Posted 19 August 2015 - 11:15 AM
This is completely off topic.
A long time ago I post a little text about the Overkill mech and a freeborn man called Odanan. Well, I'm actually trying to write a Battletech book and I felt, since I lost my creative momentum, that showing some excerpts to you guys would help me to 1) fix the rough edges (there should be many); 2) dive again into this universe and hope I return to writing.
I wrote about 30 pages, but they are all fragmented. The later passages, when "Nan" is captured by the Clan Jade Falcon are more sequential, so I will start with them.
So, here it the very start of the Part III of the book:
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Star Commander Florian looked at the body on the table. From his stomach all way down, there was a dark mess of blood and other fluids. It stunk. The dead man’s face was uncannily similar with his own. They were not twin brothers, that notion would be repulsive for the Clansman: they shared the same genes because they were sibs.
Florian, Auron and Chiara were from the same Binetti-Thastus sibko. The tests a youngster member of the Clans had to endure to be accepted into the Warrior Caste were brutal, especially in the Clan Jade Falcon. Most cadets “flushed out”, being redirected for another castes or even perished during the training. So when three members of the same sibko passed the Trial of Position, it was something extraordinary.
The three of them had green eyes, but while Auron had a dark brown mop, Florian and Chiara shared the same gold-blond hair. Florian always considered himself more beautiful than Auron, even before his sib broke his nose fighting hand-to-hand an elemental. Now that was a fight, about five years ago. Auron was younger and smaller, and he was beaten so hard that one could think he would not recover. He felt many times, but didn't stay down, and in the end, he managed to choke his tired foe to unconsciousness.
Auron Thastus, one of the most promising warriors of the Clan Jade Falcon bled to death because of a shrapnel in his belly. The second missile volley the Spheroid fired found a weak spot in the armored cockpit glass of his mech. Maybe Auron was dead even before his Timber Wolf hit the ground. Or maybe he had the time to see and smell his intestine contents.
The Clansman stared one last time at the man who overshadowed him since their birth. The corpse's face still had some of the strong determination that made him push harder and achieve greater than the others. "Well, look what you achieved now, sib", thought Florian.
***
Walking down the corridor, he heard Chiara shouting and found his remaining three star members at the interrogation room with the live prisoner. Donagh and Nicolaas were holding the Spheroid upright while Chiara punched him.
“Point Commander Chiara, what do you think you are doing?” his words felt like cold water over the hotheaded blond woman.
“Questioning the prisoner.” She replied, still angry but holding her defiance.
“I suppose our guest will not be able to answer anything while he is being beaten, quiaff? Is this the way you treat a captured warrior?”
“Warrior!? This freebirth killed Auron by using treachery. He is scum!”
Florian twisted his month at the sound of her cursing. This was so undignifying, he thought. He slowly approached, looking into her eyes. “Listen here, Chiara. This man defeated Auron Thestus in honorable single combat piloting a more primitive mech. There was no subterfuge involved: it was Auron who underestimated his prey. You better stop right now because this man might still serve our Clan.”
The woman stared at him unbelieving. “You are not considering claiming this stravag as your bondsman…”
But Florian interrupted her: “As a matter of fact, I do. It was me who took him down, so if any of you touch again my bondsman, I will take that personally, do you understand?”
Nicolaas and Donagh reluctantly dropped the prisoner and answered “aff”. Chiara just stormed out of the room bumping his shoulder and was soon followed by the other two Clansman. Florian couldn’t avoid to think how desirable she was when angry.
He shrugged off the lustful thoughts about Chiara and helped the prisoner to the chair. “So much for a reception committee, quiaff?” The prisoner looked apathetic, still with dried blood on his face and hair. Florian continued. “Odanan, right? Before he passed away, your compatriot asked us to give you a message. ‘Tell Odanan to say my family I regained my honor’. Something like that. He was too wounded and burned for us to save him.”
He saw some commotion in the prisoner’s face. “Now if you excuse me, I need to write some reports. I will send someone to take care of you.”
He was leaving when he heard the prisoner timidly saying “Thank you”.
As he was out of the room, Florian couldn’t hold a grim. He whispered to himself: “No, freebirth. I thank you.”
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cdlord, on 10 August 2015 - 01:39 PM, said:
