or the torso drum won't fit. Aesthetically, the 3 big pods could be lowered even more, for a more Kraken/King Crab stance.

And maybe the center torso could be pushed to the left, for weight balance (as the left torso pod is smaller).

Edited by Odanan, 14 January 2014 - 06:32 PM.

[Odanan]

Utilyan, on 14 January 2014 - 12:34 PM, said:

This is what went through my mind......"...But there was more. With a chill through his spine, he saw there was a sketch of another, smaller mech."
The story starts with stats of a big mech.....leading to the "horror" of a smaller mech.

Smaller mech ain't a 100 tonner right? The story gives you the stats of a 100 tonner.....but what he is afraid of is a SMALLER mech. You never get the stats of the smaller mech.

Edit: I'm see this story happening around the 2900's and its precursor of a Mad Dog. "inner sphere barbarian" I just chalk up as a common "freebirth" insult.

My English is not 100% so maybe I wasn't clear. Need to go now... later I will elaborate better the text.

PS: nice mech!! Looks solid and functional. I like it!

[Odanan]

Utilyan, on 14 January 2014 - 12:34 PM, said:

This is what went through my mind......"...But there was more. With a chill through his spine, he saw there was a sketch of another, smaller mech."
The story starts with stats of a big mech.....leading to the "horror" of a smaller mech.

Smaller mech ain't a 100 tonner right? The story gives you the stats of a 100 tonner.....but what he is afraid of is a SMALLER mech. You never get the stats of the smaller mech.

The smaller mech (not mentioned, but 75 tonner) would be able to mount 2 of the large Overkill's weapon pods in each configuration. That would simply make a lot easier the maintenance and supply of these mechs.

The outrage was building inside the trueborn Clansman. First, configurations that maximized the damage a mech could deal, threatening the Clan fighting traditions. Second, the breaking of the omni system by making the pods interchangeable between configurations and even different chassis.

The text is not clear and I need help to improve this part. Anyone can suggest a fix?

[Utilyan]

Odanan, on 14 January 2014 - 06:30 PM, said:

The smaller mech (not mentioned, but 75 tonner) would be able to mount 2 of the large Overkill's weapon pods in each configuration. That would simply make a lot easier the maintenance and supply of these mechs.

The outrage was building inside the trueborn Clansman. First, configurations that maximized the damage a mech could deal, threatening the Clan fighting traditions. Second, the breaking of the omni system by making the pods interchangeable between configurations and even different chassis.

The text is not clear and I need help to improve this part. Anyone can suggest a fix?

I was just daydreaming my thoughts on the story your telling. A mech could be 100 tons and smaller then another 100 ton mech ect. Wasn't ment as critizism I love the story way it is. If you got me to daydream then its good story. =)

[Odanan]

OK, added some stuff to the text and organized better the mech stats.

BTW, added the second mech.

[Strum Wealh]

Odanan, on 16 January 2014 - 03:51 PM, said:

Have you checked the edited text in the Overkill Omnimech thread? I hope there was an improvement.

FireSlade, on 16 January 2014 - 04:31 PM, said:

I read it and I like it but I suck with editing and missed everything that Strum mentioned, so hopefully he checks it out.

For Overkill Alt. C: MASC isn't allowed to be pod-mounted in BT ("Unlike jump jets, neither MASC nor Triple-Strength Myomer may be 'pod-mounted', so an OmniMech may not feature MASC or TSM capabilities on an alternate configuration unless the base configuration is so equipped." - TechManual, pg. 53); either it's part of the base configuration (and thus fixed equipment), or the OmniMech can never mount it at all.

For Overkill Alt. D: Pulse Lasers can't make use of a Targeting Computer in BT ("Pulse and rapid-fire weapons may not use a targeting computer to make an aimed shot, unless a rapid-fire weapon is firing a single shot, in which case it can make an aimed shot..." - Total Warfare, pg. 143; note that "pulse weapon" refers to anything with the word 'pulse' in its name (i.e. standard Pulse Lasers, ER Pulse Lasers, VSPLs), while "rapid-fire weapon" refers to anything that can fire more than once per BT turn (i.e. UACs and RACs)), and carrying a TC for the sake of a single ERSL and a single Flamer seems... odd.

Overpower seems to check-out, spec-wise.

----------

As far as the writing goes...

It's something of a convention that a character's internal monologues (that is, when they're "thinking to themselves") are usually italicized, to make more clear that it's the character's own thoughts that are being presented.
As such, the first four paragraphs might appear as follows:

Late in the evening, Star Commander Julien turned on the engineer room computer. That sneaky new tech was up to something and he would find out today.

Browsing through the omnimech’s archive, he found a recent entry. A new mech project? That is strange. A mech called “Overkill”. He smirked. So the tech assistant boundsman was studying the omni tech…

He looked the specifications. 100 tons mech. Someone is thinking big. Maximum speed of 54 km/h, 2 jump jets, 15 double heatsinks, only 15 tons of regular armor… except for the jump capability, the mech was inferior to the Dire Wolf in everything.

Apparently, the Inner Sphere barbarian was playing with five configurations. He even managed to figure out how the omni system works. Let me see the weapons, the Clansman thought.

(There is some other proofing that needs to happen - just fixing a bit of grammar - but the use of italics to represent Julien's own thoughts, as opposed to representing the author's descriptions of Julien's thoughts, are what I'm trying to emphasize.)

Additionally, 'Mech chassis names & indivivual names are generally also italicized, in much the same way that ship names & classes are when written (e.g. "USS Lake Champlain, a Ticonderoga-class Aegis guided missile cruiser, launched in 1987.", "Yen-Lo-Wang, a Centurion, is the personal BattleMech of the Allard-Liao family.").

Also, it should probably be "...the omnimech archive..." or "...the omnimechs' archive...", as "the omnimech's archive" (note the position of the apostrophe!) grammatically implies the archive of a single OmniMech while the context of the sentence implies that there is a single archive representing the configurations of multiple OmniMechs.

Moreover, 'Mech types (among other things) in BT are written in CamelCase (that is, with each component word of the compound word capitalized); it's always "BattleMech", "IndustrialMech", and "OmniMech".
Likewise, the humanoid vehicle specific to BT/MW, independent of function, is always "a 'Mech" (that is, capitalized and with an apostrophe before the M), as opposed to "a mech" (the general term for analogous vehicles across all franchises); "a Gundam/Armored Core/HOUND/Veritech/Vertical Tank/HERC/Scoobee/etc is a mech, but not a 'Mech".

Finally: it's "chalcas", not "chalkas" (probably from "(to) challenge (the) caste (system)").

[Odanan]

Strum Wealh, on 16 January 2014 - 06:08 PM, said:

For Overkill Alt. C: MASC isn't allowed to be pod-mounted in BT ("Unlike jump jets, neither MASC nor Triple-Strength Myomer may be 'pod-mounted', so an OmniMech may not feature MASC or TSM capabilities on an alternate configuration unless the base configuration is so equipped." - TechManual, pg. 53); either it's part of the base configuration (and thus fixed equipment), or the OmniMech can never mount it at all.

For Overkill Alt. D: Pulse Lasers can't make use of a Targeting Computer in BT ("Pulse and rapid-fire weapons may not use a targeting computer to make an aimed shot, unless a rapid-fire weapon is firing a single shot, in which case it can make an aimed shot..." - Total Warfare, pg. 143; note that "pulse weapon" refers to anything with the word 'pulse' in its name (i.e. standard Pulse Lasers, ER Pulse Lasers, VSPLs), while "rapid-fire weapon" refers to anything that can fire more than once per BT turn (i.e. UACs and RACs)), and carrying a TC for the sake of a single ERSL and a single Flamer seems... odd.

Oh, let me fix the mech first and I will get back later to the text.

[Odanan]

Thank you Strum, for helping me on this. Clearly Odanan is much more ignorant than he thought.

I fixed the text and the mech's stats. The whole thing should be unobjectionable now.

[MonkeyDCecil]

I love this thread.

[Odanan]

MonkeyDCecil, on 17 January 2014 - 02:08 PM, said:

I love this thread.

Let's hope for the art.

[Odanan]

OK, updated the text and the mech's stats.
Removed one Jump Jet and added 2 more tons of armor.
The mech now has maxed armor in the torsos and is still able to easily maneuver through rough terrain.

About the mech's art... Bishop Steiner, o brother, where art thou?

[Odanan]

Until Bishop is free to finish the mech, I'm trying some things here:

Overkill Prime, with 2 Gauss (one in each arm pod), 2 ER PPCs (in the right torso pod) and the Target Computer in the smaller left torso pod.

There is a missile pod for the Alt A configuration to show how the project is modular (it has, however, 40 missiles instead of 30 - I just saw that after finishing it).

[Odanan]

(now I'm afraid these legs are too thin for the mech)

[CyclonerM]

I think the arms look too big.. And with them shorther and smaller it will look like a Catapult K2..

[Odanan]

CyclonerM, on 01 February 2014 - 05:46 AM, said:

I think the arms look too big.. And with them shorther and smaller it will look like a Catapult K2..

Maybe they could be shorter, but as you can see with the LRMs pod, they can't be much smaller.

[Strum Wealh]

Also, the armor over the ankles would heavily restrict the freedom of the ankle joint - it wouldn't be able to either rotate about the vertical axis (to assist with turning in place) or rotate about the longitudinal (front-to-back) axis (which would make moving and/or maintaining balance on any significant incline substantially more difficult).

Edited by Strum Wealh, 02 February 2014 - 07:17 PM.

[Odanan]

And maybe the weapons should be at the height of the cockpit, for easier shooting.

[Odanan]

I lowered the weapons to help the balance of the mech. They are at the same height of the cockpit, which will help sniping. The pods are also smaller now (after all, this is a 100 tons mech).

Overkill Prime:


Overkill A:

Edited by Odanan, 09 February 2014 - 10:33 AM.

[Odanan]

Bumping for the new images above.

Yes, that's the Overkill A.
90 LRM (with Artemis IV) + 7 Medium Pulse Lasers.

Edited by Odanan, 09 February 2014 - 10:38 AM.

[Bishop Steiner]

Odanan, on 09 February 2014 - 10:35 AM, said:

Bumping for the new images above.

Yes, that's the Overkill A.
90 LRM (with Artemis IV) + 7 Medium Pulse Lasers.

I like a lot of the mod ideas, biggest issue is just not feeling the "drums". You could put a drum "cover" on a boxier launcher, but the rounded pods would actually be harder to configure weapons to in many cases, can cause a lot of "dead space inside.

Just been having trouble getting round arms to mate the angular body and not feel out of place.