915 replies to this topic

[IraqiWalker]

546. If your crew chief says "I'll take it under advisement" that means "shut up and don't bring it up again, I might do something about it, but probably won't" Do not take that to mean that you can bring it up at a later time. It's not the crew chief's fault if you launch into combat with UAC5 ammo installed for your AC5. and No heatsinks for your lasers.

[Tustle]

Xanilos, on 09 March 2014 - 11:02 AM, said:

545. Those cookies were filled with internet laxatives - your computer will crap out on you.

[Scurry]

547. When piloting an assault Mech and seeing an observation drone, remember to look down to check for itty-bitty lights.

[Blood Rose]

548. Jumpjets are really effective at clearing infantry from around your legs. Just make sure there not on your side first!

[IraqiWalker]

547b. Also, please shoot down the enemy drone, it helps make your team less dead and damaged.

548. Do note that shooting enemy lights in the leg is a good practice, however, if their CT is cored, but their legs aren't, then please shoot the CT, instead spending 5 more minutes trying to take out their legs.

[Cactus In The Rear]

Spoiler

Tank Man, on 06 March 2014 - 02:08 PM, said:

What about a single AUTOCANNON on a pair of spindly Locust legs?! What NOW, dream breaker?!


(And don't give me that 'it's called the Hollander' scrap either, that's a Gauss and we both know it!)

• BZK-G1 The G1 variant of the Hollander is built to address concerns about the Hollander's lack of back up weapons. The 'Mech is armed with an LB-X Autocannon/10 as its primary weapon, allowing it to fire both solid rounds as well as cluster rounds, which act like a 'Mech-scaled shotgun shell. The 'Mech is also armed with two Medium Lasers as backup weapons, and carries an additional two tons of armor. The G1 is an excellent 'Mech for vehicle hunting as well as anti-aircraft use with its LB-X Autocannon/10. BV (1.0) = 768^[3], BV (2.0) = 873^[5]
  
• http://www.sarna.net/wiki/Hollander

549. Alpha strike is NOT the only weapon grouping you need,it is wrong to tell new pilots this.

550. If you do not post in this thread you are a horrible person.

Edited by Xanilos, 10 March 2014 - 06:34 AM.

[StompingOnTanks]

551. "They have cookies!" is not an excuse to defect to the other side.
552. You are not allowed to question how Aerospace Fighters fly through space without zero-G maneuvering thrusters to do so. (Or do they have them? I checked Sarna.net and it didn't say anything about maneuvering thrusters on aerospace fighters.)
553. Vehicle-scale weapons that fire beyond 1000m are Lostech whether they existed on ancient Terra or not.
554. Singing "Moves like Jager" while firing an assault rifle in each hand looks ridiculous and poses a risk of breaking your wrists from the recoil, especially with the "Dual AC/20" impressions using .50 caliber sniper rifles. C'mon, guys, you're not 12 anymore.
555. The 'Mech mentioned exactly 111 posts from now will become known as Satan's mech.

[990Dreams]

554 Exemption: If you are 12 then you may proceed.

[Tustle]

Xanilos, on 10 March 2014 - 06:30 AM, said:

Spoiler

• BZK-G1 The G1 variant of the Hollander is built to address concerns about the Hollander's lack of back up weapons. The 'Mech is armed with an LB-X Autocannon/10 as its primary weapon, allowing it to fire both solid rounds as well as cluster rounds, which act like a 'Mech-scaled shotgun shell. The 'Mech is also armed with two Medium Lasers as backup weapons, and carries an additional two tons of armor. The G1 is an excellent 'Mech for vehicle hunting as well as anti-aircraft use with its LB-X Autocannon/10. BV (1.0) = 768^[3], BV (2.0) = 873^[5]
  
• http://www.sarna.net/wiki/Hollander

Well, my face is certainly red now!
Still want an Autocannon on legs though...just a single high-caliber gun with nothing else save however the engine, gyro, and other important bits fit...no not an Urbanmech

556. The first rule of Battlemech Fight Club is...there is no Battlemech Fight Club. Stop using company equipment for mock fights.

556 b. It's called SOLARIS! Buy your own mech' and go to Solaris!

556 c. Or use the simulators. Or dye rounds. Anything that saves the technicians loads of grief.

556 cb. No lasers or PPC's if you're going the dye route, scrap heads. We're looking at you, Johnston. Again.

557. The technicians will not rig your Centurion's loudspeakers to play the first line of notes from Misirlou dramatically every time you brandish the gun arm at an enemy mech. Don't bother with asking.

558. "Overclocking" your mech' life support is a good way to get yourself killed on oxygen-deprived planets. Don't try it.

559. The Black Knight does not always triumph. It is a punishable offense to tell the rookies this.

559 b. It is also not "just a scratch" or "just a flesh wound" if an arm; or both arms or all the limbs; are blown off. You won't be "hewing" anyone if your mech' is in such a state.

Edited by Tank Man, 10 March 2014 - 12:12 PM.

[Xeno Phalcon]

560. "Hold my Beer" is not a valid Bitchin' Betty command.

[StompingOnTanks]

561. Any combat maneuvers that require your lance commander to "Hold your beer" are forbidden.

"Sir, the enemy is coming! We're outnumbered 3 to 1 and the entire enemy force is Assault Mechs!"

[A Centurion looks to the left and sees an old dropship rocket, a Naval PPC and some mech-scale welders.]

"Commander, hold my beer. I got this."

[Tustle]

562. Regardless of any advancements made to the technology, steam engines are still a poor substitute for the fusion engine in your Battlemech. Be advised, your technicians -will- refuse to install them on your mech'.

563. To the Mechwarrior who took the XL300 D-variant Jenner for their pizza delivery side job: don't forget to bring some back for the rest of us.

563 b. You will also find your termination papers in your room. Sign forms A through X and don't forget to leave the Jenner in it's appropriate mechbay when you leave.

564. To the Mechwarrior who took the XL190 1V-variant Locust for their delivery service job on Terra: you'll find your termination papers in the mail and we'll be coming to pick up the mech' personally. Most likely when you're having dinner with the family.

564 b. "But it's such a useless chassis anyway" was a poor excuse. We'll have you know that there are pilots who swear by the things.

565. Shouting 'Eeeeeeh Macarena!' over open comms and attempting to get any mechs' in the opposition to dance with your's is not a good plan. Funny for about ten seconds, but definitely no good. This is also a good way to get slapped if you try it on the female recruits.

566. If the female technicians ask you what you want weapons wise on your mech,' don't blow it and respond with Fatboy Slim's "Weapon of Choice" while making obscene gestures. They don't like that.

566 b. It is, however, a good way to get two machine guns with no ammo and a small laser mounted on your mech. With no other weapons or equipment.

[Alaskan Nobody]

Tank Man, on 11 March 2014 - 11:00 PM, said:

564 b. "But it's such a useless chassis anyway" was a poor excuse. We'll have you know that there are pilots who swear by the things.

if they don't want it can I have it?

My last Locust got blown up, and I could use a replacement.

[SnagaDance]

567. When piloting a Centurion you should respond to orders from your superiors with something else than "By your command." in a toneless voice.

[Cactus In The Rear]

Shar Wolf, on 11 March 2014 - 11:23 PM, said:

if they don't want it can I have it?

My last Locust got blown up, and I could use a replacement.

It didn't get blown up - a stiff breeze knocked it over.

[Alaskan Nobody]

Xanilos, on 12 March 2014 - 01:31 AM, said:

It didn't get blown up - a stiff breeze knocked it over.

Naw - after the third artillery strike, I can pretty safely say it got blown up.
(PS: I do have a recording of my locust surviving two arti/air strikes - then dying to the third - I am in negotiations with a friend to use his bandwidth to upload it)

[StompingOnTanks]

568. Using your Mech to propose is grounds for termination... Unless you do it with extreme style.*
569. Shining TAGs at Aerospace fighters as a joke is not funny and will result in serious consequences, unless of course the aerospace fighters are the enemy's, in which case it's hilarious.
570. The mechbay engineers will not weld old fuel drums to your Atlas's pelvis.

*Note: "Extreme style" can be defined as: synchronized mech dancing, proposing while fighting off 3 Mad Cats, proposing in mid-air during a "hot drop", or bending a a steel beam to say "Will you marry me?". Ripping off your mech's lower torso armor and making obscene body movements does not count as "style".

[Tustle]

Shar Wolf, on 11 March 2014 - 11:23 PM, said:

if they don't want it can I have it?

My last Locust got blown up, and I could use a replacement.

Unfortunately, the battalion (whoever that may be) laid claim to it. Take it up with them?

571. The 1.00 K/D is a lie.

571 b. Unless it isn't a lie. Then it's just you.

572. Your mech' is a multi-ton robotic combat vehicle. It is not a can crusher. Stop having drinking games in the mech bays.

573. Consequences await the next Mechwarrior to tell rookie pilots that we're secretly training in case of a robot uprising.

574. In case there is a chance of a robot uprising...strap in and start stomping. Battlemechs can not operate without human pilots you see.

575. No, you can't rip out the cockpit and replace it with a long-range communication systems plus camera equipment to make a remote-control mech'. Communication on the field is already problematic as is, and the lag between you sending commands from the neurohelmet to the mech' would render such a system useless anyway.

[Alaskan Nobody]

Tank Man, on 12 March 2014 - 11:42 AM, said:

574. ....... Battlemechs can not operate without human pilots you see.

Hercs can though - so if some engineer ever tells you he has built a new kind of Mech called the Herc, then we can start worrying.

Edited by Shar Wolf, 12 March 2014 - 12:22 PM.

[Tustle]

Shar Wolf, on 12 March 2014 - 12:22 PM, said:

Hercs can though - so if some engineer ever tells you he has built a new kind of Mech called the Herc, then we can start worrying.

Oh. Right. Scrapbiscuits. Roight.

[574 b]. In case of successful development of subject [Cybrid] and accompanying [HERCULAN] war machines...
Item the First: Fire all scientists involved with development.
Item the Second: Fire all scientists involved with development...into the heart of the nearest star.
Item the Third: Destroy all materials involved.
Item the Fourth: Mash the Miscreant Mosquitoes.
Item the Fifth: If all else fails...get back in the Battlemechs and start blowing stuff up.