3435 replies to this topic

[Nightmare1]

Virlutris is the reason why we have safety labels on irons warning people not to "iron while wearing."

[Sparks Murphey]

Nightmare1's beard is home to 13 species of bird previously unknown to scientists.

[Nightmare1]

Sparks Murphey, on 18 March 2016 - 06:06 PM, said:

Nightmare1's beard is home to 13 species of bird previously unknown to scientists.

Sparks had a bad experience with a Teletubby as a child which scarred him emotionally for life. For years after this experience, he dedicated himself to stealing them from the local Walmart, attaching them to fireworks, and exploding them in the air. However, he recently watched Toy Story for the first time and had his viewpoint changed. Now he lives in mortal fear that the Teletubbies will come for him like the toys came for Sid Phillips.

To protect himself, he has eliminated all toys from his house in a five block radius and purchased several dogs. Currently, his forcible removal of toys, coupled with his eccentric behavior, have placed him in an awkward standoff with police. Dubbed, "The Toy Snatcher," he lives his days now huddled in the middle of his home, muttering, "They'll never get me!" over and over while police negotiators shout at him to come outside over a bullhorn.

Most of us here on the MWO forums believe that the situation will end badly for him, and are placing bets on whether he'll go with police meekly in hopes of receiving their protection from Teletubbies; or if his last shred of human sanity will snap like a brittle little twig, pushing over the edge into a babbling mess.

*Opens another bag of popcorn*

Oh look, Channel 9 news is on and they have a chopper in the air...

[Alstren]

Nightmare tracked me down to Tormaline Desert and convinced me to come back and post, my response was 36 SRMs to the CT.

[Alstren]

Marack Drock just leaked classified information to the public and will now be hunted down throughout outer space by a sentient patch of haze named Deb

[MarineTech]

By mentioning the sentient partch of haze named Deb, Firestorm has broken one of the 3 primary tenants of the Shadow Accords. As such, he will now be hunted down. I'm not going to say by what, because momma didn't raise no fool.

[Virlutris]

Marine Tech is responsible for the recent infestation of the light queue with Streakboat Oxides.

Really? :/

[Sparks Murphey]

Virlutris has attempted to explain to 6 different chief technicians how, since an AMS system is just a specialised machine gun, he should be able to mount it anywhere he would mount any other ballistic system. His 5 AMS Locust-1V will be the bane of Streakboat Oxides, just as soon as he can find someone to build it.

[Nightmare1]

Since the Streak Boat Oxide premiered, Sparks has been confused. It wasn't until Virlutris explained things to him yesterday, that Sparks finally realized that people weren't talking about Steam Boat Trip Rides.

He's a very disappointed person now.

[Sparks Murphey]

In his second most recent match, Nightmare1 got a +5 Sword of Dancing from the corpse of a Commando. In his most recent match, Nightmare1 lost his +5 Sword of Dancing. Turns out, swords, even magic ones, aren't much use against BattleMechs unless they are also 'Mech sized.

[Virlutris]

Sparks is currently trying to figure out how to make Steam Boat Trip Rides a thing in MWO.

On a related note, I hear PGI's hiring for an intermediate-level game designer.

[Nightmare1]

Virlutris is currently passing through Blue Space according to his Location. What none of you realize, is that the word "Blue" does not actually describe the color of the space through which he is passing. Nay! Instead, it describes the kind of music that the denizens of the local planets have been blasting into space in an effort to communicate with sentient life beyond their atmospheres. Since they all blast the same Blues, they continually think that their communications are being rebounded back to them, rather than realize that they are not alone in the galaxy.

For Virlutris, it makes a very tedious ride. He plans to travel through Rock Space next week though, and says that he expects it to be a much better experience.

[Sparks Murphey]

I went up to the caldera, got Virlutris square in my sights.
Yes, I went up to the caldera, Virtutris was square in my sights.
When chewing on my back armour was Nightmare1 and his pack of lights.

We ain't seen StompingOnTanks this year, maybe this thread is nearly done.
Not much of Domoneky or Xanilos either, maybe this thread is nearly done.
But that don't leave me so nervous, as when I can't seen Nightmare1.

[Nightmare1]

Sparks Murphey, on 29 March 2016 - 08:23 PM, said:

I went up to the caldera, got Virlutris square in my sights.
Yes, I went up to the caldera, Virtutris was square in my sights.
When chewing on my back armour was Nightmare1 and his pack of lights.

We ain't seen StompingOnTanks this year, maybe this thread is nearly done.
Not much of Domoneky or Xanilos either, maybe this thread is nearly done.
But that don't leave me so nervous, as when I can't seen Nightmare1.

Nice!


Along the path I strode,
searching for a safe abode,
When I chanced upon a man,
Who could scarcely stand.

He was so old, so bent, so gray,
yet there he stood upon the way.
And when I asked him from whence he came,
He simply stared and asked my name.

"Nightmare1," said I, "And yours?"
His reply, "That question bores."
A little nettled, I looked at him again
Whilst he simply stood and grinned.

"How came you here?" I tried once more.
"I came here through yonder door!"
I looked in the direction indicated,
But there saw there nothing gated.

"From where?" I asked, confused,
"From there!" He said, amused.
Again I searched where he meant,
And this time saw something bent.

Closer, I looked, until I spied
The old man's BattleMech ride.
Stooped and weathered, it scarcely stood,
Neglected, with no engine in its hood.

Bewildered I said to the the old man,
"How came you here in that old can?"
He looked at me as though surprised,
"You must be blind," he chastised.

Shaking my head, I simply said,
"That BattleMech is very dead.
There's no way you drove it here
If you proved it, I'd buy you beer."

A twinkle shown within his eye,
"Do you promise? Don't lie!"
"Yes," said I, "Now prove it."
He grinned, "Don't have a fit!"

Suddenly, he disappeared without a trace,
Which made me jump myself back a pace.
Then he stood within the cab,
of that battered old King Crab.

I waited to hear the engine's sound,
But instead saw only barren ground.
Where stood a Mech before,
There was now an oaken door.

As I watched, the door slammed shut,
And nowhere did I see the nut.
He had vanished through the portal
With merely a simple chortle.

That's when I heard his voice,
"If you'd pay up, that'd be noice!
I don't see a store around,
So we'll settle when next I'm found!"

"Who are you?" I asked once more,
for the question haunted my core.
"Murphy," said he, "so don't forget
That you lost to me in our bet!"

"I shan't," I said in reply.
"When we meet, by-and-by,
I shall present you with some beer
And with a toast will give you cheer."

"But what shall I do with this door?
Surely you won't leave it evermore?"
"Nay," said he, "I'll take it now,
so watch for my flourished bow."

His flourish proved to be neat,
Rarely have I seen such a feat.
The door exploded in a flurry of larks,
Leaving behind only shimmering Sparks.

Lost in thought I continued on,
Down the road and on to dawn.
Curious when next in my wanders,
I should meet Murphy, man of ponders.

Edited by Nightmare1, 30 March 2016 - 04:47 PM.

[Sparks Murphey]

Like a Disney princess, Nightmare1 has been known to enthrall those around him with his lyrical prowess. Unlike in the case of Disney princesses, this is usually fatal for those so enthralled.

[Nightmare1]

Sparks Murhpy's signature for the Death's Hand Brigade only features one hand. This is because he lost the other one in a freak hotdog accident. No, it's not what you're thinking; he didn't burn it while cooking the hotdogs. Rather, it was when he went to spread mayonnaise on the bun; his right hand slipped and he accidentally sliced his left hand off with the dull butter knife he was using. Thinking quickly, he dumped the remaining hotdogs out of the pot of water where he was boiling them, and then pressed the hot pot to his stump to cauterize the wound. He now campaigns, protests, and pickets big box stores demanding "safety" knives.

To this day, his fellow pilots in the D.H.B. call him "Stump Dog" and ask him to rap for him when he can be torn away from his protesting.

[Sizzles]

Nightmare is currently observing the market saturation of blue water.

[MarineTech]

Sizzles once had an original thought....

Unfortunately it looked around in horror at the rest of his mind and ran off screaming, never to be heard from again.

[Nightmare1]

Offended by MarineTech's statement, Sizzles purchased some of my blue water and used it to fill water balloons. He then proceeded to give MarineTech a thorough soaking, much to the K-Town resident's chagrin. MarineTech went home, miffed, and put himself in the dryer. However, he forgot to check his tag before doing so. Had he read the tag, he would have realized that he was labeled as "Will shrink in dryer."

When his cycle finished, he popped open the door and slid out, only to find that the top of the dryer was now eye level with him. He had been reduced to the size of an eight-year-old child! Now he spends his days wearing a kid's bird costume and begging for candy corn in K-Town.

[wanderer]

Nightmare1 never realized that Sparks Murphy is actually part of an ancient tradition that dates back to the early 21st century.



Since his offensive comments, he has been stalked by Clan Spoon Ninjas, who ply their art because "It'll hurt more, you twit."