3435 replies to this topic

[Sizzles]

Marine pronounces "purple" as "perpellow."

[Nightmare1]

Sizzles got his name from a mishap he engineered roughly a decade ago. He had decided to build himself a new house. Being a savvy individual, he researched home construction thoroughly, using such monumental works as The Three Little Piggies. He took the construction lessons to heart, and resolved to build himself a house out of bricks to ensure the utmost stoutness in his design. However, bricks were expensive at the time, and he could not afford to purchase a quantity sufficiently large to fully construct his new abode. Then, one day, when he was in the garden center at his local Walmart Supercenter looking for a new shovel, he espied the charcoal briquettes on sale in the middle of the floor. He was then struck with an inspiration; why buy expensive bricks when he could simply purchase briquettes?

Sizzles filled the back of his pickup truck with good quality Kingsford and trundled off to his build site where he labored for several days beneath the hot, cloudless sky to painstakingly line up the briquettes, three wide, eight long, and two deep in an epoxy solution in a rectangular mold. He then popped these homemade bricks out of the mold and cemented them together with mortar, slowly building up his walls until they were each nine feet high. He added his interior walls and then a roof, and proudly stepped back to view his creation with great satisfaction.

Alas, for it was not meant to last!

One day, the heat index reach 115 degrees Fahrenheit, shattering all previous records. His epoxy bricks melted slightly, exposing the charcoal briquettes. That night, the first thunderstorm of the raining season rolled in, and the new dwelling was struck by lightning since Sizzles had forgotten to ground it with a lightning rod. The briquettes ignited and within a scant few minutes, the entire house was ablaze! Australia had never seen such a fire before, and the local denizens were in awe of it. Soon, hundreds had gathered with their skewers and bags of Stay-Puft in hand to partake in the single greatest bonfire in all of Australian history.

When Sizzles returned from China (he had traveled there to purchase a lightning rod), he was devastated to discover the smoldering, sizzling embers of his once proud home. Now, to this day, he bears the moniker, "Sizzles," as a testament to his folly.

It should be noted though, that his misfortune bore some fruit. The author of The Three Little Piggies found inspiration in his mishap and wrote two new chapters to his original work. One chapter showed the dangers of building a house out of charcoal briquettes in a hot climate and when local wolves could command fire, with the piggies narrowly escaping from a burning building. The other chapter, released specifically for Halloween, was more graphic and reserved for adults only. Though I personally have not read it, my understanding is that it has something to do with roasted pigs.

[MarineTech]

Nightmare suffers from Maximum Verbosity Syndrome. This is the reason he's been posting so many TL;DR posts around here recently.

Dude... Brevity is much appreciated.

[Nightmare1]

MarineTech, on 25 September 2016 - 03:36 AM, said:

Nightmare suffers from Maximum Verbosity Syndrome. This is the reason he's been posting so many TL;DR posts around here recently.

Dude... Brevity is much appreciated.

MarineTech has a very short attention span and no love for creativity.

[MarineTech]

Nightmare once kissed the Blarney Stone. In fact, he French kissed it. This accounts for his tendency to go on and on and on with a post.

On a related side note, the Blarney Stone is a bit miffed that Nightmare hasn't called it back after it gave him its' number.

Edited by MarineTech, 26 September 2016 - 01:22 AM.

[Virlutris]

Marine Tech has been waiting anxiously for someone else to post in this thread for almost 2 weeks.

Happy 2nd Friday, Tech.

[MarineTech]

Virlutris has a pet water bear named Sid. Due to its teeny teeny size, he has great difficulty putting a leash on it to take it for walkies.

[Virlutris]

MarineTech has PTSD that's triggered by reading long blocks of text. It's why Nightmare1's posts have been getting to him lately.

It's from a former CO. That CO insisted on publishing the full text of his "briefing" remarks before mission and staff "briefs." They required a minimum of 30 minutes to read, and were always a single, multi-page block of text. No paragraphs. Or rather, one single, monster, abomination of a paragraph.

He also insisted that everyone review these remarks and reply in writing summarizing them, so he was sure they'd done so. Then, he read the remarks verbatim at the brief, requiring all present to bring a printed copy of the remarks which they were also required to read silently while he read them aloud.

Finally, he required all present to report with a written summary of those remarks within precisely 30 hrs after the conclusion of the "brief," or face disciplinary action for disobeying a direct order.

This is the part of an NCO's job that results in the thousand-mile stare, not the "breaking thigs," or "killing people." This post is pushing it in length, but I used multiple shorter paragraphs, so it helps.

Edited by Virlutris, 10 October 2016 - 09:09 AM.

[MarineTech]

Virlutris has a severe lack of wedgies in his life.

Everybody should work to remedy that.

[Nightmare1]

MarineTech is working diligently to increase the number of wedgies in Virlutris' life.

[Virlutris]

Nightmare1, on 15 October 2016 - 06:47 AM, said:

MarineTech is working diligently to increase the number of wedgies in Virlutris' life.

Nightmare1 has clearly taken to heart MarineTech's admonition regarding verbosity.

[MarineTech]

Virlutris has clearly NOT taken to heart my suggestion for correcting his severe lack of wedgies.

[Virlutris]

MarineTech is quite obsessed with wedgies.

Note how he keeps bringing up the subject.

[MarineTech]

Virlutris is a dedicated generalist with a wide variety of skills. Unfortunately, he is unable to see the benefits of specialization, and truly mastering one's craft.

[Domoneky]

MarineTech sometimes drink a glass of Chianti with a side of Fava Beans when he has people over for dinner

[MarineTech]

Domoneky refuses to come over for dinner.

He says fava beans give him gas.

[Nightmare1]

MarineTech once killed six mimes with an invisible shotgun.

[MarineTech]

Nightmare has taught his cats to ride invisible bicycles.

Unfortunately, they're not very good at it.

[Sparks Murphey]

MarineTech is a wanted man after a silent-and-invisible-chainsaw massacre at a mime convention.If anyone can provide details of how to reach him, there are several clients wishing him to continue his work.

[Virlutris]

Sparks murphy had been all set for public trials of his invisibility tech, which he'd intended to first demonstrate at that very same mine convention.

MarineTech's massacre was only possible because he stole Sparks' invisibility tech to pair with his own area-effect silencing tech.

Sparks merely intended to make it so mimes were neither seen nor heard. Marine Tech doubled- down to ensure that the mimes were neither seen nor heard from ever again.