Because he's the Miz... and he's
!This joke is based after The Miz's catchphrase, if you watch wrestling you'll understand.
Edited by Will9761, 30 June 2012 - 09:15 PM.
17
Battletech Jokes!
Started by Gun Bear, Apr 26 2012 04:19 PM
182 replies to this topic
#121
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- Big Brother
- 4,670 posts
Member
Posted 30 June 2012 - 09:06 PM
Do you know why The Miz always favors assault mechs?
Because he's the Miz... and he's!
This joke is based after The Miz's catchphrase, if you watch wrestling you'll understand.
Because he's the Miz... and he's
!This joke is based after The Miz's catchphrase, if you watch wrestling you'll understand.
#122
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- Elite Founder
- 85 posts
Member
- LocationPort Orchard, Washington
Posted 30 June 2012 - 09:57 PM
Murphy's Rules of Combat
(A comprehensive list obtained from various sources)
1. If the enemy is in range, so are you.
2. If you can see the enemy, they can see you.
3. Incoming fire has the right of way.
4. Friendly fire isn't.
5. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
6. Don't look conspicuous: it draws fire. This is why aircraft carriers are called bomb magnets.
7. There is always a way.
8. The easy way is always mined.
9. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.
10. Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous.
11. The enemy only attacks on one of two occasions: When you're ready for them, and when you're not ready for them.
12. Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy someone else to shoot at.
13. If you can't remember, the claymore is pointed at you.
14. If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.
15. The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack.
16. Don't draw fire, it irritates the people around you.
17. When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.
18. If it's stupid but works, then it isn't stupid.
19. When in doubt empty the magazine.
20. Never share a fox hole with anyone braver than you.
21. Anything you do can get you shot. Including doing nothing.
22. Make it too tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out.
23. Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
24. A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
25. Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything.
26. The quartermaster has only two sizes: too large and too small.
27. Five second fuses only last three seconds.
28. It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.
29. A "sucking chest wound" is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
30. If you're short of everything but the enemy, you're in a combat zone.
31. When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy.
32. Never forget that your weapon is made by the lowest bidder.
33. You are not a superman.
34. No plan survives the first contact intact.
35. If you are forward of your position the artillery will always fall short.
36. The important things are always simple.
37. The simple things are always hard.
38. No combat ready unit ever passed inspection.
39. Beer math: two beers times 37 men equal 49 cases.
40. Body count math: two guerrillas plus one portable plus two pigs equals 37 enemy KIA.
41. Things that must be together to work usually can't be shipped together.
42. Radios will fail as soon as you desperately need fire support.
43. Tracers work both ways.
44. If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will have more than your fair share of objectives to take.
45. When both sides are convinced that they are about to lose, they are both right.
46. If it moves, shoot it.
47. If it doesn't move, poke it with your gun barrel and then shoot it.
48. Overkill works.
49. Murphy was a grunt.
(Taken from http://www.heavymeta...urphysRules.htm )
Yes, it was written for Classic Battletech. And yes, it really brightened up my day.
(A comprehensive list obtained from various sources)
1. If the enemy is in range, so are you.
2. If you can see the enemy, they can see you.
3. Incoming fire has the right of way.
4. Friendly fire isn't.
5. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
6. Don't look conspicuous: it draws fire. This is why aircraft carriers are called bomb magnets.
7. There is always a way.
8. The easy way is always mined.
9. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.
10. Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous.
11. The enemy only attacks on one of two occasions: When you're ready for them, and when you're not ready for them.
12. Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy someone else to shoot at.
13. If you can't remember, the claymore is pointed at you.
14. If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.
15. The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack.
16. Don't draw fire, it irritates the people around you.
17. When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.
18. If it's stupid but works, then it isn't stupid.
19. When in doubt empty the magazine.
20. Never share a fox hole with anyone braver than you.
21. Anything you do can get you shot. Including doing nothing.
22. Make it too tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out.
23. Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
24. A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
25. Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything.
26. The quartermaster has only two sizes: too large and too small.
27. Five second fuses only last three seconds.
28. It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.
29. A "sucking chest wound" is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
30. If you're short of everything but the enemy, you're in a combat zone.
31. When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy.
32. Never forget that your weapon is made by the lowest bidder.
33. You are not a superman.
34. No plan survives the first contact intact.
35. If you are forward of your position the artillery will always fall short.
36. The important things are always simple.
37. The simple things are always hard.
38. No combat ready unit ever passed inspection.
39. Beer math: two beers times 37 men equal 49 cases.
40. Body count math: two guerrillas plus one portable plus two pigs equals 37 enemy KIA.
41. Things that must be together to work usually can't be shipped together.
42. Radios will fail as soon as you desperately need fire support.
43. Tracers work both ways.
44. If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will have more than your fair share of objectives to take.
45. When both sides are convinced that they are about to lose, they are both right.
46. If it moves, shoot it.
47. If it doesn't move, poke it with your gun barrel and then shoot it.
48. Overkill works.
49. Murphy was a grunt.
(Taken from http://www.heavymeta...urphysRules.htm )
Yes, it was written for Classic Battletech. And yes, it really brightened up my day.
#123
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- The Merciless
- 1,965 posts
Member
- LocationOn Barcelona where the crap is about to hit the fan.
Posted 07 July 2012 - 06:05 PM
Homadais, on 30 June 2012 - 09:57 PM, said:
Murphy's Rules of Combat
(A comprehensive list obtained from various sources)
1. If the enemy is in range, so are you.
2. If you can see the enemy, they can see you.
3. Incoming fire has the right of way.
4. Friendly fire isn't.
5. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
6. Don't look conspicuous: it draws fire. This is why aircraft carriers are called bomb magnets.
7. There is always a way.
8. The easy way is always mined.
9. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.
10. Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous.
11. The enemy only attacks on one of two occasions: When you're ready for them, and when you're not ready for them.
12. Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy someone else to shoot at.
13. If you can't remember, the claymore is pointed at you.
14. If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.
15. The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack.
16. Don't draw fire, it irritates the people around you.
17. When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.
18. If it's stupid but works, then it isn't stupid.
19. When in doubt empty the magazine.
20. Never share a fox hole with anyone braver than you.
21. Anything you do can get you shot. Including doing nothing.
22. Make it too tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out.
23. Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
24. A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
25. Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything.
26. The quartermaster has only two sizes: too large and too small.
27. Five second fuses only last three seconds.
28. It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.
29. A "sucking chest wound" is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
30. If you're short of everything but the enemy, you're in a combat zone.
31. When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy.
32. Never forget that your weapon is made by the lowest bidder.
33. You are not a superman.
34. No plan survives the first contact intact.
35. If you are forward of your position the artillery will always fall short.
36. The important things are always simple.
37. The simple things are always hard.
38. No combat ready unit ever passed inspection.
39. Beer math: two beers times 37 men equal 49 cases.
40. Body count math: two guerrillas plus one portable plus two pigs equals 37 enemy KIA.
41. Things that must be together to work usually can't be shipped together.
42. Radios will fail as soon as you desperately need fire support.
43. Tracers work both ways.
44. If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will have more than your fair share of objectives to take.
45. When both sides are convinced that they are about to lose, they are both right.
46. If it moves, shoot it.
47. If it doesn't move, poke it with your gun barrel and then shoot it.
48. Overkill works.
49. Murphy was a grunt.
(Taken from http://www.heavymeta...urphysRules.htm )
Yes, it was written for Classic Battletech. And yes, it really brightened up my day.
(A comprehensive list obtained from various sources)
1. If the enemy is in range, so are you.
2. If you can see the enemy, they can see you.
3. Incoming fire has the right of way.
4. Friendly fire isn't.
5. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
6. Don't look conspicuous: it draws fire. This is why aircraft carriers are called bomb magnets.
7. There is always a way.
8. The easy way is always mined.
9. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.
10. Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous.
11. The enemy only attacks on one of two occasions: When you're ready for them, and when you're not ready for them.
12. Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy someone else to shoot at.
13. If you can't remember, the claymore is pointed at you.
14. If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.
15. The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack.
16. Don't draw fire, it irritates the people around you.
17. When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.
18. If it's stupid but works, then it isn't stupid.
19. When in doubt empty the magazine.
20. Never share a fox hole with anyone braver than you.
21. Anything you do can get you shot. Including doing nothing.
22. Make it too tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out.
23. Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
24. A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
25. Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything.
26. The quartermaster has only two sizes: too large and too small.
27. Five second fuses only last three seconds.
28. It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.
29. A "sucking chest wound" is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
30. If you're short of everything but the enemy, you're in a combat zone.
31. When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy.
32. Never forget that your weapon is made by the lowest bidder.
33. You are not a superman.
34. No plan survives the first contact intact.
35. If you are forward of your position the artillery will always fall short.
36. The important things are always simple.
37. The simple things are always hard.
38. No combat ready unit ever passed inspection.
39. Beer math: two beers times 37 men equal 49 cases.
40. Body count math: two guerrillas plus one portable plus two pigs equals 37 enemy KIA.
41. Things that must be together to work usually can't be shipped together.
42. Radios will fail as soon as you desperately need fire support.
43. Tracers work both ways.
44. If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will have more than your fair share of objectives to take.
45. When both sides are convinced that they are about to lose, they are both right.
46. If it moves, shoot it.
47. If it doesn't move, poke it with your gun barrel and then shoot it.
48. Overkill works.
49. Murphy was a grunt.
(Taken from http://www.heavymeta...urphysRules.htm )
Yes, it was written for Classic Battletech. And yes, it really brightened up my day.
That is so funny, cause it is so true.
#124
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- Caladbolg
- 3,952 posts
Member
- LocationSan Diego, CA
Posted 09 July 2012 - 08:48 AM
Two Northwind Highlanders walk out of a bar...
#125
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- Civil Servant
- 11,152 posts
Member
- LocationStomping around in a giant robot, of course.
Posted 09 July 2012 - 10:02 AM
Coralld, on 09 July 2012 - 08:48 AM, said:
Two Northwind Highlanders walk out of a bar...
No, no no no no! That's not how you do the joke.
Two Northwind HIghlanders walk out WITH the bar...
#126
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- The Bowman
- 3,715 posts
Member
- LocationO'Shaughnnessy MMW Base, Devon Continent, Rochester, FedCom
Posted 09 July 2012 - 11:40 AM
Will9761, on 30 June 2012 - 09:06 PM, said:
Do you know why The Miz always favors assault mechs?
Coralld, on 09 July 2012 - 08:48 AM, said:
Two Northwind Highlanders walk out of a bar...
#127
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- Bad Company
- 490 posts
Member
- LocationSheridan
Posted 09 July 2012 - 12:54 PM
IS lifestyle 
Edited by daneiel varna, 09 July 2012 - 12:55 PM.
#129
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- Bridesmaid
- 10,635 posts
Member
- LocationHiding in a cake, left in green city called New A... something.
Posted 08 August 2012 - 11:25 AM
I felt like this thread needed a bump. So, here are some jokes to do so. 
To a Davion, the glass is half full.
To a Mercenary, the glass is half empty.
To a Capellan dictator, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
A squad of Lyran troops are patrolling near the Lyon's thumb. To their surprise, they find the badly mangled body of a Combine soldier in a ditch beside the road. Not far away, they find a badly wounded Lyran private in a ditch on the other side of t he road. The squad ran to him and began performing first aid and giving him water. The squad leader cradled the wounded soldier's blood-covered head and asked him what happened.
"Well," he whispered, "I was walking down this road, armed to the teeth. I ran into this heavily armed Combine border guard. I looked him right in the eye and shouted "Your generals are hide-bound hypocritical life-wasting incompetants!""
"He looked me right in the eye and shouted back "Your generals are corrupt hide-bound hypocritical life-wasting incompetants too! "
"We were standing there shaking hands when the hovertruck hit us"
Bunch of Steiners mechjocks and a Davion mechjock are mountain climbing. One of them slips and before you can say "Kroner" they are all hanging on the rope. A rope that is about to rip so someone has to let go. Big discussion between the Steiners on who outranks whom and wether or not it is military or social rank that applies. Finally the Davion has enough and decides to make the ultimate sacrifice. And just so the Lyrans learns something, he breaks into a passionate speach about how the Davions are willing to sacrifice everything so that their new brothers can live and be happy and all. When he's finished, all the Lyrans are so gripped that they start to clap...
What's the difference between a lightbulb and the jihad-era House Marik?
You can unscrew the lightbulb.
One day on Outreach, a stranger walks into a 'Mech hangar and happens upon the commander of a mercenary company inspecting his 'Mechs. The stranger says to the Merc, "Hey, I'll bet you my pick of any 'Mech in this hangar that I can guess where you're from. And if I lose, I'll guarantee you a contract with the House of your choice at 150% of going rates." Now, the Merc thinks to himself, I've always told people I'm Kuritan, because of my Japanese heritage, but there's no way this guy will guess I'm really a Rasalhagian! And I sure could use that contract..
So he takes the bet, and lo and behold, the stranger guesses correctly! Shaking his head, the Merc tells the stranger to take his pick, and watches forlornly as the guy scampers over and begins to climb into his new acquisition. But before he reaches the top, the Merc calls out to him: "Hey! I bet you double or nothing that I can guess where you're from!" The stranger, with a greedy gleam in his eyes at the prospect of owning two 'Mechs, readily agrees.
"You're from the Davion Outback, aren't you," the Merc asks.
"How could you possibly guess that?!" the stranger blurts out in shock.
The 'Merc replies with a smile, "you're attempting to ride off in my repair gantry."
P.S. I almost forgot, I didn't make any of these, just found them and reposted them here.
To a Davion, the glass is half full.
To a Mercenary, the glass is half empty.
To a Capellan dictator, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
A squad of Lyran troops are patrolling near the Lyon's thumb. To their surprise, they find the badly mangled body of a Combine soldier in a ditch beside the road. Not far away, they find a badly wounded Lyran private in a ditch on the other side of t he road. The squad ran to him and began performing first aid and giving him water. The squad leader cradled the wounded soldier's blood-covered head and asked him what happened.
"Well," he whispered, "I was walking down this road, armed to the teeth. I ran into this heavily armed Combine border guard. I looked him right in the eye and shouted "Your generals are hide-bound hypocritical life-wasting incompetants!""
"He looked me right in the eye and shouted back "Your generals are corrupt hide-bound hypocritical life-wasting incompetants too! "
"We were standing there shaking hands when the hovertruck hit us"
Bunch of Steiners mechjocks and a Davion mechjock are mountain climbing. One of them slips and before you can say "Kroner" they are all hanging on the rope. A rope that is about to rip so someone has to let go. Big discussion between the Steiners on who outranks whom and wether or not it is military or social rank that applies. Finally the Davion has enough and decides to make the ultimate sacrifice. And just so the Lyrans learns something, he breaks into a passionate speach about how the Davions are willing to sacrifice everything so that their new brothers can live and be happy and all. When he's finished, all the Lyrans are so gripped that they start to clap...
What's the difference between a lightbulb and the jihad-era House Marik?
You can unscrew the lightbulb.
One day on Outreach, a stranger walks into a 'Mech hangar and happens upon the commander of a mercenary company inspecting his 'Mechs. The stranger says to the Merc, "Hey, I'll bet you my pick of any 'Mech in this hangar that I can guess where you're from. And if I lose, I'll guarantee you a contract with the House of your choice at 150% of going rates." Now, the Merc thinks to himself, I've always told people I'm Kuritan, because of my Japanese heritage, but there's no way this guy will guess I'm really a Rasalhagian! And I sure could use that contract..
So he takes the bet, and lo and behold, the stranger guesses correctly! Shaking his head, the Merc tells the stranger to take his pick, and watches forlornly as the guy scampers over and begins to climb into his new acquisition. But before he reaches the top, the Merc calls out to him: "Hey! I bet you double or nothing that I can guess where you're from!" The stranger, with a greedy gleam in his eyes at the prospect of owning two 'Mechs, readily agrees.
"You're from the Davion Outback, aren't you," the Merc asks.
"How could you possibly guess that?!" the stranger blurts out in shock.
The 'Merc replies with a smile, "you're attempting to ride off in my repair gantry."
P.S. I almost forgot, I didn't make any of these, just found them and reposted them here.
Edited by Adridos, 09 August 2012 - 01:14 AM.
#130
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- Knight Errant
- 119 posts
Member
Posted 30 August 2012 - 10:46 PM
Adridos, on 28 April 2012 - 01:35 PM, said:
A Steiner, a Fedrat, and a Cappie are climbing up a mountain arguing over who loves their faction most. The Steiner, flustered, insists he is most loyal and shouts, "For the Archon and for the Commonwealth!" and jumps off a cliff.
The Cappie, not willing to be outdone, shouts, "Long live the Capellan Confederation!" and pushes the Fedrat off the cliff.
Not made by me, of course.
The Cappie, not willing to be outdone, shouts, "Long live the Capellan Confederation!" and pushes the Fedrat off the cliff.
Not made by me, of course.
now this is why i am a cappie we are smart like that
#131
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- Knight Errant
- 119 posts
Member
Posted 30 August 2012 - 10:52 PM
Gun Bear, on 02 May 2012 - 11:04 AM, said:
How many Word of Blake fanatics does it take to change a light bulb?
Twelve. One to change the light bulb and 11 to chant the purification prayers.
How many ComStar Adepts does it take to change a light bulb?
Twelve. One to change the light bulb and 5 to fill out the necessary paperwork. The other six are actually Word of Blake secret agents who are responsible for the light bulb’s premature end of life.
How many Clanners does it take to change a lightbulb?
13, 1 to challenge it to a Trial of Grievance for going out, 1 laborer to clean up the glass, ten to form a circle of equals, and 1 tech to put a new one in because Warriors are too good for that.
How many Capellens does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Friend citizen, you are mistaken, the lightbulb needs no replacing, the ambient light is more than adequate for you to continue your duties.
How many Free Worlders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. But they'll need to hold a war to see who that one is.
How many Lyrans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Tender your bid and they'll get back to you on the manpower issues.
How many Dracs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Fool! Lightbulbs are of the old way, we practice the new way with candles!
How many Fedders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
If it's someone else's lightbulb, just one, because he'll do it right. If it's a good Fedsuns lightbulb don't worry, it's fine as it is because we got it right the first time.
How many Wobbies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
The bulb does not need replacing. Yeah, for the bulb shall be ressurected and the light shall return, shining forth unto all humanity from our house in perpetuity, guiding the rightious and scorching theheinous. Yeah for Jerome Blake himself hath screwed in that first lightbulb upon divine revelation that there would need to be light . . .
How many Jade Falcons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. We are Jade Falcon. We do not fear the dark.
What do you call a light 'mech with heavy 'mech leg actuators?
Thunder thighs.
Twelve. One to change the light bulb and 11 to chant the purification prayers.
How many ComStar Adepts does it take to change a light bulb?
Twelve. One to change the light bulb and 5 to fill out the necessary paperwork. The other six are actually Word of Blake secret agents who are responsible for the light bulb’s premature end of life.
How many Clanners does it take to change a lightbulb?
13, 1 to challenge it to a Trial of Grievance for going out, 1 laborer to clean up the glass, ten to form a circle of equals, and 1 tech to put a new one in because Warriors are too good for that.
How many Capellens does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Friend citizen, you are mistaken, the lightbulb needs no replacing, the ambient light is more than adequate for you to continue your duties.
How many Free Worlders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. But they'll need to hold a war to see who that one is.
How many Lyrans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Tender your bid and they'll get back to you on the manpower issues.
How many Dracs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Fool! Lightbulbs are of the old way, we practice the new way with candles!
How many Fedders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
If it's someone else's lightbulb, just one, because he'll do it right. If it's a good Fedsuns lightbulb don't worry, it's fine as it is because we got it right the first time.
How many Wobbies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
The bulb does not need replacing. Yeah, for the bulb shall be ressurected and the light shall return, shining forth unto all humanity from our house in perpetuity, guiding the rightious and scorching theheinous. Yeah for Jerome Blake himself hath screwed in that first lightbulb upon divine revelation that there would need to be light . . .
How many Jade Falcons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. We are Jade Falcon. We do not fear the dark.
What do you call a light 'mech with heavy 'mech leg actuators?
Thunder thighs.
you are win
that is all
#132
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- 220 posts
Member
Posted 30 August 2012 - 10:53 PM
Battletech jokes? Ok here's one... House Liao.
#134
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- Civil Servant
- 11,152 posts
Member
- LocationStomping around in a giant robot, of course.
Posted 31 August 2012 - 06:52 AM
Arikiel, on 30 August 2012 - 10:53 PM, said:
Battletech jokes? Ok here's one... House Liao.
Well, since you asked us to tell it, fine. Two words.
Steiner recon.
#135
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- 21 posts
Member
- Facebook: Link
- LocationKreuzberg, Germany
Posted 10 September 2012 - 12:13 AM
CobaltRaptor, on 26 April 2012 - 07:57 PM, said:
Ok what in the name of all that is good and decent is this montrosity?
It looks like, a Thor and a Vindicator had a ******** love child.
It looks like, a Thor and a Vindicator had a ******** love child.
It looks like a Marauder IIc ... Dumb Kid, big strong, no cockpit .. only a huge TV inside with no Coolant, only..... tons of Icecream.
#136
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- The Merciless
- 1,965 posts
Member
- LocationOn Barcelona where the crap is about to hit the fan.
Posted 10 September 2012 - 09:47 AM
Gun Bear, on 02 May 2012 - 11:04 AM, said:
How many Word of Blake fanatics does it take to change a light bulb?
Twelve. One to change the light bulb and 11 to chant the purification prayers.
How many ComStar Adepts does it take to change a light bulb?
Twelve. One to change the light bulb and 5 to fill out the necessary paperwork. The other six are actually Word of Blake secret agents who are responsible for the light bulb’s premature end of life.
How many Clanners does it take to change a lightbulb?
13, 1 to challenge it to a Trial of Grievance for going out, 1 laborer to clean up the glass, ten to form a circle of equals, and 1 tech to put a new one in because Warriors are too good for that.
How many Capellens does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Friend citizen, you are mistaken, the lightbulb needs no replacing, the ambient light is more than adequate for you to continue your duties.
How many Free Worlders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. But they'll need to hold a war to see who that one is.
How many Lyrans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Tender your bid and they'll get back to you on the manpower issues.
How many Dracs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Fool! Lightbulbs are of the old way, we practice the new way with candles!
How many Fedders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
If it's someone else's lightbulb, just one, because he'll do it right. If it's a good Fedsuns lightbulb don't worry, it's fine as it is because we got it right the first time.
How many Wobbies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
The bulb does not need replacing. Yeah, for the bulb shall be ressurected and the light shall return, shining forth unto all humanity from our house in perpetuity, guiding the rightious and scorching theheinous. Yeah for Jerome Blake himself hath screwed in that first lightbulb upon divine revelation that there would need to be light . . .
How many Jade Falcons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. We are Jade Falcon. We do not fear the dark.
What do you call a light 'mech with heavy 'mech leg actuators?
Thunder thighs.
Twelve. One to change the light bulb and 11 to chant the purification prayers.
How many ComStar Adepts does it take to change a light bulb?
Twelve. One to change the light bulb and 5 to fill out the necessary paperwork. The other six are actually Word of Blake secret agents who are responsible for the light bulb’s premature end of life.
How many Clanners does it take to change a lightbulb?
13, 1 to challenge it to a Trial of Grievance for going out, 1 laborer to clean up the glass, ten to form a circle of equals, and 1 tech to put a new one in because Warriors are too good for that.
How many Capellens does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Friend citizen, you are mistaken, the lightbulb needs no replacing, the ambient light is more than adequate for you to continue your duties.
How many Free Worlders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. But they'll need to hold a war to see who that one is.
How many Lyrans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Tender your bid and they'll get back to you on the manpower issues.
How many Dracs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Fool! Lightbulbs are of the old way, we practice the new way with candles!
How many Fedders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
If it's someone else's lightbulb, just one, because he'll do it right. If it's a good Fedsuns lightbulb don't worry, it's fine as it is because we got it right the first time.
How many Wobbies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
The bulb does not need replacing. Yeah, for the bulb shall be ressurected and the light shall return, shining forth unto all humanity from our house in perpetuity, guiding the rightious and scorching theheinous. Yeah for Jerome Blake himself hath screwed in that first lightbulb upon divine revelation that there would need to be light . . .
How many Jade Falcons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. We are Jade Falcon. We do not fear the dark.
What do you call a light 'mech with heavy 'mech leg actuators?
Thunder thighs.
What the Cappellan's one should have said
"We have lightbulbs?"
And always remember, if it moves, shoot it, if it doesn't move, poke it with your gun barrel, then shoot it. And when in doubt, empty the magazine.
#139
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- The Merciless
- 1,965 posts
Member
- LocationOn Barcelona where the crap is about to hit the fan.
Posted 11 September 2012 - 10:48 AM
Golden12, on 10 September 2012 - 10:01 AM, said:
i didn't get it !!! 
Murphy's laws, of being an infantryman.
#140
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- FP Veteran - Beta 1
- 1,462 posts
Member
- LocationLas Vegas
Posted 12 September 2012 - 12:54 AM
A Kurita, a Davion, and a Jade Falcon walk into a bar. They are immediately thrown out human centipede style because it was owned by the FRR. They learned that day a good viking shares nothing.
Q: What do you call Battletech with none of the feudal Waring loss of technology, reason, politics, windshield wiper blades, tactics, adult themes and big boy pants.
A: Macross.
Q: What do you call Macross with training wheels?
A: robotech
Q: What do you call an old man who guards his lawn with a bazooka, brags that it was his hard work that created it, and kills every kitten that try's to take a sun nap on it?
A: Harmony Gold.
Q: What do you call a team made up of the Kell Brothers, Adam steiner, Victor Stiener-Davion, Big Al, and Voltron?
A: Haxxs
Q: What would you get if you mated an Urban Mech with an Imp?
A: -0
Q: What do you call a person that takes a dry straw of spaghetti shark fishing?
A: A clanner.
Two FRR Pilots walk into a bar, All the alcohol runs out screaming for its life.
Q: What do you call Battletech with none of the feudal Waring loss of technology, reason, politics, windshield wiper blades, tactics, adult themes and big boy pants.
A: Macross.
Q: What do you call Macross with training wheels?
A: robotech
Q: What do you call an old man who guards his lawn with a bazooka, brags that it was his hard work that created it, and kills every kitten that try's to take a sun nap on it?
A: Harmony Gold.
Q: What do you call a team made up of the Kell Brothers, Adam steiner, Victor Stiener-Davion, Big Al, and Voltron?
A: Haxxs
Q: What would you get if you mated an Urban Mech with an Imp?
A: -0
Q: What do you call a person that takes a dry straw of spaghetti shark fishing?
A: A clanner.
Two FRR Pilots walk into a bar, All the alcohol runs out screaming for its life.
Edited by Blackfire1, 15 October 2012 - 06:53 PM.
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