So my main account was part of a big unit for about a year, I had a group of players that was fun to drop with, but didn't always get along with other players in the unit.
No biggie there, nor is it a surprise.
However, relations really began to sour partly due to some people putting "being right" above concepts like respect or even "basic courtesy" and partly due to leaders trying to stay out of it. I and some others weren't looking for them to take our sides, I would have been happy with them just telling *everyone* to "knock it off"
So things got toxic on our unit website such that in about a week, a good 30 players left. The sad part is some were never seen again...
So lesson #1:
How important is being right to you in the grand scale? Is it worth ripping apart the work of others? Your own work? We have too few players as it is, for some to treat others like crap and expect them to hang around.
I am happy to report that a small nucleus of us have survived and we and a few others that left that unit have found our way into a new unit. It took a few months but we are pretty happy.
Guess what? one of the principle guys that seemed to be in the thick of the toxicity comes snooping around, looking for people to drop with in CW "because there is no one left in the unit to do CW with"... I would say the irony is delicious except I'm honestly kind of sad since I left some good friends in that unit...
So he drops a few times with us, and I hold my tongue b/c I've never been really interested in starting crap with people over a game, but it is clear that he is still somewhat oblivious to what he exactly did. He never knew it but he was the tipping point for me leaving.
Anyway, he did his usual thing of being one way around us and being completely angelic around leadership so I wasn't getting a good feeling about this... Then, he applied to the unit we are in.
Lesson #2:
Whether you want to admit it or not, your actions in the past will have an effect on your future. So when 7+ members of this old unit informed the new unit's leadership of this person's character; each of us able to recount completely different occurrences where he went too far or pushed too hard. It was a no brainer.
I guess I could have summed it up with this:
So if you done screwed up in the past, change your pilot name and start over and try to work on the things you may have done wrong. Pro tip: No one wants to be your therapist, emotional landfill, or punching bag. They may want to be your friend, they may only want to be your acquaintance... accept their boundaries.
If someone has wronged you, give them a chance to show growth. Be patient since we all come from different circumstances, cultures and situations. I am not saying you should be their therapist, emotional landfill, or punching bag, but just give them a chance, if only one chance...
Seriously, I am not perfect and therefore not looking to blame anyone for anything. I enjoy the factional ribbing so long as the hate is not real.
peace out
Edited by A Bag Full of Puppies, 15 April 2016 - 10:18 AM.