26 replies to this topic

[Xavori]

(To get the full experience of this post, try to imagine that each item is on a separate page of a slideshow and includes a sorta-kinda-maybe related stock photo. Also, each page would have a dozen different javascript ads, and possibly at least one or two bits of malware embedded in one of those ads. The last page would have a link to a kitten video titled, "This kitten opened its eyes for the first time, and you won't believe what happened next!")

10. Yes. The matchmaker is intentionally putting you against 7-10 man premades because there is sekrit skwerril code to punish you for posting nonsense on the forums.

9. The matchmaker also intentionally puts an extra 400 tons of mech on the team opposing anyone who reads this list.

8. At least one of your teammates will have just finished watching Mad Max: Fury Road for the 100th time and is screaming "WITNESS ME!" in his head as he charges into that star of direwolves (because the clans don't have lances, damnit!)

7. Any time you decide to take a lurm boat into quick play, you will be paired up with nothing but snipers and other lurm boats, none of whom will want to move close enough to get and hold target locks.

6. Half your team won't even know what a target lock is anyway, nor where the R key is on their keyboard.

5. If your team has a disconnect, it's a tier one pilot in a heavy mech. If your opponent has a disconnect, it's a newbie in a trial raven.

4. The player who decides to call the match for your team will have the logical tactical abilities of a lobotomized pygmy marmoset.

3. Yes, it's possible to shoot while moving. No, your teammates will not know how to do that.

2. Your teammates are only truly happy when they are safely tucked in directly behind you. This is especially true if you're trying to peek a shot over a hill.

1. The pilot who dropped in behind you will need to test his weapon keys by firing a full alpha into your rear armor. Happy International Women's Day!
.

[Cion]

dont forget that if your team manages to win, it's because of YOUR performance. It never has to do with the other team, or even your team.

Also, bad things never happen to the other team.

Edit:
realizing I strayed a bit, back to OP's point...

-Which Mech are you? You'll be surpirised.
-99% of mechwarriors can't get this right.
-Perfectly timed (and embarrassing) Mech Screenshots!

Edited by Cion, 16 February 2016 - 11:55 AM.

[MoonUnitBeta]

Lol, +1 OP. Fun thread. Future topic suggestions:


You Won’t Believe What This Guy Did For 75,000CB

This Man Clicked Quick Play For The First Time. His Reaction Is Priceless

5 Side Effects Of Being The Only Light Mech On Your Team

The Mad Cat MK II Is An Underrated Gold Child

Awesome’s Are Standing Up For Their Natural Size With Hashtag #AwesomeSizeMe

250 Reasons Why The Victor Is The Best Worst Mech

Everything I Know About Sex I Learned From This BattleTech Fanfic

MechWarriors Read Mean Tweets About Themselves: Comp Player Edition

See What Is Making People Lose Their Minds Over Flamers

Look At These Beautiful And Haunting Images Of MW:O Wildlife

What Percent Medium-Class Are You? Knowing Will Change Your Life Forever

Selena Gomez Had The Cutest Reaction To Russ Bullock Writing A Tweet

Edited by MoonUnitBeta, 16 February 2016 - 11:10 AM.

[Thunderbird Anthares]

i enthusiastically endorse this thread

[Tom Sawyer]

We dropped on sulfur last night. If I recall correctly there where 9 of us in team speak. We went left to gamma. One of the pugs begins to type. Why are you going left? Only losers go left! We need to go right to alpha.

This continued the entire trek to gamma. Our first wave takes out the turrets and if I recall correctly it was 14 to 12 in our favor with their 2nd wave damaged. Our pug continues his rant now we need to go alpha, we are going to loose.

In the end it was 48 to 20ish. All of us made over 1k in damage, 2 of our best over 2k. Pug got like 500 or 600.

Sigh

[reign]

Tom Sawyer, on 16 February 2016 - 12:09 PM, said:

We dropped on sulfur last night. If I recall correctly there where 9 of us in team speak. We went left to gamma. One of the pugs begins to type. Why are you going left? Only losers go left! We need to go right to alpha.

This continued the entire trek to gamma. Our first wave takes out the turrets and if I recall correctly it was 14 to 12 in our favor with their 2nd wave damaged. Our pug continues his rant now we need to go alpha, we are going to loose.

In the end it was 48 to 20ish. All of us made over 1k in damage, 2 of our best over 2k. Pug got like 500 or 600.

Sigh

That slow organized gamma push... it is so nasty.

[Ihasa]

Not really all that slow at 87kph, but certainly organized and focused.

[Xavori]

MoonUnitBeta, on 16 February 2016 - 11:09 AM, said:

Lol, +1 OP. Fun thread. Future topic suggestions:


You Won’t Believe What This Guy Did For 75,000CB

This Man Clicked Quick Play For The First Time. His Reaction Is Priceless

5 Side Effects Of Being The Only Light Mech On Your Team

The Mad Cat MK II Is An Underrated Gold Child

Awesome’s Are Standing Up For Their Natural Size With Hashtag #AwesomeSizeMe

250 Reasons Why The Victor Is The Best Worst Mech

Everything I Know About Sex I Learned From This BattleTech Fanfic

MechWarriors Read Mean Tweets About Themselves: Comp Player Edition

See What Is Making People Lose Their Minds Over Flamers

Look At These Beautiful And Haunting Images Of MW:O Wildlife

What Percent Medium-Class Are You? Knowing Will Change Your Life Forever

Selena Gomez Had The Cutest Reaction To Russ Bullock Writing A Tweet

Those are awesome

[FupDup]

MoonUnitBeta, on 16 February 2016 - 11:09 AM, said:

Lol, +1 OP. Fun thread. Future topic suggestions:


You Won’t Believe What This Guy Did For 75,000CB

This Man Clicked Quick Play For The First Time. His Reaction Is Priceless

5 Side Effects Of Being The Only Light Mech On Your Team

The Mad Cat MK II Is An Underrated Gold Child

Awesome’s Are Standing Up For Their Natural Size With Hashtag #AwesomeSizeMe

250 Reasons Why The Victor Is The Best Worst Mech

Everything I Know About Sex I Learned From This BattleTech Fanfic

MechWarriors Read Mean Tweets About Themselves: Comp Player Edition

See What Is Making People Lose Their Minds Over Flamers

Look At These Beautiful And Haunting Images Of MW:O Wildlife

What Percent Medium-Class Are You? Knowing Will Change Your Life Forever

Selena Gomez Had The Cutest Reaction To Russ Bullock Writing A Tweet

Learn this one weird trick to increase your damage per match...

Find out why the solo queue HATES this guy...

[Paul Inouye]

TINA DELETE THIS THREAD NOW! THEY KNOW TOO MUCH!

[Deathlike]

Paul Inouye, on 16 February 2016 - 04:48 PM, said:

TINA DELETE THIS THREAD NOW! THEY KNOW TOO MUCH!

We do.

[Tina Benoit]

Paul Inouye, on 16 February 2016 - 04:48 PM, said:

TINA DELETE THIS THREAD NOW! THEY KNOW TOO MUCH!

!!!!!

[Rabtar]

Hey! I don't yell "WITNESS ME!" in my head.... I yell it over coms .

[cazidin]

Dear flying spaghetti monster flying in the marinara sauce skies above! They're onto us about us being onto them! But are they onto us about us being onto them about them being onto us?! How deep does this rabbit hole of dirt, grass, carrot juice and madness go?!

[Karl Marlow]

Top secret surveillance footage of your pug teammate.

Spoiler

Edited by ThomasMarik, 16 February 2016 - 05:51 PM.

[Tickdoff Tank]

ThomasMarik, on 16 February 2016 - 05:45 PM, said:

Top secret surveillance footage of your pug teammate.

Spoiler

I think he would do at least as well as half my team last match.

[Pathos]

Awesome thread is awesome.

[Stelar 7]

I didn't read your list, I clicked the kitten but now all my text is Russian and my Web browser won't respond.

Tier 1 jocks are furious about this one wierd trick in a Locust!!!!

[Troutmonkey]

Rabtar, on 16 February 2016 - 04:56 PM, said:

Hey! I don't yell "WITNESS ME!" in my head.... I yell it over coms .

And then when you die trying to solo the entire enemy team


Actually that could be used to describe most pugs...

[Pathos]

He thought he would take advantage of the shut down mech and his life would move on. He was wrong. This video clip he thought he would take advantage of the shut dow...