915 replies to this topic

[Tustle]

StompingOnTanks, on 17 April 2014 - 06:03 PM, said:

674. Cupholders are Lostech. We can't build them. We just... Can't. We've tried so many times. The cup either falls through the bottom of the cup holder, won't go all the way in, wobbles around and falls out of the cupholder, or triggers its own mini ejection seat and flies through the cockpit roof. Even our best techs can't explain how the last one happens. Don't ask.

Shar Wolf, on 17 April 2014 - 06:04 PM, said:

Magitech

SCIENCE.

Or the tiny ejection button haphazardly placed on the cupholder design plans as a prank by some malicious force. We can't imagine who it was. >.>

(It was totally Johnston.)

Edited by Tank Man, 17 April 2014 - 08:34 PM.

[Linksdx]

Nathan Foxbane, on 17 April 2014 - 06:58 PM, said:

695. Arachnophobia is not an acceptable excuse for fleeing from arachnid themed 'Mechs like the Spider.

can Atlas pilots use this excuse since spiders are bad for our health? and we don't normally have a Jenner nere by

Edited by Linksdx, 18 April 2014 - 12:31 AM.

[Dracol]

696. Technicians have not yet coated cockpit interiors with teflon. Do NOT fry eggs on consoles until the upgrade has been completed. Each time fried egg is required to be removed from grill vents, it delays the forth coming upgrade.

[Alaskan Nobody]

Linksdx, on 18 April 2014 - 12:26 AM, said:

can Atlas pilots use this excuse since spiders are bad for our health?

Pulse lasers work wonders for that, in my experience.

[Snivler Spawn]

697. The mess hall is not open for target practice. Ever. Especially if you make a mess there. The name is intentionally misleading to weed out the troublemakers.
697b. Replacing ammunition with food for target practice will not exempt you from the rule, and you will have to clean it up. By hand.
697c. In fact, replacing ammunition with food in any circumstance is utterly absurd and you should feel ashamed.

698. On the topic of food: do not use coolant as a substitute for ice, both for storage of frozen goods or to keep beverages cool. We believe this may be how some people have ingested it as of late. How many times must we repeat it is not digestible??

[Alaskan Nobody]

Snivler Spawn, on 19 April 2014 - 01:06 AM, said:

697. The mess hall is not open for target practice. Ever. Especially if you make a mess there. The name is intentionally misleading to weed out the troublemakers.

Fun thought for those who don't already know:
A soldiers eating kit (plate/silverware type things) were/are known as his "Mess Kit"

Makes you wonder where the term comes from.

[wanderer]

699. Just because the Catapult re-acquired lock on his missiles and had them do a 90-degree turn, the pilot can not "bend the bullet" or "use the Force, Luke". Even if you want him to. Quit bugging the poor missile boaters to do weird tricks at the dartboard!

Edited by wanderer, 19 April 2014 - 03:36 PM.

[Dracol]

701. Company comm units are not to be used to offer fellow pilots "A once in a life time investment opportunity", nor is the break room an Amway recruitment center.

702. Aerospace pilots are not authorized to use their rockets as fireworks... even if it's the CO's birthday. It was a nice thought, but the Kurita's mistook it as a war drill and authorized a bombing... which unintentionally destroyed the officer's mess hall.

703. The CO birthday party this evening has been cancelled. All other holiday celebrations are on hold until the mess hall has been rebuilt.

[wanderer]

704. Telling the cute astechs "I have a big autocannon, and it ain't gonna reload itself" will get your next ammo restock filled with nerf rounds.

704a. We mean that literally. Kowalski has been making foam molds of everything from 30mm warheads up to 150mm+ and would love for a dummy test subject to try them out in a live-fire situation. For science. Yeah. Science.

[Dracol]

705. Using mechs with articulated arms to place new recruit vehicles up-side down is against regulations. It is funny as all hell, but the insurance paper work is tedious and time consuming.

[wanderer]

706. Under no circumstances will the company Firestarter be used ever again to attempt the interstellar record for "largest creme brulee". Or "most marshmallows simultaneously roasted at one time." Plasma does NOT "make the hot dogs extra tasty", no matter how many times you tell the new pilots about "Iron Mech Cooking" and convince them it's a good idea to bring a pack of brats and some skewers to the next scouting run.

Violation of this rule will mean you're not only cleaning up the carbonized results or picking the bits of sausage out of every nook of the New Guy's cockpit, but you're on KP duty for the week afterwards.

[Tustle]

GrandLocomon, on 24 March 2014 - 08:57 PM, said:

626

[626 b. MEEGA MOHNA KWEESTA.]

(I...honestly don't know why I didn't think of this before when I got frustrated from missing the chance to use this gag...anyway.)

707. Don't succumb to peer pressure: do not bring mech'-sized weenies/marshmallows on appropriately sized roasting sticks to cook in the caldera on Therma.

708. Putting wings on a legless Jenner will not amuse your CO. Especially if this was done as an attempt to replace one of the company's aerospace fighters; of which you shot down on accident.

708 b. That being said, there will be appropriate punishment awaiting the ones who managed to program Hanson's HUD to display one of our aerospace fighters as an enemy unit. Even if it was impressive that you managed to get him to target just the one fighter.

709. "When in doubt: duck it" only works with home repairs, not complex military-grade engineering.

710. The chances of you seducing your female CO rapidly approach nil the more you attempt to show off on sorties.

710 b. "Showing off" includes...(subject to additions)

b1: 360-degree aerial PPC trick shot on a Griffin
b2: Carving the Mona Lisa into the side of a mountain with lasers (though that was impressive...)
b3: "Running" on the tops of several enemy mechs' while riding a light mech'
b4: The Leroy Jenkins maneuver
b5: Getting several kills in quick succession while on the Heavy Metal to get an extra-long guitar track

711. Tip 710 b is not a challenge list: don't even think about trying any of those things.

711 b. Except maybe b5; that might be pretty cool. So would b2; even if that's just an urban legend.

[Alaskan Nobody]

Tank Man, on 27 April 2014 - 07:33 PM, said:

b2: Carving the Mona Lisa ....... (though that was impressive...)
..................
b2; even if that's just an urban legend.

I think someone might be trying to cover their trail

[Tustle]

Shar Wolf, on 28 April 2014 - 08:54 AM, said:

I think someone might be trying to cover their trail

No idea who it could be at all.

[IraqiWalker]

Marack Drock, on 28 April 2014 - 04:35 PM, said:

712. Canadian beer is illegal.

713. Ale from the rim worlds on the other hands is highly legal.

[Sparks Murphey]

IraqiWalker, on 28 April 2014 - 05:36 PM, said:

713. Ale from the rim worlds on the other hands is highly legal.

Well, yes. EVERYTHING is legal in the rim worlds, except insulting the local tyrant.

714. Do NOT insult the local tyrant when in rim worlds space. Especially by insulting his ale.

[Alaskan Nobody]

Sparks Murphey, on 01 May 2014 - 06:59 AM, said:

714. Do NOT insult the local tyrant when in rim worlds space. Especially by insulting his ale.

Or his current favorite "girlfriend"

[990Dreams]

715. Rim world tyrants are not to be referred to as tyrants while in their hearing vicinity.

[IraqiWalker]

Marack Drock, on 01 May 2014 - 10:24 AM, said:

715b. In earshot they are referred to as Jackasses.

Funny enough, Steve did that last month when we were visiting the Rim Worlds. Oddly enough he was apparently stuck in an airlock and ejected out of the local lord's ship due to a malfunction. It kinda threw a damper on our stay there. However, we got several shipping crates full of the best ale the Rim Worlds ever produced in the last decade.

Edited by IraqiWalker, 01 May 2014 - 08:26 PM.

[StompingOnTanks]

716. Firing all six shots from a Rotary AC/20 at an escaping BattleMech pilot is extreme overkill and is therefore encouraged.
717. Just because Commander Stomping goes off to lead a campaign on the rimworlds for a few months doesn't mean you can "borrow" games from his PS1 and PS2 collection. >_>
717a. You cannot borrow DVDs from my... other collection either. And they'd better be clean.
718. Battlemechs cannot "tuck and roll" to evade enemy fire. They CAN tuck and roll, but you won't dodge anything while doing it.