915 replies to this topic

[StompingOnTanks]

201. A broken leg actuator or engine damage are legitimate reasons to retreat for repairs. Having the breasts burned off of the naked woman you painted on the side of your mech's head isn't.
202. Attempting to seduce female officers with a steak dinner and nighttime mech patrol is almost never a good idea, but if you succeed, be sure to write a book telling the rest of us how.
203. While piloting your mech, folding sheets of scrap metal into paper airplanes and throwing them into the sky is not allowed. It's confusing to the aerospace fighter pilots.
204. There are no LBX Autocannon models that feature double barrels.
205. There are no "sawn-off" LBXs either.
206. Mounting twin LBX ACs in one arm of your mech and an industrial mech chainsaw in the other and charging into battle while screaming "THIS IS MY BOOMSTICK!" over open comms is not permitted, no matter how good Army of Darkness was.
207. In the same way, Pacific Rim fans may not refer to Cataphracts, King Crabs, or Annihilators as "Kaiju".
208. Please do not shout "EXTERMINATE ALL THE KAIJUS!" over comms, as it can be easily misheard.
209. 50-foot steel bars used for construction cannot support the weight of a BattleMech, please stop trying to pole-vault with them.
210. Okay, we get it, she was smoking hot. Just stop leaving condoms in the barracks and BattleMech cockpits, please. Please.

[Alaskan Nobody]

StompingOnTanks, on 10 February 2014 - 12:24 PM, said:

207. In the same way, Pacific Rim fans may not refer to Cataphracts, King Crabs, or Annihilators as "Kaiju".

If I ever get an Annihilator I am totally nicknaming it "Godzilla" though.

[990Dreams]

211: DavidHurricane knows how to make the best weapons and Mechs and tech. Ever.

Shar Wolf, on 10 February 2014 - 11:43 AM, said:

That SHOULD be making my brain hurt.... but it caused so much damage I cannot feel the paint anymore

Let's say Y is a set. The parameters of the set are that it can contain no sets that contain themselves.

If Y does contain itself, then it is not a set.
If Y doesn't contain itself, then it is a set, and thus must contain itself, thus making it not a set.

Edited by DavidHurricane, 10 February 2014 - 12:39 PM.

[StompingOnTanks]

DavidHurricane, on 10 February 2014 - 12:39 PM, said:

211: DavidHurricane knows how to make the best weapons and Mechs and tech. Ever.



Let's say Y is a set. The parameters of the set are that it can contain no sets that contain themselves.

If Y does contain itself, then it is not a set.
If Y doesn't contain itself, then it is a set, and thus must contain itself, thus making it not a set.

...*Head explodes.*

[Alaskan Nobody]

DavidHurricane, on 10 February 2014 - 12:39 PM, said:

Let's say Y is a set. The parameters of the set are that it can contain no sets that contain themselves.

If Y does contain itself, then it is not a set.
If Y doesn't contain itself, then it is a set, and thus must contain itself, thus making it not a set.

There is no Y, there is only Nerzhul

[Nathan Foxbane]

212. Dressing the CO's Atlas like Carmen Miranda, complete with maracas, was only funny the first time.
213. Carmen Miranda hats have not, are not, nor will they ever be standard issue as neurohelmets.
214. Wet coolant vest contest... bad idea.
215. No more trying to ride into battle on Goliaths when piloting light 'Mechs. Their pilots are not amused.
216. No you may not use 'Mech scale coconuts to simulate it.
217. Playing "Can't touch this" over the comms while piloting a Spider is considered poor form.
218. There are to be no more attemps to hire out the Merc Corp as a 'Mech River Dancing troupe. That mission is never to be spoken of again.
219. Exterminators are not a myth, but functional Star League vintage ones are. ComStar is not interested in helping you prove otherwise.
220. No matter how hot the CO's daughter is, using your 'Mech to provide the laser light show or pyrotechnic display for her favorite band is not an acceptable use of military assets.

[990Dreams]

221: Playing the Troll Song while moving faster than 137 KPH is acceptable.
222: 1t loud speakers are acceptable.
223: Especially when playing the Tron OST.
224: There is no tron OST in 3050.
225: There may be in 3051.
226: When under my command, TKs are allowed if you harass any pilot regardless of rank or gender
227: Unless they are whiners or trolls the best pilots in your faction trolls

Edited by DavidHurricane, 11 February 2014 - 03:24 PM.

[StompingOnTanks]

228. Turning heads and handheld weapons do exist for many older BattleMech designs. However, you are never allowed to mention or request them, as your Commanding Officers have decided them to be "Too Anime" even if they are perfectly canon.
229. Loading LRM rounds into an SRM launcher will not produce a long-range unguided rocket weapon, even if the launcher does not jam horribly.
230. You are not allowed to question why engineers cannot figure out how to build LRM 2s, LRM 4s, LRM 6s, SRM 10s, SRM 15s, or SRM 20s, even though in theory such weapons would be perfectly feasible by making minor adjustments to the missile tubes and reloading systems of such launchers.
231. If your female CO is young and well endowed, for the love of Kerensky, don't stare (at least not when she's looking).
232. MechWarriors DO NOT have a "Take your kids to work" day.
233. Producing a fraken-mech with a mix of Assault Mech and Light Mech parts isn't nearly as good an idea as you think it is.
234. "Big Booty *******" is not an acceptable call sign.
235. When going out on a mission where you may become stranded far away from civilization, bring a towel. It is the ultimate survival tool.
236. Swiss Army Knives are good too, but not nearly as amusing.

[GrandLocomon]

Nathan Foxbane, on 07 February 2014 - 02:46 PM, said:

160. Replacing the PPC on the female CO's Battlemaster with a chain whip and stenciling Battlemistress beneath the cockpit is frowned upon.
161. If she likes it. RUN!!!

I am renaming my battlemasters right now.

237. FS9-E and FS9-H do not come with 'machine gun jubblies' as standard.
238. AS7-BH pilots don't care that you moustache them a question.
239. Playing 'sweet or sour' by raising and lowering your 'mech's arms at friendlies is prohibited. You are to remain alert, even while spending 5 minutes capping a point.
240. Similarly, 'mech dance-offs while on cap points are also prohibited.

[I don't care how prohibited those are, I love waving at people XD . As for rule 240, dragons make surprisingly great dancers.]

[990Dreams]

241. Operation of a BattleMech while intoxicate is not allowed.
242. Even if you pilot better
243. Even if it is funny
241.1. Intoxication includes any substance that impairs your rational judgement.

Edited by DavidHurricane, 15 February 2014 - 10:18 AM.

[Smitti]

244. During bivouac on a backwater planet in the arse-end of the galaxy, exceptions to rule # 241 apply. Beer, bonfires and Battlemechs are great for a team bonding weekend.
245. ONLY during the occurrence of rule #244 will a hostile invasion force EVER make planetfall on said backwater planet. They will land no more than 20 clicks from your current location, between you and base.
246. A planet-wide comms blackout will occur preceding the advent of hostile invasion. No backup for you.
247. During simultaneous occurrence of situations outlined in both rules #244 and #245, your entire company will have removed several tons of munitions per mech to make room for beer.
248. It is both acceptable and encouraged for lancemates to shout 'FINISH HIM!' in a deep, ominous voice over comms just prior to you unloading an LB10X shot into the face of an enemy mech as the coup de grace.
249. It may be amusing, but taking a run-up before you boot an enemy Commando can cause severe damage to the armour, internal structure and actuators of your mech's legs. Should you attempt this, hope that it is A. quite successful (read: airborne commando) and B. caught on a lance-mate's gun-cam, for the amusement of your CO. Otherwise, damages will be deducted from your field pay.
250. Pulling the arms and legs of Spiders is acceptable punishment for the Spider pilot piloting a Spider.
251. Stenciling "BUG SPRAY" along the barrel of your flamer unit does NOT make it do what it says on the tin!

Edited by Smittiferous, 18 February 2014 - 12:43 AM.

[KuroNyra]

253. Piloting a Catapult isn't a good excuse to try to launch beer with your LRM.

[990Dreams]

254: Rule 253 is lifted if the beer is actually used for an incendiary device.
255: You cannot have a bass manufactured for your Atlas so you can smash it on the enemy Mech while screaming "DROP THE BASS".
256: Rule 255 is lifted if you have a 1t loud speaker playing dubstep and you smash the bass when the bass actually drops.
257: Fusion reactors cannot fuse ⁵⁸Ni and ¹²¹Sb to make ¹⁷⁹Au.
258: Even if you recite the chant.
259: Atom smashers and fusion reactors are different, thus atom smashers can fuse ⁵⁸Ni and ¹²¹Sb to make ¹⁷⁹Au.
260: This is not an excuse to replace your fusion engine with an 'atom smasher' engine.

Edited by DavidHurricane, 17 February 2014 - 01:20 PM.

[Alaskan Nobody]

DavidHurricane, on 17 February 2014 - 01:19 PM, said:

255: You cannot have a bass manufactured for your Atlas so you can smash it on the enemy Mech while screaming "DROP THE BASS".

What about a Hammer? Can we use a hammer?

[990Dreams]

261: Shar Wolf didn't post rule 261 so I did it for him.

[Alaskan Nobody]

I was asking a question.... questions aren't rules until the DM tells you you cannot do that anymore

I still wanna know if I can Drop The Hammer! with my Atlas when it's Hammer Time!

Edited by Shar Wolf, 17 February 2014 - 01:27 PM.

[KuroNyra]

262. You can't drop The Hammer unless your in a Warhammer "4000"
263. Reguarding rule 262, you can drop the Hammer only if you have Fluttershy painted on your mech

Edited by KuroNyra, 17 February 2014 - 01:58 PM.

[990Dreams]

264: Rule 263 is false. Any Mech can drop the hammer.
265: Rule 264 is false. Not all Mechs have gripper actuators.

[StompingOnTanks]

266. Painting My Little Pony characters on your Mechs is fine, so long as you are aware that they make you extremely vulnerable to Hate Lasers.

[Alaskan Nobody]

267: Hate Lasers can only be fired from Friendship Cannons. Do not question the Logic, Kirk worked it for us.