OP, with all due respect, I hypothesize that the main underlying issue is your attitude. Please do not take offense, it is not meant that way, and allow me to elaborate.
You appear to have mentally pigeonholed yourself into the "I suck and will never get better" / Steering Wheel underhive portion of the MWO population.
But what you are missing is a very key realization:
If you don`t suck at something, then there`s no way you can ever become good at it, because sucking is the first step in that process. Or, to paraphrase a german saying "Never has a master fallen from the sky". Or put in military terms, even teh most elite soldiers all still had to go through basic training first.
This is understandable, as MWO has a very steep learning curve (Unlike CoD, which has taken the dumbing down of the FPS to an almost unfathomable level, at least from my perspective as a 20+ year veteran of the genre with a few ESL titles in Q2, Q3A and CS under my belt). If you don`t have someone to show you the ropes or really learn well from the few tutorial videos offered, it is a very challenging (to some very literally overwhelming) experience, with the coordination of torso to legs as well as situational awareness being the main down falls of many new players.
That is why I have many friends that love to watch me play and wish they could do some of the crazy **** I do, but they are all , for lack of a better term, casual gamers. People that, like yourself, "play for fun". They lack the interest to allow themselves to be engrossed by the game, to "become one with the battlemech". But that is, in fact, the entire point of the game to a certain extent, as in pure theory another mech cannot beat you in and of itself, only another player.
Most clans /Guilds /Merc units recognize and understand this very well, which is why they offer training and do not usually have a problem enlisting "newbies" /"terribads" /"Sultans of Suck".... They understand that not every player has the competitive mindset of constant self improvement ( I like to say, If you stop improving, you stop being good), which is why not every player can be the best of the best or even remotely close.
But they also understand that , given a little training and encourgement, even teh dumbest recruit can still be make into a semi-effective killing machine.
And joining a unit would also somewhat alleviate the issue of (if I understood it properly) onla having 2 or 3 friends that play MWO.
However, if you´re still averse to that notion (you seem to be "warding it off", so to speak), do what I do: I have lots of spectators, but nobody I know in RL to group up with... so I jump on one of the numerous public TS servers and just join a channel with less than12 people in it, which generally raises teh number of ingame friends exponentially. And it also has the benefit of you generally having a dead lancemate spectating you, meaning if you do something stuüid he can tell you right then and there why it was a bad idea.
You have potential, and it can be tapped... but not if you`ve given up hope, which I fear you may have already done.
Oh, and save yourself the effort of dismantling your cockpit: There is no owners manual, just a freaking binder that says "Learning by Doing" on the spine and has no pages. But there`s one of those in almost every mech
Edited by Zerberus, 01 October 2014 - 07:41 PM.