57 replies to this topic

[A Bag Full of Puppies]

The names of pilots and units have been omitted b/c I'm not looking to shame anyone...

So my main account was part of a big unit for about a year, I had a group of players that was fun to drop with, but didn't always get along with other players in the unit.

No biggie there, nor is it a surprise.

However, relations really began to sour partly due to some people putting "being right" above concepts like respect or even "basic courtesy" and partly due to leaders trying to stay out of it. I and some others weren't looking for them to take our sides, I would have been happy with them just telling *everyone* to "knock it off"

So things got toxic on our unit website such that in about a week, a good 30 players left. The sad part is some were never seen again...

So lesson #1:
How important is being right to you in the grand scale? Is it worth ripping apart the work of others? Your own work? We have too few players as it is, for some to treat others like crap and expect them to hang around.

I am happy to report that a small nucleus of us have survived and we and a few others that left that unit have found our way into a new unit. It took a few months but we are pretty happy.

Guess what? one of the principle guys that seemed to be in the thick of the toxicity comes snooping around, looking for people to drop with in CW "because there is no one left in the unit to do CW with"... I would say the irony is delicious except I'm honestly kind of sad since I left some good friends in that unit...

So he drops a few times with us, and I hold my tongue b/c I've never been really interested in starting crap with people over a game, but it is clear that he is still somewhat oblivious to what he exactly did. He never knew it but he was the tipping point for me leaving.

Anyway, he did his usual thing of being one way around us and being completely angelic around leadership so I wasn't getting a good feeling about this... Then, he applied to the unit we are in.

Lesson #2:
Whether you want to admit it or not, your actions in the past will have an effect on your future. So when 7+ members of this old unit informed the new unit's leadership of this person's character; each of us able to recount completely different occurrences where he went too far or pushed too hard. It was a no brainer.



I guess I could have summed it up with this:

So if you done screwed up in the past, change your pilot name and start over and try to work on the things you may have done wrong. Pro tip: No one wants to be your therapist, emotional landfill, or punching bag. They may want to be your friend, they may only want to be your acquaintance... accept their boundaries.

If someone has wronged you, give them a chance to show growth. Be patient since we all come from different circumstances, cultures and situations. I am not saying you should be their therapist, emotional landfill, or punching bag, but just give them a chance, if only one chance...

Seriously, I am not perfect and therefore not looking to blame anyone for anything. I enjoy the factional ribbing so long as the hate is not real.

peace out

Edited by A Bag Full of Puppies, 15 April 2016 - 10:18 AM.

[Alistair Winter]

With that out of the way... I will now be taking bets on what unit he's talking about.

[cazidin]

Alistair Winter, on 15 April 2016 - 10:20 AM, said:

With that out of the way... I will now be taking bets on what unit he's talking about.

1,000,000.52 C-bills on youknowwho!

[Davers]

I would not want to kill A Bag Full Of Puppies.

[Narcissistic Martyr]

Davers, on 15 April 2016 - 10:27 AM, said:

I would not want to kill A Bag Full Of Puppies.

Of course not. That's why you chuck them in the river and let the water do the deed for you. Less mess.

[KodiakGW]

Have heard that this happens when units get too big, and some think they are the best in the unit. You start to get the rifts between those that think they know what is best, and those which with they disagree. Eventually breaking up the team.

Reasons why I usually stick with smaller teams. Try to keep my friends list down to a minimum. Main reason why I'm holding onto my old team tags. Hoping eventually some things might change in game so they say "Sick of waiting for Star Citizen, Planetside is too screwed up, but they made a change to MWO that looks interesting" and give this a try again.

[GRiPSViGiL]

KodiakGW, on 15 April 2016 - 10:40 AM, said:

Have heard that this happens when units get too big, and some think they are the best in the unit. You start to get the rifts between those that think they know what is best, and those which with they disagree. Eventually breaking up the team.

Yup. First unit I was in had this issue....The Templars.

[Dread Render]

wow, OP... such thoughtful maturity, you are a credit to the player base.
You make me want to support the game.
I know... I will buy a Mad Dog Mastery pack!!!

[MandyB]

Alistair Winter, on 15 April 2016 - 10:20 AM, said:

With that out of the way... I will now be taking bets on what unit he's talking about.

Its always MS

[Aetes Nakatomi]

Basically just described my four year old, 200 member Corporation breaking down on EvE in 2010. Had some great times with those people, went from a bunch of miners to low sec explorers to holding our own little scrap of 0.0. Then once we had got all the things we wanted some of the unit decided they wanted to do 'bigger and better' things and kept pushing those of us in the leadership to keep fighting for more and more. In the end whatever we did was never enough for the ones pushing and it was too much for the ones that were already happy... In the space of a month four years of work were destroyed and 200 friends could barely even talk to each other. I logged off of EvE the day I was the last member left and I uninstalled. Got billions in assets on on my characters but even six years on I can't even contemplate logging into that game.

It's funny how whenever I talk to people that still play they mention how the guys that destroyed us never really amounted to anything, just became plebs in big alliances, self important nobodies or just quit like me...

[CDLord HHGD]

MandyB, on 15 April 2016 - 10:52 AM, said:

Its always MS

Not always. I heard of a big shake up in another unit not too long ago over in Liao....

[Wintersdark]

Alistair Winter, on 15 April 2016 - 10:20 AM, said:

With that out of the way... I will now be taking bets on what unit he's talking about.

Well, Unit Drama is the best drama we get here =)

[Ironically Ironclad Irony]

Wintersdark, on 15 April 2016 - 11:33 AM, said:

Well, Unit Drama is the best drama we get here =)

I personally like the inter-factional smack-talk that happens in the triangle of hate (liao, marik, davion) it has been very entertaining!

[CDLord HHGD]

Ironically Ironclad Irony, on 15 April 2016 - 11:34 AM, said:

I personally like the inter-factional smack-talk that happens in the triangle of hate (liao, marik, davion) it has been very entertaining!

How DARE you put Davion.

And Liao in the same sentence!

[Bulletsponge0]

KodiakGW, on 15 April 2016 - 10:40 AM, said:

Have heard that this happens when units get too big, and some think they are the best in the unit. You start to get the rifts between those that think they know what is best, and those which with they disagree. Eventually breaking up the team.

Reasons why I usually stick with smaller teams. Try to keep my friends list down to a minimum. Main reason why I'm holding onto my old team tags. Hoping eventually some things might change in game so they say "Sick of waiting for Star Citizen, Planetside is too screwed up, but they made a change to MWO that looks interesting" and give this a try again.

I know from experience. The leader of my 1 man unit is a real jacka** , can't stand him

[LORD ORION]

The people who are right go and do their own things when there is dissension.
It is possible for more than 1 person to be right.
eg: Group breaks into new groups

[Novakaine]

A wise man once told me that poop often rises to the top.
Only then do people realize it's just poop.

[Ori Disciple]

This is why I personally steer clear of clans/units/guild/whatever. Almost always drama.

[SuomiWarder]

We had a splinter group that thought they knew it all a while back. So we parted ways and they made a new unit. Far as I can tell they are no longer around.

I've been leadership with the RTG since waayyy back in MW4 days. We have always strived to do what was best for the majority. If we could support a subgroup doing something different we did - but in the end if ideas don't mesh then either leadership or the rabble rousers have to go their own way.

Just the way it is. Keeping open communications going about expectations is helpful to head things off before they get too mean spirited for a consensus. At the moment I am planning to give the CO chair of our unit to someone that wants us to be more comp than casual. I will stick around and help. If it works and he finds the people he wants - cool. If not, the old casual group is always around to pick up the flag again. Just a game. Nothing to get too worked up about.

[oldradagast]

A Bag Full of Puppies, on 15 April 2016 - 10:16 AM, said:

So lesson #1:
How important is being right to you in the grand scale? Is it worth ripping apart the work of others? Your own work? We have too few players as it is, for some to treat others like crap and expect them to hang around.

There are a frightening number of people out there for whom being right is all that matters. They are the types who will actively not fix problems or help others because it is more important to dance around like a bratty toddler shrieking, "haha, you suck! I told you so!" than it is to do anything useful in life. They infest all aspects of life, from government, religion, businesses both big and small, and even among one's personal circle of friends and family, I know a few in my group who will actively disagree with anything anyone says just to pick a fight; if you said "the sky is blue," they'd launch into an argument about why, under certain conditions, it is not, just to "prove" that they are right. Even board games, table-top, etc. degenerates into endless arguments because the fighting and "being right" is all that matters.

Such people can be intolerable in the long-run, and this type of behavior is usually just the more obvious aspect of an overall childish and immature personality. Anyway, I understand how you feel - good luck.

Edited by oldradagast, 15 April 2016 - 03:13 PM.