6 replies to this topic

[Joseph Mallan]

This is some back story I wrote for Joe back when I was a Member of the BattleCorps Legion.
Union Dropship-Code of Honor
Alyina system, Inbound
Lyran Commonwealth
June 20th, 3050 1530

Well Gents, we will be landing soon. I want you in your 'pits with engines humming. We will be meeting our new Battalion CO in a week. You may know him." Hauptmann Morghun announced to unit. "He is Kommandant Victor Steiner-Davion, formerly of the 12^th Donegal Guards. He and what's left of the Guards will form 1^st Company. Oh and he's not the only VIP, he's bringing Justin Allard's son with him. That's right not only will we be babysitting the future Archon-Prince, but the heir to the throne of the St Ives Compact will now be in your chain of command." Bill paused for dramatic effect.

"********! The 12^th is on Trell I." Joe called out.

"They were on Trell I. Then what was left of them went to Derf and died to the man. Minus the Princelings who are on their way here. As experience goes both Princes are shower shoes, so we'll have to bring them up to speed ASAP." The Hauptmann turned to look Joe in the eye, "I have a mission for you Mallan. I want you to personally welcome Prince Victor to the 10^th."

"I'm sorry Sir. Did you just order me to end my career?" Joe asked with icy death dripping from every word.

"No Staff Sergeant Mallan I asked you to welcome the next leader of our realm into the unit in proper Guard fashion. If you are successful, you will receive this as a reward. William bent down and retrieved a large hat box opened the lid and removed a very large floppy brimmed crimson Musketeer's hat it was dressed with a purple band, returning to the box William withdrew a large rolled feather. It was also a deep plum color. The Hauptmann let the plume unroll to its near meter length before adding it to the foppish hat. He then presented it to Joe as if it were a great treasure.

"Sir, you want me to welcome the Prince for THAT? You must be crazy. For THAT, I will not only welcome the Prince properly, but I'd orally gratify the regiment's CO and XO." Joe beamed an angelic smile with evil twinkling in his eyes.

Alyina, Mar *****
Lyran Commonwealth
June 27th, 3050 1230

"Your Highness as you can see, your mother has spared no expense rebuilding the 10^th into a premier unit of the FedCom. We have the best facilities, a highly trained technical staff, and the most professional soldiers of any Successor House." droned the CO of the RCT. He was about to continue his self-important rambling, but was interrupted by Prince Victor's sudden outburst.

"Oh for the love of Unity!" The prince shouted in disbelief. Then burst into a fit of laughter.

"Well my friend, at least you seem to have impressed our future comrades with your leadership skills." Kai Allard Liao said chuckling.

There in the repair area was a Blue-grey Victor on it's hands and knees with a Lyran Guard Atlas standing in front of the Victor's head and a Banshee directly behind the Victor's behind.

The Hauptmann-General spun around and nearly died of cardiac arrest, before uttering, "Oh dear."

Alyina, Mar *****
Lyran Commonwealth
July 2nd, 3050 1730

Joe saw stars as he landed hard for the fourth time. He was taking some lessons from Kai in hand to hand combat. At first he was giving as good as he got. Joe is trained in the art of Wing Chun Do, and has reached the rank of Sibok (Senior Master) as such he is extremely skilled in hand to hand combat. However his opponent has spent his entire life honing his reflexes and martial skills just to stay alive in the palace of the Capellan Confederation. So once he recognized the fighting style Joe was using he began exploiting its one weakness, Chin Na, or, grappling and Kai was a master.

"Well I'm glad he's taking it as easy on you as he does with me, Staff Sergeant." Victor Steiner-Davion chuckled. "I was worried I was just bad at hand to hand."

"To be honest Your Highness, I haven't been handed to like this in about five years. It's difficult to find a good sparring partner when everyone in the FCAF is taught hard style fighting."

"I don't know Staff Sergeant. It looks like Kai is taking it to you pretty hard to me." The FedCom Prince chuckled.

"Yes he is your Highness, but the difference is he's using a soft style to make mulch out of me." Joe replied.

"If I have your permission Highness?" Joe asked as he poised his fist before the Princes chest. Victor nodded and Joe placed his fist against his chest. "See hard styles use driving force to inflict damage." Joe then pushed his fist forward hard enough to drive Victor into a small step back. "Soft styles like Wing Chun Do use concussive force which stays in body of the target." Joe again placed his fist against the Prince and just gave him a short 'poke' and withdrawal which jarred the Prince hard enough to make his teeth rattle.

"Ow! That was interesting." Victor said while shaking his head and rubbing his jaw. "Why aren't you teaching me this stuff Kai?"

"Ancient Capellan secret." Kai answered with a formal bow.

Alyina, Mar *****
Lyran Commonwealth
July 2nd, 3050 1730

"Well Revenants, They're here. These are the ones that attacked Trell I and then Dreft. They call themselves J.." The Princes transmission was stepped on by an overpowering broadcast.

Quote

I am Star Colonel Adler Malthus of Clan Jade Falcon. I have come to claim this planet for Clan Jade Falcon. With what forces will you defend it.

"What the Hell was that about? Did he just ask us to tell him what we have on this rock?" Joe asked out loud.

"They have done that every time they've attacked." Prince Steiner-Davion said. His voice quivered slightly, as memories of Trell I still haunting him. "Let's go give it to them men."

[Joseph Mallan]

Denebola V
Bachelor's Enlisted Quarters
Lyran Commonwealth
Sept 20th, 3049 0630

The car was a museum piece, a 3000 Avanti S series Roadster. Its glistening Black body was highlighted with Fire Engine Red racing stripes on the hood and roof and shown a deep reflection of the rising sun. The 6.2L engined throbbed with the strength of 400 horses as the car stalked up to the base gate. Joe loved his 'lil Lady', and keeping her in running fit was expensive but so worth it. Yes there were faster and sleeker vehicles on the road now but there was just something Joe found comforting about his baby.

Joe rolled to a stop in the parking lot outside his Bachelors Enlisted Quarters* the gravel gave up a satisfying crunch as the car came to a stop. As he got out and stretched his lean 6'2" frame, he noticed the BEQs were buzzing with activity. "Hey Hans, what's going on?" Joe bellowed to his friend Hans Jorgenssen who was at the far end of the building.

Hans Jorgenssen was as close to the Viking ideal as a Lyran could come. Nearly 6'10" his height was matched by his bulk and not an ounce of his mass was fat. His golden beard and mustache split into a beaming smile when he recognized who it was calling him. "Hey Joe, Regimental sent word first thing this morning, Regimental formation 0830"

"Uniform is what…?" Joe asked sounding exasperated.

"It's changed three times already. Right now we are in Dress Charlie's. Oh yea, Leuy wants to see you ASAP." Hans chuckled

"Alright 'Magni', thanks… Euchre later? Joe asked.

"Sure…and stop calling me that. I don't want the Gods mad at me." Hans said with a hint of fear in his voice. Hans was from a very old and traditional Norwegian family. They held on to some of the oldest traditions from Earth, including the devout belief in the Norse gods. Hans worshiped the god of thunder Thor. Magni was said to be Thor's son, and the only other being able to lift Thor's hammer Mjölnir.

"Sorry big guy. See you later then." Joe smiled as his friend disappeared back into his room. Joe sprang up the stairs two at a time to the third floor of the seven story building. He walked the short distance to his "apartment". Each room was a claustrophobic twenty foot by twenty foot square. At Joe's present rank of Sergeant; he only had to share his room with one other NCO.

"Hey Pen. How are the upgrades coming?" Joe asked cheerfully as he opened his closet to begin dressing.

Pentel Scripto turned and beamed a radiant smile, "It's going fantastic. The Rifleman is getting Peeps instead of the ACs. The larges along with the Magna Mk II's are getting replaced with Extended Range Mediums. They are adding a bunch of those Freezers and just shy of a full armor load. How about your Beemer Joe?"

As Joe continued to dress he ran down the upgrades to his Battlemaster, "Well I'm getting less sinks but they are being upgraded to freezes. My weapons are staying the same minus the machine guns. Those are going to add a fire control system to the 6-rack and Cellular Ammo Storage Equipment for the ammo. The rear lasers are going to be moved to the front and a bit more armor to give more survivability."

Pentel gave a low whistle, "That's going to be a beast Joe."
"Yeah…I know." Joe chuckled "Those Snakes are going to run in terror from the likes of us. Me, I just want to get in the harness and see what we can do. Hans and Lefty are getting some beastly Mods too."

Joe checked the fit of his uniform and double checked for any 'Irish Pennants'. Nodding when he couldn't find any, he tugged his blouse once more and turned to leave. "Hold the fort for me Pen I gotta go see Leuy."

Pentel looked at Joe in his mirror. Raising one questioning red eye brow he asked, "What about?"

"Not sure. Maybe they're promoting me to Archon." Joe said without a hint of humor.

Pentel grabbed his chest with one hand and waved the other in the air, "My heart can't stand the strain Joe. Don't even joke about it. The universe might implode or something."

Denebola V
Echo Company Office
Lyran Commonwealth
Sept 20th, 3049 0700

"You wanted to see me Bill?" Joe asked as he stuck his head into the cube of his commanding officer, Lieutenant William 'The Axe' Morghun'. William (Bill to his friends) was a short powerfully built man; his long black hair was in its normal waste length ponytail. Blood shot mahogany eyes were pouring over some last minute orders on his tri-D computer, by the condition of his five o'clock shadow and red rimmed eyes, it was evident Bill had been up all night working or more likely drinking.

"I thought I gave the word you were to report to me ASAP Staff Sergeant?" Lt Morghun's frog filled voice croaked.

"Yes sir and as company orders stand, As Soon As Possible is once enlisted personnel are in uniform Sir… Um did you say Staff Sergeant Sir?" Joe cocked his head and raised an eye brow.

"A little slow on the pick up Mallan. Yes. I've been promoted to Hauptmann of the new Attack Company, and as every company commander needs a staff, I'm making you the company staff NCO. Do you have any complaints?"

"No SIR. However I do have a question." Joe responded in proper military fashion.

"What is it Mallan?" Leutnant Morghun asked.

"Do you prefer your staff in fishnets or regular stockings Sir?" Joe asked with a smirk.

Picking up his coffee cup Billy Morghun took a big gulp to cover his chuckle, then pronounced, "Actually I prefer bare leg Sgt. Mallan, Dismissed."

Denebola V
Echo Company Office
Lyran Commonwealth
Sept 20th, 3049 1230

Alyina! Wow! It's a second wave planet on an attack route no where!" Pentel whined to his friends Joe and Hans.

"Ya, how are we going to save the universe from danger when we are posted nowhere near the front?" Hans Jorgenssen asked in his normal Basso-Profoundo rumble.

"What does it matter guys? All of you pale in comparison to my blazing star power." Joe said while turning his head with his chin pushed forward. Then broke into his usual ice melting smile to let his friends know he was kidding.

"OK ladies, drop your sock and grab your rocks. We have three days to have our gear packed, unpacked, inspected, packed, stowed, unpacked and inspected again, before we have to do it all over again." Hauptmann Morghun announced.

The three lancemates snapped to attention and barked a crisp 'Yes Sir.'

The parade ground shook as a lance of Mechs stalked slowly past. The lance was obviously an assault lance, it was comprised of an Atlas-D, a Stalker-3F, a Zeus-6S and a Flashman-7K.

Hans Jorgenssen whistled long and low, "WOW, those are some heavy hitters. Are we getting them Haupie?"

"You got it in one Hans. That’s our new Assault Lance. Leutnant Gail Piazzi is in the Atlas her Sergeant is in the Zeus names William Collins, the Stalker belongs to Jerry Ward and the Flashman is piloted by Steven Turk.

"Now let's get to work Gents." We have to hurry up and wait for our cushy assignment.

[Joseph Mallan]

Sanglamore Academy
Parade Grounds
Skye, Skye Province
May 14th, 3049

The Sanglamore class of '49 threw their tasseled green caps up to the incandescent sun and basked in the glory of freedom as they rained back down. The cluster of former students, all bent at the waist, scrambled along the ground looking for their hats like mothers chasing toddlers. As they came up for air, all of them holding a hat (whether it was theirs or not), an aura of pride radiated from them like a protective force-field. The aura caught a breeze, mingled with the sharp scent of fresh-cut grass, and carried their yelps and laughs into the distance to warn the world that Sanglamore ‘49 was coming. They did it. Whatever trials and tribulations the future held, the past was finished and the now was sweet. A parade of shiny young smiles broke apart and joined their respective families and loved ones.

Three graduates moved through the vast crowd, resplendent in their academy dress uniforms as their green sashes swayed in unison with their exuberant stride. Hans Jorgenssen was the tallest of them. He was a colossal Norwegian with long blonde hair and a close shaved beard that framed his square jaw. His eyes were blue like the early morning and belied his tough exterior.

Walking to his right (and a full head beneath him) was Xando Parapasu, a lean young man with Terra Cotta eyes that seemed to never stop scrutinizing their surroundings. The warm sun glistened off his bald head as he strolled alongside his friends.

Joseph Mallan, a happy medium of his two friends, had rich chestnut hair cut high over the temples with a thin long braid and a full mustache—right on the pulse of high MechWarrior fashion. His eyes were greenish grey with specks of brown and his smile bore a guile that could warm the most frozen of Ice Queens.

Joe was leading the trio towards the Military Science Building. A large fortress-like edifice built with large blocks of Avalonian granite. The pale grey/white stone added a feel of stately calm to the vast building. At the bottom of the grand stairs of the venerable building was a hastily erected 'bulletin board' a sign atop the long board proclaimed "The LIST" it was covered with alphabetic listings of all the graduates and their deployment units. Hundreds of former students were already milling in front of the board.

"Come on guys, don't you want to know where we're going?" Joe ribbed his friends. He ran a hand over his braid and struggled to tame his smile.

"Joe, with your scores you probably got posted as one of the Capellan Chancellor's personal bodyguards,” Xando quipped.

Joe winced and chucked Xando’s shoulder. "Look at the quick wit on Xando,” he said, nudging Hans. “I told you I could teach him to have a little fun."

"Gee, Joe, are you sure he's kidding? I saw your score, too, and you'd be lucky to get a posting on Timbuktu," Hans chuckled in his deep baritone.

"Yeah…I know, top ten percent of the class doesn’t get you what it used to," Joe said somberly.

"Especially when you scored lower than us," said Xando, and followed it up with a return jab to Joe’s arm.

Joe brushed off the weak punch and shot a wink at Xando. He would never say it, but the comment stung a little. Besides, while technically true, it was a cheap shot.

"Aw, come on Xan, Joe can't help it if he can't jump. He's from Furillo!"

"Um…Hans?"

"Yeah, Joe?"

"Furillo has high gravity. I jump better than most of you," he reminded his large friend.

Hans cuffed Joe on the shoulder, nearly knocking him to the ferrocrete. "I know that, but you still can't jump in a 'Mech."

"Hey guys, congratulations!" said a red headed young man standing in front of the posting bulletin board. He was pencil thin and his frame was roped with long thin muscles.

"Oh hey Pentel, how're you doing?" Joe asked.

"Awesome!” Pentel beamed. "I got Tenth Guards!"

Joe whistles long and low, "Nice, they get to groom Archon-Designates sometimes—sweet posting."

"Where are we going?" Xando asked, worming his way around Pentel so that he could see the list.

Pentel scooted out of the way.

"Odin's eye," Hans bellowed, silencing the throng of graduates nearest the quartet. "I got Tenth Guards, too!"

"Me, too," said Xando. He had to lean an arm against Hans to prop himself up because a sudden rush of faintness washed over him. “I actually made it. I made Tenth!”

”How about you, Joe? Three for three, or what?” said Hans. “Joe?”

Joe looked as if he had been gut-punched. “First Royal," he grumbled.

The three men's heads swiveled, but they dared not speak. Joe deserved a moment of silence. Pound for pound he was the best pilot out of all of them. Hans knew it. Xando knew it. Pentel knew it but would never admit it.

"I tried so hard,” he said, tears forming in the back of his throat. “Two years of busting my *** and they stick me with those boot licking *** kissers in First Royal? What a load of crap. You know what the worst part is?”

The three men looked to the ground and muttered a jumbling of quiet Whats.

“The worst part is,” said Joe with rage shooting from his eyes and hate pouring from his throat. “The worst thing is that you guys are all idiots…I'm goin' to the Tenth too!" A devil's smile played over Joe's face.

The three friends looked over the list themselves and just as they turned to pummel Joe, a rich voice boomed from behind them.

"God save the Commonwealth. Joseph Mallan is going to be a Lyran Guard."

Countless hours of drills caused the quartet to snap to attention, but they immediately relaxed when the speaker proved to not be one of their former instructors.

"Hi, Dad," Joe said, stiffening a little.

"Hello, Joseph. Is that any kind of proper hello for your mother and me?" Benjamin Mallan chided his son.

"Mom, Dad, this is Xando Parapasu,” he said, pointing around. “Hans Jorgenssen and Pentel Scripto. Guys, this is my mom and dad, Lady Estelle and Sir Benjamin Mallan." He kissed his mother’s cheek and hugged his father.

"So, you and your friends are coming into my guard?" Joe's father asked.

Joe rolled his eyes playfully, but his pride was obvious. “My dad was in the Tenth LG, he even served under Melissa Steiner. He was knighted for service above and beyond the call of duty."

Joe's friends knew that he had been cut from the same cloth as his father. Both were tall with broad shoulders, but Joe had inherited his mother’s warm smile, dark hair and unique eyes.

"The Mallan family has been loyally serving the Commonwealth for ten generations, and we have our fair share of honors to prove it." Mr. Mallan announced.

"Did you pull some strings to get me in?" Joe asked. Only a microbe of bitterness could be detected.

"I helped get you into this school. You did the rest." The jab hurt, but the sadness that threatened to overtake the elder Mallan's eyes was pushed aside by pride.

"Well guys, I guess we'll be making the universe safe from Snakes in a few more weeks," said Joe.

"Sorry, Joe, I have to wait a few months. I have to go to OCS," Xando said.

"Well don't that beat all? Xando's going to get some butter bars," prodded Joe. "Guess we're going to have to start calling you 'Sir' Xando."

"I can get used to that," Xando said with a smirk.

"Well don't," growled Hans as he grabbed Xando in a headlock and began rabbit punching his forehead.

Mr. Mallan walked over to his son and wrapped his arm around his shoulder. "You have good friends, Joseph,” he whispered. “Watch over them."

"I will, dad. Thanks."

[Joseph Mallan]

Katschberg river valley
Schenectady, Aur
Lyran Alliance
6 September, 3067
1623 hours

"Tree…Tree…Tree…Tree"

"Khan, stop the chatter will ya! Or the bandits will be the least of your worries!" AC Wilson scolded.

"You got it Bugs." Joseph replied.

"Bugs?" AC inquired.

"Yea, it's a character from a mid/late 20th century animation, Bugs Bunny." Joseph said.

"Why would you call me that?" AC asked, knowing full well he really didn't want to know.

"Well Bugs Bunny was sorta the leader of the Loony Toons, and the Loony Toons were characters in the Warner Brothers cartoon…. Warner Brothers…WB…Wild Boys…" Joseph said.

"Un Huh! And what character would you be?" Asked AC

"Elmer Fudd! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!" Joseph answered with a rapid fire burst of laughter.

"Okayyyy" moaned AC.

"So who am I Kha…Elmer?" Asked Pataman.

"Well, since you are the smallest in the lance, I was thinking Tweety. He was a little yellow bird, really cute, had a speech ipwedament and was pwbaby the most dagerwes of the Toons cause he got underestimated."

"Me next Elmer, which character would I be?" Asked BeeRockxs.

"Oh, you'd be Roadrunner." Joe answered.

"Ha! Ha! Very funny, Mr. Fudd." BeeRockxs said deadpan.

"Well Herr Fudd, what character do you have for me?" Rough House asked amusedly.

"I was thinking Taz, the Tasmanian Devil. He's really wild and berserk lacking any kind of refinement." Joe said.

"But I am nothing like that." Rough House pouted playfully.

"Yea...I know." Joseph said with a smile in his voice that carried over the Comms.

"Ok Wild Boys we have about another hour and a half till we get to Das Nest. Let's pretend we are professional soldiers shall we." AC chided.

"Ok you wascly wabbit." Joe responded.
"Order weceived, I will compwy." Highball replied cheerfully.

"Meep! Meep!" BeeRockxs blurted.

"OK" Growled Rough House.

"Khan…I hate you!" Moaned AC.

"Tree…Tree…Tree…Tree" the Wild Boys said in chorus.

[Joseph Mallan]

Its All In A Name

Cedar Ridge Admin Office
Alula Australis
Free Worlds League
03DEC3068

Boots clicked in unison on the well polished tile floor as the two MechWarriors from Alpha Bat/4th Co aka The Pack, stalked towards the Colonel's office.

"Joe this is crazy… wait crazier than usual even for you! You could seriously mess up your career with this one." pleaded Lt AC Wilson. His dark eyes alight with mirth.

"Yeah… I know. But sometimes you just have to roll with what you know AC. Besides, think of the scuttlebutt that will go around if I pull this one off." Mst Sgt Joseph Mallan beamed with joy as he spoke. The two friends stopped outside the COs door. AC clasped Joe's right shoulder firmly and solemnly asked, "If you don't survive, can I have your liquor collection?"

As Joe reached to knock on the door he replied, "Why ask, you have a copy of the key to the locker buddy."

Cedar Ridge COs Office
Alula Australis
Free Worlds League
03DEC3068

"That's correct Sergeant Major. These are the potential recruits for 4th Co as the Col requested." Joseph Mallan said while standing at ramrod straight attention, eyes focused at a point somewhere above & behind the Sgt Maj head.

From the window Colonel Joey Nichol spoke, "Regstad can you read me the list of candidates please?" The Colonel's trademark Pink fingernails standing out against her tan duty jacket as she stood with her back to the room in a very relaxed parade rest as she made the request.

"Yes Ma'am." he opened the folder and began to read.

"Infantry, Johnson, Larry, A."

"Aerospace Pilot, no craft, Swift, Kelly."

"MechWarrior, Masterton, Harrison."

"Cavalry, Stone, Precious, J."

"What?" the Colonel asked as she turned around with an odd look on her face.

Regstad shrugged. "I know. Who would be stupid enough to give themselves the name of Stone?" Then he shrugged again and returned to reading.

"Infantry, Haven, Cheryl."


"Cavalry, Dare, Ona."

"MechWarrior, Behd, Helen, A."

"Pardon me can you read that name again Sgt Maj?" the Colonel choked as she tried to restrain a giggle.

"MechWarrior Behd, Helen, A."

"That has to be the worst naming of a child I have ever heard… Helen A Behd?" Now Joey started to giggle.

"MechWarrior Buht, Anil." Regstad continued.

The Colonel wheeled around, an astonished look on her face, as she looked sharply at Jester. Who for his own benefit held a look of stony detachment. She just shook her head as Regstad continued to read the names.

"MechWarrior, Ward, Lune. E ."

"Infantry, Fine-Hardman, Anita."

The Colonel clasped both hands over her mouth to catch the full out laugh that escaped.

"Cavalry, Stroker, Peter."

"Cavalry, Talkinghorse, Ed."

The Colonel choked and her eyes nearly popped out of her head.

Combat Engineer, Pitt, Doug, A.

Regstad let out a long breath. "And finally MechWarrior, Long, Harold, R. Ma'am"

Wiping tears from her eyes The Colonel asked a question she already knew the answer to, "What does the R stand for?" She tried very hard not to giggle again.

Regstad looked up at Jester with a look that said, answer the Colonel.

Joseph barely was able to keep from laughing as he choked out, "Richard, Ma'am"

"Long, Harold, Richard?" Joey started to laugh uncontrollably.

Regstad looked at her, looked at the names on the list again, and put the list down in the file it belonged. Then he sighed and leaned over to put his lips next to Joe's ear. "Well played, Jester," he rumbled, placed a firm hand on the man's shoulder, Glancing down to his hips he added, "You know, when I was younger I knew a Private by that name. A real up and attum kind of guy."

Jester blinked. "Wait a minute. I thought you Taurians didn't have any Privates."

Regstad thought for a moment, then chuckled. "Good point, Jester. But the Canopians have us all beat." He sighed then and guided the slack jawed Jester out of Joey's office.

As the door closed, the Admin office workers heard an uproar of laughter erupt from the Colonel's office the likes of which had not been heard in a long long time.

[Joseph Mallan]

SITUATION
27 July 3067
The WARROOM
Harlech, Outreach
Chaos March

The room was normal for a bar that caters to the military, dark mostly, with pulsing lights and of course loud music. In this case the thundering beat of The Blues Airmen (a Lyran "local" band) shook the Warroom with a strong "Rock & Blues" sound. In front of the stage is a table with a holo-sign that reads "RESERVED! AIRHEADS ONLY" in smaller print, "violators will be forced to cut the rug with Tom "twinkle Toes" Tyler!" The table is populated with twenty or so "airheads", most wearing the bands logo tee shirts. One of the occupants is singing along with the band, a bit off key, and hoisting a pitcher of Timbiqui Dark to the band and taking a heavy drink. As he drinks, his hazel eyes sweep the crowd casually. As he sets down his drink, wiping his mustache with his forearm, his face splits into a wicked grin as he gets up and stalks a couple "dancing" (well the blonde woman is dancing, the twig of a man is…spasming!) With a sudden rush, arms outstretched, he lunges forward grabbing the not-so surprised couple into a bear hug, lifting them effortlessly from the floor! "KHAN!" the woman shouts laughing. The whole time her partner continues to twitch almost in rhythm to the beat. Khan rocks the two in his arms as though they were a single person. As he sets them down, the male dancer grabs Khan's hand and begins to simultaneously "jitter-bug" & "Charleston". Khan throws his head back and roars with laughter as he just stands in place. He finally separates himself from the man's grasp shouting, "YOU GO TOM!"

Returning to his seat, Khan again glances around the room before he sits, and violently thrashes his head in time with the music. Once at the table, Khan, leans in and talks to this person or that, and bursts into belly laughs, all the while drinking from his pitcher.

Suddenly, Khan's demeanor changes, he goes silent, his face emotionless, focusing his attention on the opposite end of the table. A bar patron is "hitting on" a curvaceous women at the table. Oblivious to the fuming stares coming from her apparent boyfriend and her seaming disgust. Khan sets down his drink, sliding his chair back, and pushes two others in, clearing a path. His eyes never wavering from the situation at the other end of the table as he prepares to pounce, if needed, some of the "Airheads" see Khan's actions and smile ruefully and shake their heads a little.

Khan get's up and calmly walks towards the couple, gently resting his hand on the shoulder of the patron.
"Hi" he says, "Names' Joseph Mallan, friends call me Khan!" As the patron looked angrily up at Khan, he continued, "These are my friends, Karen (waving his free hand) and her husband "Solaris" John (reaching over and clasping Johns hand in a big shake)."
Turning his eyes to John, Joseph asked, "How long have you two been married now? What about eight month's right?" Red eyes glaring at the would-be suitor, John nods.
Joseph turned to Karen and asks, "Karen, you would be very upset if John accidentally killed this guy and ended up in prison wouldn't you?" Tersely Karen responds, "No [crap], Khan!"
Joseph looks at the patron, smiling he begins, "See, I figured you did not know these two were married and all, so why don't we go over to the bar, I'll buy you a drink, and everyone can have a good time listening to the band?!"
"Hey Man this Who… "The man started, but was cut off instantly when Joseph shifted his hold, and smashed his head into the table with a polite, "please?"
"You broke my frakkin' nose!" the man bellowed, "You don't know who I am man! I'm going to ruin your night!"
Joseph responded by bringing up his free hand and grabbing the man's throat in a three fingered claw, with enough force to cause him to gurgle. Looking him in the eyes calmly and said, "Your right! I don't know who you are. What's more I don't care." Lifting slightly the man had to rise to his toes to meet Joseph sorrowful eyes. Shaking his head Joseph continued, "I am trained in three different martial systems. I can shoot your eyes out at a thousand meters with most rifles and even some pistols." Dropping to a near whisper he went on, "I fought the Jade Falcon from the day they hit our boarder. I fought them again on Coventry. I was there to route the Smoke Jaguars in the Combine and then on Huntress. I was there when Victor Steiner-Davion killed Khan Osis! I have killed more people in the last ten years than you have ever known. So please, don't think you impress me with your bravado."
With that Joseph released to man. Trying to regain some of his composure the ruffian hoarsely spat, "So you think you're some kinda war hero?" Joseph just looked at the man and shook his head, "No, I'm no hero, I'm a soldier. One who fought and bled, so that you could be free to be as big an *** as you possibly could. Now go back to your friends so I can drink my beer and enjoy my band."
Seeing that the man was walking away, Joseph turned back to the table, smiled and roared in joy, "MAN I LOVE THIS SONG!", and broke into a really poor "air" guitar performance.

HUNTRESS
SITUATION…Aww CRAP!
Beams of coherent light flashed past and long range missiles slam into the hill Joseph Mallan was using as cover. Glancing down at his consoles wire-frame, evilly flashing red and even black in some areas, ignoring the strobing warning light signaling damage to his engines' shielding, shaking his head "I know your tired old friend" he whispered so not to activate his voice com… again. "But the Highlanders need us to hold back those Clan ******** just a few more minutes, we owe them that time." Clearing his throat Joseph calls, "Hey Cap'n!?"

"Damocles One here, go."

"Did you forget to turn on the no smoking sign again sir? These Jags just don’t seem to take a hint."

"Khan, I'm a little busy!" tension lacing the response as static burst over the channel after man made lightning lashed out at Captain Christafori's Penetrator.

"Yea, my sensors are picking up tw…three Omnis, need some help?"

'How the hell does he always sound like he's asking to do a tune up instead of get himself killed?' Archer thought to himself.

"Khan your 'master is more damaged than I thought!" *Squelch of static* "….ixed star of Jag Omnis."

"I'm on my way, Sir!" Joseph said without hesitation!

"No Khan, I'm holding, you are venting so much heat I don't need thermal-scan to find you!"

"Aww …Ol’ Warrior and I can handle a little heat, It's the humidity, you know, *loud smacking of overrides can be heard* now that will get you every time." Khan's "friendly" icon began moving towards Archer's position.

"Khan, that is an ORDER, I said stand down!"

"Yes sir, I am on my way to "Stand Down", right beside you sir. Now if only the Jags will stop firing at me…." Blue lightning streaked over Christafori's Penetrator's left shoulder into a Vulture's left torso slagging structure as the Omni's left arm sagged, and then dropped to the ground, causing the dry grass to catch fire.

"DAMB IT, MALLAN! I want you back behind that hill NOW!"

Another blast of Cerulean fire lashes out past the Penetrator into the Vulture, again hitting from the left side of the 'Mech. Only this time vaporizing the last bits of the center armor and damaging the engine shielding enough to cause the Clan 'Mech to shut down.

"I'm Sorry Cap'n, I can't do that!" Joseph said in a very calm easy voice.

"Why not, Khan?"

"Well sir, *furious slapping of the console resumes* I am about to shut down, Good Luck!"

"You to Joe." Archer said to a dead channel, "Thanks for the help!"

[Joseph Mallan]

Welcome to the Legion
Or
The Corps is Mother
The Corps is Father
Jester is the Frakking Uncle Twice Removed!

Cedar Ridge Barracks
Enlisted Quarters
Alula Australis, Free Worlds League
Late Evening, 8 April, 3068

"Hey Joe you sure you don't want any help?"

"Thanks for offering Jas, but there are something's a man has to do alone."

"Yea, who you going after?"

"I'm going for the Trifecta JD, and dress up all three the FNGs rides."

"You are nuts! A Clan Trueborn?"

"Yea…I know, but sometimes the risk is the extra sweetness that makes it all worth doing!" Joe giggled "You should have seen the position Prince Victor's Victor was found in when he joined the 10th! It was on its hands and knees between the COs Atlas and the XOs Banshee. I earned this hat for that one!" Joe ticked the brim of his oversized Red Musketeer's hat with the emormously long purple feather.

"No Way!?!"

"I have holos!, Lot's a holos. Well time to go out do myself, don't wait up."

Cedar Ridge Barracks
Main Gate
Alula Australis, Free Worlds League
Later Evening, 8 April, 3068

The vehicle neared the main gate of the Battle Corps base. Repairs were underway on the damage from the biker battle but there was considerable work still needed to actually "secure" the post. As the two guards were approaching the truck from Alula Australis Amusements and Novelties, Joe slipped out of a shadow wearing jet black fatigues, silk Special Ops gloves, ruby red sneakers, and his infamous oversized red brimmed hat with its meter purple feather. The cheesy spy music started at the same time he became visible.

"It's ok gentlemen, this is an expected delivery, you can stand down." He said.

"I don't see it on the list Sir." As the guard looked over the spectacle that was standing before him.

"Yea, they are... right here." Joe slipped a Hundred Eagle note over a blank line on the guard's clipboard, "Under Charley Marik!"

As the first guard took the note, Joe shook the other guards hand pressing another bill into his hand also, "Thank you gentlemen, you have no idea how important this shipment is to me…remember I was never here!" Joe waved his hand in front of himself like a stage magician, and hopped up on the running board of the truck. He never saw the guards reach for their radios

Cedar Ridge Barracks
Mechbay, West
Alula Australis, Free Worlds League
Even Later Evening, 8 April, 3068

Heinrick Stramswold was one of the latest recruits to the Legion presently he was assigned to the "training lance". His Zeus probably meant he hailed from the Lyran Alliance. It looked as though "Rick's" Zeus was one of the 3020's models, and was packing a PPC in place of the AC 5 JDs carried. "Nice ride" Joe thought as he snapped a picture of the 'Mech wearing a tan and blue leopard print "caveman" toga.

"Now to get the Clanner's ride!" Joe mused. Marcus Wolf piloted a Marauder II…one of the 4S models. "Duck feet" Joe thought "Yea Duck feet would make a great impression on this bad boy!" Then Joe saw a handheld holo-projector left on the foot of the bird legged 'Mech, affixed to it was a slip of paper with Joe's name. So Joe pushed the Play button;
An image of Leonidas faded into view.

Quote

Staff Sergeant Mallan, as you know I have given Major Nicole my word that Marcus would not cause any trouble for the Legion. I did not, however, promise that he would not savage anyone foolish enough to in anyway molest his Marauder II. It would be wise that you ask your "friend" to leave this particular machine alone as Marcus does not have my sense of humor.

The image faded and Joe grumbled, "Dang it. He’s no fun!"

Joe went back to the truck and pouted, "Come on Gregor, some people have now sense of fun."

Cedar Ridge Barracks
Mechbay, East
Alula Australis, Free Worlds League
Yup Still Later Evening, 8 April, 3068

After unloading the last "get-up" for Owen Glendower's Commando from the truck, Joe thanked Gregor and gave him a tip for all his help. "This is going to be fun!"

Joe was just about finished attaching the inflatable to the Commando's waist when he thought he heard some movement from deeper in the bay. He turned to look and saw nothing, shrugged his shoulders and started the inflation unit, causing the inflatable to partially rise. Then he noticed that it would interfere with attaching the foam bottom he still needed to put on the back of the Commando if it fully inflated. So he quickly turned off the pump leaving the inflatable at a little less than half mast. Joe descended the ladder to the main floor and began to load the 'bottom' on to the scissor lift, and then things went directly south…



Cedar Ridge Barracks
Mechbay, East
Alula Australis, Free Worlds League
Late Evening, 8 April, 3068

“GET HIM!”

Dark figures exploded from the shadowy recesses of Second Company’s Hangar Bays and converged on the momentarily stunned form of Staff Sergeant Joseph “Jester” Mallan. The huge purple feather on his large hat became the only indicator of his existence as he was buried under an enthusiastic avalanche of bodies.

“But I’m not done blowing it...” Before he managed to finish, he was buffeted around by many playful but firm punches and kicks to his body. As quickly as it had started the rough and tumble ended and the pressure on his body dissipated; miraculously his massive red hat remained on his head, its ridiculously long feather unbowed and unbroken. Still lying on his back and his arms pinned to the ground Joe blinked under the glare of the arc lights above as he took in the crowd that surrounded him. Colin Lohan’s face hove into view from somewhere near his left shoulder.

“Jester, you’re just so damned predictable.”

“Yeah man, the Captain wouldn’t even lay on a bet; it was such a sure thing.” said “Sparky” Patton.

“Hey guys its tradition and I only aim to please.” Joe flung out his brightest widest grin.

“So what the hell were you doing to my ‘Mech?” David Glendower the newcomer stepped forward from the throng, his head silhouetted by a halo of arc light.

“It’s easy,” he remarked, “if you’re going to pilot that you might as well go Commando!” Joe beamed knowingly at Glendower and the rest of the group. All eyes swung to the large sponge bottom that sat forlornly on the scissor lift and the half cocked appendage that hung just below the Lyran scout ‘Mech’s waist.

Wyatt Bradford collapsed in a writhing heap, hysterical laughter assailing the rafters of the bay. The rest of the group moaned in horror or chuckled with mirth.

“Oh for the love of god.”

“Well [crap] me dead.”

“Could you get one any bigger?”

“Bloody hell!”

“Truly you’re a master.”

“…oh stop. It hurts!”

“What’s going on here?!” The group shuffled apart to reveal Senior Lieutenant Jacob Warfield, “Dizzy” Pratt and Jamie Hepburn. The iron grips that held Joe to the floor were released and he sat up rubbing at his wrists.

“Evening Sir, just welcoming the new guy in true Battle Corps tradition.” beamed Joe. Ronin’s gaze flicked to the Commando then back to Joe, one eyebrow quizzically raised.

“Don’t tell me Jester…going commando?” Wails of hysterical laughter re-launched themselves into the heady heights of the ‘Mech bay.

“Hey Jake, you recognize true art.”

“Uh-huh,” Ronin smirked, “well in Second Company we have a tradition that only Smoke and Steel members can play with our units. But, in recognition of your good humour and, ah…special talent, I think it’s only fair that we show our appreciation and induct you into our illustrious ranks.” Hope soared in Joe’s heart; he may very well have got out of this painlessly. He pushed himself to his knees and began to stand.

“Thanks Sir, you’re a gentleman and a scholar.”

“Yea… I know.” An evil grin spread across Ronin’s face as he quoted Joe’s oft used quip and before Joe could stand he was shoved roughly in the chest and unceremoniously dumped on his ***.

“Strip him!”

The air around Joe was filled with whoops and cheers as the assembled Smoke and Steel troops descended on their beleaguered prey. He struggled with all his might but to no avail. Within thirty seconds he was divested of all his clothing except for his boxer shorts. Jamie Hepburn produced a bag from which garments were passed around the group. Joe’s arms were pulled up above his head and a dark scratchy cloth was pulled onto his torso. Unable to see what was going on he felt other garments being pulled or pushed onto his limbs and body till he was manhandled off the ground onto his feet. A different hat was clamped firmly on his head. The crowd parted and in a daze Joe looked at his body.

A black very tight scratchy wool jacket clad his torso; the sleeves were too short and ended around his muscled mid forearms. It was so small and tight around his shoulders and chest that his arms were forced out away from his body. From his neck hung a frilly white lace cravat, his lower legs were clad from knee to foot in thick creamy woollen socks and thin black leather brogues had been crammed onto his feet. He slowly raised a meaty hand up and pulled the hat off revealing a blue tartan cap complete with red pom-pom and a red wig attached around the edges. Of all the garments he wore, the most horrific was attached around his waist. A dark green and red mini kilt swathed his loins and stopped just below his hips.

The Smoke and Steel troopers pointed and cackled at him with delight. Ronin frowned, crossed his arms and stroked his chin.

“Hmmm…something is just not quite right.” Then Ronin’s eyes opened wide and he thrust his right index finger towards the high ceiling. “That’s it! It’s traditional that when wearing a kilt you go…”

“COMMANDO!” roared the crowd. Joe’s eyes bulged with terror and before he could protest a large meaty hand pushed at his back and his boxers were ripped from his body. Joe almost doubled over in pain and embarrassment. Fresh air flowed around his loins and he grabbed the front hem of the mini kilt and tugged it down. As he did the air flow increased around his buttocks.

“Nice arse Jester!” someone hooted from behind. Joe grabbed the rear hem with both hands and tugged it down. The men standing in front of him immediately recoiled away covering their eyes with their hands. “WHOA! Too much!”

“Aw Hell…not again!” Joe moaned.

Seeing his opening and grasped the moment before it disappeared. He scuttled forward as fast as he could towards the ‘Mech bay doors, both hands grasping the hem lines between his legs. He fled into the sanctuary of the night air, ears and face burning, chased by the hoots and jeers of Second Company.

When Joe opened the door to his and Jason’s room the men of Second Company and most of the enlisted personnel were still jeering and propositioning “Jester”.

“Thank you boys, I don’t think I could have ever made it home safely without you.” Gingerly grabbing the hems of his micro kilt and executed a proper curtsy, giving the men of Second Company and gathered Legionnaires a final Full Monty before closing the door. Their laughter roared through the closed door as he turned to see Jason staring wide eyed at him.

“Don’t worry, there are holos” Joe said as he inspected the hat and played with the red tassel. “Oh yea… lots of holos!