19 replies to this topic

[Jackal Noble]

An off duty Clanner walks into the local bar and is about to order a drink when he overhears 3 IS officers at the bar top talking amongst themselves...

One of them, a Kurita asks "If you had to take one piece of silverware with you out into the field, what would it be?"

Next to him, the Davion responds " Duh, I'd take the fork, the tines of a fork remind me of the arc of our glorious missiles we love to shoot in the air."

After that, the Steiner laughs and blurts in " Nein, you sweet little girls, a spoon would suit me best. It is good for scooping things up, much like our scout lances"

The Kurita goes " Strange, I thought it would be obvious ; the knife is clearly the best. Nothing works better than a knife at stabbing your opponent in the back where he is the weakest"

They are about to start bickering when the Clanner chimes in

"Pardon me, but you forgot about the spork, it's kind of the best of both worlds without really compromising too much. It's pretty efficient and good to have in a jam."

All 3 IS officers turn around simultaneously and shoot the Clanner with their blaster pistols, reducing him to a smoldering pile of ash.

"Did you hear something?"
"Nope"
and they continue on bickering.

Edited by Jackal Noble, 27 July 2018 - 12:42 PM.

[Rafe Yomin]

WHY, would a noble clan warrior degrade himself by talking to freebirths! Just more tall tales!

[MischiefSC]

Liao officers: "I don't know, I'm not high enough rank to get utensils. Or food."

Marik officer: "I avoid utensils since my own family started poisoning them during the last civil war."

Rimworld officer: "I eat with my hands."

[Tetatae Squawkins]

Rafe Yomin, on 27 July 2018 - 01:04 PM, said:

WHY, would a noble clan warrior degrade himself by talking to freebirths! Just more tall tales!

Not every clan is Jade Falcon or Smoke Jaguar.

MischiefSC, on 27 July 2018 - 01:17 PM, said:

Liao officers: "I don't know, I'm not high enough rank to get utensils. Or food."

Marik officer: "I avoid utensils since my own family started poisoning them during the last civil war."

Rimworld officer: "I eat with my hands."

A Comstar officer pulls out a lostech SLDF fusion powered swiss army knife and goes to sit by himself. Plotting to destroy the clanners spork technology before anyone else adopts it.

Edited by Tetatae Squawkins, 27 July 2018 - 01:24 PM.

[VonBruinwald]

A Clanner walks into a bar... ouch.

[Alex Morgaine]

The WOBBIE plots to nuke everyone cause he wasn't invited to drinks.

[Grus]

Claner walks into a bar.. dents the bar with his forehead.. IS officers cry OP and comolain to PGI for nerfs..

[Jackal Noble]

Grus, on 27 July 2018 - 01:57 PM, said:

Claner walks into a bar.. dents the bar with his forehead.. IS officers cry OP and comolain to PGI for nerfs..

Oh Grussy, come on you can do better than that.

[xe N on]

A clanner walks into a bar and is up to order a drink.

Clanner to the guy behind the bar counter: "Barkeeper, give me your best wine!"
Guy: "Sorry, wine is Los-Tech"
Clanner: "What? How is that even possible! Than give me your strongest beer!"
Guy: "Sorry, beer is forbidden by the Ares Convention"
Clanner: "What??!"
Guy: "Yeah, you know, there was this recent discover of a hidden star league database containing the original with all the small print."

The clanner is frustrated and his gaze wanders along the bar. His eyes catch three Inner Sphere officers next to him nipping on some drink.

Clanner: "I want what those freebirth scum over there are drinking"
The guy gives him a drink. The clanner takes a sip, but spit it out immediately.
Clanner: "THAT .. IS .. TERRIBLE! What in the name of Kerensky was that!?"
Guy: "Oh, that are tears shed from clansmen as they lost the battle of tukayyid"
Guy: "That is disgusting! You are all disgusting!"
The clanner leaves the bar enraged.

The guy quickly change side and takes a chair in front of the bar counter. Just a moment before the real barkeeper comes back from the toilet.

One of the Inner Sphere officers: "What the hell was that for?"
Guy: "I really don't like people get drunk. And that arrogant he already was sober, I think he will be really insufferable next morning"
Inner sphere officer "But why is that your business?"
Guy: "You know, I'm his Star Colonel"

Edited by xe N on, 27 July 2018 - 03:15 PM.

[Novakaine]

Clanners only drink and eat thru plastic straws for obvious reasons.

[McCalls Hairy Arse]

Neg, clan are never off duty.

[Rafe Yomin]

Tetatae Squawkins, on 27 July 2018 - 01:19 PM, said:

Not every clan is Jade Falcon or Smoke Jaguar.

Neg, but even a Wolf warrior is worth more than a freebirth. Any warrior is worth more than a freebirth! Quiaff? (ignore the freebirths getting trained as warriors, only few make it and of those most are only slightly above a normal freebirth)

Edited by Rafe Yomin, 28 July 2018 - 09:08 PM.

[Stonefalcon]

I would have expected the IS guys to ask what a Spork actually is since it's obviously lostech.

[Jack Booted Thug]

Jackal Noble, on 27 July 2018 - 12:37 PM, said:

All 3 IS officers turn around simultaneously

All 3 drunken IS officers draw -

the Davion's gun gets stuck in his belt and he shoots himself in the leg

the Steiner reaches in his holster and pulls out his piece only to realize it's a cigar as he points it towards the clanner

the Kuritan hurls a dagger at the clanner which sticks in his shoulder

The clanner removes it and licks the blood off the blade as all 3 IS clowns simultaneously piss their pants

[Wil McCullough]

A smoke jaguar warrior walks into a bar. He picks a fight with everyone else and loses horribly.

A jade falcon warrior walks into a bar. He doesn't order a drink, but kicks the dog.

A diamond shark warrior walks into a bar. He sees the jade falcon warrior kicking the dog and takes a video to post on clan net.

A ghost bear warrior walks into a bar. He just watches and doesn't order a drink.

A clan wopf warrior walks into a bar. He's looking for his lost dog. He sees what's going on and fights the jade falcon warrior. There are no winners in this contest.

[MischiefSC]

No, the Clan wolf warrior sees everything and immediately reports everyone for moderation, hoping that if everyone else gets banned he will finally win a cycle by default.

[Koniving]

Jackal Noble, on 27 July 2018 - 12:37 PM, said:

The Kurita goes " Strange, I thought it would be obvious ; the knife is clearly the best. Nothing works better than a knife at stabbing your opponent in the back where he is the weakest"

The only thing off here is the Kurita.
One, human bodies are weaker to stabbing in the front.. plus Kurita honor-bound nonsense (which is largely in part to outright disgrace dissent, treachery and backstabbing) basically puts stabbing their enemies from in front as the only practice worth telling about. This, plus knives and stomaches are quite effective.

---------

(Davion might be off slightly... They love ACs more than anything, though they do carry numerous missiles..)

(Then again... The only people not in on the Steiner scout lance joke...is the Steiners.)

.....I dig way too much into the lore...

Also -- the spork is the obvious tool.

It is the only thing that won't get nerfed by PGI for more than 3 weeks, because the Clans like it.

[A Headless Chicken]

A Clanner walks into the bar dejected that he is of no use on the battlefield because his Clan Lasers suddenly started fizzling with 1.5~3 times their old burn duration. He sighs and orders a high-ball but finds out that he is unable to do so because Clanners can't have nice things.

[Jackal Noble]

Jack Booted Thug, on 29 July 2018 - 06:21 AM, said:

All 3 drunken IS officers draw -

the Davion's gun gets stuck in his belt and he shoots himself in the leg

the Steiner reaches in his holster and pulls out his piece only to realize it's a cigar as he points it towards the clanner

the Kuritan hurls a dagger at the clanner which sticks in his shoulder

The clanner removes it and licks the blood off the blade as all 3 IS clowns simultaneously piss their pants

Haha nice

[Athom83]

VonBruinwald, on 27 July 2018 - 01:40 PM, said:

A Clanner walks into a bar... ouch.

*Said the bar*