182 replies to this topic

[Adridos]

Janos Marik walks into a bar to see Hanse Davion and Justin Allard conspiring.

He asks, "Say, Hanse, what are the two of you talking about?"

Hanse responds, "We're planning the Fourth Succession War where we're going to kill ten million Capellans and a clown."

"Why the clown?" Asks Janos curiously.

"See?" Hanse winks at Justin who grudgingly hands over a wad of C-Bills. "I told you nobody would pay attention to the ten million Capellans."


Another good (but evil) joke I found. Good stuff should not get forgotten.

EDIT: One more

Q)Canopians why do you have the blues?
A) We lost to the Capellans, how would you feel.

Q) Leaguers, why do you have the blues?
A) We have problems with germanic tribes to the north

Q) Lyrans, why do you have the blues?
A) We have Mongols to the north.

Q) Falcons, why do you have the blues?
A) We have Stackpole to the north, just ask the Taurians or Capellans how it feels.

Edited by Adridos, 28 April 2012 - 02:20 PM.

[Thorn Hallis]

Shrekken, on 28 April 2012 - 01:31 PM, said:

Did you hear about the scotsman who couldn't decide whether to fill his fafnir with LRM15s or LRM20s?

He was just fafn'aboot

(all together now.... 'headdesk')

[BeforeLife]

SGT Unther, on 28 April 2012 - 01:31 PM, said:

Thank you kind sir, you have prevented me from going insane.

[Gun Bear]

Adridos, on 28 April 2012 - 01:16 PM, said:

A Steiner scout lance consisting of just light mechs runs aound the battlefield.

The joke btw is Steiner Scout Lance...

[Wergild]

So an unarmored light mech with a huge engine runs in circles and rams an assault mech...

Thank god it's still second edition.

[Gun Bear]

I got a good one!

Dark Age!!!

[guardian wolf]

Patrio Sioux Daltum, on 28 April 2012 - 01:39 PM, said:

So a polar bear walks into a bar with a penguin under one arm and a six-foot salami under the other....

CLEAR THE COMMS MECHWARRIOR....
*A few minutes later, after destroying comm outpost*
Okay you can finish that joke now Casey,
Ah... never mind wasn't that funny anyway.

[Jaegerwolf]

So a Warhammer walks into a bar.....

Spoiler

..and takes a Through Armor Critical to his machine gun ammo, blowing himself up.

[Adridos]

Some jokes I stumbled upon:

Q: Is it true that the Clans' reeducation camps are wonderful places?
A: To answer this, we sent one of our best journalists to investigate. It is evidently a truly wonderful place since he has not returned.


Victor, Kai and Sun-Tzu all show up at the pearly gates at the same time. St. Peter takes them to a river tells them "we've changed things up a bit in terms of handling sin... The more evil you have done, the deeper you will sink as you cross the river."

Sun Tzu declares "All I have done was for my people. It was right and just... I shall go first".

At first the going is easy with the water just slowly rising -- but as it gets to his waist and then his neck panic starts to set in... finally the water level starts to recede and he gets to the other side -- looking back he sees Victor at the same spot he was up to his neck, with the water not even reaching past the tops of his boots.

Sun-Tzu turns to St. Peter "You've got to be kidding me, I know his soul is nowhere near as pure as mine!"

St. Peter replies "Yes, but he's standing on Kai's shoulders."

[CoffiNail]

Adridos, on 30 April 2012 - 02:42 PM, said:

Some jokes I stumbled upon:

Q: Is it true that the Clans' reeducation camps are wonderful places?
A: To answer this, we sent one of our best journalists to investigate. It is evidently a truly wonderful place since he has not returned.


Victor, Kai and Sun-Tzu all show up at the pearly gates at the same time. St. Peter takes them to a river tells them "we've changed things up a bit in terms of handling sin... The more evil you have done, the deeper you will sink as you cross the river."

Sun Tzu declares "All I have done was for my people. It was right and just... I shall go first".

At first the going is easy with the water just slowly rising -- but as it gets to his waist and then his neck panic starts to set in... finally the water level starts to recede and he gets to the other side -- looking back he sees Victor at the same spot he was up to his neck, with the water not even reaching past the tops of his boots.

Sun-Tzu turns to St. Peter "You've got to be kidding me, I know his soul is nowhere near as pure as mine!"

St. Peter replies "Yes, but he's standing on Kai's shoulders."

The Clan re-education camp is damn funny, the St. Peter one is just true.

[Gun Bear]

How many Word of Blake fanatics does it take to change a light bulb?
Twelve. One to change the light bulb and 11 to chant the purification prayers.

How many ComStar Adepts does it take to change a light bulb?
Twelve. One to change the light bulb and 5 to fill out the necessary paperwork. The other six are actually Word of Blake secret agents who are responsible for the light bulb’s premature end of life.

How many Clanners does it take to change a lightbulb?
13, 1 to challenge it to a Trial of Grievance for going out, 1 laborer to clean up the glass, ten to form a circle of equals, and 1 tech to put a new one in because Warriors are too good for that.

How many Capellens does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Friend citizen, you are mistaken, the lightbulb needs no replacing, the ambient light is more than adequate for you to continue your duties.



How many Free Worlders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. But they'll need to hold a war to see who that one is.



How many Lyrans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Tender your bid and they'll get back to you on the manpower issues.



How many Dracs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Fool! Lightbulbs are of the old way, we practice the new way with candles!



How many Fedders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
If it's someone else's lightbulb, just one, because he'll do it right. If it's a good Fedsuns lightbulb don't worry, it's fine as it is because we got it right the first time.



How many Wobbies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
The bulb does not need replacing. Yeah, for the bulb shall be ressurected and the light shall return, shining forth unto all humanity from our house in perpetuity, guiding the rightious and scorching theheinous. Yeah for Jerome Blake himself hath screwed in that first lightbulb upon divine revelation that there would need to be light . . .



How many Jade Falcons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. We are Jade Falcon. We do not fear the dark.

What do you call a light 'mech with heavy 'mech leg actuators?
Thunder thighs.

Edited by Gun Bear, 02 May 2012 - 11:10 AM.

[Gun Bear]

Anyone ever seen that Taurian dating site that advertises that it has the best looking women in or out of the Inner Sphere? No bull about it!

[Creel]

Adridos, on 30 April 2012 - 02:42 PM, said:

Victor, Kai and Sun-Tzu all show up at the pearly gates at the same time. St. Peter takes them to a river tells them "we've changed things up a bit in terms of handling sin... The more evil you have done, the deeper you will sink as you cross the river."

Sun Tzu declares "All I have done was for my people. It was right and just... I shall go first".


At first the going is easy with the water just slowly rising -- but as it gets to his waist and then his neck panic starts to set in... finally the water level starts to recede and he gets to the other side -- looking back he sees Victor at the same spot he was up to his neck, with the water not even reaching past the tops of his boots.

Sun-Tzu turns to St. Peter "You've got to be kidding me, I know his soul is nowhere near as pure as mine!"

St. Peter replies "Yes, but he's standing on Kai's shoulders."

We have a winner!

[Mechwarrior Of Rock]

Urban mech.

[Coralld]

Q: Whats the difference between a Steiner Scout Lance from their Assault Lance?
A: The number of Atlases.

[Gun Bear]

How many Blood Spirits does it take to change a lightbulb?
Freebirth! Lightbulbs are not on the true path that Kerensky laid before the clans!

How many Eridani Light Horsemen does it take to screw in the lightbulb?
A whole Company. One raises the SLDF Lightbulb flag, one reads the final lighbulb change orders, one plays taps solemnly on a bugle, the rest of the company to stand at attention while the flag is raised and lowered orders given and taps played...then somebody to come and change the lightbulb a half hour later when the company leaves the parade grounds.

How many Hanson's Roughriders does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. By the time it goes out the building is probably on fire from their partying anyway.

[Coralld]

How most mech pilots see the Kodiak...


How Light mech pilots see the Kodiak...

[Adridos]

Nother one I found.

The Elemental recalls his first true battle:

"Our Star Commander screamed out that it should not be so. I scoffed and said it does not matter and I could accomplish the task.
She bid a Flamer to dispatch our troubles, but all I bid was a spoon."

Another warrior listening widened here eyes, "A spoon? Really?!"
"Yes and she allowed me the pleasure of dispatching this troublesome foe."
The other warrior asks, "Who was it? Was it a filthy Falcon?! A lazy Ghost Bear?"

The Elemental chuckled, "No it was gazpacho soup. She hates cold food with a passion!"

[SGT Unther]

[Deathz Jester]

Quick captioned a meme