85 replies to this topic

[Hawkeye 72]

It is a quiet afternoon in Vancouver at the PGI offices. The afternoons mandatory recreation time with ponies has just ended, and the office has called a small meeting before this afternoons playtest. Juice boxes are distributed among the staff members, and Paul Inouye begins to throw a fit over his missing crazy straw. Thankfully Matt Newman has tracked it down and saved another keyboard from unnecessary destruction. Finally, the meeting begins...

Russ Bullock: Alright everyone settle down. Get seated.

Employees slowly shuffle to their seats

Russ Bullock: All rise

Everyone stands

All: Quando Omni Flunkus Moritati

Russ Bullock: Sit down. Now, as we all know, launch is only a few months away. It would have been sooner but Paul blew half our budget on those damn Mexican flutes, not only setting us back financially but also facilitating a very non-productive office environment.

Paul Inouye: They were a hit and you know it!

Russ Bullock: They were something. We still haven't been able to fix Dennis...

Behind Russ, Dennis de Koning goes prancing down the hallway in a cape playing hilariously bad flute

Russ Bullock: Right, where were we...ah yes. Since we are nearing our new launch date, I think it is about time we inform the community of our Beta intentions. Preliminary data gathered shows we should only lose approximately 7% of our users due to various forms of psychosis and extreme anxiety. Corporate estimates the financial losses will be minimal. This new Founder's package will make up the lost revenue easily! Also, I propose that after the Beta announcement we go quiet for a bit. That should really drive the forum nuts!! Garth Erlam raises his hand. Yes Garth?

Garth Erlam: Does this mean I have to keep sitting on the IRC all day?

Russ Bullock: Yes it does Garth. That is what you get for last weeks "pie incident". Also we need you to put the General Discussion page on a live feed on the projector. I want everyone to enjoy the community freakout we are about to invoke.

Kyle Polulak: Can I use the bathroom?

Russ Bullock: No since you did not raise your hand. Now I was thinking we should release a mech this week right after the Beta announcement. Any opinions on which mech?

David Bradley: How about the reseen or the unseen?

Bryan Ekman: I second that.

Russ Bullock: Yes well, I don't think we have tortured the community enough yet. So no, no unseen. How about instead the Cataphract? Yes, yes I think the Cataphract will be an excellent mech. Alex, can we get that released for Wednesday?

Alex Iglesias: Well, we can, but you know I have put a lot of hours into the Marauder and Warhammer...

Russ Bullock: Yes...

Alex Iglesias: I mean I have pulled multiple weekends and holidays working on these redesigns...

Russ Bullock: Your point?

Alex Iglesias: I really just want to release these mechs and do something else. I haven't shaved in a month and everyone has moved their desk away from mine. And I really miss the outdoors.

Russ Bullock: And I really miss the unseen too. But you know what I will miss more? All those topics demanding the unseen and reseen. So no, your work is not finished yet.

Garth Erlam: I don't miss those topics...

Russ Bullock: You also didn't raise your hand. It's like the "pie incident" taught you nothing

Paul Inouye: My juice box is empty!!!!

Russ Bullock: Well we would still have the vending machines if it wasn't for those flutes. Bryan Ekman raises his hand. Yes Bryan.

Bryan Ekman: I am the VP of this company...why do I still have to raise my hand? I motion that this hand raising procedure be eliminated from company meetings.

Russ Bullock: Motion denied. Garth do we have the list of forum users who AREN'T getting into the closed Beta?

Garth Erlam: No. Paul set fire to it this morning while screaming "REDACTED". He has his own list that he forwarded to everyone on the company email. Also, there is a large flux of really dumb topics on the forums. And not the usual dumb. We couldn't pay people with Beta keys to be this dumb. And my inbox is overflowing at the moment. Where is the help you promised me?

Russ Bullock: Mexican flutes...

Garth Erlam: Dammit Paul!

Paul Inouye: THEY WERE A HIT!!!

Russ Bullock: Also, whoever paid in American money last week for the Friday Playtest snack fund...we are all very amused. When I find out who it is, your next playtest match will consist of you in a limping Urbanmech!!!

Paul chuckles maniacally to himself

Russ Bullock: Alright I see this is another failed meeting. At this rate we will be lucky to launch in 2012 people!! Meeting adjourned. Go to your desks for this afternoons playtest.

Everyone shuffles off leaving a mess of juice boxes behind.

Kyle Polulak: Do you think the forum users know we are just screwing with them?

Russ Bullock: Not a chance...not a chance...mwwwuuahahahah (insert evil laugh here)

[CoffiNail]

GOLD!

[Togg Bott]

epic.... just hope Paul doesnt read this

[VeiledMalice]

This is a real thing that happened.

Also, way to go with the Red Green reference up top. XD

[Vexgrave Lars]

We never get this many facts! I claim there is something fictitious here!

[ManDaisy]

That was very amusing.

[Trevnor]

Hawkeye 72, on 23 May 2012 - 12:38 PM, said:

Kyle Polulak: Do you think the forum users know we are just screwing with them?

Russ Bullock: Not a chance...not a chance...mwwwuuahahahah (insert evil laugh here)

+ 1000 Sir, very well done. 10/10 would read again.

[CloakRogue]

I believe we have a spy in PGI headquarters.

[Barantor]

*raises hand* Awesome.

[Xelrah]

Togg Bott, on 23 May 2012 - 12:43 PM, said:

epic.... just hope Paul doesnt read this

Too late, I could see him viewing the topic.
Edit: Nvm, it was Garth Erlam viewing it.

Edited by Xelrah, 23 May 2012 - 12:47 PM.

[kidney stones]

lmfao that was great and i think mostly true to boot

[AlanEsh]

Yeah... so much for you getting a Beta Key, Hawkeye.

[Cold3y3s]

Lolz, do I have to raise my hand? Can't wait for The Troll's response to this...
Actually, I can.
Edit: And you win all the internets by the way.

Edited by Hawk3y394, 23 May 2012 - 12:51 PM.

[kidney stones]

garth give him a beta key this was great

[SpiralRazor]

All i read was "marauder" and "warhammer".

[Hylius]

Your words amuse me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

[Vexgrave Lars]

They'll never expect the Spanish Inquisition!

Edited by Vexgrave Lars, 23 May 2012 - 12:54 PM.

[Magnificent Bastard]

If I buy an Elite Founder's package do I get a juice box with a crazy straw? Please?

[Hawkeye 72]

Hylius, on 23 May 2012 - 12:53 PM, said:

Your words amuse me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

Newsletter eh...

scurries off to begin planning

[whiskey tango foxtrot]

You keep out doing yourself Hawkeye.

ROFLMFAO........