915 replies to this topic

[Big Tin Man]

768. To minimize leg damage, please follow proper jump jet operations procedures, even when jumping into bodies of water. Jumping as high as possible, tucking the legs, and shouting 'Cannonball!' over coms while in an uncontrolled decent may cause serious and irreparable damage to the mech.

The mech bay techs don't care that you and your friends are hot, the water looked so inviting, or that they needed to be soaked.

Edited by Big Tin Man, 27 June 2014 - 11:59 AM.

[SnagaDance]

769. All mechwarriors piloting a mech containing a Command Console, we need you to remove those beer fridges, holo-vid sets and snack cabinets from your mechs and put those Command Consoles back in. The techs say they've almost got them working now.

[StompingOnTanks]

770. If your mech leaves the hangar with humanoid legs and returns to the hangar with reverse joint legs, you have a problem.
771. Mechs cannot run on wind power, and installing wind turbines on the shoulders will not make you move any faster.
771a. Replacing the fusion engine with wind turbines entirely and giving your mech a running start will NOT create a perpetual motion machine.
772. YOU can cosplay, but your mech can't. Clan totem mechs are exempt from this rule.
773. Severed limbs and heads of enemy BattleMechs cannot be kept as war trophies. The base rule is any war trophies are allowed as long as they can fit into your locker. Naturally, BattleMech limbs cannot do this... Well... Not yet. I'm sure one of you hooligans will pull it off eventually.

[Alaskan Nobody]

StompingOnTanks, on 30 June 2014 - 01:17 PM, said:

770. If your mech leaves the hangar with humanoid legs and returns to the hangar with reverse joint legs, you have a problem.

(I cannot imagine why )
....

773. Severed limbs and heads of enemy BattleMechs cannot be kept as war trophies. The base rule is any war trophies are allowed as long as they can fit into your locker.
(Dunno about that....I have a pretty big locker )

[Nathan Foxbane]

773. 'Mechs are never to be mixed with base jumping. I you survive the cost of the 'Mech will come out of your pay and you will have to salvage the remains, alone, while the techs watch.
774. Unlike Superman, your Battlemech cannot stop a train by standing in front of it.
774b. There are easier, less repair intensive ways to derail the train.
775. The concepts of stealth and orbital drops are mutually exclusive.

[IraqiWalker]

Nathan Foxbane, on 01 July 2014 - 08:16 PM, said:

775. The concepts of stealth and orbital drops are mutually exclusive.

776.The on exception to rule 775 is during a meteor shower. However, if there is a meteor shower event occurring within your vicinity, you probably shouldn't be doing orbital drops to begin with.

777. Luck is a factor on the battlefield. However, stuffing your dashboards and command consoles with rabbit's feet won't help you. In fact, it will more than likely cause equipment malfunction jeopardizing you and your unit mates.

Also, Major Rothchild is to report to the general in regards to several malfunctioning pieces of equipment in his mech's cockpit due to "foreign object interference" I believe is what they said.

778. challenging reverse joint-legged mechs to a dance off is a bad idea, they can't dance, and if they get frustrated, you get shot. Just don't do it.

[Alaskan Nobody]

Nathan Foxbane, on 01 July 2014 - 08:16 PM, said:

775. The concepts of stealth and orbital drops are mutually exclusive.

<cough> Says the Steiner <uncough>

[Hex Pallett]

StompingOnTanks, on 21 June 2014 - 06:17 PM, said:

767. We ask that during DropShip flights, soldiers play Counter-Strike with their headphones on. "The Terrorists have planted the bomb" is not a comforting thing for recruits to hear on their first space flight.

Wait...wouldn't that be considered lostech?

[Alaskan Nobody]

Helmstif, on 02 July 2014 - 11:06 AM, said:

Wait...wouldn't that be considered lostech?

Counter-strike?

Naw, someone is going to have a copy of that in their basement somewhere - and then the copies will spread again.

[StompingOnTanks]

Counter-Strike is the cockroach of video games, it just never dies out.

Of course, Counter Strike is far more fun and addicting than any cockroach.

779. Teaching your pet cockroach to play Counter Strike is fine, as long as you aren't doing it on work hours. I mean, really, even on a military base there are more fun things to do than teach a cockroach to play Counter Strike... Like the firing range.. Or the sim pits.. Or.. or...

780. ...Rule 779 has been redacted.

[IraqiWalker]

Shar Wolf, on 02 July 2014 - 11:09 AM, said:

Counter-strike?

Naw, someone is going to have a copy of that in their basement somewhere - and then the copies will spread again.

I think he's referring to the headphones

[Sparks Murphey]

781: MechWarriors are to cease bringing airhorns to briefings to "redact" the Commanding Officer's comments. We admire your enthusiasm for ensuring the enemy do not hear our plans, but please trust that Intelligence has that covered.

[Tustle]

782. HOLY [caramel pastries], WE'RE GONNA DIE!*
*"Tip" provided by Private Maxwell shortly after getting a weapons readout of some weird mech' the tech boys have dubbed the "Black Hawk." He outright fainted after seeing another readout provided by a different mech' which the Dracs' on the unit have dubbed the "Daishi." The company already has 'dibs' on his Shadowhawk by the way.

[StompingOnTanks]

783. All personnel located on Stomping Command HQ are required to post on the Non-Combat Tips thread at least once a month.
764. Just because you CAN spin your seat around during combat to get a quick 360 degree view, doesn't mean you need to do it constantly for the entire battle. Also, yelling "Wheeeeeeeee!" over open comms just clogs up the radios and distracts everyone from their mech-blasting. If you MUST spin in your seat, please do so with the radio off.
765. While it is true that BattleMech armor is made with diamond weaved into the steel composite structure, this does not mean it has any value at the local jewelry resale store, even if Private Bucker was offered 3,000 C-Bills for a 30 foot slab.
765a. Please note that BattleMech armor does not make a good engagement or wedding ring, either. Unless she's a huge nerd, in which case, good pick my friend.
766. Despite what you've seen playing Ace Combat 4: Shattered Skies on your PlayStation 2s, aerospace fighters cannot fire thousands of missiles without needing to reload. Also, stop asking for "spare F22s" for "recreational purposes". Those things are literally thousands of years old by now and if you can find one in flyable condition you would be the best aircraft collector that ever lived.

[IraqiWalker]

StompingOnTanks, on 18 July 2014 - 06:27 PM, said:

766. Despite what you've seen playing Ace Combat 4: Shattered Skies on your PlayStation 2s, aerospace fighters cannot fire thousands of missiles without needing to reload. Also, stop asking for "spare F22s" for "recreational purposes". Those things are literally thousands of years old by now and if you can find one in flyable condition you would be the best aircraft collector that ever lived.

Too many mentions of LosTech. Are members of Stomping HQ in league with Comstar?

767. While melee combat does happen, charging up for a Hadoken does not actually allow your mech to shoot energy balls.

[StompingOnTanks]

IraqiWalker, on 18 July 2014 - 10:12 PM, said:

Too many mentions of LosTech. Are members of Stomping HQ in league with Comstar?

767. While melee combat does happen, charging up for a Hadoken does not actually allow your mech to shoot energy balls.

Stomping HQ happens to have a rather large collection of LosTech gaming systems. It's all kept in a nuclear-proof bunker and we have a Gaming Day every Saturday.

767a. While it is true that your 'Mech cannot charge up for a Hadoken, it IS possible to appear you are doing so by mounting PPCs in your mech's arms and screaming "HADOUKEN!" with an air-punch every time you fire them. Doing this also earns you Cool Points to spend at the base prize shop.

(Yes, we have a prize shop. It's for extra motivation for lazy soldiers. Do a good job and you'll get to spend your Cool Points on things like candy, dollar store-quality toys, video games and systems, and magazines like Mech Monthly. We used to have "Hottest COs In the Galaxy" posters, but they all sold out and every time we try to stockpile more they... magically disappear.)

Edited by StompingOnTanks, 19 July 2014 - 06:07 AM.

[IraqiWalker]

StompingOnTanks, on 19 July 2014 - 06:06 AM, said:

(We used to have "Hottest COs In the Galaxy" posters, but they all sold out and every time we try to stockpile more they... magically disappear.)

I'm blaming Shar

[Darth Futuza]

768. Despite how tempting it may be, trying to give your friendly Atlai a hi-five when piloting a Jenner will never end well.

[SnagaDance]

769. Holding up your hand actuator with an Atlas so a Jenner can hi-five it is just mean. You know they don't have hand actuators themselves, they don't even have lower arms, stop being a meanie.

[wanderer]

770) And I don't care how dry a spell you're having, you are not allowed to ask the Jenner pilot for a "3 second quickie from behind". The techs took two weeks to fix the last FF incident from that joke.