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Non-Combat Tips (Parody List)


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#81 Domoneky

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Posted 17 February 2014 - 05:49 PM

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#82 Sparks Murphey

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Posted 17 February 2014 - 05:58 PM

269: While your 'Mech's weapons are perfectly fine for killing Locusts, Cicadas, Spiders, Wasps, and many other BattleMechs named after insects, they lack the fine precision for picking off real insects, especially if said insect has landed on your CO's back.
270: "Thataway" is not a recognised vector when reporting the movement of enemy units, no matter what Bugs Bunny says.
271: There is no such thing as the BattleMech Basketball League. Please stop asking the quartermaster for Air Jordans in size 234.
272: BattleMechs are hardy enough to survive smashing through buildings. However, buildings are rarely strong enough to survive being smashed through by BattleMechs. Please respect the local property.
273: Edit: Never assume your rules are correctly numbered before posting.

Edited by Sparks Murphey, 17 February 2014 - 05:58 PM.


#83 StompingOnTanks

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Posted 17 February 2014 - 06:15 PM

274. The rule of 34 will not be mentioned. Ever.
275. Your lancemate's mechs cannot combine into Megazord. When your CO asks if anyone has any good ideas, do not suggest this.
276. Stop using the empty prisoner's barracks as a BDSM dungeon. We want any prisoners we take to be as not freaked out as possible.
277. No, you can't use the CO's barracks either... Unless he/she already has one in there, which might be the case.
278. Ejecting your Mech's weapons, picking up a melee weapon, and challenging the enemy commander in a one-on-one no-guns duel to determine the winner of the battle is usually not recommended, unless you're fighting the Kuritans or Clanners, in which case it might work.

#84 StompingOnTanks

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Posted 18 February 2014 - 05:40 AM

279. When hitting on Clan 'Mech pilots at the bar, using pickup lines that involve Clan genetic engineering programs are still creepy and kind of offensive. Avoid doing so.

#85 Rogue Jedi

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Posted 18 February 2014 - 03:22 PM

281. Despite manufacturer assurances updating weapon/Mech software/firmware to the latest version does not always lead to improvements.
282. Just because the Mech is named after a book of maps DOES NOT mean an Atlas pilot can give you useful directions

#86 B0oN

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Posted 18 February 2014 - 03:28 PM

283: Never abuse a Jenner, as it could prove useful later.
Exception to this is wielding them as improvised clubs to ward off Spiders.

#87 StompingOnTanks

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Posted 18 February 2014 - 04:06 PM

284. Telling jokes about polar bears and bars while on a base raiding mission in arctic areas is not permitted.

(If you get this reference you get a free cookie. ( '')>O )

#88 Alaskan Nobody

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Posted 18 February 2014 - 07:16 PM

View PostStompingOnTanks, on 18 February 2014 - 04:06 PM, said:

(If you get this reference you get a free cookie. ( '')>O )

I know a fair amount of polar bear jokes (surprise!)


....but off the top of my head I think I am missing the reference.

#89 Nathan Foxbane

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Posted 18 February 2014 - 07:33 PM

View PostStompingOnTanks, on 18 February 2014 - 04:06 PM, said:

284. Telling jokes about polar bears and bars while on a base raiding mission in arctic areas is not permitted.

(If you get this reference you get a free cookie. ( '')>O )

Pffft easy reference.

Spoiler


#90 Alaskan Nobody

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Posted 18 February 2014 - 07:41 PM

View PostNathan Foxbane, on 18 February 2014 - 07:33 PM, said:

Spoiler


I'm going to have to replay that then, because I don't remember capturing anything in particular.... ;)

#91 Dexter Herbivore

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Posted 18 February 2014 - 10:01 PM

285. It's not funny to make your local trebuchet pilot stand in a hole wearing a bucket on his head.

#92 StompingOnTanks

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Posted 19 February 2014 - 03:56 AM

286. Even though BattleMechs are covered from head to toe in all kinds of targeting, visual, balance, and terrain navigation sensors, tickling them is not an effective strategy in close combat.

#93 990Dreams

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Posted 19 February 2014 - 03:32 PM

287: "Pacific Rim" Neural Interfacing doesn't exist in the IS or Clan technology database.
288: If you see a Mech using such a neural interface be concerned.
289: Especially if it is from pacific rim, in which case it weighs 2500ish tons.
290: Call for backup if you are outclassed like that.

#94 Hex Pallett

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Posted 19 February 2014 - 09:40 PM

View PostDavidHurricane, on 19 February 2014 - 03:32 PM, said:

287: "Pacific Rim" Neural Interfacing doesn't exist in the IS or Clan technology database.
288: If you see a Mech using such a neural interface be concerned.
289: Especially if it is from pacific rim, in which case it weighs 2500ish tons.
290: Call for backup if you are outclassed like that.


I don't think that's gonna be a problem. Jaegers are 2500-ish tons of current-ish technology, while Battlemechs are about a thousand years in advance. Think about how much time it takes to go through a Battlemech's armor.

I'm pretty sure a single Gauss shell could breach the entire Jaeger and go straight to the core.

#95 Alaskan Nobody

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Posted 19 February 2014 - 09:55 PM

View PostHelmstif, on 19 February 2014 - 09:40 PM, said:

I'm pretty sure a single Gauss shell could breach the entire Jaeger and go straight to the core.

Here I was looking at the speed comparisons - haven't seen the movie, but they don't appear to have any ranged weaponry built in.
If not - any decent Locust could simply kite the thing - let alone some of the "stronger" mechs.

#96 GrandLocomon

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Posted 20 February 2014 - 05:36 AM

291: Altering the IFF tags of your own mech, or of lance mates and replacing call-signs with 'HIT ME!', 'FREE KILL', 'I'm with stoopid!' etc. will result in serious punishment.

Edited by GrandLocomon, 20 February 2014 - 05:36 AM.


#97 StompingOnTanks

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Posted 20 February 2014 - 06:17 AM

View PostHelmstif, on 19 February 2014 - 09:40 PM, said:


I don't think that's gonna be a problem. Jaegers are 2500-ish tons of current-ish technology, while Battlemechs are about a thousand years in advance. Think about how much time it takes to go through a Battlemech's armor.

I'm pretty sure a single Gauss shell could breach the entire Jaeger and go straight to the core.

View PostShar Wolf, on 19 February 2014 - 09:55 PM, said:

Here I was looking at the speed comparisons - haven't seen the movie, but they don't appear to have any ranged weaponry built in.
If not - any decent Locust could simply kite the thing - let alone some of the "stronger" mechs.


I actually doubt it. The Jaegers do have long-range weaponry built in, and they're ******* massive - plasma cannons, missile launchers, flamethrowers (which Cherno Alpha had but weren't used in the movie), and more. Also, anything that can survive being punched by a Kaiju probably isn't going to die with one hit from a relatively tiny Gauss Rifle slug.

#98 990Dreams

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Posted 20 February 2014 - 03:48 PM

292: Off-topic is the place for this discussion.

#99 StompingOnTanks

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Posted 20 February 2014 - 05:20 PM

293. StompingOnTanks is too lazy to make a thread for the Pacific Rim vs Battletech conversation.

Edited by StompingOnTanks, 20 February 2014 - 05:20 PM.


#100 Alaskan Nobody

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Posted 20 February 2014 - 05:32 PM

That's not a rule, that's just a fact. :)

...it wasn't even that far off-topic as they had been brought up alreayd.





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