5 replies to this topic

[Phlinger]

Just for fun.
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Car tires come to a stop.
A fresh sputter of static erupts from the order booth.
Me, "Hello?"
More static.
"I'd like to order something."
Static, mixed with random bleeps, a few clicks.
I see a phone number pasted at the bottom of the menu. Graffiti words and a hand. "Teemz! No noobz!"
I call the number, after a few rings someone picks up on the other end.
"Welcome to Mwo-Burger, how may I take your order?"
"Umm.. is this how I order?"
"Yes, Sir. We do not have voice working at this time so it is required you use an outside line for ordering at this time."
"Oh, okay. I've got these Mwo-bills. the sign says I can use these for burgers."
"Yes you may, Sir. What will you having today?"
"I'll have a Mwo-burger, fries and a soda."
"Would you like to Hero-size that today?"
"What's a hero-size?"
"They are Burgers with better toppings and a bonus 30% satisfaction rate."
"Oh, Okay, that sounds good, I'll do that."
"They also require using Mech-money."
"What?! I can't buy them with Mwo-bills?'
"No, Sir. Those are only for the standard models, the individual burgers took a huge amount of money to design so the hero version is how we make that money back."
"Okay, fine. I'll take the hero version."
"Would you like to add any premium sauces or clan-ato packages to your order today?"
"What are premium sauces? Can't I just have regular sauce?"
A laugh "It's all regular sauce, but premium just helps us apply it faster."
"Can't you just apply it?"
"Yes, sir, but in order for you to gather enough sauce to make the burger just the way you like it, that will take several days if you haven't been saving."
"Fine, premium sauce."
"And Clan-ato packages as well today?"
"Wait, what? What is that?"
"Oh, those are our extra special, one time only burgers that come with premium sauce and the toppings of your choice. They come from the outer burger worlds to invade the inner burger worlds, they are extra powerful and also have 30% extra satisfaction rate."
"What can I do with those Clan-ato burgers? Do they do anything special?"
"Yes, Sir. When you order one, you get enhanced toppings that allow you do destroy other burgers easier."
"And that's good, right?"
"Yes, it is, Sir."
"Okay, throw one on there."
"Just one, Sir? They are 55$ each if you only buy one, but the entire package comes in at 240$ for all of them?"
"WHAT? Isn't that a bit much for a burger? Can't I use my Mech-money?"
"No, Sir, our producers tell us this is actually cheaper than they should be. Remember, they are extra special."
Sigh, "Fine, throw the whole package in there. I just want to be satisfied."
"Okay, Sir, those will be ready in two months."
"Isn't that bit long for a burger?"
"No, Sir, we are still designing them."
"You haven't even made them, but you are selling them?"
"Yes, Sir. if you pre-order now you get extra loyalty-fries."
"What about this invasion, can I do that as well?"
"No, Sir, in order for us to get the Hero burgers and this flashy ordering method finished, we have pushed aside any way to present the invasion, we deeply apologize."
"So, in two months, if I order the burgers, I get to use them, but only to show how much better they are than the regular burgers."
"Yes, Sir, and remember, they are extra special."
"Can i choose what goes on them?"
"Yes, you may, Sir, but only in pods."
"Pods? What?"
"Well if you decide that you want a different bun, you have to change to a different bun that comes with another one of that type, you CANNOT add a fresh bun. Or pickles, even though pickle cannons and auto-tomatoes are required for competitive play."
"Wait? If I want pickles and..."
"Sir, if it does not have a pickle pod, you cannot place pickles on it, ever."
"But how will I compete with the other burgers?"
"You get the satisfaction that your burger is better, by 30%."

[Al Avatar DB]

Love this! Sounds about right.

[Alymbic]

You forgot to mention the cockpit item/camo dessert menu

[B0oN]

This thread tastes legit ...

[crossflip]

Hmph. Too polite. Less sirs, more take-it-or-leave-its.

[Kalimaster]

All I have to say concerning this thread. lol.

BWAH HA HA HA HA