182 replies to this topic

[Hakija]

You know, somehow I knew the butler would get the girl.

[Evinthal]

Alexander Fury, on 02 June 2012 - 04:13 PM, said:

Not really sure what the joke is? Other than the whole premise of the Jihad.

No, the joke is five major houses fighting amongst each other and not getting anything done.

[wanderer]

SGT Unther, on 06 May 2012 - 03:28 PM, said:

The answer to this is "Forty-two. Plus a large laser."

What, I did! Want the stats?

[00dlez]

A Jade Falcon, a Wolf, and a Smoke Jaguar jump off a cliff at the same time. Who dies first?

Who cares.

[Blackfire1]

HA! Mechassault. Thats a good one.

What do you call an ugly banshee?



Jagermech.

[wanderer]

Spiralcrisis, on 01 June 2012 - 09:07 PM, said:

The Capellan Confederation.

Reminds me of a joke competition I heard on Solaris once.

The Kuritan flubs it hardcore, what with an ISF spook watching at the other end of the bar. Looks like he wants to kill himself for the dishonor afterwards.
The Leaguer isn't bad, but you'd heard it all before from a dozen sources.
The Capellan's is just plain MEAN- the only good joke he can tell are racist ones, and he manages to **** off the Kuritan AND the Leaguer telling them. He ain't winning.
The Lyran's isnt bad, but it's so formal you can tell she was used to telling it over canapes and ballroom dancing.
Finally, the FedRat starts. It is the FILTHIEST, MOST DISGUSTING BEAST OF A JOKE ever. The Kuritan actually turns kinda green, the Leaguer's just sitting there slackjawed at the sewage flow, the Capellan is trying not to be impressed, and the Lyran is going crosseyed at the words just staining the air.

It starts with this family going in to see a Solaris talent agent named Melissa about putting on a show at one of the five-star hotels at the Black Hills district. Old FedRat, nice young Lyran girl, five kids, one's a midget, happy little FedCom family. The agent asks the father "Well, what can your family do?"

The father tells them "Well, we do knock-knock jokes." This is child's play, the agent just doesn't give a flying Flea about that kinda kiddie stuff. "So, is that all you do?", the agent tells the father?

"No, we..." ...and this is where the ear-corruption starts, my friends. It's got killing of farm animals on stage, bodily fluids, six things nothing on two legs should do with a vrikk, seven ways no woman should love their children, waste byproducts going IN, waste byproducts going OUT, and ends with one of the kids doing something so rude to the mother and a block of pentaglycerine, I haven't been able to repeat it without ComStar censoring the whole transmission. It actually makes the agent throw up when they even demonstrate a few of the worst ones for examples of how good they are at it.

"Blake's Blood" says the agent, "WHAT DO YOU CALL THAT HORROR!"

And the father says, "I give you ... the Capellan Confederation!"

[Mar Helmer]

Gun Bear, on 02 May 2012 - 11:04 AM, said:

How many Jade Falcons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. We are Jade Falcon. We do not fear the dark.

This made my day.

[BduSlammer]

i give you the very first Goliath mech mk-1

[Athena Hart]

Q: How does an Atlas light up a room?

A: With an Alpha Strike. Note: Also works on Battlemechs.

I made that up!

[Shiinore]

Nope Atlas

[God of War]

Best Battletech Joke? Urbanmech!

[Vora MacEvedy]

LordDeathStrike, on 27 May 2012 - 08:56 PM, said:

more like a flea walks into a bar, the pilot fails his saving roll and is killed as the wall crushes the puney flea.

lyrans are familiar with light scout mechs, such as the awesome.

I will note that the Lyrans are the source of the Commando.

[Goldhawk]

Vora MacEvedy, on 05 June 2012 - 01:28 AM, said:

I will note that the Lyrans are the source of the Commando.

They made it as a joke since they had a damaged Atlas and they used the blown off armor from the Atlas to make the Commando.

[Goldhawk]

These are two bad jokes...

What do you call a sea-sick clanner?
A Jade Falcon.... (I know.... bad)

What do you call a Rifleman's rear armor?
Tissue Paper.

BduSlammer, on 03 June 2012 - 04:22 PM, said:

i give you the very first Goliath mech mk-1

It got killed by a "SUPER SHARK". Time to retire this account and go into Marine Aquatics.

[wanderer]

Quote

Evinthal, Spiralcrisis and Gun Bear like this

Well, now I know who's heard the Aristocrats.

[Jarikan]

MechAssault

ba-dum-tis
thank you thank you
ill be here till beta starts

Edited by Jarikan, 07 June 2012 - 06:19 PM.

[Captain Fabulous]

Guys, it's been hinted to me that the Flashman MIGHT have a tiny heat problem. Are these rumors true?

Edited by Captain Fabulous, 08 June 2012 - 06:42 AM.

[Jarikan]

house stiener sayes hi

[wanderer]

Q: How does a citizen properly sing their praises to the Chancellor?

A: A Capellan, of course.

[Captain Fabulous]

wanderer, on 09 June 2012 - 06:35 AM, said:

Q: How does a citizen properly sing their praises to the Chancellor?

A: A Capellan, of course.