3
The Bobography of Bob
by Doozy84
Bob the vindicator pilot is just your boring, average, meta laser vomit mech pilot in every way. He drives the most average vindicator variant, with the most average meta build, with a mix of large and medium lasers that produce a barely respectable alpha poke hardly above the board of any awful tabletop stock build.
Bob had a dream once. He used to have potential. He had top piloting marks all through mech ROTC in high school, and he got a full ride scholarship to mech academy. Bob’s dream was to pilot a six AC2 king crab, and smoke ******* with the thunder of guns. He could have lived that dream too, if he kept his eyes on the prize.
But Bob knocked up his high school sweetheart. Well, someone did. It was Bob’s best friend in mech academy, Chad. But Bob loved his girlfriend and did the right thing, and just like every other loser that bought an engagement ring instead of an abortion, it ruined Bob’s life.
With a kid on the way that he suspected wasn’t his, but vowed to raise anyway because he was a *****, Bob’s priorities shifted. He cut down his dream of driving the King Crab. Only the best of the best got to be King Crab pilots, and while he was definitely good enough before his girlfriend got pregnant, once she had a bun in the oven, he became very risk-averse. He switched majors to the vindicator program, a mech so painfully average that not even 50 year old clanners with a blaze-of-glory deathwish would drive it.
When he graduated and it was time to take assignments, Bob took the first one that was offered him, the most average of all vindicators. He could have held out for the vindicator 1X, which at least could stuff 3 AC2s and be half a king crab and half a dream, but he needed to buy a house in the suburbs in a good school district, so he took the first, most stable assignment that was offered, and settled into an average life of doing a comfortable 400 damage a game playing laser poke like a ***** in his meta build vindicator.
Bob doubled down on his mistake and had a daughter, Boblina. At least the second brat was his. Bob Jr was growing up and starting to look like “Uncle Chad” and everyone knew who his real father was, except Bob Jr himself. He was disobedient and didn’t respect his father, because as a perfectly average vindicator pilot, even Bob had to admit that he wasn’t really worthy of respect. What made it worse was that Bob Jr didn’t even have Bob’s potential, much less Chad’s. He’d never grow up to be a masculine and powerful mechwarrior, the kind Bob could have been if he didn’t marry someone else’s mistake. That honor would go to Boblina- She at least inherited the mech piloting genes, and ended up being the second place tomboy son that Bob Jr would never man up to become.
Meanwhile, Chad was living it up. Chad was a douchebag, and all douchebags naturally pilot blackjacks. He made a fortune in Cbills on a dangerous mercenary contract in Rasalhague fighting the clanners, and got paid through the nose riding the easy street blackjack structure quirks that turned his 45 ton mech into an atlas. Right before the blackjack was actually nerfed down to being a medium mech again, Chad retired at 40, bought a vacation home in Thailand, and got a do-nothing retirement job as a bartender in a strip club, where he hangs out all day with naked girls half his age.
Chad had been Bob’s best friend since high school, and his greatest betrayer. To say that Bob secretly despised Chad for wrecking his home, ruining his life, and then walking away scott free to live like a rockstar, would be like saying the phoenix hawk is a terrible mech. The downward spiral of Bob’s life was the only thing circling the drain faster than a 45 ton flying shitbird with machine gun quirks.
Bob tried to take solace in his family life, but Chad ruined that too. He eventually moved into the suburbs and became Bob’s neighbor, and the only thing that gave Bob peace, which was Chad no longer being in his life as a constant reminder of what he could have been, was shattered.
Boblina, who had just graduated with honors from high school, was becoming the beautiful young woman that Bob’s wife used to be before she got pregnant. Bob got really uncomfortable with the way Boblina would stare at Chad while he was out on his porch with his shirt off on sunday morning, watering his lawn.
Bob Jr was even worse. Chad had just received his shiny new Loyalty Blackjack, a 45 ton jumping splat brawler with an XL engine the size of a house and a quartet of SRM launchers that would make a catapult jealous, and a unique paint scheme and a Cbill bonus. Bob didn’t think a blackjack pilot could be any more of a douchebag, but Chad found a way. Bob Jr started spending a lot of time with Uncle Chad, hanging out in the garage and helping him tinker with his douchejack, not so secretly wishing he had a cool dad, like one who drove a blackjack and banged strippers, not a loser with a vindicator.
Bob Jr was a lost cause, but Bob wouldn’t let Chad have his last shining hope, his tomboy mechjock daughter. Knowing that he had already raised Chad’s *******, it boiled Bob’s blood to think that Chad would go for round 2 with his hot daughter that looked just like his wife. So to prevent the event that would lead to his eventual murder-suicide, he encouraged Boblina to follow her (his) dream of becoming the kind of mechwarrior he never was. More importantly, he encouraged her to apply for mech academies far away from home... Far away from Chad.
Boblina got a full ride scholarship to a prestigious clanner academy on Strana Mechty. Once she was out of her father’s house, it didn’t take long for her to start experimenting with her sexuality, and a side job as a pole dancer to get some spending money so she wouldn’t have to ask her dad for any cash helped. The fact that clanner boys were all eugenically-bred clone babies with six pack abs and 9 inch personalities helped too.
Boblina graduated with honors from the Strana Mechty academy and pulled a dream assignment in a Marauder IIC. She wrote home to tell her parents and Bob and his wife were so proud, they drank a whole box of wine and got a little frisky. Since Bob Jr was out of the house helping Uncle Chad in the garage, Bob and his wife took the opportunity to have a little alone time. He turned on the pay-per-view Diamond Shark channel that had that really dirty clanner porn on it...
And there, in his living room, was his baby girl, starring in Free Spirited Free Birth Girls 3, taking on two greased up clanner studs at once right on the cockpit glass of her MAD IIC.
Edited by Sader325, 02 September 2016 - 08:33 PM.
