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Battletech Jokes!


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#81 Hakija

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Posted 02 June 2012 - 06:19 PM

You know, somehow I knew the butler would get the girl.

#82 Evinthal

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Posted 03 June 2012 - 10:30 AM

View PostAlexander Fury, on 02 June 2012 - 04:13 PM, said:


Not really sure what the joke is? Other than the whole premise of the Jihad.

No, the joke is five major houses fighting amongst each other and not getting anything done.

#83 wanderer

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Posted 03 June 2012 - 03:47 PM

View PostSGT Unther, on 06 May 2012 - 03:28 PM, said:

Posted Image


The answer to this is "Forty-two. Plus a large laser."

What, I did! Want the stats? ;)

#84 00dlez

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Posted 03 June 2012 - 03:58 PM

A Jade Falcon, a Wolf, and a Smoke Jaguar jump off a cliff at the same time. Who dies first?

Who cares.

#85 Blackfire1

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Posted 03 June 2012 - 04:03 PM

HA! Mechassault. Thats a good one.

What do you call an ugly banshee?



Jagermech.

#86 wanderer

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Posted 03 June 2012 - 04:13 PM

View PostSpiralcrisis, on 01 June 2012 - 09:07 PM, said:

The Capellan Confederation.


Reminds me of a joke competition I heard on Solaris once.

The Kuritan flubs it hardcore, what with an ISF spook watching at the other end of the bar. Looks like he wants to kill himself for the dishonor afterwards.
The Leaguer isn't bad, but you'd heard it all before from a dozen sources.
The Capellan's is just plain MEAN- the only good joke he can tell are racist ones, and he manages to **** off the Kuritan AND the Leaguer telling them. He ain't winning.
The Lyran's isnt bad, but it's so formal you can tell she was used to telling it over canapes and ballroom dancing.
Finally, the FedRat starts. It is the FILTHIEST, MOST DISGUSTING BEAST OF A JOKE ever. The Kuritan actually turns kinda green, the Leaguer's just sitting there slackjawed at the sewage flow, the Capellan is trying not to be impressed, and the Lyran is going crosseyed at the words just staining the air.

It starts with this family going in to see a Solaris talent agent named Melissa about putting on a show at one of the five-star hotels at the Black Hills district. Old FedRat, nice young Lyran girl, five kids, one's a midget, happy little FedCom family. The agent asks the father "Well, what can your family do?"

The father tells them "Well, we do knock-knock jokes." This is child's play, the agent just doesn't give a flying Flea about that kinda kiddie stuff. "So, is that all you do?", the agent tells the father?

"No, we..." ...and this is where the ear-corruption starts, my friends. It's got killing of farm animals on stage, bodily fluids, six things nothing on two legs should do with a vrikk, seven ways no woman should love their children, waste byproducts going IN, waste byproducts going OUT, and ends with one of the kids doing something so rude to the mother and a block of pentaglycerine, I haven't been able to repeat it without ComStar censoring the whole transmission. It actually makes the agent throw up when they even demonstrate a few of the worst ones for examples of how good they are at it.

"Blake's Blood" says the agent, "WHAT DO YOU CALL THAT HORROR!"

And the father says, "I give you ... the Capellan Confederation!"

#87 Mar Helmer

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Posted 03 June 2012 - 04:20 PM

View PostGun Bear, on 02 May 2012 - 11:04 AM, said:

How many Jade Falcons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. We are Jade Falcon. We do not fear the dark.

This made my day.

#88 BduSlammer

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Posted 03 June 2012 - 04:22 PM

i give you the very first Goliath mech mk-1 Posted Image

#89 Athena Hart

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Posted 03 June 2012 - 04:32 PM

Q: How does an Atlas light up a room?

A: With an Alpha Strike. Note: Also works on Battlemechs.

I made that up!

#90 Shiinore

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Posted 05 June 2012 - 01:01 AM

Nope Atlas

Posted Image

Posted Image

Posted Image

#91 God of War

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Posted 05 June 2012 - 01:06 AM

Best Battletech Joke? Urbanmech!

#92 Vora MacEvedy

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Posted 05 June 2012 - 01:28 AM

View PostLordDeathStrike, on 27 May 2012 - 08:56 PM, said:

more like a flea walks into a bar, the pilot fails his saving roll and is killed as the wall crushes the puney flea.

lyrans are familiar with light scout mechs, such as the awesome.


I will note that the Lyrans are the source of the Commando.

#93 Goldhawk

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Posted 05 June 2012 - 05:25 AM

View PostVora MacEvedy, on 05 June 2012 - 01:28 AM, said:


I will note that the Lyrans are the source of the Commando.

They made it as a joke since they had a damaged Atlas and they used the blown off armor from the Atlas to make the Commando.

#94 Goldhawk

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Posted 05 June 2012 - 05:30 AM

These are two bad jokes...

What do you call a sea-sick clanner?
A Jade Falcon.... (I know.... bad)

What do you call a Rifleman's rear armor?
Tissue Paper.

View PostBduSlammer, on 03 June 2012 - 04:22 PM, said:

i give you the very first Goliath mech mk-1 Posted Image

It got killed by a "SUPER SHARK". Time to retire this account and go into Marine Aquatics.

#95 wanderer

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Posted 05 June 2012 - 09:14 AM

Quote



Well, now I know who's heard the Aristocrats. :P

#96 Jarikan

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Posted 07 June 2012 - 06:18 PM

MechAssault

ba-dum-tis
thank you thank you
ill be here till beta starts

Edited by Jarikan, 07 June 2012 - 06:19 PM.


#97 Captain Fabulous

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Posted 08 June 2012 - 06:41 AM

Guys, it's been hinted to me that the Flashman MIGHT have a tiny heat problem. Are these rumors true?

Edited by Captain Fabulous, 08 June 2012 - 06:42 AM.


#98 Jarikan

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Posted 08 June 2012 - 05:55 PM

Posted Image
house stiener sayes hi

#99 wanderer

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Posted 09 June 2012 - 06:35 AM

Q: How does a citizen properly sing their praises to the Chancellor?

A: A Capellan, of course.

#100 Captain Fabulous

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Posted 09 June 2012 - 07:27 AM

View Postwanderer, on 09 June 2012 - 06:35 AM, said:

Q: How does a citizen properly sing their praises to the Chancellor?

A: A Capellan, of course.


Posted Image



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