30 replies to this topic

[Kiiyor]

I never wanted an after match lobby, until the stupendous events of last night.

Normally, I’m one of those guys who loves playing team games, but shies away from talking to 'actual people'. However, last night, I had a 'series of initially unfortunate but EVENTUALLY FRIGGIN AWESOME events that led me to greatly desire an after match lobby. It was the sort of moment that makes me giddy with joy about being a gamer, and makes my wife shake her head and wonder if she should have hooked up with the other guy with bigger junk. Pfft, I earn more than him anyway.

So, frozen. 4 times in a row. I'm in my trusty 4xSRM6 Awesome, whom I have lovingly dubbed 'KERBLAMMO!'. Second last match of the night. I'm brawling with a cataphract, and get stuck. on. bloody. geometry (@ C4, BTW). I've alpha'ed him twice, and he notices i'm not following and limps off a mewling wreck to lick his wounds, while i'm stuck moonwalking on the corner of a building impotently throwing MLAS at targets well outside range. Pretty boring way to spend a match. The fight drags on for a while, when suddenly a commando plods up to me. He's fairly moving, but I use my handy 'Australian ping lead off chart' and roughly calculate that I need to lead him by 5 mech lengths to score a hit, carry the two. Blam! I BLOODY LEGGED HIM! The second burst MISSES, because i'm celebrating like a pre-pubescent teen catching his first glimpse of actual boob, but the third explodes the little ******* in a very nice way.

"BAAAAH HA HA HA HAAAAAA!" I type, because i'm magnanimous in victory.

"HAHA, STATIONARY TURRET KIIYOR!" someone types.

The match drags on a bit, because the last 2 pilots were a little lacking in ability, but were still undeserving of the tirade of abuse hurled at them reminding them of the fact, I thought. I couldn't even spectate, but settled on rapidly cycling through zoom, heat vision and night vision in the hope that I could make a random spectator vomit. The match ends when we win a little later.

Last match of the night, frozen again. We plod around in circles for a bit, before we make contact. I throw ONE salvo of SRM's at a lagraven, AND GET STUCK AGAIN! C4, slightly different spot! It had been a while since i'd been stuck on geometry at all, let alone twice in one night! The rest of the team plods past, and I lament my situation over chat.

"nevermind, maybe we can lure them to you!" someone says. They didn't. I reply with "lol" but there's only so much sadness those three letters can convey over chat.

Anyhoo, the battle goes badly for us, probably because the team was lacking my stupendous cheesy firepower and awesome piloting skills. There's 2 enemy ECM commandos left... and stationary turret Kiiyor. In a moment of inspiration that should have hit me waaaay sooner, I FORMULATED A PLAN.

Me: "Hey guys... i'm gonna leave ol' stompy pointed at the ground here... I have almost full ammo. Tell them i'm AFK"
Random guy 1: "Ha, wow"
Random guy 2: "That totally won't work"

Random guy 3, global chat: "Nice fight. We have one DC in C4"

We were in a pickle now, because the underlying genius of our plan was about to be unraveled if anyone from the opposing team had noticed that I had not, in fact, disconnected. No-one did, however. POOR, HONORABLE UNSUSPECTING FOOLS!

Me: "**** YES Random guy 3, let's see if they take the bait!"

OP Enemy ECM Commando pilot 1: "Thanks"

Now, the rest of the team is excited.

Random guy 1: "LOOK NON THREATENING"
Random guy 2: "YOU'VE GOT TAG ON! TURN IT OFF" (my always on tag mechanism is around $1.50 in small change on the 6 key)
Me: "No, they'll see it go off!"
Random guy 3: "THIS IS GOING TO BE ******* AWESOME"
Previously silent Random guy 4: "Don't anyone DARE TYPE IN GLOBAL!" (hells yes, good thinking Previously silent Random guy 4!)

We type a bit more, and i'm already starting to giggle.

Random guy 1: "I think this is what's called foreshadowing"
Turns out to be a natural leader Random guy 4: "Keep your hands away from your mouse man!"

Full of awesome advice, is random guy 4.

Sure enough, we hear them tomping in.

Random guy 1: "HOOOOOOLD!"
"lol" (everyone else)
Me: "STEADY KIIYOR!"

They are fairly hooning around, throwing streaks and SLAS at me. I was untouched before getting stuck, so it's not doing much.

Random guy 1: "EEEEEEeeasssy, nibble nibble little fishes... NIBBLE ******* NIBBLE"
(chorus lol again). GASP! ONE LOL IS IN ******* GLOBAL! They ignore its implications. Phew.

Random guy 1: ""eeeeasy. That's right. Nobody here... yes, this is an easy kill, that's right"
Me: "It's like i'm losing my virginity again!"
Random guy 1: "What, is there a horse here Australia boy?"

HAHAHA, awesome.

Me: "No, we here in Australia prefer marsupials"

I'm actually starting to take a bit of damage now, and am contemplating breaking out my 'lead them by a ludicrous number of mech lengths' chart again, when:

******* awesome random guy 4: "FFS, Stop screwing around and headshot him!"

They stop, and start moving towards me.... slowly.

This is it. I pre-type a message into chat, my finger hovering over the enter key.

"SHOOOOT!"
"FFS SHOOT!"

I press Enter: "KERBLAMMO, **** FACE!" (very witty)

About a half second later, the first commando explodes, and as my screen fills with component destroyed notifications, I realize that there really isn't any more satisfying combination in the game than massed SRM's and commandos.

The first commando actually types "lol!"

The second one starts backing up, and i'm gritting my teeth while FURIOUSLY clicking LMB. I do believe I set some sort of record. The second commando backs up, INTO A WALL!

KERBLAMMO!

The match ended.

Such an anti climax after a frigging awesome match!

PGI, you marvellous-game-designing ********, this was what gaming was all about! If there were a chat system, everyone could have told me how awesome I was! LIFELONG FRIENDSHIPS COULD HAVE BEEN MADE, at least up until the point where any of them actually expected me to socialise with them anyway.

For those involved, I heartily regret not memorizing your names, but I once forgot the name of a girl I had been going out with for 6 months, so it's not a malicious thing, i'm just a bit special. One dude I think was called "Shark" ... something. GAH!

Whoever you were, it was utterly awesome, and I thank you. And if anyone else actually took the time to read this rambling wall of text, I salute you, and also apologize for all the censored bits. I was in the Army for quite some time, so it's ingrained in my vocabulary. One officer once said to me "Kiiyor, you're reasonably intelligent and eloquent, why do you feel the need to swear so much?" (Why? BECAUSE **** HIM, that's why) "If you're having trouble finding words other than swear words, maybe you should read a dictionary". Have you ever tried to read a dictionary? What a ******.

Bah, i'm off to bed. Tomorrow i'm going to buy a Stalker and put in the smallest engine possible, in the hopes that I can use this horribly unsportsmanlike yet hilarious tactic again.

Anyhoo, thanks PGI. You provided me with a gaming moment only marginally less satisfying than the time I actually threw a computer out a window, and for that I thank you.

[Glucose]

That was a fun read.

[BigJim]

Nice. That's all I can possibly add - Niiiice.

[Aidante]

Beautiful, Kiiyor. It saddens me that we'll probably never be on at the same time, what with you being Australia-land and all, but I like your thinking : ) Long live your trusty KERBLAMMO!

[Kiiyor]

Aidante, on 18 December 2012 - 06:13 AM, said:

Beautiful, Kiiyor. It saddens me that we'll probably never be on at the same time, what with you being Australia-land and all, but I like your thinking : ) Long live your trusty KERBLAMMO!

Ha, if only! Just beware if you ever see me pointed at the ground. I'll be sitting behind my keyboard, giggling, remembering that one time it actually worked.

[MeiSooHaityu]

At first I was thinking TL;DR, but I am glad I did.

That was an awesome strategy. Faking AFK was great. You made them pay for being greedy and not going for the cap.

I often thought it would be nice to have some sort of lobby in the game. Maybe one day.

[The Amazing Atomic Spaniel]

Brilliant!

Nicely told, as well.

[Cybercobra]

you did good son. you did good.

[Rackminster]

That was sweet.

I never - ever - trust someone to be really AFK unless I check. I've seen too many people play possum and done it myself.

I do agree that the game needs a lobby of sorts - the social options are really lacking. You can't even block a player effectively, so on the flip side if someone's a complete tool, you have to hear them spamming a channel.

[ApheX]

I wish i was there to see it. I would have p*****d my pants with laughter.

[Remarius]

Nice read - very amusing and agreed on the need for an after combat chat ability if only to dissect what happened - what went well, badly, fits or to recruit/friend someone!

[PurpleNinja]

That's even better than fake overheat.

[Endbringer]

Funny stuff! Good story. Silly commandos.

An ingame lobby would be nice, along with the ability to drop the same two groups again (though they'd be on to you the next time). I imagine lobbies are in the works.

[Grimlock Magnus]

Had something similar happen twice now... please give us an after-game lobby...

[Rashhaverak]

Outstanding read! I agree with you that moments like that are better when you can chat and relive them with friends. Let's hope voice will someday catch up with the rest.

You should come join us in House Davion. We are having great times like these every night, and with teamspeak you don't have to wait to share the fun... and it is free.

[Mick Mars]

Quote

KERBLAMMO, **** FACE!!!!

Many lulz were had.

[Rackminster]

Rashhaverak, on 18 December 2012 - 06:39 AM, said:

Outstanding read! I agree with you that moments like that are better when you can chat and relive them with friends. Let's hope voice will someday catch up with the rest.

I only support voice chat as a general feature once you can block/ban communications mid-combat and mute people you don't want to hear.

Last thing I want is a juvenile mouthbreather screaming in my ear about how we let him die when he ran ahead of the team and didn't wait for us.

[DaZur]

Kiiyor, on 18 December 2012 - 05:54 AM, said:

Love the imagery painted in your text... Good read.

I've got two follow-ups regarding your story:

• I will head-shot any Awesome I see with a 200+ ping that is powered down now out of sheer fright.
  
• I commend you for allowing yourself to "play" "have fun" and "conspire with teammates" with malicious intent.

More people need to learn how to "play" games like this and not take it so flipping seriously.

Kudos!

[Roland]

Quote

So, frozen. 4 times in a row. I'm in my trusty 4xSRM6 Awesome, whom I have lovingly dubbed 'KERBLAMMO!'.

This mech was actually much better prior to having the engine nerfed in that variant.

And, for your information, the correct name for that variant is "The Fatmando", because it's like a commando... only fat.

[Green Mamba]

I posted a thread in Dev Suggestion sub forum on adding a aftergame Stat Board Chat about a month ago and havent heard anything more about it.It would not imbalance the game towards any set of players and would be very beneficial for things like:

1. Why did you TK me?
2.I apologize for Tk'ing you
3. Exchange of Recruitment info
4. Tips to other players on improving Game tactics,Loadouts of Mechs,Weapon Grouping ,so on and so on
5. Friendly Banter
6. Minor Smack to other players(I wonder if this is what the Devs are hesitant on?)
7. List of other things I can't think of right now

Edited by Green Mamba, 18 December 2012 - 07:04 AM.