182 replies to this topic

[mechasword]

guardian wolf, on 26 April 2012 - 08:22 PM, said:

I honestly laughed when I heard Lava cannon, really, is that the best they could come up with. Come on guys, at least make it a little bit more, battletech, not star wars.

[Gun Bear]

What do you call a group of four Atlai?

A butchershop quartet.

[Leprosyvirus]

So an atlas walks into a bar... and tramples right on past it.

[guardian wolf]

Two Rasalhaguians walk out of a bar...

[Rushin Roulette]

Adridos, on 08 August 2012 - 11:25 AM, said:

I felt like this thread needed a bump. So, here are some jokes to do so.

To a Davion, the glass is half full.
To a Mercenary, the glass is half empty.
To a Capellan dictator, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

To the Northwind Highlander, which ******* drank half my glass?

[Doc Robot]

What does Clan Jade Falcon have in common with bananas?

Spoiler

They both start off green, turn yellow, and then die in bunches.

(inb4 "die freebirth" etc.)

Edited by Doc Robot, 15 October 2012 - 06:05 AM.

[The Basilisk]

Two Infantry man on patrol playing guessing games:
The First asks: What run's 54 km/h, jumps 90 meters, weights 90 Tonns and carrys a Gaus Rifle ?
The other nonchalantly: No Idea, but i won't stay to find out.

[tankermottind]

Q: What's the difference between an UrbanMech and a propane tank?
A: One is a roughly can-shaped object that explodes violently at the slightest damage. The other contains fuel for a gas grill.

Q: What's the difference between a Charger CGR-1A1 and a Chevrolet Camaro ZL1?
A: One is too big, too heavy, has too much engine and is useless for any practical purpose. The other one is a car.

A conversation between two FRR soldiers during the Clan Invasion:
"This morning, I think I will take a walk around the borders of the Free Rasalhague Republic."
"Yeah? And what are you going to do in the afternoon?"

Edited by tankermottind, 19 October 2012 - 08:30 PM.

[wanderer]

What did the Flea say to the infantry squad?

SQUIRP!

[Coralld]

One of the biggest jokes in BT/MW history is the Jehad and Mechassault, the biggest one is Mechassault 2.

Edited by Coralld, 20 October 2012 - 11:52 AM.

[Gun Bear]

Keep 'em coming, I love this thread.

[LHR Dovah]

What did the Raven say to the Dragon?

Nothing, it was dead.....

[tankermottind]

Large image alert:

Spoiler

[Coralld]

LHR Dovah, on 22 October 2012 - 10:18 PM, said:

What did the Raven say to the Dragon?

Nothing, it was dead.....

I must be piloting a different Raven then because not to long ago I killed a Dragon. My Raven then let loose its victory "SQUAWK!!" before digging through the recently deceased Dragons trash.

[LHR Dovah]

Coralld, on 25 October 2012 - 07:38 PM, said:

I must be piloting a different Raven then because not to long ago I killed a Dragon. My Raven then let loose its victory "SQUAWK!!" before digging through the recently deceased Dragons trash.

You must be one of Odin's ravens then.

[Precentor_Apollyon]

Gun Bear, on 14 October 2012 - 07:38 PM, said:

What do you call a group of four Atlai?

A butchershop quartet.

Wrong, its an Lyran scout lance.

[Savage Theron]

showers, on 29 October 2012 - 12:58 AM, said:

Wrong, its an Lyran scout lance.

Still wrong. That's their infantry.

[Vactus]

wanderer, on 03 June 2012 - 04:13 PM, said:

Reminds me of a joke competition I heard on Solaris once.

The Kuritan flubs it hardcore, what with an ISF spook watching at the other end of the bar. Looks like he wants to kill himself for the dishonor afterwards.
The Leaguer isn't bad, but you'd heard it all before from a dozen sources.
The Capellan's is just plain MEAN- the only good joke he can tell are racist ones, and he manages to **** off the Kuritan AND the Leaguer telling them. He ain't winning.
The Lyran's isnt bad, but it's so formal you can tell she was used to telling it over canapes and ballroom dancing.
Finally, the FedRat starts. It is the FILTHIEST, MOST DISGUSTING BEAST OF A JOKE ever. The Kuritan actually turns kinda green, the Leaguer's just sitting there slackjawed at the sewage flow, the Capellan is trying not to be impressed, and the Lyran is going crosseyed at the words just staining the air.

It starts with this family going in to see a Solaris talent agent named Melissa about putting on a show at one of the five-star hotels at the Black Hills district. Old FedRat, nice young Lyran girl, five kids, one's a midget, happy little FedCom family. The agent asks the father "Well, what can your family do?"

The father tells them "Well, we do knock-knock jokes." This is child's play, the agent just doesn't give a flying Flea about that kinda kiddie stuff. "So, is that all you do?", the agent tells the father?

"No, we..." ...and this is where the ear-corruption starts, my friends. It's got killing of farm animals on stage, bodily fluids, six things nothing on two legs should do with a vrikk, seven ways no woman should love their children, waste byproducts going IN, waste byproducts going OUT, and ends with one of the kids doing something so rude to the mother and a block of pentaglycerine, I haven't been able to repeat it without ComStar censoring the whole transmission. It actually makes the agent throw up when they even demonstrate a few of the worst ones for examples of how good they are at it.

"Blake's Blood" says the agent, "WHAT DO YOU CALL THAT HORROR!"

And the father says, "I give you ... the Capellan Confederation!"

Nice play on 'The Aristocrats'. I approve. Yes, I'm just now getting around to this thread. No, I don't have any jokes other than my KDR... on Halo 4.

[wanderer]

Vactus, on 08 November 2012 - 02:58 PM, said:

Nice play on 'The Aristocrats'. I approve. Yes, I'm just now getting around to this thread. No, I don't have any jokes other than my KDR... on Halo 4.

*bows* I'm just wondering how many people realized the "family" mentioned is Hanse, Melissa and the rest of the Steiner-Davions. I -am- a Capellan after all!

(also, it took some effort to make an Aristocrats joke that wouldn't be obliterated from the forum on sight)

[Noesis]

Atlas walks into a bar ....

Jenner walks under it.