28 replies to this topic

[Mech42Ace]

Here it is! If you have a joke about BT or MW, this is the thread for you!
I'll start us off,
A Jenner and locust walk into a bar...
The bar was destroyed.

The Unseen Archer walks past a bar, down the main thoroughfare of the only big city on a desolate Periphery planet, trying not to step on cars or people.

The enemy Warhammer opposing him broadcasts a challenge through loudspeakers: "This town isn't big enough for the both of us."

The Unseen Archer says through its loudspeakers, "Prepare to meet your Doom, bud!"

[LRM 20 joke...]

Disclaimer: the second joke was not mine, it came from a page called " dumb battletech jokes" at battletech.com/forums

[MarineTech]

Want some good jokes. Just take any "Yo momma so fat" joke and replace momma with Dire Wolf or Atlas

[LoPanShui]

Yo mama's so fat she can't ride in an Atlas because she makes it an illegal build.

[Mech42Ace]

What do you call clearing a city of Urbanmechs?

An easter egg hunt.


What do you call the refurbishing of an Urbanmech?

Changing the trash bag.

Your mech is so old, it's a Mackie with a stick shift!

[Mech42Ace]

Yo dire wolf is so fat, when It sits around the mechbay, it literally sits around the mech bay!

Yo atlas is so tall, it makes Shaquille Neil look like Gary Coleman.

Your mamas' so stupid, she sold her atlas for am entire lance of spiders!

[LoPanShui]

Archer sees his buddy Grasshopper walk into a bar. He says, "Hey, Grasshopper, what's up?"

Grasshopper turns around and he's all jacked up. Armor torn to pieces, cockpit scarred up, leaking coolant everywhere. Archer is like, "Damn, man! What happened to you?"

Grasshopper looks down, "Man, I ran into Panther."

"Panther?! Dude, that guy is like, half your size! How did he mess you up so bad?"

"Man, that guy was all hopped up on PPC!"

[Mech42Ace]

Here are a few from a friend of mine.

The Cataphract, built using good ole Capellan know how. The first heavy mech for house Liao.
How sad to be lost to davion during the 4th succession war.


The Cataphract, confusing the enemy since 3025.

Maximilian Liao's Cataphract concept : A mech with the fire power of a catapult, the grace of a marauder, the mobility of a shadow hawk.

Engineering final design : The torso of a catapult, the legs and an arm of a marauder and a shadow hawk's left arm for good measure.

A tech walks into a mech supply yard and asks " can I get a heat sink for a Cataphract"?

The clerk at the counter replies "sounds like a good trade to me".

[CyclonerM]

Mech42Ace, on 04 July 2014 - 02:22 PM, said:

A tech walks into a mech supply yard and asks " can I get a heat sink for a Cataphract"?

The clerk at the counter replies "sounds like a good trade to me".

Now , this was good

[Mech42Ace]

CyclonerM, on 04 July 2014 - 02:33 PM, said:

Now , this was good

Thanks, I'll be here all night...

[Mech42Ace]

Found more today from the battletech forums:

Spoiler

How many Kuritans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Eight.

One to find out what wattage the Coordinator wants.
One to find out what wattage the Kanrei wants.
One to assist the first one in committing seppuku when the Coordinator comes around to the Kanrei's way of thinking.
One ISF agent to monitor the changeover for any seditious sentiments that might be expressed in the process.
One, hand-picked from the ranks of the Genyosha, to have the honor of changing the light bulb.
One from the 1st Sword of Light to challenge the Genyosha warrior to a duel for the right to change the light bulb.
Another assistant for a ritual suicide.
One to run the tea ceremony thanking everyone for keeping the casualties to two this time.

How many Lyrans does it take to change a light bulb?
Nine.

One to propose the use of an assault-class light bulb with as many heavy weapons as can be placed on it.
One to argue that the light bulb should have some recon elements and perhaps some combined arms support.
One Cincinnatus member to assassinate the second one for being a "Davionist spy."
Three social generals to spend four months politicking over who gets to command the operation to change the light bulb.
One Archon to give the contract to the Kell Hounds, just so it will get done.
One Kell Hounds member to actually change the light bulb, but not without an awkward sequence where the socket doesn't show up on scanners for a moment.
One Skye noble to wonder loudly just what kind of light bulb requires weapons and armor and to threaten to secede.

How many Capellans does it take to change a light bulb?
Four.

One to plant a double in the Federated Suns' Ministry of Changing Light Bulbs (Internal Division) to find out how the FedRats do it.
One to point out that the FedSuns has been very efficient when it comes to changing light bulbs and that perhaps the CapCon should try it that way once, after making sure that the new bulbs won't blow up when exposed to an obscure gas.
One to argue that whatever success the Davions have in changing light bulbs must be despite, rather than because of, their decadent practices and that the Capellans should find out how the ancient Han changed light bulbs and do it that way. XIN SHENG!
One Maskirovka agent to kill both of the preceding for implying that the Capellan Confederation's current ability to change light bulbs is anything but satisfactory.

How many FedSunners does it take to change a light bulb?
Six.

One to marry another house's heir-presumptive in order to announce the change at the wedding, because just doing it wouldn't be flashy enough.
One to come up with the most complex acronym possible for the new light bulb changing division.
One to volunteer to have his hand cut off and be exiled after a show trial in order to infiltrate another house's light bulb changing organization and sabotage it from the inside, because again, easy is no fun.
One to ineffectually sell out the secrets of the light bulb change to the Capellans, just so that the Davions can go, "See? We have black hats too!"
One to replace the dead light bulb with a Star-League era fluorescent bulb made at the NAIS using information extracted from the Helm Memory Core and single-handedly fight off the ComStar force sent to destroy the bulb.
One to roll their eyes at the other houses and their antiquated, restrictive and overly-complex methods for changing light bulbs.

How many Free Worlders does it take to change a light bulb?
Seven.

One to bring up the issue of the light bulb change in Parliament.
One to block the move to change the light bulb in order to wring a concession out of the Captain-General.
One random Shilohan to remind people that light bulbs are technology and therefore evil.
One MP to propose that a committee be formed to discuss possible options for forming a light bulb task force to recon the dead bulb.
One MP to chastise the previous MP for trying to ram the measure through Parliament so quickly and without at least having a preplanning committee first.
One to thow up his hands in disgust, cross the border and change the light bulb without orders.
One Blakist to smash the light bulb because the FWL was in danger of getting a chance to actually do something.

Edit: added the spoiler to this post.

Edited by Mech42Ace, 18 September 2014 - 02:45 PM.

[CyclonerM]

Thank you REALLY MUCH for reviving this thread

You just took facts from the novels and made a classic joke out of them.. And they are great

Please more BT jokes!!!

[Alaskan Nobody]

Mech42Ace, on 17 September 2014 - 10:22 AM, said:

Lightbulbs for EVERYONE (Except the FWL and Rasalhague)

That was awesome, and I am totally saving those for later reading, and sharing.

[Mech42Ace]

Shar Wolf, on 17 September 2014 - 06:00 PM, said:

That was awesome, and I am totally saving those for later reading, and sharing.

Hey thanks, you have permission to do what ever you want with 'em just note that most jokes I'm reposting from the Battletech forums so most aren't my to begin with lol.

Here's a clan council meeting: more tomorrow . Also how does one put one of the spoiler hider things to keep posts to manageable in size? Thanks in advance.

Spoiler

CLAN STAFF MEETING #2
TODAY'S SUBJECT: WHAT TO DO.

<transmission begins>

Nicholas Kerensky (The Founder, ilKhan, High Muckety-Muck): <a tapping noise is heard> Okay, guys and dolls. Today's...today is - no, wait, today's is correct - today's subject: What we do now that we pacified the Pentagon Worlds.

Jerome Winson (Clan Wolf): <clears throat> Nick, I understand that Brain Fever did some weird things to you but the last time I checked... We are not 'Guys and Dolls.' We are the Grand Council of the Clans.

Kerensky: Jerome, hush. We are just here to figure out what we want to do next. Now, I'm sure I had it written down here somewhere...

Sara McEvedy (Clan Wolverine): It seems obvious to me. We've...we have...yes, we have conquered the Pentagon Worlds, so we should drop this whole silly "Bloodnamed" thing and start liberalizing.

Kerensky: No, that's...that is...that's...that is not it. Dammit, where did I put my notes?

Stephen McKenna (Clan Snow Raven): Was it to melt down all our 'Mechs to make new WarShips?

Winson: Is "'Mech" acceptable? It is...it's...its...it is a contraction.

Kerensky: Sure.

Hans Jorgenssonsonson (Clan Ghost Bear): Was it to go cuddle wildlife?

<silence>

Jorgenssonsonson: ...KILL wildlife. That's...I mean, that is what I meant to say. Kill. Not cuddle. Clanners don't...donut...dammit...do not cuddle!

Elizabeth Hazen (Clan Jade Falcon): <groan> Not this again, Nick. Come on, sir...you have got to remember.

Kerensky: Maybe if we all SHUT THE HELL UP for a moment, it'll come to me. Om...

Cyrus Elam (Clan Goliath Scorpion): I can dig it, man. <hums for a second> Man, all this omming is giving me the munchies.

Franklin Osis (Clan Smoke Jaguar): Rargh! ME FEED!

David Kalasa (Clan Sea Fox): If you gentlemen desire sustenance, I have some delicious snacks right here. I'll...I mean, I will let you have them...for a price.

Windham Katib (Clan Cloud Cobra): By Buddha's Bristling Beard, those are great snacks!

Absalom Truscott (Clan Star Adder): <indistinct muttering; nobody pays attention>

Kerensky: I said shut up! Let's...let us...lettuce see...step one was to form a warrior-based society named after animals. Check. Step two was to conquer the Pentagon. Check. Step three...step four, return to the Inner Sphere as...dammit, now I'm..I am...I yam all confused.

McEvedy: Can I suggest dismantling the Warrior caste and having elections?

Kerensky: No.

Winson: Well, we should either conquer the Inner Sphere and crush it beneath our boots, or protect it from itself. One or the other. I am not sure which. <aside to saKhan Fetladrel> Was that decisive enough?

Fetladrel: Do I have a first name?

Kerensky: No, that is step four.

Jason Karrige (Clan Widowmaker): Which, the conquering or the protecting bit?

Kerensky: Yes.

Karrige: <confused> So should we destroy them or help them?

Kerensky: Yes.

Karrige: ...yeah, that's going to bite us in the ass later.

Herve Polczyk (Clan Burrock): My last name is unpronounceable.

Philip Drummond (Clan Nova Cat): I HAVE A VISION! ...what were we talking about?

Dana Kufahl (Clan Coyote): I love you.

Kerensky: Yes, yes, Dana. I love you too.

Kufahl: I LOVE YOU, NICKY KERENSKY! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!! IF YOU DIED I DO NOT KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO!!! I LOVE YOU!!!! DO NOT EVER LEAVE ME!!!!!

Kerensky: Of course, Dana. I'll always be here.

Kufahl: GIVE ME YOUR GENES, NICKY! GIVE ME YOUR BEAUTIFUL FIAT-LADEN GENES!

Kerensky: Not in public, Dana. We'll talk about this later.

Ellie Kinnison (Clan Steel Viper): *****

<all gasp>

Kinnison: What? It's in my genes.

Aide: <coughs> My ilKhan, it is time for your medication.

Kerensky: Ah, thank you, Kael (Pershaw). Have some fiat for the Falcons.

Kael: You are most gracious, my ilKhan. And I must say, you pronounced the parentheses quite well.

McEvedy: This is an outrage! We should not treat men like supermodels! And this no contraction thing is really annoying!

Drummond: I HAVE A VISION! OF WARDENS AND CRUSADERS! PLAYING VOLLEYBALL! HARK TO MY WORDS!

Elam: Dig it, man.

Kalasa: Ah, volleyball is a fine sport, but it is too bad you did not foresee lacrosse. We have a special on lacrosse gear right now.

Drummond: I HAVE A VISION! IT WAS LACROSSE! I HAVE A COUPON! SEYLA!

Everyone: Seyla!

McEvedy: <incredulous> IlKhan, please restore order to this madhouse!

Stephan Cage (Clan Ice Hellion): I'm not crazy! How can you call me crazy? This is SO unfair!

Winson: Watch your language, Cage!

Cage: <confused> What did I say?

Winson: I dare not repeat that filthy contraction in front of the ilKhan!

Cage: Oh, you mean "*****."

<all gasp>

Cage: What? Kinnison said it.

Raimond Sainze (Clan Fire Mandrill): Clan Fire Mandrill would like to hear more from the illustrious Wolverine Khan.

Laura Payne (Clan Fire Mandrill): Stuff it, Ray. No, we don't. <scuffle ensues>

Colleen Schmitt (Clan Blood Spirit): ...what the hell are our masks of, anyway?

Kerensky: Shut up, Sara. <to Schmitt> Dear Colleen, they are representations of the warrior elan that infuses the Star League Defense Force.

Schmitt: These look like luchador wrestling masks.

Kerensky: Exactly.

John Fletcher (Clan Hell's Horses): Huh-huh-huh. Fire.

<a scream, and then a crash is heard>

Hazen: No, Kael! Dammit, Fletcher, look what you did!

Fletcher: Tanks are cool. Huh-huh-huh.

Hazen: It is okay, Kael. We can rebuild you. We have the creepy technology.

Kael: <whispered> ...will I be better, stronger, faster?

Hazen: No, you will be a hideous man-machine, an abomination before all that the Clans stand for.

Kael: <whispers> Good enough.

Truscott: I have nothing to add. I'm awfully generic. <again, he is ignored>

McEvedy: Nick, if you won't control this mob, I'm leaving.

Winson: Such a foul mouth!

Kufahl: Fine, get out, you ****** *****. Nicky is all mine. Right, Nick?

Kerensky: Hmm?

Kufahl: I SAID RIGHT, NICKY?

Kerensky: Oh, yes, yes. It's okay, Sara. We will see you later.

McEvedy: I do not think you understand, ilKhan. We are leaving...and we are never coming back.

Kerensky: That's fine. Good luck to you and yours.

Winson: Wait, that's not how it works! The Wolverines can't just leave! We want their stuff!

Hazen: Watch your language, Wolf cur!

Winson: What? I didn't say *****.

<silence>

Winson: ...I mean, they are showing you dishonor, my grand ilKhan.

Kerensky: Well, we cannot have that. Annihilate them, would you?

Winson: ...who should annihilate them?

Kerensky: Yes.

McEvedy: Screw this. <exits>

McKenna: We can not tolerate this, ilKhan! Those dastardly Wolverines blew up our genetic repository!

Jorgenssonsonson: When did they do that?

McKenna: <checks watch> Any minute now. <a loud explosion is heard> Ah, there we go. Woe is me.

McEvedy: <re-enters> Hey, did you guys hear that?

Osis: RARGH! YOU HAVE BAD HONOR! ME AM MAKE KILL AT YOU NOW!

Kerensky: Sorry, Sara. You'll have to vanish under mysterious circumstances and piss off fanboys now.

McEvedy: Dammit, that's exactly what my horoscope said today!

Drummond: I HAVE A VISION! I WROTE THAT! I KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN!

Katib: By Odin's Oderous...um...Oxyclear, shut up!

Drummond: I knew you were going to say that.

Katib: Bull!

Drummond: Prove it.

Katib: ...damn. Got me there.

<all start yelling incoherently>

<transmission interrupted>

Edited by Mech42Ace, 18 September 2014 - 05:35 AM.

[Alaskan Nobody]

Spoiler

[ spoiler]
[ /spoiler]
^ Like that if I remember right - only without the spaces

Edit:
Yay!
Remembered right.

Edited by Shar Wolf, 17 September 2014 - 08:07 PM.

[Mech42Ace]

Okay cool thanks Shar Wolf, here's another clan council meeting I found:

Spoiler

Clan Grand Council #3: The Great Refusal

Clan Staff Meeting Shelton*

* According to the Uniform Naming Protocols, all Clan Meeting numbers were replaced with names of townships in the ancient North American nation of the United States. From 2930 to 2965, all clan meetings were named Springfield
<recording begins>

ilKhan Lincoln Osis: Trothkin, I stand before you today humbled by the events that have occured this past year. Truly, Clan Smoke Jaguar has suffered at the hands of the Inner Sphere barbarians. This "Hollywood Writers' Strike" has totally ruined my weeknights.

Khan Vlad Ward (Wolf): ...wait, what? What about your entire Clan getting routed from the Inner Sphere somehow faster than their JumpShips could've travelled?

Khan Marthe Pryde (Jade Falcon): But not as fast as we kicked the Steel Vipers out!

Khan Bjorn Jorgensonssonsson (Ghost Bear): Boo-yah! In your face, Snakes! <to Khan Din Steiner> No offense.

Khan Din Steiner (Cloud Cobra): None taken.

Khan Asa Taney (Ice Hellion): <shouted gibberish; he is ignored>

Khan Carianna Schmitt (Blood Spirit): By Blake, we must act!

Khan Barbara Sennet (Diamond Shark): <suspiciously> What did you say?

Schmitt: ...nothing. I'm not secretly a Blakist.

Sennet: Riiiight.

Steiner: No, really. She isn't. <winks at Schmitt> Why, the idea is preposterous. Ha ha ha.

Khan Cassius N'Buta (Star Adder): <raucously> Ha ha ha!

Steiner: Shut up, Cassie.

N'Buta: Shutting up, sir.

Khan Sevren Leroux (Nova Cat): I have a vision! The Smoke Jaguar passes through the flames! Will he emerge again?

<silence>

Leroux: I asked a damn question! Answer me, you whippersnappers!

Osis: Okay, thank you for your insight, Khan Leroux. Yes, Khan Ward, my clan has conducted a remarkably well-ordered advance to the rear, preserving nearly all of our touman's unit names.

Pryde: So they all ran away.

Osis: No, they redeployed to secondary phase lines. We have stopped the sham Star League's advance and fully expect to crush them soon.

<the sound of a 'Mech's footsteps can be heard>

Osis: Ah, that would be my messenger from the front, come to deliver the news of the Inner Sphere's defeat.

Pryde: <incredulous> ilKhan, your secondary battle lines are on Strana Mechty?

Sennet: <looking out the window> It's a Daishi...I mean, a Dire Wolf, my ilKhan.

Osis: See? One of my faster machines.

Sennet: You paint your recon forces in the colors of the Tenth Lyran?

Osis: Wait, what?

<the door opens, then closes again; all wait>

Unknown voice: Hello?

Leroux: It's the revenoo! Hide the hooch, Lucien!

Osis: <clears throat> Um...hello?

Voice: Greetings from the Star League, honored Khans!

Ward: <peering around> That sounds familiar...

Voice: It's me!

Osis: Who?

Voice: Victor Steiner-Davion!

Osis: Um...where?

First Prince Victor Steiner-Davion (Federated Commonwealth): <sighs> Down here.

Osis: Oh, there you are! Awwww, aren't you precious?

Steiner-Davion: I'm going to ***** kill you for that. With a sword.

Pryde: Want me to fetch you a stepladder so you can reach?

Steiner-Davion: Sure, Marthe. Actually, never mind, I've got one already. You left it behind on Coventry.

Pryde: <crying> Why do you have to say things you know will hurt me?

Sennet: I have got a better stepladder. It is filled with...um...secret Clan ultratech!

Jogensonssonsson: Really!?! Can I buy one?

Sennet: Sure. <murmured> Sucker.

Steiner-Davion: Anyway. Honored Khans, I have come to deliver a message.

Osis: Very well. We accept your surrender.

Steiner-Davion: ...wait, what? No! I've come to challenge you all to end the Invasion!

Khan Sullivan Koga (Coyote): <confused> Wait...did we not already invade?

Steiner-Davion: Yes.

Koga: And we were already stopped once?

Steiner-Davion: Yes.

Koga: And we have not passed the Truce Line for ten years?

Steiner-Davion: Yes.

Koga: A truce that is not set to expire for another five years?

Steiner-Davion: Yes.

Koga: Five years in which you could place an assault BattleMech on the border for each man, woman, and child in our entire society and still have plenty leftover to fight each other?

Steiner-Davion: Yes.

Koga: So...why are you here again?

Steiner-Davion: I'm not following you.

Ward: Victor, if you're here, then who's ruling the Federated Suns...I mean, Commonwealth?

Steiner-Davion: I left it in the fully capable hands of my youngest sister, Yvonne. She needed wordcount. I'm absolutely positive that won't bite me on the ass later.

Leroux: We defect!

Osis: Wait, what? You can't do that! I forbid it!

Leroux: Yeah? You and what Touman?

Osis: The grand Clan Smoke Jaguar, the most fearsome fighting force among all the Clans!

Steiner-Davion: Oh, should we release some of your troops?

Osis: What do you mean?

Schmidt: He means that you are the Smoke Jaguar touman, Lincoln.

Osis: ...oh.

Leroux: <cackles> Can't stop me now! <to Victor> Quick, boy: The Jaguar passes through the flames. Will he emerge again?

Steiner-Davion: Um...no?

Leroux: Really? That sucks. Can you promise that this new Star League is the real deal and will last?

Steiner-Davion: Of course! We are all committed to this alliance, no matter what happens. I'm sure it'll last centuries, at the least.

<an uncomfortable silence falls over the room>

Osis: <sighing> Very well. We could simply overpower and destroy all of your forces, but we'll play a stupid little game instead. Say...a company of troops from your forces against a Binary from each of our Clans.

Steiner-Davion: That sounds fair. Wait...you mean a company per Binary, right?

Osis: <innocently> Yes, yes, of course. Why, trying to trick you into bidding twelve Inner Sphere machines against a hundred Clan warriors would be dishonorable. Ha ha ha.

N'Buta: <raucously> Ha ha ha!

Osis: Shut up, Cassius.

N'Buta: Shutting up, sir.

Taney: <shouts gibberish; is ignored>

Osis: Okay, so the defending Clans will be Wolf, Jade Falcon, Ghost Bear...

Jorgensonssonsson: <clears throat> Nah, we do not want to fight. We abstain.

Pryde: What!?! Have you gone Warden on us, Bear?

Jorgensonssonsson: Sure, whatever. Yeah, we're totally Wardens now.

Osis: Dude, not cool. You are totally kicked out.

Jorgensonssonsson: Man. Hey, Lynn, can you help us move?

Khan Lynn McKenna (Snow Raven): Sure. <to Osis> Sorry, we can't fight either. Gotta help the Bears move.

Osis: FINE.

Koga: Well, if they don't have to fight, then I don't see why we have to, either.

Osis: Dammit, fine! None of the damn coward Wardens have to fight, you big sissies!

Khan Perigard Zalman (Steel Viper): Sounds good to me.

Sennet: Me too.

Osis: Dammit, we don't need your help anyway! We whupped them once, we can do it again, with or without you!

Zalman: Okay, dude, two things. One, they beat us the first time. Two, I have a really stupid name.

Steiner-Davion: <to Koga> Is this really how you do things around here?

Koga: Oh, yes. Then we go back later and rewrite everything for no reason whatsoever. You should see how many times we have rewritten the story of the Not-Named.

Steiner-Davion: ...Not-Named?

Koga: <evasively> Yes, the Clan That Is No More And Was Not The Widowmakers, Mongooses, Or Burrocks.

Steiner-Davion: Oh, you mean the Wolv...

Koga: <interrupting> Say not the name!

Steiner-Davion: I...see. Can't say it all, huh?

Koga: No. It is taboo.

Steiner-Davion: Of course. Hey, Vlad, who was that X-Man from Canada?

Ward: Mystique.

Steiner-Davion: No...

Ward: I do not have time for this. Who will Clan Wolf be facing?

Steiner-Davion: Um...the St. Ives contingent. Kai's fiat should balance yours.

Ward: Excellent.

Steiner-Davion: Hey, Marthe, what would you call a medium-sized rodent-like mammalian predator?

Pryde: A badger.

Steiner-Davion: Try again.

Pryde: A manatee. Who will be driven before Clan Jade Falcon?

Steiner-Davion: A what? Never mind, you're fighting ComStar.

Pryde: Thank you. I'll have my technicians begin mounting extra small lasers immediately.

Schmitt: And who will Clan Blood Spirit face?

Steiner-Davion: The Kuritans, and they'll meet you in the woods.

Schmitt: Very nice! We'll bring plenty of extra-long-ranged weapons.

Steiner-Davion: ...in the woods?

Schmitt: Yes, of course. I see absolutely no flaw in this plan. Blake will provide.

Steiner-Davion: What did you say?

Schmitt: Nothing. I'm not secretly a Blakist.

Steiner-Davion: Riiiiight. Say, do you remember the name of the rebel group from Red Dawn?

Schmitt: No. Entertainment is for the weak. I relax by trying to control my breathing so that I do not use more oxygen than absolutely needed.

Steiner-Davion: I...see. Anyone here from Clan Star Adder?

N'Buta: Oooo! Ooooo! That's me! That's me! Over here! Over here! Pick me! Ooo! Oooooo! Victor! Over here! Me! I know! Ooooooo!

Steiner-Davion: First, answer me this: name three iconic 55-ton Star League BattleMechs.

N'Buta: Oooo! I know! Shadow Hawk, Griffin, and...and...

Steiner-Davion: Go on...

N'Buta: ...and Scorpion! Oooo! I'm a big smart boy now! What do I win?

Steiner-Davion: <sighs> You get to fight the Mariks. Have fun.

N'Buta: Yay!

Khan Amanda Carrol: I represent Clan Fire Mandrill. Who will we be facing?

saKahn Garret Sainze: I represent Clan Fire Mandrill. Who will we be facing?

Steiner-Davion: Uh...Liao. What is the first animal you can think of whose name starts with the letter "W"?

Carrol: Wombat.

Sainze: Wabbit.

Carrol: You idiot, that's "rabbit."

Sainze: You call me an idiot again, and I'll cut you.

Carrol: I'll see you on the field of battle! Tomorrow, while we're fighting the Capellans!

Sainze: It's a date!

Steiner-Davion: <crosses "Liao" off his list"> Hrm...still gotta figure out who the FRR will battle...

Khan Malavai Fletcher (Hell's Horses): Hey, we're technically an Invading Crusader Clan!

Osis: Of course you are.

Fletcher: Dammit, Lincoln, stop belittling me in front of the Spheroid!

Osis: Oh, go play with your trucks.

Fletcher: <sputters>

Steiner-Davion: Oh, you guys would be perfect against the Rasalhagians. They're like Ghost Bears, only with nuts.

Fletcher: FINE.

Steiner-Davion: Hey, what's...ah, damn, he left. So...Clan Ice Hellion is all that's left. Hey, Taney, what was the original name of the Not-Named?

Taney: The ***** Wolverines, *****!

<all gasp>

Taney: What?

Leroux: You dared intone the name of those we do not name! There is no graver breach of honor!

Taney: ...worse than using contractions because you're too lazy to go back and fix them all when posting?

Leroux: Yes.

Taney: ...worse than actually defecting?

Leroux: Yes.

Steiner-Davion: They're yours if you want them, Nova Cats.

Leroux: Yes.

Steiner-Davion: <aside, to Vlad Ward> Maybe they'll kill each other in the process...

Ward: Oh, Aff. Say, how is your sister?

<transmission terminated>

[Lily from animove]

Why do clanners come with half empty dropships?

because thy need storage for Isorla


Why did the clanners later struggled with the invasion?
IS flooded them with so many isorla, they didn't had any further motivation to get isorla they couldn't store in their dropships.

[Nightmare1]

This:



is what happens when you cross-breed these together:






...And that, son, is where Adders come from.

[Mech42Ace]

Haha guys, keep 'em coming!
BTW, did you know that the marauder mech played a huge role in the French war against Britain?

Edited by Mech42Ace, 22 October 2014 - 11:39 AM.

[kosmos1214]

heres one your moma is so fat that when your dad first saw her he thought she was a dragon

[kosmos1214]

Marack Drock, on 25 January 2015 - 08:02 PM, said:

SHOTS FIRED!

Here' one:
What tastes good when boiled and served with butter? KING CRAB!

actually i have nothing agenst them but i thought it was funny